Virtual cuddle sessions - your opinions please :)

CuddlesByGracie

Following some recent chats/enquiries on here I'm interested to hear what everyone's experience of virtual cuddling has been.

I imagine there is huge variety in what a virtual cuddle session is like with different people (and there's no 'wrong' or 'right' way) so I'd love to know what your experiences have been, and if you're comfortable sharing, what you have or haven't enjoyed about sessions.

I'm happy to share what I do too but I'm wary of this coming off as a pitch, so by all means ask or just message me if you'd like to chat about it. Whether you're interested as a professional yourself, or wanting to possibly book a session, or just looking to find out more about the practice of virtual cuddling, feel free to come say hi x

CuddleDuncan

The virtual cuddle is back! I wrote this in December:

Doing breathing exercises together can be good. Any standard de-stressing exercises. Also self-massage, just do it together to create a sense of togetherness. Simply talking about what you are doing is surprisingly effective.

One I found good was hugging yourself, and then closing your eyes and pretending it is the other person. This is obviously better if you have previously met in person. If you keep your eyes open, look at each other and smile as you hug yourself imaginging it's the other person, that's good too.

In other words it doesn't really matter. What you are trying to do is create a sense of peace, intimacy, togetherness and care, just like a physical cuddle.

Is it all as good as a real cuddle? No, of course not. It is much better than nothing? Oh, yes.

And in February this:

A virtual cuddle is not as good as a phsyical cuddle. But it absolutely, truly does exist. I have had several virtual cuddles and they do evoke some of the same feelings as a real cuddle.

Talking can be an important part of it, but you are not just sitting there having a chat. One of the exercises I found good was pretending to hug. We both stand and wrap our arms around ourselves. Shut your eyes and pretend you are hugging the other person. This is obviously much more effective if it somebody you have hugged in person. Talking quietly is very helpful at this moment because it helps you feel the presence of the other person. You could talk about good hugs of the past, or just say the things you might normally say in that situation. Or turn the volume up and listen to breathing. I haven't used headphones but you probably should. After a few moments you can just dissolve into silence and feel the hug as best you can. A cushion or cuddly toy might be helpful for some people, although I haven't used them.

There are a number of things a bit like that you can do. Could you do all this with a friend? Well, yes of course you could, but this is nothing like a chat with a friend. It is a cuddle session, approached in the same way as any other cuddle session, with parallel expectations and behaviours. A virtual cuddle is much more like a real cuddle than it is like an online chat with a friend.

Like you, I was very skeptical at first. I did my first one partly because I was desperate and partly because I wanted to support the professional during a difficult year.

I strongly recommend that you try a virtual cuddle. Choose your professional carefully, and make sure they have at least a little experience of doing this. Half an hour might be enough for a first session, it was for me. There's no harm in trying - you are gaining a new experience, and the worst thing that can happen is nothing.

People who say things like, "A virtual cuddle is just like having a chat" are doing it wrong. I mean obviously there are a million ways of doing it right, the above is just my experience. But it is different from an ordinary chat.

People who refuse to try it are sometimes hiding from a deeper insecurity.

@SnuggleBug2021 and @Softcurves, you may be interested in this thread.

cualtzin

@CuddleDuncan I disagree with the last statement. I refuse to try virtual cuddles simply because I’m specifically looking for the benefits of human touch. There is no substitute. I understand there’s any number of pleasant things in this world that I might experience. However, my refusal to seek them out is indicative of nothing.

CuddleDuncan

@cualtzin of course that remark is not true of everybody, which is why I wrote "sometimes".

However, I feel you have missed the point of my post, which is that virtual cuddles do offer some of the benefits of touch. Yes I know that is surprising. No, it isn't as good as the real thing. Yes, it is a helpful substitute for people who cannot otherwise get the touch they need: it is noticeably better than nothing.

What do you gain by not trying it?

It's not a bad concept, for me personally I prefer physical touch. I've been very fortunate where the pros I've cuddled with were okay with meeting in person. I haven't tried virtual cuddling but that's the beauty of it if the person is just lonely or just prefers to just talk no physical touch it's great for them. Maybe in the future I'll try it but it's not for me at this moment

cualtzin

@CuddleDuncan I understand the use of the qualifier “sometimes”. If I use that word with everything I say then I’m pretty much never wrong. I think the reason I said I disagreed is that, personally, I feel there is a world of difference between physical and verbal/visual interaction. We are all unique human beings with different life experience. Virtual cuddles may work out well for some. But I believe there is no need to appeal for people to reconsider their resistance. If people are looking for virtual cuddles that’s great. I’ve seen a large number of profiles offering the virtual experience. But for me, every meaningful conversation I have, is also a reminder that I’m not currently in a situation in which I can experience the benefits of touch. It’s really all I’m looking for. And I do believe it’s why this site was created.

CuddlesByGracie

@CuddleDuncan Thank you for a thoughtful response, I read some of your experience with virtual cuddles when I searched the forum and I'm so pleased to hear that you found it a positive experience. In terms of some people saying it feels like a chat, I'm guessing that there are virtual cuddle sessions that have probably leaned this way, while others like you have described have been more focused on trying to recreate the touch experience (not to say that one is right or wrong). Either way it's so heartening to see that at the moment from the poll it seems like anyone who has tried a virtual cuddle has enjoyed it ☺️

BelizeanQueen

I’ve had positive experiences with virtual and I offer it as an alternative (especially with us still being in the middle of a pandemic, I try to give my clients as many options as possible) but ultimately, it’s not the same as physical touch.

CuddlesByGracie

I agree @cualtzin and @EdthePanda - I don't think virtual cuddling works for everyone, and honestly at the beginning of lockdown I wasn't sure how they were going to go myself. That being said I've enjoyed exploring it over the last year and if it's something that people want to continue with post-pandemic I'm happy to do.

