"Virtual cuddling?"

HugAnEwok

I try to stay open-minded on here, but i don't quite understand the point of "virtual" cuddle sessions. I get that we're in a pandemic, so some people aren't comfortable with cuddling for real right now. That's totally understandable. I also get that some pros still need a source of income.

What I don't get is the appeal of this so-called "virtual cuddling." Can someone explain it to me? I'd really like to know. What do you actually do during these sessions? Just talk? You can do that for free with regular friends, so I can't imagine why anyone would pay for it. To me the whole point/appeal of cuddling is the physical touch that so many of us are lacking in our personal relationships. That's why I often pay a professional; I'm single, and none of my friends are into platonic cuddling.

So what exactly is the point of paying a professional to just sit there on a computer screen and...just talk? Or is that what you do? I haven't tried one of these sessions. Does more than just friendly conversation happen? Is there some other sort of activity you do that you can't do with friends and family?

CuddleDuncan

A virtual cuddle is not as good as a phsyical cuddle. But it absolutely, truly does exist. I have had several virtual cuddles and they do evoke some of the same feelings as a real cuddle.

Talking can be an important part of it, but you are not just sitting there having a chat. One of the exercises I found good was pretending to hug. We both stand and wrap our arms around ourselves. Shut your eyes and pretend you are hugging the other person. This is obviously much more effective if it somebody you have hugged in person. Talking quietly is very helpful at this moment because it helps you feel the presence of the other person. You could talk about good hugs of the past, or just say the things you might normally say in that situation. Or turn the volume up and listen to breathing. I haven't used headphones but you probably should. After a few moments you can just dissolve into silence and feel the hug as best you can. A cushion or cuddly toy might be helpful for some people, although I haven't used them.

There are a number of things a bit like that you can do. Could you do all this with a friend? Well, yes of course you could, but this is nothing like a chat with a friend. It is a cuddle session, approached in the same way as any other cuddle session, with parallel expectations and behaviours. A virtual cuddle is much more like a real cuddle than it is like an online chat with a friend.

Like you, I was very skeptical at first. I did my first one partly because I was desperate and partly because I wanted to support the professional during a difficult year.

I strongly recommend that you try a virtual cuddle. Choose your professional carefully, and make sure they have at least a little experience of doing this. Half an hour might be enough for a first session, it was for me. There's no harm in trying - you are gaining a new experience, and the worst thing that can happen is nothing.

HugAnEwok

Good to know, @CuddleDuncan! I guess I was wrong in my assumption that it was just the same as an online chat.

deefine

It's OK to not get a virtual cuddle chat session. Not everybody even gets a cuddle site to begin with.

ElleCuddleMi

For some of my clients if they have never had a real cuddle session it's a great way to break the ice and get to know the person 1st. Alot of The Times it's great just have the conversation in smile it brings a lot more comfort to the person that your potentially going to be physical with.
Platonic cuddling sometimes isn't as easy for some as it is for others.

CanyonRidge

This has been covered before, but it's good to discuss again. I second what's been said above. Also, it's a good way to keep in touch with someone with whom you want to spend time, even if the pandemic or some logistical problem prevents you from meeting in person. It's not amazing, but it can be very good.

Just talk? You can do that for free with regular friends

If you have an abundance of friends who you still talk to regularly during the pandemic, there is probably little point to virtual sessions.

But not everyone is in that position. Just like not everybody has cuddle buddies, so they seek out professionals.

I’ll disagree with a previous comment and say that it really is just basically a chat, although of course you’re free to play games or whatever else you want too.

Gallowglass

@HugAnEwok Are a lot of us basically shut-ins? I feel like one. I haven't cuddled in a year. But some of my friends are cuddlers. So, I'll relate it to that.
To me, intimacy means creating a safe space. Not just physically, not always romantically, but safe to be ourselves. When I chat with these people, it immediately establishes that safe aspect of intimacy. I may miss out on the physical. I don't pretend/fantasize, but I will remember back to the last time I worked with a pro-cuddler. Then, in addition to the safety of the conversation, I do feel myself relax into that same physical posture or state-of-being.
So, I think that depending on the needs of the person, be it physical contact, or the emotional/relational/mental bonding, with virtual cuddling your mileage-may-vary.
Peace

Note also that even in actual physical cuddling nothing happens that you can't do with friends and family. Uh, unless you've got some really non-affectionate friends and family or they're far away or something, I guess.

xelda

For me, I'm not looking to "just talk" in a virtual cuddle, because I find engaging and talking over video far too stimulating for my nervous system. I'm still figuring out how to make it work, but definitely less talk and much slower talking. I've done different things like do a guided meditation together; close our eyes, imagine cuddling and describe the energy and feelings we have about it; get super cozy and hug pillows; watch a synced netflix show together.

Here's a video of a professional cuddler who recorded a session to give you an idea of what it can be like.

HugAnEwok

@DarrenWalker - Well, I guess I do have non-affectionate friends and family. Cuddling never has been a thing I've done with platonic friends and family, except I guess when I was a baby.

@xelda - Cool video! I haven't watched the whole thing, but it definitely looks like a therapeutic experience.