A misleading conversation with a potential cuddle partner

hawker69

Because of the COVID insanity in Alberta, my cuddling is almost on hold
I contacted a lady who is interested.
We met up last week at her place. For a coffee introduction session .
A VERY nice lady.
Well after a short conversation, she was looking for a coffee company person.
Not a cuddlier.
A misleading early conversation
As I was leaving she asked me if I will come back. ?
I did not say anything, and just smiled and said I will contact you.

I have to think about this one . I am leaning to No thanks Not what I am looking for
Your thoughts ??

Impossible for us to say, really, without hearing her side of things.

Does she never want to cuddle, or does she just not want to cuddle yet because of a) 'Rona, and b) not knowing you well enough to feel comfortable going to that stage?

Also, you literally say on your profile that an idea first meeting would be a coffee meeting to get to know the other person.

That's not ambiguous, so she is maybe assuming that that was all you wanted for a first meeting.

Communication is key here.

pmvines

Coffee companion might mean coffee for now and maybe cuddling later. She may be skittish about jumping right into that and needs to feel comfortable being around and interacting first . Not everyone is gung ho to cuddle someone they dont really know . Even people who are on a site like this , and if they aren't on a site like this , it's easy to assume cuddling random interweb strangers is a foreign concept. And gender might be a factor as women have safety and societal issues to deal with that is not as prevalent for men. But to more directly answer your question, do what you feel is best for you . I would only add that it is important for you to consider what her needs are and be sensitive to it and maybe find some middle of the road common ground to build off if. Try to not look at is you simply not getting what you wanted out of it .

Sheena123

Maybe enjoy having a coffee companion until a cuddler pops up or until she possibly feels comfortable enough to actually cuddle. Having someone to talk to and have a drink with is better than nothing at all. Perhaps just revel in having a probable new friend 😊

Koralie

Trust your gut, but companions come in many ways... I would say that if the conversation was good and she paid you, then it's really not that big of a deal... I honestly like the idea of something like a paid friend... someone to just be friends with... I mean that's kinda what this place is about... platonic connections! I would really love it if someone would hire me to accompany them to dinner or maybe go to a family get together... like for me, my thought is that if someone was gay, but closeted, they could hire me to just do simple things like hold my hand and help get family of their back... but these are just my thoughts...

coffee buddy... has a nice ring to it imo!

You can't have too many friends. Sounds like an opportunity to make a new one.

stormofgrace

It's unclear from your profile if coffee is to be a meet & greet and THEN you will schedule a cuddle time. You may want to clarify.

Also, I don't know if you recognize that your username implies something more than cuddling 🤷‍♀️ as your age would indicate 1969 is not your birth year.

Just a couple observations.

cuddlerforu24

Perhaps after screening the thread starter , the coffee shop guest changed her mind and the coffee buddie idea was all she could think of at the moment to extract herself from a possible cuddle engagement... the “ will you come back ?” was cleverly said , to reinforce an idea that she just prefers a coffee buddie

MaullySterling

My thoughts?

If you want anything clarified, it will only happen by talking directly to her. Not us.

If everything was clear, there, that she only wants a coffee buddy, and you are only interested in cuddles, there's nothing left to say.

If she wants to cuddle, but needs time to warm up to it, consider how best to put her at ease.

If you're considering indebting her to you, by investing in coffee time, waiting, and growing resentful, of a possible cuddle payout, which may or may not happen...?
Please don't.

Biblioromantic

I typically meet potential cuddle partners for coffee for a meet and greet before the first cuddle. Also, your profile mentions that you like coffee. I guess I'm confused as to why you're confused, but that's just me.

The basis for any relationship--platonic, romantic, family, etc---is communication. If you have reservations about what happened or want to request something different next time, it's time to communicate. When dealing with consent, I try to err on the side of over-communicating. To state someone misunderstood you when you haven't clearly or adequately explained them to that person is pretty foolish, imo.

JasonCuddles

People make a lot of assumptions when talking ( and generally) so if you are unsure about things I would probably just ask. I point that out to say that the conversation may not have actually been misleading.

Other than that it seems simple, if you feel like hanging out in the way she would like to then do so. If not don't.

hawker69

Thank you for all the reply's. Some interesting.
@pmvines @Sheena123 Yes coffee for now and cuddling later,. Or a coffee buddy only. That would also work for me
@Mmart I agree 100 %
@stormofgrace I did not meet her through CC. So my username has nothing to do with it . It was explained at a much earlier post how I derived my username . I few people here have commented on my user name .
@MaullySterling Yup she wants a coffee buddy. No problems with that .
@Biblioromantic I also like the first coffee meeting. I thought this was it for future cuddle meetings
@JasonCuddles . I would not mind hanging out with her. What I like about her she is a 45 yr old Hippie .

