Ten Things Your Professional Cuddler Wants You to Know.

xandriarain

I wrote this list several months ago after a string of frustrating clients. I held off on posting this because I did not want to come across as angry or hostile. I finally decided to share this because I don’t think all clients understand these things and it needs to be said.
Disclaimer: This was written based on my own perspective and life experiences. While I believe many professional cuddlers would agree with this list, I can only speak for myself here.

1. We are not sex workers, we are therapeutic professionals please treat us so. It is not cool to make us feel uncomfortable or unsafe during a session. Do not call us babe, baby, angel etc.

2. We do not care what you look like but we do want to know what you look like before a session. Most of us are non judgmental professionals but for safety and comfort we want to know who we will be seeing which is why many of us request a photo or a video chat.

3. We do care what you smell like. Its not fun to cuddle with someone with body odor or halitosis. Please shower, wear deodorant and brush your teeth.

4. Canceling or being a no show is the best way to ruin our day. Many of us depend on cuddling to pay our bills. For many of us this is a primary or major secondary source of income. We often give up our nights and weekends to cuddle with you and turn down invitations to spend time with friends and family. Please check your schedule before booking and make sure that you can make it to the session. If there is a last minute emergency and you must cancel, you should tell your cuddler ASAP and make it up to them eg. send them money, reschedule, tip well next time.

5. We genuinely want to help you. Its important to explain your needs, boundaries and open up.

6. Stay in touch leading up to the session especially the day of. Make sure to keep your phone charged and on you. If you have a spouse and have issues with communication be transparent about it, your cuddler does not care, you are most likely not their first married client

7. We do not care if you are married or in a relationship, if it is going to cause issues with communication for the session itself it is better to be transparent about it.

8. We want to know if you have any disabilities or special needs so we can accommodate you.

9. Please read our profiles before messaging us. Many of us have detailed profiles because there is a lot of important information we need you to know in regards to having a session with us. It’s frustrating when we have to explain a bunch of things that are already in our profiles

10. We are not all the same. Do not expect your experience with one cuddler to be the same as another. It is important to communicate your needs and preferences before finalizing the booking.

Sheena123

I’m on board with all of this 😊 thanks for posting!

Thanks for sharing. Hopefully some people will read this and the message will sink in.

Unfortunately my general pessimism about the average Internet user applies. If someone is self-centered enough to no-show an appointment, dumb enough to ignore information on your profile, or shitty enough to make you feel unsafe during a session, I'm skeptical that a forum post will make a difference.

CuddleDuncan

Not angry or hostile at all, just firm and clear, and all good stuff. I would guess that most professional cuddlers would go along with the lot.

MelanieL

Yes to all of the above!!! Thank you!

mtp

I think the list is about as uncontroversial as it gets, and it's sad that any of it needs to be explicitly stated. Much of it would apply to any therapeutic profession.

At first I was going to nitpick about the "we do not care" part of #7, suggesting that some cuddlers might object to cuddling that is kept secret from a partner, regardless of transparency with the cuddler. But I reflected on this a bit, and it occurred to me that I was thinking about this only from an "I'm looking to have an emotional affair" perspective, without also considering the "I'm in an abusive relationship and in need of comfort" possibility.

cuddlerforu24

Yes

ubergigglefritz

I have had plenty of clients over the years who are not so good with #3. It doesn't really bother me. I don't like strong scents, so without having people wear massive amounts of cologne, deodorant, strong soap, etc, it just is what it is. Everyone has different natural scents, some people's are pretty strong even just after a shower or wearing deodorant. Anyway, I don't really care, ha. If anyone has issues with this, feel free to book me, lol. I deal and I'll treat you just the same as my fresher smelling clients. 🤷😆 At the same time, I understand why most pros have difficulty with this and consider it a requirement for clients. I just personally don't mind so much. My only preferred boundary is for you to not be soaked in sweat. ;-)

Everything else on the list I am 100% on board with.

CuddleDuncan

I bumped into this thread (or really the first post) while looking for something else and I thought it was so good as to be worth - ahem - bumping.

cuddlerforu24

Re. #4

I wouldn’t want a pro cuddler to give up an invitation to spend time with friends or family , even if they had made a schedule for me . I would rather they enjoy the party or whatever or family thing and cancel me .
I’m not going to ask for a cancel
Session discount even tho the agreement allows . I would not want to pay a deposit . With the pro not collecting one , it’s less awkward to cancel for a personal reason .

