Are you ashamed of being a cuddler?

CuddleDuncan

It has come to my attention that there may be some people who are ashamed or embarrassed about being involved in the cuddling community. Are you one of them? Are you embarrassed even to say that you are embarrassed?

Shame is a very powerful emotion, and one which is mostly held secret in our society. This is a thread where you can talk openly about it. Better out than in, as they say.

BelizeanQueen

I’m very open about it, not ashamed at all. A lot of people give me the crazy looks but I don’t care! Lol

I would prefer people in my life didn’t know. There’s going to be an automatic assumption that something dirty is involved.

CuddleDuncan

Oh yes. You do get crazy looks! And then, after a pause, they start asking you questions about it.

ScrantonCuddler

I said yes but wouldn’t say I am ashamed. Maybe closer to embarrassed because of how people can be so quick to judge things they don’t understand.

🤨

UCpaaHVg6u0

I'm not ashamed, though I did register "Yes" because I'm not out. There's nothing wrong with cuddling. I suppose one learns not to step too far outside the invisible bounds of acceptability, or else suffer some form of indignation or humiliation. Maybe that's me being haunted by the ghosts of 7th grade!

CuddleDuncan

@UCpaaHVg6u0

I suppose one learns not to step too far outside the invisible bounds of acceptability, or else suffer some form of indignation or humiliation. Maybe that's me being haunted by the ghosts of 7th grade!

I think that's a very, very good point.

I've finally stopped saying "you're going to think it's weird" before explaining that I'm a professional cuddler when people ask me what I do for work and it's honestly made the world of difference in how I and others perceive my career. People have been a lot more accepting when I dont say it and they then ask meaningful questions which typically leads them to see why Cuddle Therapy is such a needed modality in this society.

pmvines

There is a difference between being ashamed of something and choosing to not shout your personal business to the world . I think there is too much judgment of folks who wish to keep their personal business just that. It is not shamefull to do that. Nor should anyone feel the need to have to justify why they choose to be a private person . Not everyone is gung ho about telling everyone about what they like to do . Just making themselves vulnerable to those in your immediate circle can be hard enough, and branching out to a cuddle site like this is not easy for everyone to do .

WKplatonic

I am not ashamed that I platonic cuddle but I didn't talk about it. People have a very hard time grasping the definition of platonic

MxSmith

I'm not ashamed, but I have weird feelings about both the word cuddle and snuggle. For some reason I just really dislike how they sound and feel like they don't adequately describe the experience. But I can't think of any other words that come close. I find myself trying to give people in depth explanations of what it means. Lol. #Overthinker.

Mare_Bear

@Healing_Hugs, that's a great attitude.
My problem is with people who assume it's something dirty and never ask any follow up that might clear up that notion. I'm glad I'm not that jaded.

CNYMike

No, but it is hard to explain, and cuddlers are fewer and farther between than I expected.

No actually, I do this and it actually helps cover in a weird way for another job I do. I enjoy both but one is more so frowned upon xD

Amortentia

I'm typically a private person so generally I don't tell people much. It has nothing to do with being ashamed since if they ever find out something that I didn't tell them then it's not what they learned that matters to me it's who is a bad friend that I need to have a chat with lol I did tell an acquaintance recently that I cuddled but he didn't understand it but that's also why he's an acquaintance and not a friend since we're typically very different people.

Brittanygirl88

I am not ashamed of being a cuddler. I am embarrassed/ feel very sorry for the narrow minded people I encounter with judgemental opinions on things the don't want or care to understand. I love cuddling and I wish I had found cuddle comfort before. If the haters can't hang, there's the door -->

I’ll offer a different perspective on this. I am ‘ashamed’ about cuddling, but not due to the social stigma associated with it.

I am ashamed that the only way I can have physical affection is to pay someone for it. I am ashamed that I don’t have anyone in my life who shows me that kind of affection. I am ashamed that I ‘need’ affection and am not strong enough to live without it.

Hollydollhugs

My oldest daughter knows , my youngest doesn’t because if it were to be known in the area I live, she would flip out. She is still in high school and if any of the people she goes to school with would find out, she wouldn’t return. I know, it’s who she is. I’m not able to tell my family because they are super conservative and would shame me for it, even though it is becoming more familiar to people. Another person I told, that I don’t know that well, responded that they thought it was nuts and that it’s crazy, even though I explained the therapeutic experience many have received because of cuddling. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed, I’m sad that it isn’t more widely known and more accepted. It is as beneficial as medicine in my eyes.

Catloaf

I’ve found that being open about it has saved me some issues. I even have it listed as one of my professions on my social media. I have nothing to hide and I don’t care.

sunnysideup

I have told a couple of friends, and they did think it was odd.

cuddleaddict

Not ashamed, but hardly ever share with friends or acquaintances in fear of how they might misinterpret it.

Honestly, I don't think of myself as a cuddler. It's a thing I like to do, but it's not a part of my identity, you know? I wouldn't call myself an eater or a sleeper or a gamer, even though I do all these things and enjoy them.

I feel the same way about cuddling as I do gaming: it's fun and I don't care who knows I do it—no, not even if they assume I pee in soda bottles or whatever.

