I'm not a prostitute!

FunSizeCuddler

Not sure what's going on with the men on this site but apparently CC is a hookup site masquerading as a cuddling service. I've gone through extra measures to make sure I don't present myself as sex for hire. I'm professional, and even provide services to both/all sexes, yet the men blow off the Client Agreement. How comfortable am I being in a private setting with a man who says, "I know what the agreement says, but we're adults and we're gonna do what grown folks do ".

As a sexual assault survivor, there are a few red flags I've encountered during my brief membership. So much so that I've stopped reading my inbox. My goal is to provide a healing touch service for survivors like me, men or anyone who'd appreciate platonic touch. I usually follow my gut and it's telling me to delete my profile. This is a dead end...

We've had endless discussions regarding this topic. You're quick the throw blame at the clients but what about the pros that offer sexual services and create an environment where it's expected from other pros. The issue lies on both sides with both clients and pros and both need to be cleaned up. 

I'm also curious, it sounds to me like professional cuddling would not be a good job for someone who is a sexual assault survivor considering you're putting yourself in an intimate situation with strangers. I myself as a client would probably not feel comfortable hiring a pro if I knew this about her. Can you please help us all understand and use this as an education opportunity.

Sorry to hear that was your experience with people inquiring. I took a look at your profile and like you said there's nothing to suggest anything else is offered which is good. Could be the area maybe? I messaged different providers in my area and most of them seem legit which is good because thats what im looking for myself.

4cuddles

Echo the previous message..! Shame you have been pushed to give up the site. However, your safety & wellbeing comes first. Hope you were able to report anyone that has been inappropriate.

I hope everyone reports the pros who are inappropriate as well.

greenearth2

Yea unfortunately even with some precautions you will probably end up meeting a few douchebags so being an assault survivor seems like a really bad idea for this kind of job.
I'm sorry so many in your area have been jerks.

Renvolt

im hoping u find someone sweet to hold u and make u feel worth being around

Mark

I routinely monitor pro accounts and only occasionally do I see someone make a request of a sexual nature. When they do, they are subsequently banned.

Please report any members who message you like this because you will see their accounts very quickly disappear. 

I would discourage you from pursuing this area any further. You're asking for trouble.

docgatorb

Although I have met sexual assault survivors who use Cuddle Parties as a safe way to re-initiate human touch in a non-threatening way (often at the suggestion of a therapist), these events are supervised. Some people also use these events to learn how to say no. I think that this can be healthy for these people. However, starting a professional cuddling service seems a bit risky for someone with the same background. Supervised events may not be for everybody, but they are definitely safer.

Miguel

Its a two way street. Whenever I have cuddled with ladies in the past they always want to make things sexual. Usually they begin to put their hands where they don't belong. Eventhough I clearly point out that I just want to keep things platonic. For some reason they (the ladies) don't take "no" for an answer. I'm glad that I'm a male and can have the last say, because a female can't physically overpower me and force me. I just walk away, had to do that many times in the past unfortunately. :-/

Radiant1

Hi FunSizeCuddler, as afkane said, it could be your area. I don't think you should give up on the idea itself of providing cuddling as a therapeutic service. Nor give up necessarily on CC as one potential point of contact. That said, i don't think the "Conventional" "Professional" model suits everyone. In my view, a normal or conventional pro is someone who is setup to provide healing services to any old client who walks through their door (so to speak). As long as that client is respectful of pre-established boundaries, all is well. If they aren't respectful, you're prepared to give them the boot. However, as a conventional pro, you've got to be mentally prepared for and emotionally unmovable when it comes to using the right amount of verbal (or physical) redirection. It's an occupational hazard, because - despite cuddling itself being around since the dawn of time - cuddling as a paid occupation or unpaid pastime is relatively new and undeveloped in the popular culture. We're all pioneers in this branch of human experience. And perhaps, if we're vocal enough, and consistent enough, in 20 years time, the world will have evolved to a point where both paid and unpaid cuddling are common, easily accessible services available to everyone.

In the meantime, i would urge you (and others so inclined) to consider looking toward either establishing an exclusive or limited selection of regular clients whom you feel you can trust and are willing to train, or look toward working with humanitarian organizations that deal with things like PTSD, prison reform, torture survivors, amputees, depression & suicide prevention, RAINN, human trafficking rescue, and other such orgs. See if you can get on as a contractor or associated 3rd-party service provider with places like that. Either full- or part-time. If they don't have a budget or won't refer their clients to you as a paid provider, then volunteer and do it for free, if you feel strongly about providing the service regardless of money.

