Cheers!
Happy Mother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone here
Happy Mother's Day to all of those who have extricated themselves from relationships with toxic/abusive mothers!
Happy Mother’s and Women’s Day in General!!! Much Love ❤️!!!
@DarkLordChungus ❤️
@DarkLordChungus if only that was the issue in terms of relationships... we can start a list and follow that up with children - I mean adults - neglecting and abusing their parents. I don't know your history but I wish I could have been with my mother who's on the other side of the planet, and hope she's still be alive when I finally be able to fly there.
Thanks, @DarkLordChungus: I needed that.
@Maverick07 , I can't say for @DarkLordChungus , but I have no relationship with my toxic father. The wish for you to be with your mom has nothing to do with his affirming those who do not have positive feelings about Mother's Day or their mother in general. As an adult who grew up in a terribly dysfunctional childhood home and the survivor of covert abuse (narcissism), the honoring of all parents simply for having contributed biological material to our existence can be stressful.
I also hope you will be able to go be with your mother soon. It warms my heart to know there are adult children who still look forward to time with their emotionally healthy parents.
@SuperManCuddles - well said 👏
❤
@stormofgrace Thank you!❤️
@Maverick07
I'm terribly sorry that my comment, which was regarding Mother's Day, didn't take into account your perspective. I was more concerned with voicing support for those who contended with terrible mothers and saying "Congratulations on getting out of that mess."
Because Mother's Day probably sucks for a lot of people. And this thread is about Mother's Day. Which is a holiday about celebrating mothers. Who, again, might not always be worth celebrating.
Anyways, I apologize again. Thank you for your invaluable insight and understanding.
Thank you @DarkLordChungus. I don't celebrate Mother's Day the same day as you do in the US, but I don't celebrate it anyway. If people have a good relationship with their mother and want to celebrate with them, that's cool, but I'm a little tired of people chastising me for not wanting to be in touch with either of my parents, and for not celebrating this day.
Sometimes it's nice to get a reminder that it's OK to deal in self preservation before tradition, and that though I am a motherless child through my choice and her behaviour, my situation is still valid.
@stormofgrace well said. She contributed biological matter to me, but also a lifetime of abuse and psychological damage I'm still trying to recover from. If she called tomorrow and said she needed a kidney, I'd give her one, because it's just another contribution of biological matter, but I won't send her a card on Mother's Day because she doesn't deserve the sentiment behind it.
@BuggleBear
I get tired of the chastisement as well. Every once in a while, however, I'll have a bit of fun with people. A regular patron of where I work asked me the other day, in a cheery tone, what plans I had for Mother's Day. The customer is an older woman, and I could tell that she expected to hear something heartwarming that reaffirmed her belief that Mother's Day is totally worthwhile and delightful no matter what.
"I'll be remembering how it felt to have a cigarette put out on my skin," I replied, in an equally-cheery tone.
The woman flinched. "What?"
"The fact that my mom would even do such a thing hurt more."
"Oh...oh, Drew, I-I don't know what to—"
"But what hurt most was the neglect. And hearing her sob about her numerous regrets while drunk."
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay. I haven't talked to her in almost a decade. Can't say I like thinking of her much."
"Got it."
"Thank you."
Ah, it was pure bliss.
Ah yes, that kind of thing is a rare joy, @DarkLordChungus! It's the look of total confusion on their face, as they realise that something they already know to be true flatly contradicts one of their fantasy assumptions.
@Maverick07 at the risk of speaking for others, we're really pleased for you that you have such a great mum. We are happy that love and appreciate her, and we're glad that you can express gratitude for your good fortune. We don't even mind you do that publically.
What we do mind is the assumption that all mothers are good, or that mothers should be celebrated per se.
Not all parents are worth celebrating , are good people, nor something to be held on a pedestal. I know I'm not the best parent myself. If you dont want to celebrate or recognize parent day , dont . If you do, then do . My thing is dont try telling anybody on either side of the fence what to do, or try to make them feel guilty or bad about choosing to acknowledge a holiday or not . That is all personal choice and is up to the individual. In the spirit of keeping things on topic, perhaps this thread should just be kept to posts celebrating mothers day , ot not , since it has passed , and perhaps a thread can be started about why one would not celebrate or acknowledge it ? I personally dont have a dog in the fight , just seems like a bunch of arguing about personal issues with something and I don't think the OP meant or anticipated any of that with their gesture.
Au contraire, PM, I'm genuinely thrilled that some people have positive relationships with their parents and I wasn't intending to make anyone feel uncomfortable with my post, but for some people the mention of parents does open up old wounds and it would be remiss not to acknowledge that this is a tough day for them.
I'd love to have a mother (or father) I could celebrate, but sadly it doesn't work out like that for a lot of people.
I guess, first, thanks for sharing your opinions, everyone! I had some issues with my parents growing up, especially my dad, and experience the challenge differently as a parent now. I don’t feel that I have had any really bad memories and experiences, and cannot even imagine how hard this could be. Thus, I really want to apologize if I sounded insensitive… it was not my intention by any means. @DarkLordChungus no need to be sorry, please, no harm done. @CuddleDuncan @BuggleBear Maybe I was just taken by surprise, not expecting some of the feedback. And it wasn’t intended to a biological mother per se, maybe an aunt, grandma or someone else could have been your a 'mother'. I've been living in a different country from my family for almost 20 years so these type of holidays ring a little particularly for me, and the hypothesis of suddenly not seeing her again is very real, as it happened with my father. So, again my apologies, I didn't mean to stir or revive anything bad. Huge hugs, everyone!