Communication: What One Thing Do You Wish They Would Do?

I’ve been pondering communication here on Cuddle Comfort for a few weeks now.

Everything from base ritual, to emoji use 🤔, to first contact, to the differences between professionals and enthusiasts, not to mention men and women, and inter-generational conventions.

And, even after asking a number of people privately, I have realized I still don’t know enough to ask intelligent questions about the subject.

So, when I don’t know things I ask.

What one thing do you wish X would do to communicate better about Y?

X = (whoever you are talking about: pro, enthusiast, man, woman, everyone, yourself)

Y = (first contact, learning about each other, discussing expectations or boundaries)

Thank you to all who respond.

I appreciate your patience, vulnerability, and honesty.

Melomaniac9

@CharlesThePoet communication is key in any kind of relationship. It should not be any different on here I think it’s more important here because we are talking about cuddling.

I think you’re doing great in this department.
But my thoughts are for everyone on here looking to connect with a potential cuddler.

What not to do please- These are verbatim
1. Do not straight ask “wanna cuddle” 🤬
2. Got picture? 🤬
3. Hi I want to book a session what are your charges🤬
4. Do you have snap or hangouts 🤬
5. Are you available tonight 🤬

Ideally X would open with something interesting they saw on your profile (which means they took time and effort out to READ)
Carry on conversation like when you first meet an interesting human. See if you like their thoughts. Make sure they are a decent soul.
Find common ground and then ask about cuddles! We all know why we are on here! It’s not rocket science duh🤦🏽‍♀️
TALK! discuss consent, boundaries so so important, each person has to feel safe. That’s the ultimate goal.
Offer to meet for tea or coffee in public get comfortable with each other.
My brain screams “stranger danger” but I got extremely lucky when I decided to finally put myself on here and totally out of my comfort zone. This is something I never thought I’d do in my wildest dreams, I’m happy I did. It introduced me to a lovely community here, and an amazing human lol who was instrumental in me trusting humans again😂😂😂 I was fine with spending the rest of my life with dogs🥰🥰
If it’s a PRO, I’m guessing it’s different. I may be totally wrongly.
I’m talking about enthusiasts, me in particular. I am here because I love to cuddle it makes me happy it’s a give and take right. Has to be beneficial for both parties right?
I can’t cuddle if I can’t connect, I’m not sure how many people feel that way. The connection is the key piece here for me🙏🏼
Again this is my perspective.

alexis831

@Melomaniac9 I had 2 people today ask me #1,2, and 5.
I just did this:. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Melomaniac9

@alexis831 I have adopted radio silence
I’m not getting into sparing match again.

alexis831

@Melomaniac9 good idea ... No need to waste energy. 🤣

quixotic_life

Oooh... Good question @CharlesThePoet !!

Let's see....

I like when it's clear they've read at least a little bit of my profile (by no means do I expect anyone to read all of it ~ Just the main bits up front).

Then, after having that first bit of, "Hey there, I find this bit about how you're a human relatable, and here's something that makes me a human you might relate to" out of the way, I feel like the majority of people I talk with, that I enjoy as friends, are those who share bits of their real world, allowing me to "see" them beyond their words. They share about their home life, hobbies, pets, work, etc. and ask me about mine too (the way good friends do).

If they are near by, might travel here, or invite me there, I really like when people know the kinds of touch they typically like giving/receiving, the ways they like holding another/being held, sharing an openness to explore to create a good fit, and they ask me for clarification on what I like (the way good cuddle buddies do).

And when I find a kindred connection, where messaging can go from multiple times a day, to one a season, to anywhere in-between, and it's totally acceptable to say,"Today has been total shit and I can't stop crying." and they send back words that feel like a supportive hug, and where I can do the same for them... that's the ideal! Vulnerable honesty with someone you really relate to. Someone who writes as if we're kicking it in person. And whether one is up or down, the other is able to share how they're doing too - their struggles and/or what's going well (the way good kindred souls do).

The final one that comes to mind at the moment are the respectful, "a-hem"ers/"huh intetesting"ers, who write to talk about something specific from the forum. Whether it's to inform me of something they took offense to, correcting a misinterpretation, clarifying something, or even saying, "Go you!" on a point I made. It doesn't matter if through a PM, or tagging me in a thread, I enjoy the deeper understandings and connections those can bring about (the way being a part of a great community can do).

So yeah... I'd like more of all of that please! 😁

pmvines

I have heard some pros say they prefer people to be more direct and keep the chit chat to a minimum due to time wasters and wanting to be able to focus on potential clients . Some people dont like that but I completely understand wanting to keep up a professional boundary and not having an interest in making friends . Like the person I pay to clean my house and person I pay to cut my grass . We are friendly with each other , but I'm messaging them about work , along with the occasional happy holidays or what have you . They are not here to be my friend .

On the other hand non pros tend to want more back and forth, more communication and rapport building. They tend to be on here more for the social outlet it creates, knowing they may never even meet the person but still are interested in getting to know them online .
Then there are those who obviously criss cross in terms of how they prefer their communication to be regardless of whether they are a pro or non pro. I keep in touch with a lot of people from this site , maybe half are pros and half aren't. Many of them I have never met and likely never will . I honestly believe that the fact that we likely wont meet due to geography and what not creates a sense of safety for some . Kind of like they can be themselves and not worry about feeling self conscious or about telling me embarrassing things etc. Distance creates boundaries and security, and a sense of control over things I suppose .

quixotic_life

@Melomaniac9 ~ "Carry on conversation like when you first meet an interesting human."

YESSS!!! ~ Just be real and treat me like I'm real too!! 💓

Melomaniac9

Amen to that sister!! @quixotic_life
@pmvines I do think geography plays an important part in respect to feeling security. I have made quiet a few friends through my other group that I met at a particularly trying time in my life, it was so much easier to talk to them. We did meet up after a year & we meet every year except 2020🤬🤦🏽‍♀️
I do hope I get the opportunity to meet the lovely souls on here as well, sometime sooner or later doesn’t matter💖

quixotic_life

Omg ~ @pmvines

"... geography and what not creates a sense of safety for some . Kind of like they can be themselves and not worry about feeling self conscious or about telling me embarrassing things etc."

Yeah, until a friend out of the blue pays for round trip plane tickets!! gulp😳

Melomaniac9

Wow!! That happens? I thought it one does with IRL friends😂😂😂 @quixotic_life

pmvines

@quixotic_life hmmm interesting scenario there....

Proper spelling and punctuation. A better grasp of language in general.

Being direct is something that many people seemingly struggle with. It's very tiresome.

MrPaul

I’d be happy to just get an acknowledgment at all, I know that nobody owes anyone one, but it’s nice to get a polite answer instead of nothing at all. I’ve since recalibrated my expectations of others.

The good thing is, I’ve developed a greater appreciation of those who can and do communicate effectively.