Nervous person, seeking advice

bless890

I been separated for months and now it leaves me nervous to talk to anyone, this site seems like such a cool concept and Idea but i feel if I book a session I would end up chickening out from nervousness. I also just feel hyper paranoid to meet up with someone I never met before.

I feel though if I could break through these things, sessions could actually help me a lot.

Does anyone have any advice or anything that can help.

quixotic_life

@bless890 ~ I think you're already on your way there by reaching out. Nervous is just a signal you're not ready yet and that's really okay. We all move at different paces. It may help, for now, to just engage in the forums, message with those you connect with (even if half a world away) and ease your way into the community. Along the way you'll likely meet others who can assist with vetting a potential partner. But for now, maybe just work on making connections...?
And welcome to CC 😊

bless890

Thank you. Its literally just been months since I been even hugged. After 10 years of being with someone then having no one is really rough.

Lovelight

It is important to figure out what's making you nervous. If you can't put it into words, then you might just need to give it time like @quixotic_life said. Otherwise if they are things you can find ways to work through, then you can do that. Feel free to share what's holding you back if you feel comfortable. Or message me about it, if nothing else, I'll at least listen and that could help you.

I do, at least sometimes.

I have PTSD, and anxiety caused by nerve damage, meaning that it never really “goes away”, it simply swells or recedes.

What I have learned is one mental trick, and one mantra.

The mental trick is to remind yourself that you only have to be brave for about ten seconds at a time.

Think of it like jumping into a pool. It looks cold. In fact, you are CERTAIN it is cold.

But you have not actually experienced it yet.

So you stand on the side, shaking from cold water that HASN’T touched you yet.

Water that, really, might feel quite refreshing and nice.

All you need to do is jump in.

Ten seconds to walk up, plant your feet, and hop in.

And from there you are in it.

If it feels great, and it probably will, then you get to feel great, and enjoy the rewards of your bravery.

If it is too cold you simply swim to the side and scramble out, and now you know about THAT pool on THAT day.

(There will be other pools on other days, not all pools and days are the same…)

My mantra seems grim, but it is really quite calming and freeing once you connect with it.

We are all going to die. A hundred years from now this won’t matter at all. You might as well experience it all, good and bad.

Believe me, I have bad days where nothing works, and a “Win” is as simple as getting out of bed. Put not all days are the same, and tomorrow might be better.

You are not alone in feeling this way.

I wish you all the strength and peace in the world.

arkham

My first advice is outside of cuddling. Consider talk therapy - with a good fit, it can work wonders for addressing all kinds of problems. Helping you process your issues and helping you take steps to make things better. I’m finding it extremely helpful.

And if it makes you feel better, i’ve gone through years at a time without intimate touch. I was nervous about restarting it the two times i’ve done so after years without.. you might be surprised how naturally aspects of connecting in a human way come back to you. I still am struggling currently to regain confidence or comfort around sexual function but the good news is: cuddling is not that.. There’s basically no performance barrier to cuddling. All you have to do is find your way to sharing personal space with someone who wants to share it with you and staying respectful and communicating while you do that.

My suggestion is find an experienced cuddling partner who states a more therapeutic and sensitive approach in their profile. Be up front with them about your nerves and your situation even before booking. You can find people on here who will be experienced with soothing anxiety and easing you into cuddling.

Good luck. It’s going to be ok.. go at your own pace but also don’t be afraid to reach out. There are many providers here who can help you and allow you the space and pace you need as well. It’s a very supportive process from what i’ve seen

And number one.. consider talk therapy if it’s an option for you.

arkham

I see you're located near Austin. I can recommend the cuddling pro I had my second session with as they happen to be based there - I saw them when they recently visited NYC. Feel free to message if interested and I can answer any questions about what it was like as well. I've only had my first two cuddling sessions recently and have been battling depression and anxiety so it might be a helpful point of reference.

biancalovecraft

Aw I wish you were closer to me.
Here's my advice, because I've met a lot of very nervous and apprehensive people, and they're usually very comfortable and happy sooner than they expect, which makes me really happy, because if they were willing to endure all that discomfort, they must have really wanted/needed it.
If you think it will help you, just start talking to some established cuddlers near you.
When people come to me nervous, I make sure that they know that everything goes at their pace, nothing needs to proceed that makes them uncomfortable even if they don't know why it makes them uncomfortable, and they can end or change the session at any time with no offense taken or hurt feelings. I.e. If cuddling turns out to be overwhelming, conversation is just fine, And we could always just have a snack right now too 😋
Just express that you feel nervous when you reach out, and make sure that your prospective partner is sensitive to that. You can always change your mind anyway. In the grand scheme, this is a low commitment endeavor.
Just make sure You're also sensitive and respectful to the other person's feelings and time as well. Good luck!

CuddleDuncan

Lot of good advice in this thread, it's one of the best I've seen on this forum. Lots of great advice from wonderful people, and no bad advice at all.

Ok, firstly, experienced professionals really are used to people like you. One professional told me of a client who just sat on a chair and cried inconsolably for the whole hour. Two weeks later he emailed to say she'd changed his life. Choose your professional carefully and make sure you have a good one.

Secondly, if you chicken out, so what? Doesn't matter. If you get as far as as doorstep, that's a roaring success, well done. If you get halfway through the session and you have to leave, you can leave. Still a success.

