🏳️‍🌈 A thread for people who identify as agender, asexual, trans, intersex, queer ....

CuddleDuncan

There have been a couple of gentle compaints recently about the lack of threads for people who do not fit easily into traditional gender or sexual categories, so I thought I'd start one. I'm cis and straight, so I don't imagine I'll be posting much here. I'm not sure what direction the conversation might take, but we have had men's and women's threads so it seems only fair to have this one.

If you are not sure whether you belong in this thread, then you do. Welcome!

If you are cis and straight, please think very carefully before posting in this thread. Preferably sleep on it. If you have something interesting and positive to say, then hooray. However, if you want to whine or complain, please do it somewhere else.

Oh snap, a rainbow thread! Thanks, man Yeah, I'll totally use it to post any big gay content that comes to mind.

Koralie

Thanks So So Much! Allies Rock!

I will happily post some non cis hetero stuff here!

To start with, I'm a Pansexual Transgender Woman who is 32! I've been transitioning for 7 years now, only 2.5 on hormones.

Here is my story, it's a bit of a book tbh!

I'm happy to see some support! I had been feeling a lack of support in general, but mainly coming from clients that see how cute I am and assume I am an afab when I'm an amab! I clearly state on my profile, towards the top, that I'm transgender and I even have a definition for the unaware souls out there!

For a long time I suffered from really bad depression due to the fact that I didn't feel seen or accepted... as a child I would tell people I was a girl... Ive known since I was 3 or 4... they would tell me I couldn't be a girl... Eventually I kept my mouth shut and it became a private thing... I would wear my mom's wedding dress from her second marriage... falling asleep in it and waking in a panic, afraid she would find out. After I got older I used some money to buy women's underwear and I would wear it to bed or even under my boxers. I ballooned up to 400 lb at one point from all the pain in my heart.

Adding spoiler tag for potentially triggering content (suicide mentions) -squeakytoy

I had attempted suicide many times, but each time something inexplicable happened to stop me... broke ropes made to hold 1k or more weight... I always tried things that wouldn't leave openings... didn't like blood... tried to od and I threw them up... ropes broke... many other things. I made 23 attempts in about 12 years... The last time it was really bad a friend and my mom expressed a desire to help me... I told them that I may have been failing, but I was determined to make it a success. After a conversation that felt like days (only 20 minutes) I knew I had to do something different. My mother said that if I kill myself ill kill her too... she told me that she would literally go crazy and also kill herself... I don't like the idea of killing my mother, I just wanted the pain to end.

So after that I agreed to start antidepressants. They helped, but sucked, so I started learning things to help me... I made a friend who helped me lose weight... I got to 175, it took me about 1 year. I also started to examine why I was so miserable... I thought it was due to not having love in my life (ignoring all the love there) and I made a choice... I said I needed to learn to love myself before I expect another to love me. I began a long journey of learning to love myself... 5 years later I decided I needed to express my desire to change gender... this was well before Caitlin Jenner came out... about 9 months prior... I started talking to my friend that had helped me, I told her my feelings and she encouraged me. I looked up my name... had a few thoughts for what I wanted it to have... I wanted it to be similar to my birth name and my initials... I wanted to go from Corey Lee P. to K.L.P. and I started looking... after 20 minutes I found it! Koralie... said Kora - Lee and It was perfect... it pertains to Coral and the color of pink coral... my favorite color! I fell in love! I played with two middle names before settling with lynn... basically a body of water. I came out to my mom at lunch one day, tears running down my face... She told me she would love me no matter what and that she always knew... she had seen me in her dress many times, passed out asleep... She expressed a fear that something might happen to me, but she said she wanted me to just be safe and happy! 2 years later I came out to my sperm donor and he rejected me... it hurt, but my mom loved me and that's what mattered... he didn't want to be in my life before or after, so even though I had to grieve, I was still so much more happy!