Maybe try to steer your efforts toward supervised or group situations, and away from one-on-one encounters until you've vetted a particular person. And i would strongly recommend staying away from providing overnight one-on-one's with any client who isn't in your inner circle of trust.

There's a lot of crossed social signals regarding touch in our modern society. Nothing will change if we give up on change. We simply have a lot of work to do to bring that change to reality.

Happy New Year, everyone!

I just reported a member that wants a "happy ending" to his session!  And then a different member that wants to suck my toes & kiss me, whom I've never met.  I'm experiencing quite a few men that are in need of some serious counseling and/or to be shown how to respect, and honor women.  I offered that up to the toe sucker, and he said that I was judging him.  No, I just happen to have the ability to see people beyond their layer of skin!  I make a living "spiritual counseling" people with issues, on all levels.  **WE ARE NOT OFFERING SEX, OR HAPPY ENDINGS!!!  RESPECT IS VITAL IF WE ARE TO SHIFT THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF HUMANITY**  PEACE

@floweroflife when you say "we" please know that "we" does not include all professional cuddlers. There are plenty of professionals on this site that wIll happily perform the requests of the two clients that you reported. 

This to me is one of the biggest issues with this site. Blame almost always seems to be focused on the client when there are several professionals that allow and offer extras which creates the expectation that all professional cuddlers do the same.

I once reported a pro on this site that in her message to me offered a topless session. Was she banned from the site? No and that's because she makes money for the site.

All of that being said, blame resides on both sides and both sides of the house need to be cleaned up. Professional cuddling is still fairly new and enforcing rules considering two people end up being alone unmonitored is almost impossible.

What would happen is every pro on this site followed the rules. Would that cut down on clients that try to bend the rules. Over the course of time, I feel that it would. What would have happened if the pro I reported was banned? Maybe that would send a message to all of the other pros on the site that they need to follow the rules.

So again, what's the solution?

follow the rules!

Brandi

It takes a special kind of person to hug strangers and make them feel loved and accepted, if you think we need a certification @750000 to call it therapy or spiritual counceling, I and many others, think youre wrong. But thats okay you are entitled to your opunion...This was also in another forrum.

I agree with floweroflife, follow the rules an things should go smoothly.
On a side note I had a guy blatently try to suck my toes during a session fter offering to give a light foot massage, I nearly kicked him in the face lmao. You dont just suddenly moisen someones toes with your saliva its not ok!. I refered him to fetlife.com fetishes are cool and all but its def. Not cuddling nor should pros offer it. Wayyy wrong idea to the clients. Feet worship is erotic and shouldnt be blended with cuddling. Would be just as weird as going to a massage envy then asking the massage therapist if you can lick her toes... she is going to look at you like youre a weirdo and prbably awkwardly say no.. and if you went for it anyways, youd probably be kicked out of the place lol

joey012616

I think people forget that "professional" means someone who is trained to perform a job/duty/service, not "how I make money". You wouldn't call a fast food employee a professional unless they specifically went to school to do the thing that they're doing.

Cuddlygal21

Um, I'm sorry but toe sucking is most definitely a sexual fetish. I'm not saying that all pros (or non-pros, for that matter) have to cuddle the exact same way and stick to the same script, but let's call a spade a spade here. 

I think a big part of the problem is that cuddling is done in the person's private space. If you had to go to an established place like you do for massage, where you have a private room but there are other people in the building and there is the sense that you are not completely alone, I think people would behave themselves. People push the boundaries, because honestly, they believe they can and get away with it. Lessen the ability for them to do so, and you'd see it a whole lot less.

