@JoyfulHeart
Not I'm even more confused. Where did I express skepticism? All I said it there are good guys out there and she may need to expand her horizons to meet men.
I haven't asked anybody to relive bad cuddling experiences. All I want to do is learn from women. This is why I asked how the banned member's comments made @MaineCuddle feel unsafe. I don't want to make the same mistakes.
@MaineCuddle l realized very quickly in this profession that it’s up to us women to honor our boundaries and be in control of our own safety.
One can self reflect and enact better behaviors, methods , and strategies without shame towards self and others. I agree with a lot of what you say on this thread @CharlesThePoet , and also agree with @squeakytoy that you don't have to self direct negativity towards yourself. I also agree to an extent with what others have said in that it doesnt need to be a men bad women are victims thing as that is a broad generalization. As a man and as a social worker , I do appreciate that you are able to empathize and reflect on how the different genders experience life ,and how much actions / reactions are shaped by ingrained gender based behaviors. Good post
@MaineCuddle
I will answer your question. I am sure other men will have different experiences.
First of all, most men don't meet strangers on a day-to-day basis. If it's a first date, I like going on one to two public dates to see how it goes. If we both feel comfortable, then we decide on going to one of our homes.
I would add that a video chat and phone call is also good before a cuddle session.
@denvercuddler1 I apologize if I misinterpreted the spirit of your questions. I watched this thread unravel last night, and there was a lot of skepticism being expressed by a couple of men. If your questions are honestly because you want to learn something, I respect that.
@denvercuddler1 please reread and study and study some more @CharlesThePoet 's original post.
We're not talking about dating here. We're not talking about having a few public dinners or activities, getting to know someone that you hopefully have mutual sexual attraction with and ultimately want to get down to business with. We're talking about women making appointments to spend private time with a stranger who may have an agenda beyond the platonic.
I don't agree with the OP's post because I don't like posts that generalize a group of people.
You asked a question and I gave an answer. That was just one example. I have met many female coworkers in platonic settings and they have all went well. Obviously we knew each other before, but all I'm saying is not all men are bad and not all men just want sex. There are many many great men out there. Heck, I've been in the same hotel room with female coworkers. It wasn't a big deal because we trusted each other.
@denvercuddler1 that's great for you. I'm glad none of your female co-workers raped you. I wonder how well they slept though. But again as you say you weren't strangers.
Raped me? Why would you even think about that?
Considering I have went on vacations and work trips multiple times, I would guess they felt very comfortable with me.
Why are you wondering how well they slept? That's a very strange think to do set about.
@denvercuddler1 I forgot the /s. But yes as a man I suppose you wouldn't think of that.
Nobody's first thought should ever be "are they going to rake me?". That goes for a man with a woman, a man with a man, a woman with a man, and a woman being with a woman.
@denvercuddler1
all I'm saying is not all men are bad and not all men just want sex.
Yes. We all know that. Everybody agrees on it. It is, in fact, an axiom of the entire discussion.
The trouble is, there is no way of telling a good person from a bad person straightaway. And what we are talking about here is meeting people you don't know. In that scenario, everybody is facing risks. But when a man is meeting a woman, the woman is, in general, facing a greater risk than the man. All that @CharlesThePoet is asking us to do is recognise that, and behave accordingly.
Some of the women I have met for cuddling are quite slight, or petite. The plain fact is that if I really wanted to I could have killed them with one hand while playing on my phone with the other, and I'm not even big or strong.
How would you feel going into an intimate space with a man, 7'9", ex-Marine? In a world where the clear majority of murders, rapists and thugs are men, 7'9", ex-Marines? (No offence to the Marines!)
If you feel offended, or upset, or angry by this post .... just wait for a bit. Let that initial reaction clear before thinking about your reply.
If you think that the OP's post generalises a group of people (i.e. men) then you haven't understood it.
@CuddleDuncan
The clear majority of murderers, rapists, and thugs are men, 7'9", ex-Marines?
??????????????
@johnaz Geeeez. He was only trying to frame a hypothetical scenario. Pretend you're a man who is 6 ft tall, pretend you're in a world where there are men who are 7' 9" and (built like you would imagine) ex Marines (to be) trying to cuddle you and they're the majority of bad people.
It's a dumb comparison because nobody is 7'9".
To answer your question, I don't cuddle men.
@johnaz you're either not getting the point or playing dumb.
Thank you @MaineCuddle
Interesting that @johnaz is a 36 yo male, just signed up and is continuing the argument of @denvercuddler1 who was just banned and also 36 yo.
I guess I am profiling? Or is this just a coincidence?
I get the point. All I'm saying it's a dumb comparison.
I suspect that @johnaz is @denvercuddler1.
LOL but @johnaz just got banned, so I guess it's a moot point.
I've cuddled with all people. Straight women, men, trans, gay, etc.
The funny thing is that I have had more problems with women than men.
@tx9001 You like hopping around the southwest and setting up new accounts. At least you changed your age this time Einstein.
I have been trying to promote pros screening people all morning and just now saw the post from the other day about the moderator who took advantage of a pro. That just reinforces my position.
So I guess moderators aren't screened? If the man that is being accused doesn't have a violent criminal record, then it's a moot point.
I can't say what the website when they choose a moderator but if a pro doesn't screen someone, they're not screened. This is why I advocate for pros to screen the people they see. And if someone does not have a violent criminal record at least if they do something wrong, we have their real-world info. So no, it's not a moot point.
@MaineCuddle that admin was a problem to many girls at least after meeting them and constantly texting and emailing dozens of times per day and reading their emails and people they talked to were suddenly banned. Allegedly. Hope there’s an update soon.
I would advocate for a client to screen a pro and the other way around.
But at the end of the day, people can just lie, so it's really a moot point.
@MaineCuddle As guy, there is always some trepidation when meeting strangers. However, I can appreciate that women feel more concerned than I when meeting strangers, particularly men. It all goes back to generalizations, and statistics. They're not ideal, but they help us get by in the world. Men, in general, are stronger and larger than women. Men also generally are the ones to initiate sexual activity/pursue (hetero men). Men and women can both be bad, yes. I don't think that one gender is necessarily kinder than the other. But throw the first two generalizations together, and it makes it easier for the men that are bad to perform their bad intentions in a private/intimate setting.
I used to feel like I was being punished for the actions of other men, but as I said earlier, generalizations help us get by in the world, can't blame someone for that. And if someone's gut feeling is telling them that they shouldn't pursue anything with me, I can't blame them for that. The issue I have is that I've had trouble for a very long time to even get women to agree to meet in a public setting like a coffee shop. I don't think I'm giving off an unsafe vibe, but who knows I really don't know anymore sometimes. Just gotta move on go on with life.
@tx9001 or @johnaz or @denvercuddler1 whoever you are, you do you. Advocate whatever you would like. As I've stated a million times people can lie but they won't get past my screening. So it's not a moot point.