Bad experience with potential cuddler.

Andy1996

So I was exchanging messages with a potential cuddler that I wanted to meet with. I introduced myself and explained how long I was on the site for.
I told her that I had some questions for her so she can try to accommodate me as best as possible during the session.
I asked her if she would mind scratching my hand at multiple speeds during the session? Keep in mind most of the people I have spoken with on the site have been totally OK with this.
She said yes. And then she messaged me about 30 minutes later and said that she had to turn me down, sorry for the inconvenience. Of course after that happened I was stunned and asked what could I have possibly done wrong? Because she had agreed to accommodate this for me during the session? And I asked politely as well.
I then decided I will just move on and meet with the people that have already agreed to do this for me.
My question is, do you think that she was rude and agreeing to doing it and then turning me down half an hour later?

BelizeanQueen

I wouldn’t use the term “rude” but she was inconsiderate in terms of agreeing to the session, just to cancel half an hour later. I just feel that if a potential client needs to be accommodated during the session to make them feel comfortable and the pro doesn’t care to accommodate, then don’t agree to it at all. I feel that it’s necessary to explain to a potential client why a session is cancelled so they don’t sit there and wonder why.

I personally don’t cancel sessions unless it’s an emergency or you’re asking for something inappropriate. I don’t feel that what you were requesting was anything anyone wouldn’t be able to work around. I wouldn’t even bother to question why anymore honestly. There’s more to come 💙

Andy1996

I totally get it. Like I said. 99% of the people that I have met on the site I’ve been more than happy to accommodate this for me. One person even said that she enjoyed herself. I really do think that it is inconsiderate of her to do that. To not give me any sort of explanation.
Of course I wanted to message her and explain why she did that. However, I feel like she would’ve blocked me.

Ironman294

Well at least she cancelled 30 minutes later and didn’t wait until the last minute. Maybe she thought scratching hands was weird or it could lead to something else. I wouldn’t call it rude.

MCcuddles2

This is gonna sound harsh, but I think it's a general fact about life. Unless money has been exchanged, or commitments have been made, or you have a relationship with the person, people don't owe you (or me) anything, including an explanation for their behaviour.

Lovelight

Is what you asked of her a must for you when cuddling and is that how you communicated it?

Or something she could not do though still show up and cuddle with you...

Did you perhaps tell her why you wanted that...

If she waited last minute and called the whole thing off especially with no some kind of reasonable reason then it comes off as rude to me. Though I would rather someone does that then show up and be unhappy with my company though.

BelizeanQueen

@Andy1996 if it’s any consolation, consider this a blessing. Like @Lovelight said, it’s better not to be around someone who is unhappy with your company ✨

Andy1996

@lovelight.
I asked politely and she said yes. And then 30 minutes later she messaged me again saying that she was going to turn me down and sorry for the inconvenience.

cuddles_ndream

Andy, I honestly think this was a case where she wasn’t comfortable with the request , didn’t want to hurt your feelings & wanted to remain nice and said yes, thought about it & knew she wouldn’t go through with it & knew it would be worse cancelling on you last minute …. Thankfully there are others that have agreed to accommodate your request , happy cuddling

CuddleWho

Just a couple thoughts here...

1. Are you sure she changed her mind because of this particular request? Nothing in your description makes me think that's necessarily the case. Maybe she just had something come up.
2. IMO this request is so simple and mild that I don't think there's necessarily a need to make it ahead of time, and doing so may make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. I don't ask cuddlers when I message them "hey will you hold my hand during the cuddle session" because, well, of course they will.

Lovelight

@Andy1996 I am not questioning if you voiced it politely. Though wondering if you communicated in a way that conveyed that request being a must for you when meeting or something you could do without. I am not sure about your exact exchange with her. Though if her rejection was the last response, then maybe you can politely ask if she'd like to tell you why she cancelled. Or more so just move on from it cause if she didn't have it in her to tell you herself at first I don't think she wants to. Better not waste much time worrying about her. If she becomes serious and wants to make up to you like coming your way, she knows where to reach you. Then you can decide if you want to pursue or not.

