Ever since I was little I have always been drawn to taller guys than myself. I enjoyed it very much when an older cousin or uncle would place his arm around my shoulder, and I was NOT thinking anything sexual. I was simply happy to feel accepted and reassured by another male's approval (as it were)But growing up, I was constantly warned not to EVER hug, or be hugged by another boy.One time, I remember JUST ASKING if I could play in the very large bath tub with my cousin and our toys; and my dad beat the crap out of me! I SWEAR I wasn't thinking of my cousin's genitalia (I just wanted to feel close to him and have his companionship while we played) I love my father very much, but I was raised TOO macho, and I always rebelled as I honestly didn't see any reason WHY I couldn't be as close with another boy (the way I saw females be very intimate and touchy feely with one another, yet they were NEVER accused of being a lesbian) I recently even asked my mom if maybe I was a surviving twin? Because that would explain so much of my personality, and this ridiculous emotional need to be held and cuddled by another man. WHY SHOULD I FEEL THIS STRONG NEED to bond with another male? I joined this site in hopes of finding that special buddy I can have those hugs my heart craves so much (and NOT be expected that a sexual encounter would immediately follow) I DO NOT need to have my intestines torn into, in order to feel "loved" by a guy. Strange but true...
The truth is hard to swallow...
The truth that most gay men will not admit to…
Now I understand why there are so many “gay” men. When i was 19, i went with an openly gay buddy of mine to see the movie “Ed wood” and as we were leaving the parking lot, I noticed a blue truck with a large yellow bumper sticker with red letters that read: “if there were more straight men hugging each other?… there probably wouldn’t be so many gay men fucking each other” and many years later, those words ring in my ears, and truly resonate within my soul; because they are oh so insightful and true.
They’re not all really gay, many of us are just very sensitive, super artistic, somewhat effeminate, or just plain starving for male affection and bonding, so many of us pay the horrific price of being sodomized, in order to feel “loved” by another male. I mean, getting your intestines torn into? What kind of sick, twisted way is that to show somebody that you love them? and how low must someone’s self esteem have to be in order to allow for that to happen? I’m not a horny teenager, nor was I abused by any man when I was a child. I’m a very unique individual who hasn’t fallen into the temptations of promiscuity, because all I seek is to feel male affection from another dude.