Brandi

I've said this time and time again, and I will never not stand up for what I do, and what I believe in. its complete Bullshizzy that you guys are so narrow minded to think you need a piece of paper to be taken seriously. As buffy said in her comment, the amazing karma on our profiles is proof enough, Id say. that's the system that the site chose to give us an outlook on how a session would go with that person. and the Tags labeled "pros" on each profile are weeding out for the most part the regular women cuddlers who shouldn't charge because they are here for cuddlers as well or a boyfriend of somesort.., and others who do and should charge for their time, and the amazing experience that they can provide (weather you think its worth it, its subjective. which is why everything is so open and free here, message who you want to meet, and let others be some don't want to pay for cuddles, others think its a great way to spend their time Different interests people... its called being human. this should be a kind environment.)
But since this is coming up again in yet another thread..negative nancy over here needs to Get your panties out of a wad and @75000  please tell me where there is a cuddle school that I can get my license? Pretty sure that is not a thing...
and even if it was a thing do you guys want to know how many clients/cuddle buddies/ people that are interested in seeing a official license?  none.. that's because when a client needs affection, he is looking to find someone that radiates energy someone that he or she likes and gets along with through messages and actual communication.. its not about a paper, or schooling or learning techniques... sure It could help for some newbies to know the basic jists of it, if there was a school for it, but I am naturally lovable and I'm sure so are a lot of other pros on here..... its offensive that you guys are so rude. cuddling is about human connection.

@Joey012616 very a close minded way of thinking.
Would you ever so rudely say to a singer at a concert singing her heart out, has been singing her whole life just go up to her and say "yeah but Technically you dont have papers to say your a pro sooo I would never buy future tickets to see your show sorry..." no if you're not interested you would just quietly move on with your life... I would HOPE.

Or would you go to a person that has a passion for cooking, and has learned all self taught, amazing food, set up on a perfect platter and it just looks  to die for..... but you take one look at his food, don't even try it..  and you just say "meh you didn't go to school, your foods probably not professionally made, so Its not worthbuying that. oh and don't claim to be a chef because you didn't go to school, I know its your dreams and stuff, but since this is how my mind was shaped, this is how you have to be..."
He would look at you and be like bruh... why you gotta be like that.?

Street artists, or musicians.. literally any profession you can think of. you would not be nearly that rude I would presume, so in this case, it would be kind if we could just agree to disagree...
however if you want to get crazy technical....

The definition of a "pro·fes·sion·al" (of a person) engaged in a specified activity as one's main paid occupation rather than as a pastime
Or "a person engaged or qualified in a profession"

I think I'm very qualified, with all of my life experience Nowhere in that definition does it say you would need legal paperwork to be considered a "professional" at something. So I'm not sure why you guys think that's the case, other than society has told you so.


hopefully that opened your eyes to our prespective at least, and if it didnt matter to you, and you the 2 of hundreds still think we should go get a paper, of some sorts to be qualified... I think we all know the term "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"


xoxo

joey012616

@Brandi it's actually not a "close minded" way of thinking, it's the very definition of the word. Those performers or home cooks that are really good all had some sort of training, even if it was self-taught. You can't just pick up a tuba for the first time in your life and start playing jazz at Carnegie Hall. Even still, it's besides the point because you're comparing people performing a hobby with something that is supposed to be therapeutic. If someone had a mental health issue, you wouldn't want them to go to your aunt down the street because she's really good at listening to people. You'd want her to go to your aunt if she was a mental health PROFESSIONAL.
 
Now with this service, it's the same principles. The reason some people need a stranger's physical touch could just be out of curiosity, intrigue or minor self confidence issues. And that's all fine. The problem I've seen often however is when clients come and they have deeper, mental or emotional issues that need to be worked out with a real mental health expert. A professional cuddler, in theory, should be able to recognize those issues, make the proper referrals and in some capacity, be able to assist or work with the client and mental health expert. (and before you ask, yes, I do have a psychology degree)

So my bigger issue isn't about whether or not I decide to say something nice, it's about whether or not someone could truly be called a professional in a service that caters to those seeking a type of emotional healing, which is a very real and important part of a well-balanced person, without any training whatsoever. My goal is to get everyone training so that not only can they help others, but so that they can protect themselves as well. I have mentioned other sites in previous posts and so I won't mention them again here. But a very well known site that also caters to those wishing to find a cuddle buddy, offers an online training program for free. It may take you a couple of days to complete the course and you get certified. It's not a master's degree level program from Harvard, but at least it gives you the very basics on what to do and how to protect yourself and your client. I've advocated for something like that on this site as well and will be more than happy to give you and anyone else the resources and support. Just reach out to me privately anytime.

