If they take that long to respond you are simply wasting your time. Forget about them and move on. They may not even be who they claim.
People come and go. Its the internet.
@quincyq03 Can I ask, are you getting anything at all out of the conversation the way it is? Are you hoping for it to change into something more consistent, or something that leads to meeting in real life, etc? If it's been going on this long, I would assume that's the way it's going to stay. Does it give you energy or drain you when you see another message from her?
Outside of CuddleComfort, I've usually limited my messaging to locals who were also keen to meet IRL, but there are a lot of cool people on this site who I enjoy keeping in contact with, even if it's just sporadically. So I know it can go either way.
@squeakytoy it’s just a pattern that keeps happening. When I see a new cuddle enthusiast in the area, I welcome them and try to make one or two polite questions/remarks based on their profile. It’s a short, courteous message, I don’t send novels. If I get a response (which is less than half the time) where she engages by asking or answering more than one question, I’ll continue to engage. I try to find out about their interests, ask more about their interest in cuddling and make my intentions very clear. I usually get one or two responses and then it just cuts off. Sometimes weeks or months later they’ll respond and say they forgot, so I’ll go to follow up and either there’s no response (yet I see they’ve been active) or there’s a seemingly interested response, followed by another ghosting period.
I try to follow up a couple of times, wait up to a month or two, then I give up.
It does drain me to the point where I wait for email notifications about new messages. Otherwise, I only come on maybe 2-3 times per month to check for anyone new in the area. At that time I’ll give a final 2nd or 3rd reply and if I keep getting sporadic replies or 1-2 word responses, I just block and move on.
I think @CuddleDuncan nailed the situation I frequently encounter:
one thing that is quite common is to use it for ego-boosting in one way or another. (Collecting matches on dating apps is one example.) So somebody will initiatate a bunch of conversations, then let them go once they feel better. A few weeks or months later they feel low again, reinvigorate the conversations they liked for a few messages, and the pattern repeats. >
If I see that they are regularly active, but take weeks or months to respond, I’m just going to assume that they are bored or have better interests going on. I’d prefer no response at all or a brief “no thank you, I’m not interested.”
I try to keep my expectations low, but it’s hard after going through this never ending cycle.
Thank you all for the non-judgmental responses!
@Chesserroo2 I will add one or two more profile pictures, but I don’t intend to add too much more detail to my profile. I’ve tried longer, more detailed profiles, but there hasn’t been any ROI. In fact, putting too much up front can be off-putting. I know most people don’t have the patience to read through a multi-page profile if you’re just an enthusiast. In fact, most of the women I’ve chatted with never even view my profile anyway. I’m also a private person, so I don’t want to throw everything out there for the world to see. I’ll share more if I connect with someone and they earn my trust.
Do any female cuddlers have feedback on profiles?
Last thought: I also keep my messages short and concise. I don’t want to intimidate anyone or bore anyone with lengthy messages, at least not until we’ve got to know each other a bit better.
Active female cuddle enthusiasts (non pros) on here seem to be few and far between. Even most of the ones who appear to be recently active do not seem to be very active cuddlers if at all. It is just the way it is here.
I think a lot of the female enthusiasts (especially in rural areas like me) are just browsing and learning for the first time about the cuddle lifestyle. I’d imagine most leave out of disinterest and some dive into the pro world. The rest just aren’t active. They may sign up, log in a couple of times and then forget about it.
Hahahaha @FunCartel.
I had a guy hit me up who did look like Brad Pitt! He was 30-something and I was in Sausalito at the time. I think he thought I was some old lonely money-bags or something. It was hilarious watching him set things up and I could tell from the minute he messaged me that it was a pile of horse-poo he was slinging. So I think likely many of us would raise an eyebrow if a Brad-Pitt-ish type started messaging us. I'd give that person extra screening actually.
Yes to a small degree a certain look can grab one's attention, but the ones I feel like cuddling with? It turns out to be 100% about liking them and feeling safe with them. Sense of humor, respect, wholesomeness, certain compatible energy. But we've seen all the threads already about us women going on and on about what makes us more likely to respond to messages and keep the contact going. And of course, we're all different. This is just my experience.
I do think you're right though @mike403 that social skills play a part.
Also, I think some men have more experience pal-ing around with women. They've had sisters, friends, etc. and they just know we're people and how to connect with us as people (@pmvines for example, not to attract any more negative attention or envy to him, but he consistently reflects that he gets us.) That generally disarms me in 10 seconds - that a man is connecting with me as a PERSON with interest in me as a person, versus a cuddle hit, a body, a whatever. Like, hi person! Funny profile pic! Interesting profile! What's the weather doing in Lawrence right now? How'd you get on the site? No hurry to press flesh. Just hey, hi, let's make friends. For real.
