Why do men think it's alright to want more bc they are paying?

oxygenjunkee

As a professional I would like to say that only a few of my sessions ended with repeats bc near everyone wanted more from me. Do you think bc you are paying I'm a hooker? There are free cuddlers in my area. Idk it's really discouraging and paints a horrible picture for men on this platform

pmvines

Unfortunately yes, there are men who feel that they are renting your body and feel entitled to push boundaries and do as they like . They are pretty solid douche bags. Not a female pro cuddler so I don't share your experience , however I want to say I am sorry for you having to deal with that I am sure it is very frustrating and discouraging, and I wouid imagine even a bit scary at times .
Only unsolicited advice I can offer is to report them and leave your experience on a karma review as a warning to others .

It absolutely sucks, and I’m very sorry that such things happen so often.

From men pushing physical boundaries to men making emotional leaps it must be exhausting, frustrating, and frightening.

I’m not sure if you are simply venting? (I totally get that and you utterly should.)

Or if you simply need to be seen and supported? (I see you, I believe you, and I wish I could do more to support you.)

Or if you are really looking for an answer so that you can alleviate the more minor issues and avoid the major ones? (I don’t want to dive in and mansplain, but I actually do understand these behaviors and I can help women to alleviate and avoid them, or help other men to control themselves when these issues rear their ugly heads.)

At any rate, again, I so sorry this shot happens so often.

Stay safe.

timetocuddle07

All I can say is that I'm not shocked I see these threads ever so often. But then when folks complain about rates of pros it's frowned upon. Almost got to prepared for next cuddle client. Repeats happen for some pros. Sorry they wanted more than what u offered

Rezz

@oxygenjunkee

Free or paid it doesn't matter.
I have found setting firm and concrete boundaries before accepting their proposals has helped tremendously in keeping them from bothering to book me.
You want to dry hump my leg like a dog in heat? I'll be leaving. You just wasted your time and money. I have zero issue walking away from a disrespectful client and so should you.
I'm sorry this has been your experience but with time you start to spot them quickly.

This site has some truly caring, respectful and amazing members, I promise. 😊

Catloaf

I’m so sorry. These are often people that know where they can go to get what they want - they’re just looking for a loophole, a cheaper deal, or “not a SW, just a regular girl I’m paying, but I’ll still treat her like one”. Some folks are ashamed of seeking sex workers in the places where sex workers should be. So they come here and it feels less shameful because the website looks platonic.

What’s also happening is there are pros on this website unfortunately who are not following terms of service, and there are clients who will assume everyone else is doing business the same way. It’s disgusting. If someone tells you so-and-so allowed this or that, they’re trying to manipulate you. No go.

It’s not your fault at all that you’re getting touched inappropriately, it’s jackasses who refuse to respect our service. That said, you can protect yourself, and other pros are here to help you. Get a screening method in place if you don’t have one already, and vet your clients carefully. Video calls or face to face vetting are best because you can read body language, tone, and so much more. You will get a very good idea of who is who and what is what when it comes to what people are looking for.

The reality is, the less room you leave for interpretation of what you offer, the less these people will bother you. You want to book with me? Read my profile. Check my website. If they’re still getting “I sell sex or sensuality” from any of my material, they need to get their eyes checked.

These guys don’t even try the dry humping with me anymore. If I get someone who was hoping for more, I usually don’t know about it because of all the work I’ve done in preparing them with information about why I do this work before we actually book. Then, they respect it. Maybe some people who book with me are disappointed with my offerings, but if they are, they hide it incredibly well - they just won’t book again.

But then when folks complain about rates of pros it's frowned upon.

@timetocuddle07

The rest of your comment is fine but seriously, this was not a point to be made on a thread like this where someone is talking about being violated. I agree some people are charging way more than they should but at the end of the day it’s an unregulated industry and as such people will charge what they like. It’s frowned upon because it’s a topic that is beat to absolute death on this website (when this website was not even set up for professional cuddling to begin with), and it comes off as whining to most of us who have been here a long while.

CuddleDuncan

@oxygenjunkee it's not fundamentally because you are a professional - enthusiast cuddlers, both men and women, face similar problems. The underlying difficulty is that there are a significant number of people out there, more commonly men than women, who do not respect the person of others.

If it's 'nearly all' then it is likely that there are unconscious triggers in your own behavour which make this worse. To be clear, I am not suggesting that you are doing anything wrong. However, it is the case that there are certain symbols which are more likely to trigger this kind of behaviour, and others which are likely to suppress it. Some experienced professionals encounter this kind of thing relatively rarely, because they way they are percieved by their clients is different. You can learn some of this from examining their profiles.