docgatorb

This issue is discussing the difference between intuition and training. It was summarized once in the field of massage therapy where a therapist at Esalen expressed it this way: some therapists have a high degree of intuition and some don't. From the start, the intuitive therapist is much better, but they both improve remarkably with good training. So why not be the best that you can be? I would add that training can bring out the intuitive side in those who don't seem to have much intuition to start. You can look at this as directed experience, This is the concept behind internship and when most professionals get the majority of their training. So yes, natural intuition is good, but I agree that the word 'professional' implies that you have gone beyond. Personally, I would not expect to pay prices in the range of $80/hr for anyone who hasn't bothered to get any training or isn't at least in some kind of internship. That's just me and this is a free market, so anyone can do what they want and deal with whatever misunderstandings that arise.

Brandi

Ok well that whole paragraph was just overwealming to read honestly because of how wrong I think you are lol. The first paragraph alone just showes me you didnt read the definition of proffessional considering your first sentence ... Josh let me jut mention this perspective, have you ever had a teacher that has been certified as a teacher(obviously) but literally didnt teach you shiz? Or gotten a chef make you bad food even though he was a certified chef? Point is there is going to be good and bad workers in every profession with or without training. We are human we are all different and we dont need a cookie cutter life of schooling and then proffession.
I think adding that peice of paper that youre talking about josh, isnt going to do diddily squat for me..but I do have proof physical proof of a human being that has transformed infront of my eyes over the course of a year of cuddling with me, weekly. From a doped up guy on drugs that just got out of jail, to an amazing person that spoke clearly and ended up getting a job and started to enjoy his life... So screw your certification, im going to help people. With or without being labeled as a "pro"... and thats good enough for me, and most of the people that i can lovingly embrace. And i understand what youre saying you think people should get mental help if needed and not just cuddles, right but... shouldnt that be the clients decision and responsibility, if you feel your problems cant be handled by talking to a cuddler, go to a therapist nobody here is claiming to be doing the job of a certified therapiast, we are simply a alternative option or a extra therapudic experience to add. Like adding yoga to your day, doesnt mean cancel your gym membership.. jeeshers ok im done ranting.

joey012616

Agree with @docgatorb.

@Brandi I think that you think I don't want anyone without a certification from practicing cuddling. If you're good at it and want to help people, go for it. But like doc said, "professional" implies that they've taken the time to go out and improve themselves. Yes, there are professional chefs that suck and home cooks that are awesome....your point? Anyone can cook. But would you let anyone who says they know how to cook prepare puffer fish for you to eat? I wouldn't. I would want the best trained chef with years of experience to prepare a meal that delicate and dangerous. So is it ok for anyone to cuddle with mentally stable individuals? yea of course. Would I want any random person trying to help a mentally or emotionally unstable person who may need psychiatric care in order to prevent them from hurting themselves or others? Definitely not. I'm not sure how else to explain this concept but if you still disagree then we'll just have to agree to disagree.

Brandi

At this point josh i dont think we understand eachothers perspectives, its just both of us repeating our arguments that literally dont even have to do with one another.
Best wishes on your cuddle endevours!

joey012616

Thanks Brandi. It's Joe (or Joey) by the way not Josh. Although I do think that's a cool name.

Brandi

oops lol my bad :P
Have a good night joey.

joey012616

lol. No worries. Have a great night. :-)

I won't mention names but it's hard for me to take certain people on here seriously with all of their type-os and silliness. I agree with joey and doc, well said gentlemen and I especially appreciate your proper grammar and command of the English language.

Brandi

I apologize if any typos were a distraction, @cuddleuptime.. one thing I have personally struggled with is dyslexia and learning the very complicated way of the English language. which is actually a huge reason I'm actually not a fan of schooling in the first place...
But I'm a darn amazing cuddle buddy and I'm still a human being, so it would be nice to be taken seriously and treated fairly, no matter.,where.the....little.,,,grammar.....symbols,....are..........??! ~*   I hope my message was heard at least while you were reading my silliness..
**However, thanks for the quick spotlight for my downfalls hun! just dash of embarrassment to brighten ones day! 
On a side note, if anyone with a reading disability is reading this, don't let grammar Nazi's such as cuddleuptime get to you, they obviously don't understand how hard you're trying!




PEACE and love, Gentlemen.
xoxo

-brandi

Did I mention childish?