What has cuddling taught you about yourself?

AshleyCuddles

As shocking as it may be I have not always been so snuggly (omg no way! Lol.) Cuddling has helped me learn and grow personally in many ways in a short time. I used to be very shy and I was the girl that gave the dreaded side hug(The horror I know!) lol. Something I use every time I meet someone now that I have found is an absolutely wonderful ice breaker is a hug. Seems simple but it is so amazing! I walk straight up to that person and wrap both hands around their neck, hold them tight while gently moving my hand up and down their back. I love doing this and it really works as my icebreaker to get rid of my shyness and make the other person feel more comfortable.

So what have I learned? The extreme power of a hug and how to do it properly with both arms and all of me.

What have you learned and how does platonic cuddling benefit you?

pmvines

When I was young I couldn't be touched, it freaked me out. Literally, my dad would hold me in his lap and bear hug me while I tried to get away as a means of trying to get me used to being touched because he didn't want me to be that way my whole life. All my clothes had to be tagless, and typically second hand and washed 1000 times or else I wouldn't wear them. I even remember going to get a haircut and shrieking because of the way the wet loose hair felt against me neck as it was being chopped off. Its a wonder I ever was able to tolerate procreation lol. But as i grew older i compensated for it, and have learned that i really do enjoy the affection, prob more giving than getting still, but am miles from how i was. I do have to like the person and have trust and rapport, not really able to get comfy and cozy with just anyone.

Catloaf

Sorry if really long posts are not allowed, but it is my experience and I feel it's largely contributed to why I do what I do and what I have learned.

I was sexually abused between the ages of 3-8 by 2 family members. One of whom also abused my mum from the ages of 3-12. When I was young, she was never hesitant to cuddle or hug me. But as I got older, she stopped suddenly, round the time I was in 3rd grade. One day I asked why, and we talked about her abuse. She admitted that this understandably made her hard to get close to and that she was sorry. I hadn't yet told her that I was also abused, and didn't till years after.

It was just something I pushed to the back of my mind, and thought of as "Oh no, I shouldn't have kept myself in that situation". There were also days where I wondered if it really happened, or if I was imagining things.

It's only been within the last few years that I realized to what extent that abuse hurt me and my ability to get close. One of my abusers was female. I was struggling in adolescence coming to terms with being bisexual, which is something I still struggle to accept and grow into. I hated being hugged by females. I hated interacting with them for some abysmal reason, which was my inability to separate them from the matriarch of my family I tried to maintain a normal relationship with.

At my last job, I had two female colleagues who found out I was bi and they were inappropriately grazing hands etc. This just brought back those feelings...and I wanted help but took so long to get it.

I just never came to terms with that initial incident until years later because I was denying myself justice, and brushing it off, and it spiraled out of control and had me seeking unhealthy ways to "desensitize" myself to the human touch.

I heard about cuddling as a touch therapy in 2012, and at the time considered it silly. Then it occurred to me that I'd not had a girlfriend, or really even a friend at all, since I was about 12. This may be good for people like me and I hope it does well, I thought.

Fast forward to 2016 and I do this for others. I heal and in return am healed. It will take me years, maybe decades to fully subside the pain but I wanted to involve others because getting close is the biggest barrier I put up between myself and the world. I realize I can't change the things that happened to me. It wasn't my fault though for years I thought it was. One day I did come across a non-pro cuddler on Craigslist, an older gentleman, and decided to give it a try. I had lost my grandfather 3 years prior, so I thought maybe this would be a nurturing experience. He was just like a grandfather to me during that time, and I needed that as I was going through a very bad period of guilt about his death at the time.

Remembering that man and how he made me trust a stranger's arms again is what inspired me to start doing this full-time. It's a powerful movement and so, so needed, although not widely understood where I live...and I really wish it was.

So I have learned through cuddling that while I much prefer to be alone a lot of the time, I am still in much need of others to feel a connection. Through this I'm learning to trust and love, something I didn't really even know I was scared to do. And while my husband loves when I am on his arm, being the big spoon at night, or constantly trying to snuggle him, he is also a survivor of sexual abuse and can only take so much before it becomes overwhelming, especially in recent years as he comes to terms with what happened in his own childhood... He has bottled up his abuse far longer than I have and I pray I can help him overcome that mental scar.

He allowed me this outlet because he knew he was too "claustrophobic" to always be my human pillow...lol. I have noticed it strengthened our relationship, and the trust within it, too. Also that I'm so lucky to be in an open marriage, where things like this are encouraged for my own well-being. These days it is so common for people to place double standard rules on their partners, and I'm just happy to not be part of that kind of toxicity.