@MxSmith i completely agree. It’s more like touch therapy almost in some aspects rather than just “I’m beside someone and we talk and watch tv.” My cuddles have always been engaging and close and comfortable and bring both energy and peace to both parties.

As to the original question: I’m married so there is stigma. My closer friends and spouse are fully aware.

ZacRedBear

Mostly worry for my dad to find out. My parents’ love is unconditional, but I know I’d get a lot of shade if he found out. Mom could come around to the idea, but I already have inadequacy issues around them.

@MxSmith Spoonmates?

@DarrenWalker

This.

SnugglewithSam

I can say confidently that I had the hardest time with people finding out about what I do out of everyone I've ever talked to. That all said, I got SHAMED, yes, but I am not ASHAMED and never have been.

The first year I told maybe two people I trusted. After that, the Penny Hoarder wrote a front page piece about me and I had no choice but to come out of the cuddle closet (so to speak) real quick. I eventually became the Friendly Neighborhood Professional Cuddler because early on I had 1-2 dudes coming to my house every other day at best and if I wasn't open about it people would start making... assumptions.

(Especially because I found out years later the area my cheap little apartment was in was the "OD Zone" of the city, so that comes with... certain ideas. Dear Lord and I wondered why I got so many clients asking for more at first! 🤦‍♀️)

The dramatic reveal of millions of people learning all at once that I'm a professional cuddler forced my hand faster than I was ready for though. Even after sitting down for brunch and explaining it to my parents before the article released, my dad yelled at me for 45 minutes saying I was losing control of my life and to this day won't say a thing about me doing this work (other than the occasional snip like "maybe you should have gone in healthcare instead of engineering" which was my previous line of work). My mom got earfuls from her sisters that I was going to be found in a body bag doing this, so her angry response to this all made sense but still hurt me deeply. She did come around and has been really supportive through the years, even buying me The Book of Cuddles for Christmas one year with the note "I believe in you."

On a public side of things, I got rejected from BNI groups, barred from networking events, and had lots and lots of people giving me weird looks and whispers when they discovered what I did. Interestingly enough, the people that thought I was weird ended up bringing it up to their friends in social settings later (meeting a professional cuddler makes for a good story, you know?) and those friends would look me up later subtly on their phones (my username is easy to remember) and come see me! No press is bad press, I guess?

I found that having posture and confidence about what I do in the face of the awkward laughs and super overt rude questions (I don't even know how many strangers had the audacity to ask me how much I make or what happens when someone gets a boner anymore) helped me get very far. It helps that I genuinely want to help people in this work and make it more accessible, so I even went to the state house to fight an anti-trafficking bill that was written so broadly professional cuddlers would have been subjected to TONS of unnecessary regulations (I'm not a fan of licensure for cuddlers; training absolutely but a governing body with state control like that can get really gatekeepery really fast).

Dating sucked overall until three years ago (cue the "How much will our first date cost me"s and "Oh, I'm a professional cuddler too 😏"s ughhh). Then I met my partner who has been 100% supportive of me this whole time (even getting me on a local show one time and being my "talent agent" to talk to the performers that would talk to me!). Even now as we're buying a condo he offered to cover more of the mortgage so I can hold onto more cash to rebuild my cuddling practice. Literally the best partner I could ask for.

My new office in July is going to be in the same space insurance agents, financial planners, lawyers and other healers and professional are going to be (who knows, maybe some will become clients!). I worried about it feeling too official but got over that when I found out I can decorate the space itself to my liking and with more of my weird goofy self injected into the space. I've established myself with posture and a level of seriousness in that kind of professional environment (even if I'm wayyy more down to earth for sessions) because honestly, more people would benefit from this if they understood it more. I see nothing wrong with being in the same spaces as they are.

So uh, if anyone has had a worse reaction to coming out into this world, I'd love to know so we can commiserate together.

GentleMan1111

I guess I could answer yes to some degree. Sometimes I feel bad that my wife is not enough for me. And sometimes I feel like my intense need for cuddling is some sort of weakness. And another thing I struggle with is the feeling that I am yet another needy man competing for the attention and time of a considerably smaller pool of women who get tired of the whole damn thing.

Nickoli

My feelings are a lot like what’s mentioned by @spock . I’m not ashamed to be involved with this community. What is embarrassing is that I haven’t been able to find affection organically and have to pay for it. I’ve enjoyed every session I had with a pro but I do feel weird or embarrassed about having to pay. Just how I feel

@Nickoli Amen!!

CuddleDuncan

I’ve enjoyed every session I had with a pro but I do feel weird or embarrassed about having to pay.

I suspect this is quite a common feeling, which is an extra reason to talk about it.

Is it embarrassing to pay a lawyer? Or an accountant? What about a doctor? Barber? You need something, you don't happen to have a pal who will help you out, so you pay somebody, boomph, job done. Is cuddling different? If so, why? Who says it's different? Why do you care what they say anyway?

Worth thinking about.

I am ashamed that I ‘need’ affection and am not strong enough to live without it.

Humans need touch, affection and human contact. Babies die without touch. So do adults: not straightaway, but several years earlier. OK, so we don't need it with the same urgency as oxygen, or water, or even bacon rolls, but we still need it.

@Spock @Nickoli

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@SnugglewithSam loved that post, thank you.