I know it's a ways away, but it's coming slowly closer regardless. I many others I struggle during the holiday season. How do others deal with it? What do you do, especially if you don't have a good relationship with your biological family.
I can relate to this and I usually try to plan a holiday extended cuddle session in advance, that way it helps both people who might be wanting to spend time with someone and cuddle during a holiday!
I try to busy myself with friends, inviting them over, to look at Christmas lights, holiday events etc
I try to make plans that focus on the parts of it that are still positive for me. For me, this includes my adult children. Since I don't get all of their time, I try to make contact with what I might call my unbiological family. I'm part of a support group that meets regularly year-round, and other members have become like brothers and sisters and sons and daughters to me.
I'm also fortunate enough to have a job that brings me joy, in the sense that I'm able to show love and compassion to people who feel the need of it more deeply than I do. As I see their gratitude for the simplest things I provide, it's easier for me to see how rich in love I truly am.
When all else fails, I book a cuddle session. I have a couple pros in particular that I have come to trust deeply, and if I need to cry during a cuddle, I know they will respect that and support me.
@JoyfulHeart What kind of work do you do if you don’t mind me asking?
@FunCartel I work for an organization that provides shelter and other services for people experiencing homelessness.
@JoyfulHeart very admirable. I imagine heartbreaking at times.
I've got a bad case of SAD, seasonal affect disorder, and I find that a steady dose of sunlight helps keep the depression away. The winter time has significant sway over our physiological state, and it seems holidays were originally invented to raise spirits during that time.
I hope you find a way to connect with people, and maybe take some extra time to connect with yourself.
@FunCartel Both rewarding and heartbreaking, but more often rewarding. I'm learning a lot about self-care.
I just try to keep in mind that it's a cycle with just a few brief highs amid many extended lows. I've trudged through it before and, as before, will likely make it through again by focusing on my hopes of successfully regrouping come Spring ~ But knowing down deep, I may not achieve it until midway through Summer...
Although now that I'm giving this thought, I'm realizing I've got time to plan ahead some. So maybe I'll try working on scheduling in a bit of intentional scattered joy seeking moments throughout so it's not so rough. Who knows, maybe it'll even become a time I'll look forward to... 🤔
[... maybe]
@quixotic_life
(( HUGE HUG ))
Tell that lying bastard little voice to shut up!
@quixotic_life I LOVE THIS IDEA!!! 💗💓💗
scheduling in a bit of intentional scattered joy
I think it might put that on my TO DO list!!!😊
@quixotic_life and @sillysassy agreed- some scattered joy is always a plus! And this is a great topic over all to be able to look ahead to plan for a time or season where we know we need some more cuddles 🤗
I actually like the holidays, but unfortunately without sunshine I get seasonal affective.
I always make time to do something like volunteer or help someone less fortunate. Sometimes I do a coat drive for kids. It gives me something to focus on besides how I feel.
@Mela_B that’s a great idea as well, or for anytime of the year to focus on others and can be a great idea to share that volunteer experience with a cuddle partner too
I celebrated last New Year's with a cuddler it was the best New Year's I ever had in my life
Not necessarily the healthiest but I keep busy. I also allow myself to feel and express what I’m genuinely feeling. I don’t do anything I feel like I’m begrudgingly doing. Spend time with life giving friends. Plan a vacation when I can. Watch comedies. Read books. And avoid family members who are toxic or leave me exhausted after being around them.
@TheMidnightOwl YES THIS!!!! 💗
Spend time with life giving friends.
What a fabulous way to put it.
@Kenshiro2020 I just focus on the feeling of the season rather than the people. I enjoy Christmas, I enjoy decorating for it, I enjoy everything about it, but not family gatherings or pressured gift-giving. And the food, good Lord, the food. I came from a dysfunctional family, but a dysfunctional family that entertained and cooked damned good food. Because the food itself is not an unpleasant memory for me, that's how I ring the holiday in, and it's how I get through a nasty winter. I no longer commune with my family during the holidays; I just cook what I like off the holiday menu I grew up on, and listen to carols. Being that I can also suffer from the depression that comes around that time just because of the weather, I try to make sure I'm doing something good for me and my body that reminds me, "winter isn't all cold and gloom, it isn't just my depression". Sometimes winter means a nice, hot bath, acknowledging that there's a pretty snow scene outside, and taking in lots of beautiful lights rather than thinking of winter as a reminder that the year is almost over and I've done nothing productive with mine.
We often consciously choose what we focus on, but for those of us who are mental health warriors, the negative thinking or behaviours can be subconscious. Subconscious doesn't mean "unable to think differently", though. Although it's very, very hard to do in the beginning, most of us are malleable enough that we can eventually make a choice to focus on things that help us rather than hurt us.
Usually that means we have to accept that we are done with the hurt at some point (usually after feeling it, and deciding we no longer want to), and the only other option is to start countering against it when it does show up. Staring it in the face and saying, "You don't have authority here over my life/day/week/month, even if I feel hurt. Not today. I'm choosing what to focus on, even if I hurt."
Hope some of the input in this thread has given you some tools to help you move through the holidays when they come.