I think this is an important conversation, not just for this site but for society as a whole. I understand the lines can seem a bit blurry when it comes to what's appropriate vs. inappropriate. But that's why intelligent, respectful discussions like this are important. This is a community that revolves around non-sexual human interaction. But the truth is that some people join our community seeking sexual pleasure. (Likewise, some people sign up with the intention of using CC as a cover for sex work.) And both moderators and members work tirelessly to track those people down and keep them out of the community.
So if you're a guy, how do you stay on the right side of respectable with female cuddlers? (While there are other gender dynamics on the site, this is the most prevalent so it's what I'll focus on here.) Now I'm not a girl and I don't deal with what they deal with daily in their interactions with guys. But I'll share my opinions anyway and encourage everyone to chime in with their opinions as well:
Read the Rules & Read Her Profile
This site is for platonic human interaction only. There are some sites and groups on the web (for example on Meetup) where they have "sensual cuddle sessions" (i.e. no actual sex but it's still sexual-based in that there's focus on being aroused, edging, turning each other on, and creating sexual energy - basically foreplay minus the sex act itself). This site is NOT one of those places. It is STRICTLY platonic in nature and any effort to cross over into anything remotely sexual will get shut down fast, period.
And before you send her that first message, please read what she wrote in her profile. I've heard several girls on here complain that they get messages from guys where it's obvious that he didn't read her profile. Annoying her isn't a good way to start.
Appropriate Speech
OK, now you know the rules and sent a message. But she hasn't replied yet. Now what? Now, you wait patiently. Some girls deal with dozens of messages per week and it takes time for them to respond to yours. Maybe you shared some deep stuff and she needs time to craft a thoughtful reply. Or there could be lots of other reasons she hasn't answered yet. But even if she's been online since you wrote and you didn't get a reply, don't assume she's rejecting you and fly off the handle and send some rude remark. Never minding that she's not obligated to reply at all, she's certainly not obligated to reply based on your time table. Yes, it's nice to always get a reply and more times than not, if your message isn't sketchy, you'll get a reply. But not always. Sometimes she's not interested and chooses not to reply and that's okay. Everyone isn't cuddle compatible with everyone else. Don't feel bad or take it personally. It happens. For example, if you were a 20-year old girl, you might feel awkard having a dozen 50-60 year olds sending you messages wanting to get all up in your personal space. Different people have different personalities and preferences and comfort zones. And that's totally okay.
Second, once you do find someone on here to cuddle with, basic cuddle speech etiquette can go a long way. It's a good idea to not use phrases like "baby", "sweetheart", or other names you might use when talking to, say, a girlfriend or wife. Now she may not care at all. In fact, she may even call you "hunny". But then again, she may very much dislike it. Also, it's probably best not to comment on your cuddler's looks. There's nothing wrong with thinking she's pretty. But if you're focused on her looks instead of enjoying feelings of platonic relaxation, your mind's in the wrong place. I'm not saying you can't compliment her. But do it sparingly and respectfully.
And you should definitely avoid saying things during a session like, "You're so pretty." "Mmm, your body feels so good." "You're so soft and warm." "You smell so good." All you're going to do is creep her the hell out. Don't be that guy. Here's a general rule of thumb to help you maintain proper boundaries using two examples:
(1) Pretend you were in a situation where you were forced to huddle with another guy for warmth. Would you say any of those things to him? No? Why not? Because they're not strictly platonic remarks. They may not be explicitly sexual, but they have suggestive overtones.
(2) Pretend you volunteer to play Santa Claus at your local church and a 12-year old girl hops up on your lap with her parents standing beside you? Would you say any of those things to her? No? Why not? Same reason.
Most guys understand "platonic" as it relates to other men. They understand "platonic" as it relates to children. But they suddenly become a lot dumber when understanding "platonic" as it relates to women. But just apply the same general principles when interacting with your snuggle buddy and you should be able to avoid crossing any boundaries.
Appropriate Touch
Avoid inappropriate touch. What's inappropriate? I think @stormydaycuddle once said it best in a different thread comment:
"You do know how to cuddle a puppy right? Or a child who has fallen down and hurt themselves or hug a friend without getting antsy? THAT is the type of cuddling acceptable on this site."
I encourage everyone to practice "active consent" instead of "let me do this and see if she objects." I haven't seen a single girl on this forum complain that her cuddle buddy asked her permission too much. But I've seen a few stories of guys getting too handsy and trying to see "what they could get away with." Don't be one of those a**holes. Before you touch her, tell her what you plan to do (give her a hug, rest your arm on her leg, play with her hair, etc.) and ask if it's okay so she can tell you what she's comfortable with and what she isn't. The goal is for the experience to be mutually enjoyable for both parties. And even after asking, it's polite to check in from time to time to see if she's still good and to stop if she seems uneasy about what you're doing.
And the same way you wouldn't deliberately try to achieve sexual arousal in either of the earlier examples, don't seek it with other cuddlers. Sure, it's possible in the earlier scenario where the 12-year old girl hopped up on your lap that the warmth of her back side pressed up against your leg could trigger an involuntary biological reaction outside your control. But would you draw attention to it? Would you act on it and try to seek further stimulation? I certainly hope not. The same applies here.
Here's an example of two similar kinds of touch that differ greatly based on intent: imagine you're a big spoon cuddling a girl. Your hand is resting on her clothed stomach. Now imagine you take that same hand and slide it just under her shirt and start caressing her bare stomach with your hand. See the difference? Your hand at rest and your hand gliding over her body tend to invoke feelings of very different intentions. In the first case, it suggests you simply want to hold her. In the second, it suggests you're trying to cop a feel and push her boundaries. Not good. Be mindful of your intentions and your words and actions will tend to follow.
I could go on, but this post is way too long already. Thanks for reading everyone! Please share your thoughts and remember to respect the opinions of others who comment on this thread.
EDITS: Added link to first message tips and FAQs.