Catloaf

@xandriarain I love this Thanks for posting. I feel like I need to write a blog post on this on my site, thanks for inspiring me! Would you mind if I add in some tidbits from this and credit you?

xandriarain

@Catloaf I am fine with that as long as you credit me.
@cuddlerforu24 if a pro canceled every time they were invited to social plans there would be a lot of unhappy clients on this site. Besides for those of this that cuddle as their full time job we probably wouldn’t make ends meet if we prioritized social plans over sessions. I honor my plans on a first come first serve basis whether its a cuddle session or plans to see a friend.

cuddlerforu24

@xandriarain I see that you are full time full blood professional, and t think your standards are a great model for others to follow .
Your say that your ten items are things that every pro wants clients to know I guess that includes the pro that logs in once every two months . So if I happen to book with a side hustle pro and she wants me to know that she sacrifices social time to meet me i don’t mind her canceling or re scheduling because something on her end came up .No worries.

Whisper5

I fully agree with everything you said! I am actually debating of referencing this post to clients.... in a nice way. So often I feel they don’t know what to expect or they feel like they can push the boundaries. It ends up making me feel bad about myself, less valued in a way as they basically try to molest me. I’ve gotten better at telling them no but it seems to happen nearly every time I cuddle with someone. I can only think of 1 client in the year I have been actively cuddling who has been respectful and not tried to push for more of a sexual session.

Thank you for posting.

Mare_Bear

@xandriarain Great write up!

olydan

This is a great post and very helpful information for me I have never cuddled before and am very nervous about it and am married so to know what is expected of me if I decided to see someone thank you 😊

applepie55

🙌🏽 Thank you

cuddles_ndream

This post is gold, I genuinely think it would be beneficial if every single member read it Atleast once.

nurturingman

Great post, @xandriarain !

I was thinking about this only from an "I'm looking to have an emotional affair" perspective, without also considering the "I'm in an abusive relationship and in need of comfort" possibility.

@mtp I don’t know if you meant to imply that those are the only two options, but I’m someone who is neither in an abusive relationship nor looking for an emotional affair. I just have a partner who doesn’t like cuddling quite as much as I do, and I don’t think of my relationships with pros, clients, or enthusiasts as emotional affairs. Just wanted to add that as a possibility.

ubergigglefritz

@nurturingman spot on. That is a great example as to a benefit for using professional cuddlers. It takes a healthy relationship to recognize any mismatched needs. And good communication and trust to allow your partner to go outside the relationship to meet them. The end result is actually good for the relationship, because your needs are being met, so you can focus on the good instead of being bitter about what's missing. ☺️💜

nurturingman

@ubergigglefritz thanks! 😊

Morpheus

I like and respect this list but this is making a blanket statement. Although several pros have chimed in, not all are going to agree with this. Let’s go bullet point by bullet point. 1. I’ve had pros use terms of endearment. 2. Although I do have photos up now, for years I did not and have only had 1 pro ask for a photo. 3. I think this one is pretty universal lol. 4. Fair. 5. Some pros don’t care about helping you, trust me. 6. Some pros don’t want any communication outside of booking a session and the session itself. 7. Some pros do care if you’re married. Almost every pro I’ve seen has drilled me with questions about my wife and my relationship. I am very transparent and up front but I’ve also had several pros ask me questions about my relationship that have made me uncomfortable. 8. Can’t comment on this one. I don’t have any disabilities so it’s never come up. 9. Fair. 10. This is the biggest truth on this list.

xandriarain

@Morpheus did you read my disclaimer?
“ Disclaimer: This was written based on my own perspective and life experiences. While I believe many professional cuddlers would agree with this list, I can only speak for myself here.”

soulfinger01

I’m cool with this list.My concern is Therapist who have boy friends or may even be married.So I do ask just to make sure that if I’m a guest there’s communication and no problems.So far non.but it’s still a concern.

CuddleDuncan

@soulfinger01 it is common for cuddle professionals to have partners or spouses. It's also common for nurses, doctors, care workers, ministers, massage therapists, psychotherapists and psychologists to have spouses.

I appreciate that it is a concern for you, but the concern comes from your beliefs about what cuddling is about, not an actual danger in the world.

Morpheus

@xandriarain thank you for your disclaimer. I appreciate your post, your list and your thoughtfulness.

Minestrone101

This is good stuff. Bump!

MorganMont81

@cylee1180 Thank you for bumping! I agree. Good stuff. 🤗

Minestrone101

@MorganMont81 Yes. Platonic heart for you! ❤💙💜

Babichev

@xandriarain - This was so nicely written. It’s funny because my initial reaction was cringe. I’ve read lists like those and often they are written by people not in the profession and are really bad. Obviously, that is not the case here but I thought it was amusing I’ve become conditioned. I’ll second what @MorganMont81 said: thanks, @cylee1180 for bumping this. Well worth revisiting.

DaisyCuddles86

Very well said.