Thanks again for all the feedback

littermate

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
~George Bernard Shaw

Sounds to me like something may have gone awry in the initial communication with you thinking one thing and her thinking another, each in their own context. Either that or as someone else mentioned, upon meeting, she (for whatever reason) decided against cuddling.

sillysassy

Well hello there Mr. @hawker69 and WELCOME to the site!! 😊

I want to first say THANK YOU for actually filling out your profile and putting some thought into it along with some tidbits of humor. Well done YOU!

Very easy going , easy to get along with friendly divorced guy.
I live alone and I am looking for a Female Cuddle Buddy, to spend some time with just snuggling , good conversation . I can talk about anything or listen to the sounds of silence
I will supply the popcorn . I am very hygienic. I shower once a month if I need to or not
I own 2 rescue dogs and......

.....This part caught my eye a bit...... Maybe there was a feeling that you were more interested in coffee and conversations for the initial few get togethers..... Just a perspective from your profile....
------I am addicted to good coffee ( French Vanilla ) in the evening is my fave. So the first meeting I would like is a coffee meeting as I have LOTS of questions

------------WARNING ---- CAUTION ------ LONG sillysassy POST AHEAD ----- WARNING ---- CAUTION--------------- 🤣😂😁

I've been on the site for quite awhile now and I've met some beautiful humans. Some not quite my cup of tea and some who wanted something different than what they first presented in their profile or in messages. I can only speak for me.... like @BuggleBear said, no one can know what she is thinking or trying to convey except of course HER. I will say this though, as a female ENTHUSIAST, when I first joined I met with people a few times before I was willing to actually get to the cuddling part. Once in a while I will have a great connection with the other person and we might go for a stroll and hold hands or walk with arms around waists etc. but I NEVER promise cuddles on the first meeting. The reason I do this is because you just don't know if you will have "cuddle chemistry" by talking or messaging until you meet them in person.

She might be looking for a coffee company person AS WELL AS a cuddle buddy. If you have lots of communication with each other then you can iron that out.

One other thing to note is that this idea of "just cuddles" is new to a lot of people and they don't even know how they feel or what they think until it actually happens. We don't always share our story as we are trying to figure out our next steps. Sometimes I didn't realize I had a hangup with things UNTIL it happened and of course that changed the way I dealt with things moving forward. Maybe for both of you its something you will want to have more clarity on in future messages with new people etc etc etc. because of your newfound awareness. ALSO..... (I know this is really long winded, so I hope your eyes haven't glazed over yet) I have so many different people that I have met and each of them bring something beautiful to the table. I have some people that I communicate with but only get to see once a year. Some that I would cuddle for days and some that I have lunch at a nearby restaurant occasionally and just a few hugs hello and goodbye. As far as I'm concerned it is NEVER wrong to say "You are an amazing human, but I think we are looking for slightly different things" the biggest thing to do is communicate so everyone understands the truth of the other.

I'm not sure if this is way too much info but your question sparked something in me and I felt it warranted more than a quick reply. Maybe it should have been a PM instead.

You sound like a fantastic person and if I was ANYWHERE close to Calgary I would be popping up to see you and say hello over some SUPER DELICIOUS coffee!! CHEERS to you and May the Cuddle Gods be EVER in your favor!! 😊

sillysassy

OH SHOOT!!! When I wrote this at 10 am there was only one comment and now there are lots! hahahhahaa So sorry.... I agree with lots and lots of info spoken here.

@hawker69 the best part of your reply.... "I like that she's a 45 year old hippie" You guys will figure it all out with communication and its a lovely community of people that replied to give their perspective. YAY for CUDDLE peeps!!! 😊

OhioMike

@hawker69 , I was totally confused at beginning. I thought she was wanting to go into the coffee business. I owned a coffee shop for about a year back in the day. Still have a lot of the (SUPER EXPENSIVE ) equipment. Anyone interested ? Just joking. Good luck in your search:)

Oh, and @sillysassy knows my favorite convenience store coffee but its too funny to talk about. Love the travel mugs though!

sillysassy

@OhioMike 👇👇👇

hahahahaha @OhioMike yes.... well..... NOT appropriate for the children!! BTW equip? Yes please. We need to have this conversation off air. I had NO idea you still had upscale equipment!! FOR THE BUS!!!!!!!! I think we are going to have to go to forum jail.... We are TOTALLY off topic! How did you get confused about coffee girl???