@quincyq03 I do not think the problem is you. If you are in a rural area the pickings are slim. And you are right. Women in rural areas often set up profiles and deactivate in 48 hours. Your issue is geographical. Maybe offer to pay for gas. Do you reach out to Norman ladies? That is a more open minded town that isn’t terribly far away. I taught at OU in another life.
@FunCartel I reach out to women as far as 100 miles away. I’d be willing to drive 2-3 hours for a prospective cuddler. I would NEVER ask someone to drive more than maybe 30 minutes (halfway) to first meet in a public setting. Most of the women in the OKC/Norman metro areas are pros, or I blocked them after a few months of non-responses.
or I blocked them after a few months of non-responses.
I think part of your issue might be impatience and desire to control an outcome. How many of those you blocked may have came online again after going through whatever they’re going through that caused them to go offline? You’re just shooting yourself in the foot by doing this in my honest opinion, when you already suffer from slim pickings to begin with.
Yes don't block unless somebody is harassing you. Blocking simply because they aren't responding is silly. What have you accomplished by doing that?
I think part of your issue might be impatience and desire to control an outcome. How many of those you blocked may have came online again after going through whatever they’re going through that caused them to go offline? You’re just shooting yourself in the foot by doing this in my honest opinion, when you already suffer from slim pickings to begin with. >
I have a 3-3 rule for blocking. If I’ve sent three unreturned messages, waited three months (usually a few weeks or a month between attempts), AND have seen that they’ve been active consistently during that time, I block. It stops me from being that clown who keeps messaging the same person over and over, expecting a different result. It also eases the stress I might feel from seeing them be active, but blatantly ignoring my messages.
This isn’t about someone “going through something.”
That's fair. And while I might say that it could be counterproductive to your goal, I understand maybe it upsets you to see that someone would rather stroll the site than respond back to you.
I didn't say it was. I meant that statement in the general sense of "going through life". Look, like you have said yourself, people have stuff going on. They might be on different sites that are grabbing their attention instead of this one. They might have lost interest, through no fault of yours. Whatever the reason, chalk it up to it having to do with the other person rather than you. What good does it do you to ruminate on this, or to go to people who aren't the person you want to chat with, asking what the recipe is to just make it all happen?
Either way, I sense some rejection sensitivity and entitlement at least. That's my observation and I think you'd do best to work on that. It's going to get you a whole lot more places than if you become the 10,000th person on this website to air grievances about not being able to find female enthusiasts, or being upset when they don't reply - which, it's the internet. It might seem more polite to let someone know you're bowing out of a conversation, or have no interest but let's face it - people feel a lot bolder behind a screen. Online and in real life, we aren't really owed much of anything, least of all a response we're hoping to hear. We can't control other people, but we can control how we respond and how we move going forward.
Could be various reasons. One that I've been having recently is the site doesn't notify me that I've a new message so I randomly go into messages on here to check or into my email for message notifications.
Could be various reasons. One that I've been having recently is the site doesn't notify me that I've a new message so I randomly go into messages on here to check or into my email for message notifications. >
Thank you for the response. This is why I’m willing to wait a few weeks or even a month or two before I give up the pursuit. Anything longer than that and I have more pressing things to focus my energy on.
If someone is only going to be response via online platform a couple of times a year, the odds of even getting to the cuddle stage are extremely slim. My ultimate goal is to find someone to share a comforting cuddle with. Not play online text tag with for months or even years.
Well if all else fails drive up to Stillwater on a Saturday night around midnight.
Well if all else fails drive up to Stillwater on a Saturday night around midnight.>
Believe it or not, the only cuddle session I’ve ever had that originated from this site was up in Stillwater. I’d go back in a heartbeat if it meant cuddles.
That generally disarms me in 10 seconds - that a man is connecting with me as a PERSON with interest in me as a person, versus a cuddle hit, a body, a whatever.
Yes!! This, @littermate . This is the ultimate answer.
@quincyq03 See, my advice is gold! Lol
@FunCartel you are truly an expert in this field. I salute you!
@quincyq03 you can come here too if you need cuddles. But either way you already had a cuddle session before so that is a step forward into the right direction. You can try to cuddle with that person again or seek harder for more possible cuddlers. Determination is key.
@Amortentia thank you so much 💜
As a cuddler, I try to treat this as a full time job, but sometimes it's hard to be consistent. Having to juggle college, bills, and cuddling is hard. So just keep in mind that we want to talk to you, sometimes we just can't.