The town I lived in had no resources to help me, so I went 4 years from when I told my mom before getting on hormone replacement therapy... I had already learned to accept myself a great amount more, but after the hrt... like night and day! I really started to truly love myself! I am now at the point where I love looking in the mirror... I have not punched a mirror and broken it in 3 years now! Instead I look in and tell myself how absolutely adorable I am! I'm not done yet though, I still get dysphoria and so I will get surgery soon! I have learned how to smile in the past 4 years... had never truly smiled prior to that... something that always worried my mom... Now I have such a gorgeous one!

I hope that this gives a little insight to me as a soul trapped in a flesh sack!

Now I am a spiritual coach, spiritual healer, clairvoyant goddess who teaches the importance of self love! I am ALWAYS happy to be able to help others and show them the unconditional love I have learned along my journey!

I love you all so much! You are all an amazingly beautiful expression of source energy! Live your truth!

Much love,

Koralie Lynn Palmer!

Koralie

@Koralie Way to kickstart this thread! Congrats on your journey and your transition, I'm glad you pulled through.

(I also wanted to add that you didn't say anything wrong - your post just got flagged because of suicide mentions, and that's a difficult subject for some people. I didn't remove anything you said, just added a spoiler tag around that content so it'll be hidden by default for some readers.)

Koralie

That's cool! I would have done that myself, but I couldn't figure out how! Also, thanks! It's been an amazing journey... but I also know it's far from over! I'm never gonna go to such a low point again!

;

Koralie

I love your onesie btw, I know my niece would too! She's a shark lover!

funnycuddles

I am CIS Female/Straight, and an ally. This thread made my heart smile.

stormofgrace

@Koralie ! Thank you so much for sharing your story.

The world is better with you in it

oberon

I have always seen good ace support on this site and in the forums. 💜🤍🖤

Ace pride!

I don't really know what I am, except 'ace', 'not straight' and 'not 100% a woman'.

@Koralie. I am sending the biggest hug ever right to you. You are a pillar of strength and you made me cry tears of happiness. You deserve so much love.

Koralie

Thank you all for being on here! Im glad that I could share my story! I'm glad to be alive still!

A thread for me? A thread for me! Thanks, @CuddleDuncan!

It's weird being neither man nor woman, having no default role in society. I mean, people look at me and assume I'm in one box or the other—it never crosses anybody's mind that I might be neither.

Mostly people assume I'm male, and that suits me just fine. Bad things tend to happen when folks assume I'm female: I'd just as soon skip it.

But in a way I get to be on both sides of the divide... and it's a weird perspective, man.

At least I'm an aro ace. Imagine how confusing it'd be trying to figure out my orientation otherwise! Can an agender person be gay? Lesbian? What are you, if you're not a man (and not a woman), and like men? If you're not a woman (and not a man), and like women? What if you're only drawn to other agender folks? How do the intersex identify? Where are the words?

Loads easier when you can just say you're not attracted to anybody, thanks.

Lucky me!

Catloaf

Aaaaaaa this is lovely, thank you for setting this up. I recently came out as demi a couple months ago and in addition to that I am bisexual. 🌈 It’s been interesting seeing how accepting my orientation has had a role in me better enforcing boundaries in my life. Happy to be here with everybody.

MaullySterling

@Koralie My immediate supervisor 6 months of the last year, is a 34 yr old trans woman that's been doing HRT for 4 yrs, and still no plans for surgery. Out of a crew of 70 ppl nobody knew outside of our dept, so she is very much respected and accepted, as the person she wishes to be. I hope that reassures you, things will continue to get better. (Esp after you're back home, out of Florida.)

Spent most of my life under the radar as cis/heteronormative, but always an ally, and always bi.

@Koralie Thank you! It's a very comfy onesie. It was also (secretly) one of my work uniforms for my last job, after we all switched to working from home Unfortunately, my new job has webcam-on meetings every day, so I don't get to sprawl out all day in a onesie anymore.

