MEN, Have your instincts ever been wrong?

Rocket_Man

I am providing this thread since lot of men were improperly responding in a few thread targeted for all the wonderful ladies here. It is not meant in any cynical way. Simply a place for the guys so they can leave the ladies thread alone.

Personally I am very cautious before I meet anyone. Anything can be a setup. Once I meet them there is only a short time to analyze. I tend too give others too much credit. I have a habit of overlooking people's negative traits depending on the level of those traits if they have positive faiths admire. I try to focus on the good traits but I am learning how to stop doing that as it generally ends up working out unfavorably. There are some great people here, some good people and others not so much or at all.

JasonCuddles

I did avoid posting in that other thread because it was not targeted at me.

Personally I feel like I have a weak sense of instinct and try to go with an evidence based approach. If I do have instincts about people it seems to be pretty heavily overridden by my analytical side. Honestly I found this question to be a little difficult to answer.

ZacRedBear

I’ll just say it’s nice to see a few other guys realized it wasn’t our place to join that particular thread.

My instincts are about 99% accurate. I’ve met plenty of people that instantly make my gut sink, but then other people convince me they’re decent, so I brush off the feeling. Most of those “decent” people turned out to be alleged/convicted pedophiles, so I listen to my gut pretty strongly now.

My instincts usually fail me when picking lottery tickets, or reading poker faces 🤷‍♂️

sunnysideup

Also refrained from commenting on that thread, since it was for women. But I did end up commenting once the thread had already gone off the rails, maybe I shouldn’t have commented at all. Hopefully a few people found value from my post.

Well, I'm not a man, but as I mentioned in the other thread, my instincts about people aren't that great. In fact I don't typically get bad feelings from people until it's much too late. (At which point it's not so much a bad feeling as a "gosh darn it, not again" type thing, which isn't especially helpful, all things considered. Oh well.)

With any luck, I'll get better at spotting things that are "off" as I get older and more familiar with non-autistic facial expressions, body language, behavior, etc.

[Side note: I don't expect any threads on this forum to ever be targeted towards people like me. Women, sure. Men, you bet. Those who are neither? ...Yeah... I won't hold my breath. Not a whole lot of us on here, I reckon. Hope nobody minds me jumping around!]

I don't really get the point of this thread. Is it about instincts in general, or about gut feelings when it comes to cuddling others?

If it's about the former, then I imagine that there's potential for a variety of stories, regarding all types of scenarios; if it's about the latter, then...huh? Things are rather different for men when it comes to cuddling, especially for men who solely cuddle women.

Like, one's instincts might incline them to think "Hey, this lady is shady, I don't want to get duped", but I should hardly think that "Oh no, this woman is going to beat the crap out of me and brutally rape me before tossing my corpse into a ditch" ever crosses the minds of most dudes.

The risks simply aren't the same.

Good point, @DarkLordChungus.

Me, I worry about basically everything (being a slender, fragile sort of fellow)—but tuning your instincts to detect possible molesters, rapists, and/or murderers is a bit different from trying to set them up to pick out potential con artists and thieves.

I suck at all of it, though. So that's cool. Good thing I've got you!

UKGuy

I once though I had enough gas to get me to the next town but I had to refill before getting there. Maybe my instincts were wrong or maybe my gas gauge was inaccurate.

@Rocket_Man
I know what you were trying to do here but the fears that guys may have like rejection or being scammed are so minor compared to those that women deal with on a daily basis.
I don't think it was so much that men responded on the other thread but that the responses reflected a lack of simply listening and understanding without the need to give advice, most of which suggested that women couldn't think of those actions themselves.

Rocket_Man

I just want to thank you for the great work that you have been doing. You can laugh , you can cry, you can express yourself but please don't hurt each other!

pmvines

Is this thread genuine in intent or is it just to counter the other thread since there was some objection to some of the mens responses and participation?

CuddleDuncan

It's a genuine thread because this is a genuine problem.

When I told a couple of people in the wider cuddle community that I was meeting people from Cuddle Comfort, they were immediately and seriously concerned for my safety. I've been lucky - I've only had one unpleasant incident and it wasn't bad.

In general the risks to women are broadly higher than the risks to men because men are bigger and stronger. And I believe that the relative frequency or liklihood of incidents is higher for women. But that doesn't mean that men aren't at risk of abuse and assault.

