How to deal with arousal during platonic cuddling

margie1

so this is my first time reaching out to find a cuddle partner. I had one in the past and unfortunately our friendship was injured and has yet to heal correctly. What I'm curious about is, what do you do if someone does become aroused during platonic cuddling? It's bound to happen unintentionally. Also, what is the line on sexual touching? What's sexual to you may not be sexual to me. I would hope that it's handled calmly and rationally as opposed to causing a meltdown

@margie1

"What I'm curious about is, what do you do if someone does become aroused during platonic cuddling?"

Ignore it, or take a break if necessary—either are decent options. Buckets of ice water leave things a bit damp after their use, and some people enjoy being shocked via remote controlled shock collars.

"Also, what is the line on sexual touching?"

I'm pretty sure this site says to avoid the more typical spots. But any sort of touch that incites arousal is best avoided for platonic cuddling. This will of course depend upon your cuddle partner.

Like with so many things, communication is key. Pertaining to CC: sexual gratification is not the goal, in any capacity.

If both parties have the same goal in mind (a pleasant platonic cuddle), then mutual respect and communication can deal with any potential issues that may arise.

Good luck.

Lovelight

Generally, I'd say limb(s) contacting with bathing suit areas, chest and underwear area for women definitely in such context is sexual contact. For men similarly, difference being their chest has (exceptions aside) more room that one could rest one's hand on without it coming off as sexual. Unless one targets specific spots • • of a man's chest, in which case it is sexual contact.

I'd also say if someone is deliberating caressing spots generally known to be hot spots like the back of one's neck or ears, then I'd find that questionable and objectionable.

If in doubt about it, you can ask the person you are with if it is okay.

bekah_cuddles

Becoming aroused is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. However, grinding your arousal against your cuddle partner is inappropriate. I had a client do it ever so subtly to me thinking I wouldn't call him on it.

Sticking to the CC rules, including "No sexual advances" and "No touching in areas covered by undergarments" is a minimum. After that, it depends on the person you're with. Read your cuddle partner and communicate with them. Seeking consent and asking for permission before touching an area that could be considered erogenous is always a good idea. If they say no, respect it.

Lovelight

@bekah_cuddles Exactly, sorry to hear you had to deal with that! Not a matter of just arousal, that person was there for the wrong reason.

Maverick07

As already mentioned, be clear about what is allowed and not, and if that happens, then suggesting changing positions, maybe...?
When I first met with my current cuddler, we had dinner and, in the end before heading back to her place, she told me where she wouldn't like to be touched - pointing at her body parts, so to avoid any misunderstandings; I blushed :-D
So far everything's being fine :-)

GentleMan1111

I’ll admit, there have been times during platonic cuddling when I have gotten an erection. One time was fairly recently. But I am a 48-year-old man not a Beavis and Butthead type teenager or 20 some thing so it wasn’t a big deal. Just because I get an erection doesn’t mean that I have to do anything with it it just means that I am enjoying the touch and I am very comfortable. I make sure that it’s not touching my partner. There is this misconception that when a man gets an erection he just has to have sex. I’m not sure how many guys that is true for, but I can say that is definitely not true for me.

JasonCuddles

Communication. You mentioned that what may be sexual for you could be different from what someone else considers sexual. Talking will resolve that if you're open and honest enough. No meltdowns are required.

As a female cuddling other females, I don't think you have to do anything at all if you get turned on.

I feel it's that's simple. Communicate what you're both comfortable with and you should be good.

ZacRedBear

I’ve set up clear boundaries beforehand, and read my partner as we go. Fortunately when someone pushed a boundary towards me, they’d quickly adjust to my verbal or physical cues. Clear communication before, and during, a cuddle is crucial. Checking in during may feel like you’re ruining a mood, but that’s part of how you let each other be aware of what you’re doing, and keep it platonic.

I’ve been aroused at unexpected moments throughout life, so it’s easier for me to understand and ignore another’s event when I believe they’ll respect my boundaries. I’d also research/discuss empty consent with any new partner to reinforce what you’re there for. Hope this helps!

Nickoli

I usually deal with it before the session 😎

WestsideMarc

OK let’s just be completely and totally honest here, and most of all, let’s be ADULT about this topic. Some of the following will be obvious, some not, some already covered, some not - but in any event, I’ll be blunt:

First off, for younger or less experienced women, you need to understand, and remember, that erections are an IN-voluntary reaction - And yes, they can happen during a cuddle. And like most (undesired) things in life, you can’t necessarily control what happens but you can control how you react. Or how you may prevent.

Nickoli above has great advice. Taking your private time prior to a session, followed by a shower is a great 2fer suggestion for being pre-relieved, relaxed and thereby reducing the possibility/probability of this occurrence. That’s número uno.

Having said that, if it does happen, do your best to avoid letting your lady friend know. First of all obviously don’t press in to that person‘s body. BAD! The best, first thing to do is just to switch positions and have your back to her and be the “little spoon”. That way your partner can’t see or feel it. Easy breezy.

Alternatively, find an excuse to momentarily disconnect physically (excuse yourself to the restroom, get something from the fridge, whatever). This will obviously give your body a distraction and a chance to decompress. Men you know this to be true.

Additionally, if it becomes really obvious and you sense that SHEEEE is uncomfortable, addressing the elephant in the room, no pun intended, may also be a way of diffusing any tension, and just simply apologize. It’s tricky. Honestly there’s not really a cookie cutter answer on this one - and depending on the woman that might make her feel more or less comfortable. Hopefully by the time you have cuddled you have had an opportunity to get to know that person a little bit, establish some rapport/connection/vibe and get a sense of who she is. You just have to read the room!

*** THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS DON’T BE CREEPY!!! ***

REMEMBER ——- it takes a TREMENDOUS amount of trust for a woman to put herself in the vulnerable geographic and emotional space of cuddling with a male stranger! Respect that and exercise common sense. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Arousal is a normal human sexual function and it is nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for.

Be an adult. Deal with arousal in that particular moment, TOGETHER. just change positions. Or get up and get a drink of water. Its ok to take a few minutes and break from cuddling.

Boundaries are best when verbalized and yet sparingly. It does not need to be a laundry list which will kill the moment.

FOCUS on the physical/emotional/verbal connection and subdue the sexual aspect if it comes about. It is not needed and can interfere with those precious moments when a woman trusts a man and allows herself to be held by a man.

It is a wonderful thing when a woman says she is willing to come back and see me.

littermate

I don't read any sexual victimization into what @margie1 wrote. Maybe it's between the lines, but a few have jumped to the conclusion that she's been victimized. All she said was her former cuddle relationship was injured and it has yet to heal. Maybe you guys are psychic or maybe the first part and the second part are related in a way that wasn't specified, but I'd personally love us to give her some space around what might or might not have happened there.

Lots of great input here. I'd say ignore it unless it's imposing itself on someone. And that communication is key, before, during, after. I've had fellows assume that sitting next to them was a sexual act that deserved being responded sexually to, so go figure.

Happy to message privately if you want to discuss any particulars @margie1.

pmvines

So many boner threads, so many essays about pubescent anatomical functions . If you want the topic to be addressed like an adult then dont write page long essays about how erections happen most of us went to 6th grade sex ed

This topic on arousal is starting to sag.

WestsideMarc

Yeah I think it’s time to close this one out.

sh410

Honest questions asked. Honest answers delivered. Arousal hissyfits kept to a minimum. Successful thread. Next.