I seriously love this thread so far. And seeing so many allies here as well is awesome

The best term for me is probably "a big ol' born-again gay". I've always been at least a raging 5 on the Kinsey scale but I was married to a man, and have had boyfriends. If there's one blessing about all this time in lockdown, it's forced me to be honest with myself. I've really been enjoying building queer community again here and on other sites/discords/apps, even if it's mostly been virtual.

Biblioromantic

Oh, wow! I love this thread! Thank you!

Nice to see so much ace pride already. Makes me feel a little more at home here. And thank you, @Koralie for sharing your story. So brave!

I'll share a bit about myself. I'm cis female, grayromantic, and asexual. She/her pronouns. Lovely to meet those of you under the rainbow umbrella. Hugs! ♠️💜🌈

Koralie

Thank you @DarrenWalker for your share, I cant entirely understand your plight, but I respect your struggle! I know things will get better for you!

@MaullySterling Thank you! I know it will continue to get better! Time helps with all healing! Im happy for your boss! I bet she is a great person to work with!

@Mmart I knew that there was something cool about you! I can't wait to hang out when I get back to Denver!

@squeakytoy lol, I love that "a big ol' born-again gay" comment! It does suck you can't wear it for work anymore, but you have the memories of when you got too! I used to have a unicorn onesie I would wear to work during spirit week (I was a custodian for a school) and to parties... but then I spilled concentrate on it, so it looks like it's covered in fecal matter... I want to get a new one!

@Biblioromantic thank you for sharing! I felt like I was greyromantic... but that has changed a bit! I'm so happy to have you here!

@Catloaf Thank you for sharing! I'm so happy to have you here with us! I have a great friend who is a demi pansexual woman... she is depressed though and won't talk to me since I came out to Florida

Koralie

@BuggleBear Life is all about learning! You just figure it out on your own timetable! Happy to have you here with us!

@oberon I'm glad we have a forum to make that support even stronger!

@stormofgrace Thank you so much! I'm happy to be here! Thanks for your support!

@funnycuddles I'm glad this thread could bring a smile to your face! Smiles are precious gifts we give to the world!

@Koralie. Looking forward to meeting you. You're strength to overcome such obstacles amazes me. Happy cuddling

HotCocoaLover

Hi from a Ace woman! It's been tough getting here, as a lot of times I question if I'm "really" asexual or not. (I take medications that lower my arousal) However, all throughout my life I knew that I preferred the romantic/non-sexually intimate aspects of being with a partner vs. the actual sex stuff.

CuddleDuncan

For the avoidance of doubt, the new rule on gender-focussed threads

"We allow gender focused threads but disallow threads that intend to, or evolve to, prevent contribution based on gender."

is precisely what I was trying to express in the opening post.

Koralie

@Mmart Thanks so much! Looking forward to hanging out!

CuddleDuncan

It seems an appropriate month to give this thread a bijou bumpette.....

oberon

Still here and still ace 🏳️‍🌈🤍💜🖤

pmvines

My son is bi and has a trans boyfriend. I have always been very open and supportive on the LGBTQ community but having a child in it really makes it more personal now . For anyone who has prejudice I would just advise to be careful who you hate , cus I might be someone you love

b0nfire

Very here and proudly queer! 🥰

I’ve identified as bi since high school and have decided that “genderqueer” probably best fits the way I think about my gender. Preferred pronouns are they/them, she/her accepted. I don’t generally mind being described as woman or girl by others, but I feel like it really only fits me about 60% of the time.

I love fluidity and discovery, and I feel so grateful that something that used to be a huge point of stress in my life is now such a source of joy and strength.

Catloaf

@CuddleDuncan Adding the rainbow flag would probably help this thread stick out to all us rainbow folk! Thanks for creating this.

