[Not trying to be gender exclusive, just don't know how to phrase the below correctly to include everyone. Know that you are cared for, loved, and fully included in this post regardless of your plumbing and preferences.]
I just had a nice conversation with someone in the community I'm trying to get to know. I wanted to share a couple of things I said (and more that I've experienced) in case others want to understand a female perspective a bit more. Now, I'm not the one who figured most of these out, but I've stolen them mostly from comedians, and put my spin on them too. I hope I'm not overstepping or bringing up things that have been discussed. Hopefully this will help someone see from other perspectives.
》The Crazy Ex:
I'm sure we've all heard stories of some guy's crazy ex girlfriend. What is interesting is that I rarely hear about crazy ex boyfriends. Do you know why that is?
Most boyfriends who could be labeled as a crazy ex end up killing the female before they become an ex.
》Going to the bathroom in a group:
Why do women do this? Yes, it's because we want to know the opinion of the friend regarding the date, to help each other fix hair and makeup, etc. Those all do happen. However, the main reason that is ingrained in us from birth is for safety. It is much easier to get physically overwhelmed by someone who wants to hurt you when you are alone. And if you're not alone it's much easier for you to be rescued because someone was looking out for you.
Men, please take a moment to think of what you do to prepare for a date (yes I know this isn't a dating site but I think lots of us prepare to meet a new person the same way we prepare for a first date). Does it include any kind of safety measure? Like setting up an app to alert friends and the police if you don't respond to a prompt in your phone? Or asking friends to call you at a prearranged time in case you're uncomfortable and unable to get out of the situation? Do you make sure you have some sort of spiky thing you can find easily and grasp in your hand to fend off someone? Do you make sure you have some cash or a payment available in case you need to get different transportation home? Do you look up the place where you will be meeting so you know if there's security or a police station nearby?
Now, I know the above are for extreme situations. However, nobody goes into a situation with the knowledge of how it will end.
》Why won't you cuddle from the initial contact?
For me, and for others here as I have read through some threads, cuddling is intimate. There has to be trust that the person you cuddle with knows and respects the boundaries whether you are Male or Female. For people with body image issues this can be paralyzing! Not to mention anyone who might be dealing with a mental illness and the hope that your cuddle partner will accept, if not understand, the querks that could come up. There's so much more that I could get into regarding societal norms and how they affect our ability to cuddle, as well as other reasons someone might not be willing to immediately meet you, but that's another thread...or a master's thesis.
So once you accept the emotional intimacy issues, let's look at the physical ones. No I'm not taking sex. I'm talking control. When two people are physically close, like they would be when cuddling, there is a measure of trust. Trust that your partner won't overwhelm you, will listen to what you say, and will try to move around so you both are comfortable. Now imagine being the smaller person (male or female or other, doesn't matter). You have to add the trust that your partner won't physically take over the situation.
That is why I will not meet someone unless I have gotten to know them and am comfortable with them. And there will ALWAYS be an underlying fear that something bad will still happen even after getting to know someone. Please see point one of the next situation for more clarification.
》Not believing you are a nice guy when you say you are:
1. People lie.
It's one thing to complain to a friend about a situation where you thought you were being nice yet it wasn't taken like that. Heck, I've been on the complaining side many times! But if you aren't willing to change your approach or behavior (not who you are), then you're at fault. If someone says something you are doing or saying is making them uncomfortable you either remove yourself from the situation or you change the behavior. That is what a nice person does.
Actions are easier to believe than words. See point 1.
As I think of more I'll add to it. Have a question why females do or say certain things? Let me know and I'll try to figure it out. Fair warning, my answer might be ¯_(ツ)_/¯