In my case my instincts were right - I smelt trouble right from the beginning. I ignored my guts and paid the price. Fortunately no real harm done.

cuddlerforu24

@pmvines. I don’t know to answer your question but my instincts will tell me none of the above posters will object to a women’s response

hugonehugall

Yes my instincts have absolutely been wrong before. I had KC not only covering the spread & winning the game outright ....... boy was I off on that one. But so were a lot of people.

Instinct.. Isn't that when something isn't around anymore?

cuddlerforu24

@Mmart I thought instinct was something you think of when you drive down the road and smell a stink making you think ihitskunk

@cuddlerforu24
Yeah, seems like it has a double meaning. So confusing.

nurturingman

My instincts have almost never been wrong. There have been times I have become uncomfortable with something a person said or did, and when I have told them about it, they have claimed innocence. Regardless, once I have lost trust in a person, I find that I cannot regain that trust. I trust my instincts enough to know that even if by some chance my mistrust of a person is unfounded, my instincts are right for me, and are not to be ignored. Most of the time I give someone a second chance they use that chance to disappoint me yet again.

Some men — especially pros, like the man who started this discussion thread — cuddle with men. There is no reason to be heteronormative here and assume that all men cuddle with women. There is also no reason to be sexist and assume that women are the weaker sex and therefore harmless. Women can be abusive too, even if that abuse comes in the form of a tender touch that is unwanted and crosses platonic boundaries. A male cuddler needs to hone his instincts when it comes to cuddling people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

ZacRedBear

@nurturingman Everything you just said resonates with my core.

soullover

Everywhere is been promoted to be scare of each other, this is the sad true, we live in a time, we are more scare now to a another human then to a wild animal.. I see every human as a child of God, and yes almost all the time we choose to walk by the desires of the flesh but we have divine spirits with inside us, we have all the good qualities of God, good, kindness, love, mercy happiness, and more, the problem is that we are not taught who we really are and what we are spected to do on this earth. We are all in the same flesh the desires to do evil continuesly but we have choices to make, but if we are not taught who we are it would be easy to do bad things all the time. Goodness is in us we are to be forgiving one to another. Love one another..

My instincts are almost always right for me, but too often I do not listen to them. I have "tried to convince myself" a few times which I regret. Still all cuddle connections are valuable and or interesting so, like a blind date, I always try to make the best of it. // Why would I not trust my gut you may ask? Because of scheduling ("I only can do a cuddle on this or that day") or emotions (feeling lonely so force something).

Rocket_Man

"If a lot of people love each other the world would be a better place to live." TW

Rocket_Man

@nurturingman spot on my brother. Thank you.

Rocket_Man

@soullover thank you for your sincere sentiment.

BrianL

As a typically gentler and trusting man, it would be better to ask if my instincts have ever been right. The answer to which is no.

@soullover

No.

waynewv

I guess I would have to say, YES and I have 1 divorce to prove it, LOL

CrizR

I think I found the right thread to post on this time.

My instincts are wrong about 60-80% of the time. A lot of times I have a good feeling about a person, and turns out the person was lying or manipulating or something else bad. Instincts just aren't reliable. We want them to be reliable because there's so much we can't know.

My instincts have been right sometimes and that's cool. But I'm not gonna judge a person or make major decisions on instinct alone.

I don't think anybody man or woman have instincts that are right a reliable amount of time.

MrPaul

I’ll call it gut feeling rather than instinct for my answer, which is yes, I have been wrong— but not for cuddling partners yet, only in other areas of life such as selecting home improvement contractors, purchasing stocks, etc.

That being said, I’ve improved my ability to tap into my gut feelings and I’m better at paying attention to them than I was in the past.

ThomSSI

Good question. In my case my instincts are almost always right. However, I often ignore them, make exceptions, allow other factors to override them, etc. While most of the people I’ve met with here have been wonderful (and most of the experiences) this tendency has led to a few unpleasant encounters.

85South

My instincts are usually correct, but I don’t always follow them. I am a detailed planner and Often set up a session a week or more in advance, in order to work around my travel schedule. Getting late responses or one word answers like “sure“ or “maybe” are usually a sign of a session that’s not going to happen, even after its been accepted. That’s why I prefer a bit of messaging before sending a booking request.
Sounds logical as i post it here, but I need to do a better job of actually following my own rules.