AshleyCuddles

@Catloaf Thank you for sharing your story with us. It was very courageous of you.

Hugs
~Ashley

Catloaf

@o0ashley

Thank you for the encouragement, it honestly was needed. I sat on that post button for maybe 15 minutes.

I used to have reservations about this community, thinking it was very pedantic. But coming from another website where it was nothing but ulterior motives and no real desire for platonic therapy, it's a breath of fresh air to have my intents taken seriously.

AshleyCuddles

I think that anyone that read the story would think it was courageous for you to talk about it and I personally think that when you talk about it there is healing happening just in saying the words. I love seeing the stories of how this journey how ever long it may be is helping change and heal people for the better.

Lovelight

Catloaf

Family is not just made by shared Blood and Genetics, such are barely wrappings.

Real family is those who give love, care, protection and respect to others.

That's basically all I can say, I know you're stronger. You are powerful and you deserve smiles and limitless affections! Healing is healing.

Lovelight

When I was young I barely was a huggy child. Though I was perfectly good without contact. I was observant and enjoyed my own company most with my former cat who still I love so much - I didn't really have friends for most of growing up - until I was in grades 7 - 8. My first experience sharing physical affection begun then. When I got to High School I lost that, except the occasional hugs - which I became quite selective with because I couldn't stand hugs with people I didn't have close friendships with. Or the kind ones who were in a mentor/ position. No close connections meant quick let go - I barely wrapped my arms around them lol bunch of hug teasers - I understand it is the "norm".

Again I was back to pretty much my old-self. Around completing High School, I met someone by chance - in person - who I very briefly enjoyed spending time with. This along with my previous experience has me now knowing that with the right person(s) this can help me and them to feel refreshed. This can heal some and give us getaways. I have yet much more to learn about myself/.

Way more than just the touch - it matters most to me the shared hobbies, trust and conversations. Nothing can take the place of the side by side conversations and quality times.

I_am_Polylover

Cuddling benefits me in all the usual ways, but I especially like the emotional connection. One thing I have learned is that not everyone appreciates a nice hug, and that it always pays to ask to give or get a hug, before actually proceeding.
Jim

BlueIris

I used to think that what would make me the happiest would be to find just the right guy and settle down in an exclusive relationship. However, I realize that there are no guarantees in life, and I may never find this right guy. After I started cuddling, I realized that the one-guy theory was only one of the ways for me to be happy, not the only way. I feel like life has handed me a mosaic of interesting men here on CuddleComfort, and cuddling with them and developing friendships with them has made me very happy!

I'm a strong believer in playing the cards that are dealt to me in life the best way I know how rather than complaining that I'm not getting the cards I want.

calineur

I learned that I really enjoy being expressive. I've said to my cuddle partners: "I love you", "I think that you are the most beautiful person on the planet", "I know how smart you really are", "I will be here to watch over you for the rest of your life", "I believe that the woman is the greatest thing in the universe" (she didn't agree with me. She thought that a man was at least as good. Maybe she had a good point)

I have learned that its all right for a man (me) to cry in the presence of a woman.

I have learned to find beauty and value in the relatively smallest of things.

AshleyCuddles

Awe that's beautiful @calineur ty for sharing

That I am worthy and lovable.

Scarlette

I always knew that I was a good person. I always knew i was loving and lovable. I have always loved touching and being touched. I am empathetic and sympathetic. However, I never thought that came across in my life. Yes, I've had amazing relationships and I've raised extremely wonderful and compassionate children but aside from people that love me did i feel i was contributing my full self. My very first cuddle was amazing. Instantly, I realized that I had a gift. I was euphoric. It became a part of me that I knew I couldn't ignore. I LOVE spreading love and cuddles. It's part of me .

cuddlybri

I’ve always been very touchy person. I guess my love language would be touch if you are into that. But this has made me realize how much more I benefit from cuddles or hugs.

The best benefit has been it has forced me to improve keeping boundaries and being more assertive. Saying what I need and what I expect, not in a mean way but just being a better communicator. It has filtered beneficially into other areas of my life outside of just cuddling.

PlushyProzac

@cuddlybri I 100% relate to improved communications. Ive learned some through experience but mainly its been the awesome pros who take the time to set me straight and help build up my confidence. This community is taking up more time in my life and I couldn't be happier about it.

cuddlybri

@PlushyProzac yes! I agree that this is also a confidence builder. Learning that it’s okay to say what you need, how you feel, and realizing that you are able to snuggle and receive touch from about human is such a great feeling. This is a really great community and I am glad it’s doing so much to improve your happiness!!

Morpheus

Cuddling remind me of what it beautiful person I am on the inside.