You are right that it will do you good. So stop dicking around and get on with it. Being scared is a warning, an instruction from your unconscious to check whether the thing you are about to do is sensible and safe. Having established that it is, go ahead and do it. The logical check does not turn off the non-logical fear signal, unfortunately.

Being scared of a [safe] thing is an extra reason for doing it, not an excuse for not doing it.

Go for it mate. 🫂 You'll be OK.

MxBliss

It’s ok to be nervous. Take it as slow as you need to. Playing a board game, reading out loud together, sometimes just making eye contact with someone’s attention & consent, can be liberating & contradictory activities! Starting virtually is a good option too. Some folks have a message limit so just check if that’s the case. A few messages is ok! And each time might get a little easier! I have folks i send email notes, texts, or video too. Stick to what works best for you and communicate that.

I’m excited for your journey I think you’re in a good place 🤗 keep us posted!!

quixotic_life

@MxBliss ~ Yes to the reading out loud... My snuggle partner reads to me often and it's an amazing gift. Sometimes I'm curled up with them, sometimes I'm just lounging with myself. Either which way, being read to, or reading to another, is just a lovely way to connect. And it can be especially nice over the phone to lessen the distance otherwise felt between. 💓

Someone posted a read aloud group thread here a while back... I wonder how that's going...? 🤔

bless890

@MxBliss @CuddleDuncan @arkham @CharlesThePoet @Lovelight
Wow everyone here is so nice so thank you. I was in a real bad place last night looking for answers so i am glad I found this place.

For more context I was with my partner for 10 years and had some medical issues this year and she cheated on me while not helping me at all. So I had to make the hard choice to leave. I always thought when people said trust issues it was a load of crap but I think that is what I am experiencing as well. This was the only person I trusted for 10 years and outside of that I have not experienced anything with anyone else. I thought I was at my end game.

I will research who is in my area and see if I can push through cause I feel I just need connection in some form

@biancalovecraft I am In Cali every other month so if I can get over the hill with this we could link up

quixotic_life

@bless890 ~
I'm glad you're reaching out here for support. The grief process is often a road riddled with obstacles, but it can be far less daunting when traversed with others who can lend a hand, or offer a shoulder. 🫂

cuddles_ndream

Gonna keep it real simple … whenever you successfully set up a cuddle session - pro or enthusiast, let them know you’re nervous & why, you’re gonna feel so much better & at ease that you told them , & they are going to appreciate it & approach it so differently which will be beneficial to the both of you. You’re gonna be happy you told them : )

Edit: everyone’s nervous (some less some more) when setting up a cuddle for the first time with someone new, even (and or) especially pros, best of luck 🌌

If you cuddle the right type of person all those fears will melt away in the first minutes. On my first meets I greet my cuddle buddy with a long hug and then we go on a walk and just chat about life. After the walk we are both able to either leave on good terms or cuddle if we feel completely comfortable—no offense taken. We go straight into half spoon and start talking about our day. It lessens the tension to just cuddle and not have to make ongoing eye-contact in conversation with someone who is essentially a stranger.

MxBliss

@bless890 thank you for starting this conversation! I feel all warm & fuzzy now 🥰 so many joyful moments shared here. And I love that positive feedback loop of how retelling them multiplies them. That’s the good stuff 🥰

MxBliss

And also I’m proud of you for leaving!! When you make a choice positively or negatively impacting your life or someone else’s, it does affect the whole multiverse! That whole string theory jam! So GO YOU you made a big difference in your life and the whole multiverse ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

And now I want a karmic peanut butter and string theory jam sandwich...

(I would think it would taste exactly like what you make of it...)

BoomerSpooner

@bless890 Here is the deal. I was totally apprehensive my first time. I reached out to a pro who I chatted with off and on for about 2 to 3 weeks. I confessed I was brand new and that I feel as though my inexperience would make me feel embarrassed by the whole situation—like how do you screw up touch? She explained positions, reciprocal touch, and just being in the moment. Ten minutes into the session i was in Nirvana and blowing clouds with Kurt and Dave…oops. Wrong Nirvana. Anyway, I was in 7th heaven and have never looked back. Find someone who is extremely experienced with tons of karma who doesn’t mind chatting beforehand to put you at ease. If they say they do not have the time for that then it’s not you or them, it just means they are not right for your first time. You need a patient, understanding veteran the first time because there are a lot of pros that are horrible. Most are good but you definitely need a match. @biancalovecraft sounds perfect—she reached out to you and she is extremely experienced.

Good luck and embrace the nervousness.

Bbmm

How about starting with the virtual or public session?

pty1999

I text with the ones who book a session off and on leading up to their session. I text them about how my days going just like I would a new friend.

I send picture of things I'm doing so they can have sense of who I am. I also get a sense of who they are too which makes me more comfortable. You can talk about your worries and explain your anxieties knowing that the person you are cuddling with cares

By the time we meet up to cuddle we feel like we are already good friends and we are happy to get to see each other. I also agree that starting out with a nice long hug right away helps take away any nerves that might still be there.

I believe you are right about it being beneficial for you. It is very therapeutic and has a ton of health benefits. Mentally and physically.
Best wishes and happy cuddling ❤

bless890

Again I cannot thank you guys enough. I think I am just going to start looking for a professional in the area and see how it goes! I need to not be scared and do what is best for me.