Partners supportive of cuddling?

SnugggleBunny

Hey everyone, hope you’re all having a beautiful day. I have been cuddling for a while now, and we all know cuddle buddies talk about a WHOLE range of topics lol. But I never ask ask about whether people have partners or not, or really anything about home unless someone opens the conversation. Not many clients volunteer this information either, although many have asked me about my relationship status. But of course I’m sure many of them do have a significant other. Is this something that y’all share with your partners? Are they supportive? If so, how did the conversation begin? Is it something that you mind being asked by your pro? Thanks in advance!

HugAnEwok

Personally, I don’t see any point in hiring a cuddler if I’m in a relationship. The reason I’m on this site now is because I’m single and need physical touch that I can’t get when I’m single. If I were in a committed relationship, I wouldn’t be here.

That said, if you’re a pro, I can understand why you’d still be here, especially if it’s your primary source of income.

cuddles_ndream

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JasonCuddles

My GF knows I am on here and is open to me cuddling other people. We will have to see what she needs when the time comes.

littermate

This may or may not be of interest to you because I'm not a client answering, but in the same position as you (except non-pro). I do ask people. I want to know their situation so I can be a good cuddle-friend. Because I'm into being some level of relational with my cuddle pals. And I also want to know to have more of a sense of what they are bringing to me, their boundaries, their interests, etc. Where they are at. I'm not a judgmental person, but I don't like lying, and I also get why people don't tell their partners. I wouldn't want to get embroiled with someone's stalker partner though. Luckily at 59 it would be hard to be perceived as "the other woman" in many cases.

There are so many types of relationships and so many ways people are together, etc. I've met so many men on here who are in relationships that they don't want to end, but they aren't getting what they need cuddle-wise. For some of them, cuddling is a way to stay in the relationship, because otherwise it's awesome, best friends, all that, kids, families, traditions, etc., and for some it's a way to feel better about themselves and get a taste of what they might like more of and that they might deserve touch, and that is a way to feel better about themselves to help exit the relationship. And some people have a poly-cuddling kinda thing where it's fun to bring new affection and energy into a relationship that's been around a while by each getting some energy from someone else. And then there are the fellows who are looking for some titillation to go along with their main marriage course. What I'd be concerned with more than their relational status is if they were not being honest, trying to appear single instead of married in hopes of pursuing something, etc.

I just had a nice exchange with someone who, in relating with me, deactivated his account and turned toward reviving things with his wife. He realized he actually was being a bit self-focused and giving up on his wife because he wasn't getting what he needed, without seeking to understand where she was at with menopause, etc. That was really sweet.

I think people are desperate and afraid to lose what they have -- they don't want to say "hey honey I need to go cuddle people from the internet" because that desire might end things right there, even before they have a chance to see if cuddling is even viable for them. I know what it's like to untangle from a variety of kinds of relationship, with kids, without kids, best buddies but things don't work, etc. and have mercy for people who are checking out the cuddlesphere as a step toward a more enjoyable life.

Gallowglass

I've had more TBIs than a second-year professional hockey player. One of several, during my marriage brought great change. I was struggling. I let my marriage deteriorate. I was withdrawn and felt like I was dying. I was desperate for something. There was no contact in our marriage.

I tried some right things and some wrong things. I started paying attention to the things that worked and stopped the things that didn't. regardless of whether they made sense. One avenue I tried, was seeing a professional cuddler.
I read profiles, then went away, I tried chatting a couple. I kept thinking about it. I poked around. I made friends in other states.

Then one day I made contact with my first professional cuddler. During our time, I broke into tears. I worked with that person over a summer. I wish they were still around. I felt like dry grass getting rain after a long summer.

In spite of a few more head-bumps (TBIs), I was becoming a happier person. When you are in a marriage, or maybe in most relationships, when your mood changes dramatically, it generates drama and I got the first accusation that I was fooling around. I took a break from seeing a cuddler, but stayed in touch with friends.

I shut down even more dramatically, when I felt myself shrinking as a person. That's what shook me out of it. I refused to go back because I know/knew how I was supposed to feel. That sped-up a journey of healing that I was already on.

At one point, when I was finally coming out of the depths, I told my wife I was seeing a "cuddle-therapist". I tried to explain it, to live the improvement I felt. The response was beyond cool. [edit: not in a good way, cool.]

During all this, for a number of personal reasons, I was already mulling-over my marriage. After a particular sequence of events, I told myself I was done. Some moment, some "events" later, I followed-through.

Were I to start a relationship it would have to be understood that I fiercely defend my right to continue the practice and that judgement about my friends or my selfcare is not open to judgement. Up-front. Deal or walk.

@Gallowglass

Great post! I was in a similar situation. After years of asking, but not getting, the touch I need from my existing relationship, I was depressed, resentful, and unhappy. Finally, I understood that my need for touch was more than a superficial thing. I needed it as much as I needed food. Went to an experienced cuddlier, and with her help found my happy-place. I had such a dramatic Oxytocin-high after cuddling sessions that I felt 'high', which proved to me that I truly touch-deprived. Now, I fiercely guard my right to happy, and my freedom to do what it takes to attain that goal. It made me a better person to be around!

TouchSanctuary

As a professional, I'm more than happy to cuddle people regardless of relationship status, because there are clear boundaries in place. When I cuddled as an enthusiast I was more cautious, especially if the partnered/married person was not in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. That said, there are some couples who are monogamous, but agree that their partners can have other cuddle buddies. I'm pretty open minded and non-judgemental about this kind of thing, though.

Hollydollhugs

@Gallowglass just wow!!!! Good for you for holding to what you know you needed. I have said to myself, if I had found this while still married, I wonder if I could have salvaged my marriage and that would have been a no. I know it’s not usually normal for the woman to be touch deprived, but that’s where I was for more than 10 years. I would find myself looking for a hug from anyone that would allow it. This though has brought such a completeness to my life, but going through life with a person that just didn’t get me was not how I wanted to live regardless. My life is so much richer now.

Rocket_Man

My exes do not care one way or another

@Tranquilescape You're definitely not alone in that experience! I know that in my case, finding this site wouldn't have saved my marriage. Physical affection is a basic necessity in a relationship for me. I'm glad your life is richer now

Gabss

My partner is very supportive of my cuddling. He was a little worried about it at first but once I told him about the guidelines and everything he opened up to it more. I haven't gotten to cuddle anyone else that's in a relationship yet but hopefully when I do it'll be a positive experience and not a negative 🤞

Gallowglass

@Spock @Tranquilescape Thanks for your replies.

Amortentia

It's complicated. But trust makes it work.