I’m still questioning, but for the last couple of years I’ve been embracing myself as a “bi-demisexual” woman. I question my gender sometimes. I don’t know where I fall - so that’s ultra confusing to me. I was born female, feel mostly female, and I’m happy with all my equipment upstairs and downstairs... but there are some aspects of me that I identify as being “male”, and even “neither”. So, for those who might be confused on labels, I’m a bi, cis woman who is demisexual. Bi-demi if you will. Being demi means I do not or rarely experience genuine sexual arousal or attraction to people I do not have a significantly strong bond with on the emotional level. Being cis means I mostly conform to my gender assigned at birth, and I still accept that I’m cis for the most part even if I’m questioning. I actually led a lifestyle at one point that was opposite to who I am as someone on the ace spectrum. Literally... forcing myself into things or situations that, looking back, did not feel right to me, my body, or my boundaries and mental health. I’m still healing from it and I’m trying to work through all the years I spent living unhealthily and inauthentically. Not being who I really am. If there’s anyone else out there who may have gone through the same thing coming out as demi or figuring out who you are, I want to send you a big virtual hug. ❤️💙💜💗🖤

And a big bright rainbow with a pot o’ gold for all others who’ve posted. I love this community with my whole damn heart. 😊🌈

Babichev

I’m bisexual but I don’t talk about it much because it’s rarely relevant to the conversation I’m engaged in. I don’t have any steady partner(s). I spent seven years identifying as a lesbian, did not think I’d get involved with men again. I was wrong. A year after I broke up with my girlfriend of six years I met a guy that really caught my attention. That was very weird and, to be honest, more difficult and confusing than coming out as a lesbian. I had to reevaluate who I thought I was and then had to face the possibility of being ostracized by my gay & lesbian friends. Fortunately, I have wonderful friends who didn’t care, they just wanted me to be happy, and I finally came to the realization that I’m capable of being attracted to just about anyone. I’ve had close encounters with a couple of trans women. In my case, it really is more about the person than anything else. Or, as I like to put it, I’ll do just about anyone if they are interesting.

Being bi has its peculiarities. When I was younger, bi women were anathema in the lesbian community, hence the fear on my part later in life. The other thing is that it’s easy for others to assume you are either straight or lesbian, depending on who you’re with at the moment.

I first figured out I was bisexual when I was in high school. Fortunately, I’d never been fed a lot of homophobic propaganda because I grew up during a time when these things were not discussed at all. The first person I told accepted it pretty nonchalantly so I didn’t feel bad about myself. After high school, my parents kicked me out of the house for really flimsy reasons (it was a pretty bad home situation) and I ended up renting an apartment in a neighborhood populated by hippies and queers. It was the perfect place for me to be at a pivotal time of my life and I’m grateful for that. Rejected by my own family, I found a new family that encouraged me to express myself and accepted me for who I was.

One thing I’ve come to realize over the years is that the more I’m with people who accept me as I am, the more comfortable I feel expressing myself and I discover things about myself I never knew were there. The more I take risks in showing myself, the more others open up to me about their own hidden sides. I so appreciate the many people in my life who have given me a safe place to be vulnerable and who have trusted me with their own vulnerabilities.

Richard Burton once said, “We are molded and remolded by those who have loved us.” The imprint of all those people remains with me as a living testament to their love.

We need words and categories to communicate but I think most of us are more complex than that. It can feel limiting. I doubt most of us go through our day thinking oh, I am this thing or that thing, we’re just going about our lives being ourselves. It’s annoying when others’ limited view of the world gets in our way. Sometimes it’s a lot more than annoying. Sometimes it’s downright threatening.

There are moments when I’ve felt remiss, when I know someone(s) probably assumes I’m straight and I don’t correct them. The truth is, unless the subject of the conversation is who I might or might not be having sex with, I don’t feel inclined to make an announcement. Don’t assume I’m straight and I won’t assume you’re not.

I’m not sure I’m queer enough for this thread. Is there a test? At least that aspect of my life is out on the table for anyone who wants to know.

SuperManCuddles

@Babichev Thank you for sharing your amazing life experiences and views!!! Happy Pride Month to Everyone!!!🏳️‍🌈