Easing a new cuddler's anxiety

N3v3rB0red

I'm curious if anyone has some good techniques for putting a new cuddler at ease on a first meet? Shyness, anxiety, meeting someone new, unfamiliar environment... Sometimes it's visibly overwhelming to them as soon as we say hi. That person may really need the cuddle, and has the courage to reach out for it, but can't quite relax.

I tried not being the first to touch, not making long direct eye contact, being warm and encouraging, doing some distracting activity for a couple of minutes, etc. Feedback later was great, but I can't help but wonder if there was something different I didn't think of.

littermate

That's all really good! What about asking them? Say, I notice you're nervous and I can totally understand that. What would make you more comfortable? Happy to go slow, to talk a while, for you to decide what we'll do first, and by the way, no rush to get to the cuddle until you feel safe. Also, please let me know if anything I do or say makes you feel uncomfortable, as I so want you to feel safe.

Understanding, slowness and conveying you want them to feel safe are big in my book.

I love your question.

Ahmedali999

Try breathing exercises with Wim hof and have cuddle training cuddle if any available in your area if not i know 1 pro her name is laflaka or Vanessa she gives training but she lives in London if you contact her she can give you online session

here are some things I do:

• take things slow
• ask them what they would like to do
• ask them questions about themselves
• talk to them like they are an old friend coming to visit after a few years
• do a quick response game like “coke or pepsi? “whiskey or wine?”
• point out something in the room that makes you feel at home and at ease and why.
• play music
• put out a relaxing candle or incense like lavender.
• if you have a pet, then maybe call the pet over for you to both pet or interact with it.
• tell them what other cuddles with you have been like in terms of what positions have worked well with you or what general conversation topics have worked well.

Nature_Lover_

Excellent question! I find a video chat prior to meeting can be critical for establishing rapport and initial comfort but doesn’t always alleviate the nerves of meeting a new friend. I greet with a warm smile and ask if they are ok with a hug. If they welcome a hug, that can be our ice breaker and usually helps us both acclimate. My primary goal is to work within someone’s comfort zone to ensure they have the very best experience, and with that being said, there isn’t a one size fits all approach to easing nerves. Sometimes people need to laugh and talk a bit before just jumping right into cuddling. Others need The reassurance of immediate touch. Either way communication is paramount, and threads like this one are great for sharing ideas and techniques! Love it.

Shake

Speaking from the new cuddler perspective here, there doesn't really feel like there's a right or wrong answer here. My first session is fast approaching & the closer it is, the more anxiety I seem to have. Booked myself for 3 hours because I have no idea how I'm going to react. There's plenty of time given to ease myself into it if I need it or apologize & leave if my anxiety gets to be too much and takes over. I think my private messages with her leading up to this have helped me feel a little more comfortable with them as a client. Maybe it'll feel that comfortable in person too, or maybe we'll sit & talk most of the session.

Guess I won't find out until the session starts. Even my thoughts as I'm writing this feel all over the place so I'm sorry if it feels that way reading this lol but I hope this is helpful on some level. All I can say leading up to it is communication has helped ease most of my nerves and can imagine it'd be similar for other new people as well.

Nature_Lover_

@Shake49 those are all common feelings leading up to a session. I do believe you are right, there is no one size fits all to easing nerves. Three hours is a great session length! Enough time to really relax and yet recharge. This is all new to you but your pro will know how to guide the experience. I have a feeling just from having talked to you before, that you will get a lot out of the session and really enjoy it!

nurturingman

@littermate I love your answer!

YourEmbraceMel

I always video call or meet with a client in person first. Then before our session we promise honesty with each other, that silence should never feel awkward, you can say yes, no or change your mind and that it’s my job to make them relax and feel good. I have relaxing music playing and I start simple and then gradually suggest intimacy increases. To start with, holding hands and talking about every day things is good. I love it when they walk out floating on air after they originally arrived looking nervous.

Mela_B

I always greet my client outside, walk them in, and chat on the way to my cuddle space. I ask if I can give them a hug, and if they'd like a bottle of water. The five minutes before the cuddle session begins really sets the mood and has done wonders for easing into snuggles.

Lev136

if the cuddler is someone who I never met I wait for them at the doorway, smile, ask them how was their trip when I am hosting, if there is anything that I can do for them , offer a cup of coffee or other drink and then go to the area where we are about to cuddle.

If they need to change into their cuddle clothing, show them the area which they can change and never rush them.

I also add a few jokes as we are about to begin, to make them feel comfortable with them and remind them that if they are uncomfortable with anything to let me know. .

I also allow them to set the environment, cuddlng over or under the sheets, lighting, etc. Don't get aggressive with them. Just let the session go the way it needs to.

It's also a good idea to give as much information as you can when you reach out to them It shows transparency and honesty.

Those are some of my tips.

Shake

@Touch_You_Crave you've been consistently approachable & made me feel welcome since the moment I got here 😊 I appreciate you 💙

Great question and I'm glad that Cuddle Pros are looking for ways to help their clients like this!

I have anxiety... sometimes when people observe that I'm nervous and say something like "why are you nervous? just relax" or anything like - it makes me MORE nervous! Lol. So watch out for that one :P

I suppose it invalidates the person's feelings a bit? https://www.thehealthy.com/mental-health/anxiety/what-not-to-say-to-people-with-anxiety/

Nature_Lover_

@Shake49 that means a lot! Thank you so much and you are amazing. Really great conversationalist and upbeat personality. I hope your session rocks!

Maybe I’m the odd woman out, but we lay down and cuddle. I put my head on their chest and the anxiety of “what’s this going to be like” isn’t all drawn out and awkward. Works for me, but I am an enthusiast, so I only cuddled people I felt comfortable speaking with.

Big_Chris

I was recently a new cuddler, first time session. Seeing a pro. They were super understanding, I communicated that I was new and uncomfortable. We started just sitting near each other, and they asked specific questions about what I was comfortable with before making physical contact. Small steps, offering to escalate the contact in small ways.

Great session, I was melting away by the 30 min mark.

littermate

Thanks @nurturingman