@CuddleWho raised a good point.

Lovelight

Though I wouldn't prioritize her until she has made up to you. So if you happen to have another potential, don't cancel for her.

Edit: Not really a good practice to cancel your plans for others anyway, unless an emergency.

ryan01

Perhaps her friend offered her a really nice nail job after she said yes to you. And proceeding with you would’ve gotten her nails ruined and she chose her nails over your need to be scratched?🤔

CaptainJed

Anyone can change their mind without the obligation of an explanation. We’re all adults and shit happens.

Andy1996

@ryan01
I suppose that could’ve happened. I definitely can see that happening.

PeopleLikeUs

@Andy1996 "No" has to be an okay thing at any point along the way with any cuddler for any reason. In fact, nobody needs to voice a reason for "No" and if you are having trouble with "No," consider doing a cuddle workshop where practicing saying and receiving "No" requests is part of the training. This is very important for you to learn if you expect to become proficient as a cuddler and less "stunned" at someone's request for "No." The intuitive response of the cuddler in question was the correct move to make here.

quixotic_life

@PeopleLikeUs ~ I like your response.👍

@peoplelikeus excellent answer

@PeopleLikeUs I agree.

I’m new here and if it’s not okay for someone to walk away from an exchange, think more and decide they’re actually not comfortable with something where is the room for consent?
If I can’t change my yes to a no when I need to the yes was never real in the first place.

hugonehugall

@Andy1996 you’re assuming your request is the reason she turned you down for a session . It may not be the reason … she could have done so for a completely unrelated reason. Assuming hopefully it wasn’t due to your race , gender, age , appearance which goes against the TOU for professionals I guess the best you can do is find another one to work with. There could have been a multitude of reasons she turned you down including availability, distance, or for whatever reason she just decided she’s not seeing clients right now.

@PeopleLikeUs Thank you! This is really important. I agree with @fwd. I don't think changing your mind about cuddling someone is inherently rude.

hugonehugall

@squeakytoy and I still maintain it may have nothing to do with the hand scratching thing.

MxSmith

@PeopleLikeUs well said!

Hollydollhugs

I went through a training with a different company and part of what we learned was practicing saying yes and no to certain requests, never questioning why they gave the answer they gave, but accepting it and based on their answer, continuing or moving on.

nurturingman

@Andy1996 IIRC You’ve asked this same question in the discussion forums before. My guess is that, if you were not satisfied with all the responses you got before, you are having a hard time taking “no” for an answer to this request. Are you getting the answers you need this time around?

pmvines

Was it a request , or did it come across as an obsession? That could make someone hesitant as it may come across as a kink or fetish

supadupa

@nurturingman really he has asked a few times now? Then how many times does this need to be asked? Unless it’s for kicks? I mean you can only have just so many different answers

Andy1996

It is a request. And like I mentioned most people have been more than happy to accommodate it.

I wouldn’t say she was rude. We are human and we have every choice to change our minds. Maybe she thought about it and realized she wouldn’t be able to fully accommodate your request. I think it’s a good thing she cancel, what if she would of told you she’s not doing it during your session and then you would of really been upset. We have to learn to look at every possible situation.

quixotic_life

"More than happy to" and "Willing to" are not the same.

Further, if others have been "more than happy" to fulfill this request, why not contact one of them?

Additionally, let's assume she did cancel because of the request... So what? People are allowed to change their minds. Really, she should be thanked for letting you know right away instead of stringing you along, or going through with the meet then not doing it (which, btw, is also 100% okay ~ for whatever reason or lack there of).

And thank you @nurturingman ~ I knew I'd seen this from Andy at least once before, but couldn't find it. I was starting to think it was a weird sort of déjà vu ~ nice to know I haven't [fully] lost it.

CuddleWho

going through with the meet then not doing it (which, btw, is also 100% okay ~ for whatever reason or lack there of).

Well, sort of. It's more complicated than that when there's money involved. Obviously she has the right to refuse to do anything at any time, but if I've just given you $200 because you told me you were going to provide a given service and then you refuse to provide that service... we've got a problem.