OhioMike

@sillysassy , seriously I had many meetings with coffee company people before starting a coffee shop. Of course this is years before cuddle comfort 😊.

h2h

Gathering opinions from like minded individuals helps you feel better with your decision but as I'm sure others may have advised, a straight forward approach directly with the individual involved produces the best possible outcome. I think I would have given damn near anything for a regular conversation buddy if this lockdown had continued any longer. Even if it meant enduring the amazing smell of coffee...I love drinking it but abhor digesting it;)

hawker69

@littermate You are correct communication is a big problem. More and more with the generations who do not face to face talk. BUT From my original message to her was" looking for a cuddle buddy "
@SillyMudkip Thank you for the comment on my profile.
YES she is a 45 year old hippie. Its nice to see people who do not follow the crowd. If you know what I mean

By the way I met her through Plenty of Fish . The worst of the worst On line dating site. But is FREE
After I think about it. It was nice to hear her say " Are you coming back ?"
So coffee Buddy it is
For you Username analyst at CC I think you should try a different hobby
I am a WWII aircraft buff. A few years ago I went to an aircraft museum .
They were offering for you a fighter pilot cap and take a picture of you
in the cockpit of a Hawker Hurricane . It was No. 69

sillysassy

Omgosh!!!! A Hawker Hurricane?!?! So so so fun!!!!

OP You are right POF is a TERRIBLE site and truth be told most of the dating sites I have been on. Being of a more “MATURE” age it is hard to find people who have a desire for a true connection as opposed to just “RUDTF?” That’s why I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cuddle Comfort for ALL that it provides and promotes.

OF COURSE I have to do another Country to Country shout out to @Mark for not only creating this beautiful community but SUSTAINING it!!!! Instead of Toasters he should get all the homemade cookies and ALL the hugs!!! 🥰🥰🥰

TheNewNovelist

My last cuddle sessions began with a “meet and greet.” For me, talking first, and getting to know each other works best for me. We shared a drink (coffee, tea, organic juice), and developed rapport. I personally, like to establish a warm and supportive interaction first. The warmth, cuddles and oxytocin follow naturally. My session yesterday was wonderful. We talked, then eventually she simply rested her arm on mine and we just talked. I felt connected, and “human” again. I look forward to seeing her again, continuing our conversations and enjoying each others’ company. Being connected to another human being is great.

Catloaf

Hawker is the one ‘69er we can make an exception for. Good luck on your next meet - hopefully it matches up with what both of you want. I’d be curious to hear what the aftermath of this is, if you end up contacting her again to try and clarify. Or whether you take something new to your next attempt.

pmvines

@hawker69 just a thought and this is not a criticism just an opinion. You obviously like your username and have sentimentality attached to it. I'm just thinking several folks have said it gives the wrong impression. Have you considered that it might be contributing to your hardships when finding a cuddler from the site?

UKGuy

I'd be overjoyed just to get a message from someone and if I met them and they wanted to repeat the experience, I'd be over the moon. If your long-term objectives diverge, there is nothing to prevent you from continuing your search, meanwhile who knows what further meetings might lead to.

Cessna_guy

@hawker69, I am a WW II aviation buff also. We should talk. 😎

hawker69

@Catloaf She texted me this morning . Said she had a nice time and left it at that.
Well ......... that's a first for me . I guess it pays off when I comb my hair (LOL)
@pmvines Thanks for you point of view. I will not change my user name. I really don't think
it has anything to do finding a cuddler from the site. There are many people with the same problem .
I contacted 5. So I found 5 inconsiderate people who do NOT have the decency to say 3 words " No Thank you "
And I know I am not the only one.
@UK I still cannot get over this VERY NICE experience.
@Cessna_guy YES we should talk. Just a word if caution . I am German and we all know who built the best WWII aircraft (LOL) Hey, can you imagine what the CC username analyst group would have said if I sat in a Focke-Wulf . They would
of had an Aneurysm

MaullySterling

Just to be clear, if you msg someone, you think they're obligated to reply, and within a certain time frame?

hawker69

@MaullySterling No They are not obligated to reply . Its just Common Courtesy.
Have you herd of Common Courtesy ? Not many people have today
@MaullySterling Congratulations You are the first person who blocked me. What are you scared of ?

Flagged for baiting, reviewed. It's okay to disagree, but this response to @MaullySterling is unwarranted. Let's keep things polite. -squeakytoy

TheFunCartel

It’s getting cranky in here.

hawker69

@FunCartel YES I agree.