Note that a considerable number of the problem clients do not know what the word 'platonic' means. That's the level you are dealing with. They don't know what it means so they just ignore it. And because their pal hired a 'cuddler' who was in fact a sex worker advertising as a 'cuddler' to avoid getting into trouble, they think that's what 'cuddling' means.

I took a look at your photo set. Now, I loved it, I think it's a brilliant set. I'm going to look at it again in a moment just because I enjoyed it so much the first time. However, for me it does not exude an atmosphere of professional cuddler. It gives me an impression of fun and laissez-faire: a good thing in itself, but not necessarily so in this context.

Consider that wonderful portrait of the girl smoking. I think that's a really good picture .... but women smoking has a strong sexual connotation in our art history and culture. It's not that prospective clients think that consciously, it's entirely unconscious. But nonetheless, they think, 'she's up for it'. Similarly the bottle.

The one with your tongue sticking out is a fun photo. But in a context where many [ignorant] people consider 'cuddling' to a euphemism for sexual activity, the unconscious mind of the disrespectful client sees it as an invitation to make out.

I suspect that subtle details of how you interact with the clients before the session, and at the start, convey similar unconscious signals.

To put it all another way, when I look at your pictures I want to be your friend. I want to go to parties with you. I want to sit up till dawn drinking wine and talking about art. But none of your pictures make me think of cuddling.

Look at the picture set of @Healing_Hugs. She is young and attractive just like you, and you can see that from her set. But the way it leaves you feeling is totally different. I'm not suggesting that you copy her - I suspect you are a rather more flamboyant personality than she is and you want that, quite rightly, to come out in your set. I am suggesting that you use examples like that, and your skill as an artist, to curate a different set of photos that evokes a different set of emotions in the viewer. The photo set is a mini art exhibition, after all!

Having done that, think about how you present yourself in your pre-session communication, and at the session itself.

(This has turned into a post which isn't so much about you, but more of a general point I've been meaning to make for a while, using your photos as a case study. Thank you!)

Finally, always Report clients who cross the line. The site is very good at dealing with them.

cualtzin

@oxygenjunkee It’s heartbreaking to read about your experiences. You are a kind soul, and a fascinating individual.

@CuddleDuncan I would be more careful with the critique of her photos and profile. They clearly establish an expressive personality and an artistic sensibility. And they are well within the bounds of what is considered appropriate per TOS. If anyone interprets some implied permission that is THEIR delusion. We all know the rules. When I came across her profile, the thought that came to mind is “I would like to know more about this person.” Cuddling for many people is more than being next to someone. It’s a joy to meet interesting people and learn a little bit about them. You can experience a meaningful connection, even if it’s only for a little while. I don’t understand why she should have to subdue her personality. The people who need to change are the ones who break the rules.

oxygenjunkee

@cualtzin thank you for standing up for me, and really all women with less "conservative "( whatever ) photos out there. i completely agree and could not have stated it better. Humans should be able to dress, pose or do what ever they please without being made into an object. To be fair society has done a number on us both male and female. We should be striving for growth. Not becoming more submissive or shielding because some humans still are stuck in primitive thought patterns. The more its spoken out against, the better we become as a collective.

CuddleDuncan

@oxygenjunkee how on earth did you find that!

But you and @cualtzin have both completely missed my point.

@cualtzin

I don’t understand why she should have to subdue her personality.

I did not say that and I did not suggest it. On the contrary, I was suggesting that she bring out her personality more. Given the historical and cultural context, implying that I did the opposite is a horrible thing to do, if it was at all deliberate. I'm going to give you the beneit of the doubt and assume that either you did not read my post properly, or you did not understand it. We all misread posts occasionally, I've done it myself.

dungeondrummer

@oxygenjunkee I love your profile and your pics. I agree with @cualtzin that if "anyone interprets some implied permission that is THEIR delusion". If I lived closer to you I would no question be interested in cuddling you and I certainly wouldn't ask, hint at or try to do anything outside the bounds of platonic cuddling...cuz, that's not what the site is about, you clearly stated strictly platonic in your profile. And it's just not what I do! Don't change a thing on your profile. Vet the crap outta these guys, strongly reinforce before you cuddle to absolutely not try anything or session will end immediately, throat punch them if you have to ; ) and report them.