Thank you for giving your views, it's great hearing different experiences and thoughts on it from all over. Hope you have some great in person cuddles soon 🤗

CuddlesByGracie

@BelizeanQueen
Ditto. I offered it as an option and at the time I think a lot of people needed it. Great to hear you've enjoyed them too. Do you feel your virtual cuddle sessions have improved with practice?

SunshineDNA

I’m interested in learning more, especially since the amount of Europe-based users seems much lower than US. Could be a really nice way to connect!

CuddlesByGracie

@SunshineDNA
Well I don't claim to be an expert by any means but please do drop me a message if you have any questions or I'd be happy to discuss over video chat, it's always nice to meet other cuddlers and swap tips and experience 🤗

PeopleLikeUs

I can't imagine a virtual cuddle for the same reason I would not pay a pro. There are premium massages on every corner where I live at half the average cuddle price. Likewise, there are plenty of enthusiast cuddlers here as well. Also, professional cuddle prices rival psychotherapy which is pretty much all online now. Therapists really know how to connect on a deeper level. I just don't get virtual cuddles, free or not. But that's just where I live.

CuddleDuncan

@PeopleLikeUs I don't know what "premium massage" is. But cuddling is much more intimate than massage, psychotherapy, or sex work.

I can't imagine a virtual cuddle

Well, that is the best possible reason for having one! Although, I suppose if you have a plentiful supply of physical cuddles there is really no need.

PeopleLikeUs

@CuddleDuncan I think it's a little peculiar that you would broach the subject of sex work on a site where such activities are strictly off-limits.

CuddleDuncan

@PeopleLikeUs I haven't broached it, it comes up almost daily.

What did you mean by premium massage btw? It's not a phrase I'm familiar with.

PeopleLikeUs

Where I live, there is a place called Little Saigon. For at least 10 years, there have been foot massage parlors all over the place. They have all evolved over the years into full-body massages by trained, licensed massage therapists. The one I go to, Healthy Life Foot Massage, gives the absolute best full-body massages for $25 an hour. There is a little sign on the counter that suggests tips, anywhere from $5 to $20 is high to them. I tip anywhere from $40 to $60 which is more than they typically get and as a result, they will sometimes go over time. The massage tables are not private.

So that, plus the prevalence of free cuddles that I get sometimes on CC, and sometimes off-site, has me wondering why I would ever do something like a virtual massage. In fact, I think such an activity would hurt my self-esteem more than it would make me feel cuddled.

I disagree that a cuddle is more intimate than a massage or psychotherapy. I'm all about time spent and to me, just being in another person's physical presence is the most intimate thing ever, especially when that person is there just to see me, and I'm there just to see them. To me, friendship is intimate, cuddles aside.

Melancholy

Touch is a necessary component for cuddling.
Otherwise its not cuddling.
Anyone who has been in a long distance relationship knows this. You can chat and talk and visualize all day long but after a few weeks of not seeing them in person the longing to actually hold their hand again and feel her warm body snuggle against you becomes unbearable. Remember at the beginning of the pandemic shutdown some guy snuck onto a plane to Germany to try to see his gf?? He understands what I mean.
its not the same. and its even annoying to hear it called cuddling when its such a poor and weak replacement for the real thing.

WKplatonic

@GracieGirl, with all due respect virtual cuddling, would not work here; I am speech challenge when I get to cuddle; it my time to escape from my everyday norms. @PeopleLikeUs, It sounds as you totally understand the definition of platonic.

'

CuddleDuncan

@Melancholy what term(s) would you suggest instead of 'virtual cuddling'?

I don't think I've seen anybody suggest it was a replacement for the real thing. It's normally discussed as an alternative for when the real thing isn't available.

I guess something like this could make it more realistic!

https://cutecircuit.com/hugshirt/

PeopleLikeUs

@squeakytoy Now you're talkin'. I have to repost this. It's really remarkable.

Mare_Bear

Virtual cuddling is not void of touch, self touch mimics the touch from a practitioner. When the practitioner is skilled in the psychology of virtual cuddling they know how to make the brain feel similar to being cuddled. There is science behind it, it is not the same as chatting with a long-distance sweetheart. Even eye gazing can be deeply moving, a client of mine was moved to tears and I stayed with him while he released a lot of pain during a virtual session.

CuddleDuncan

@Mare_Bear 👍

funnycuddles

I have tried virtual cuddling a couple times. It's not for me. I have a friend that tried virtual and he loves it.

BrianL

I don't think I could get into it. There would just be too big of a disconnect. Self touch isn't the same, just a pale imitation. And when you just need to be held, there's no real substitute for the real thing.

SimplyAri

I’m so interested in virtual cuddles but have yet to have one! My hope are since I travel a lot is that I can eventually meet people in person who I form a connection with over virtual sessions❣️

I typically travel to Dallas, Tx and Northern California! Would it be weird to reach out to people and propose this idea?

fancycupcake

I think they are amazing. I love feeling closer to spaces outside of where I am especially during these trying times. The relief and relaxation is just as rewarding.

BeyondTheFrey

I just had my first one today and it was such a good experience! We just chatted and used this first session as a time to get to know each other. Although I do prefer physical touch, I think it’s just pleasant having the company of anything even if it’s not centered around physical touch.

WarmCuddleBear

Chatting can be virtual.. how can a cuddle be virtual???? it like saying I am eating virtually...

Come on guys...

CuddleDuncan

@WarmCuddleBear read the thread. And the other threads on virtual cuddling. And then try it.

With the greatest respect, your analogy doesn't apply because eating requires the translation of mass and cuddling doesn't.

Cuddling is not a physical activity. It has a physical component, and that component is essential for a complete cuddle, but it is not a physical activity. (It is a compound activity.)