[Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
I wanted to speak on what I see as one of the darker sides of professional cuddling which is attachment. I wanted to speak on this to share my experience which I hope in turn may help other clients and pros understand and possibly prevent bad attachment from happening.

I had a regular pro that I saw once a month for around a year or so. We had amazing chemistry and I genuinely felt like she enjoyed my company. After a year or regular visits, I had a spell where I ran short on money and wasn't able to pay for our regular cuddle sessions. I felt that seeing as we had such amazing chemistry and were what I perceived as, friends, she would be happy to do something with me that I could afford at that time such as lunch. I explained my situation and asked her if she wanted to have lunch and she made every excuse in the book to not do it. She would contact me every couple of weeks and asked me if I wanted to schedule a cuddle session and I again told her I was low on cash and suggested lunch again and she said she didn't have time for that. She had time for a paid cuddle session but not time for platonic friends lunch. I quickly learned that although I still feel she genuinely enjoyed my company, ultimately in the end, I was a client and she was a provider of a service and if money wasn't on the table, she no longer had time for me. I was sad about this for a long time and felt I lost a friend.

I'm over it now but I've dramatically changed my approach in dealing with pros. I still enjoy them and treat them nicely but I accept that regardless of how amazing it may seem and how amazing you may get along with them, it's in the end, a client provider relationship.

My advice to clients of professional cuddlers is to treat it as that and understand that in the end, they owe you nothing more than what you pay for. This doesn't make them bad people, most pros are quite amazing. For those of us with huge hearts, enjoy the moment you're in the cuddle and let it go when you're done, walk away and just be grateful.


  • edited December 2016
    This is beautiful morpheus. I'm glad you have that new perspective, And this is very needed I think to hear as a client.
     I had a client that I saw often a few times a week,for over a year. and Genuinely I really do care for him,and I would even say love him as a person, we spent So much time together! but one time he said he was close to my house, and he needed a hug and he had a bad day and he ended up getting really sad when I said no, and it just kinda made me realize how much I really mean to people. but I had ended up distancing myself a bit, because the last thing I would want is to mislead anyone, but at the end of the night, I'm a pro because I can share my love to so many people <3

  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    Yeah, I think this is a very difficult aspect of professional cuddling. I don't know how people can easily separate feelings of emotional attachment from cuddling, to be honest. I sometimes wonder if people should limit the number of sessions a person can have, so that once they have reached their limit they can be encouraged to go and find someone for free - otherwise it might lead to an unhealthy dependence and a very one-sided relationship, which can't be good for either person involved.
  • yeah I would say just going into the session with the right mindset is needed. I always encourage people to see my friend, and other cuddlers and I feel like that explains like "I know how this is, you see other people, so do I" kinda thing.

     or even like a group cuddle could be cool!Lexi and I did a group cuddle before, it was pretty neat! So maybe if you still want to see your favorite cuddler, maybe in a group setting to make you a little more distant, might be a decent option?
    just throwing out ideas c":
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    Professional or not. In the end of the day she would of still wanted money. Sorry this happened to you man. 
  • [Deleted User]Kuddlebunny (deleted user)
    edited December 2016
    Heya Morpheus. I've been meaning to post on this subject for a long time and thankful you did! We all have to understand attachment is inevitable with cuddling. It's the primary reason we want to hold someone--to get close, to conjoin with someone so they may carry some of the weight of our burdens.

    There's a deep tissue massage called Chua Ka that was practiced by ancient Mongolian warriors to self-heal trauma. The massage itself is very simple. The technique is gently pressing into tissue at the pace the tissue will allow, and then withdrawing from the tissue at the same space. Cuddling, too, requires sensitivity and awareness, acting within emotional and physical boundaries, and even talking about the repercussive feelings following detachment.

    It's easy to understand why clients may feel hurt after the end of the session or feeling stonewalled after asking them out. Losing a connection can feel abandoning, rejecting, or even betraying. That's a very real feeling and can be very painful and it's up to caring human beings (or licensed therapists) to respond to those feelings.  

    I think it's very brave of you, Morpheus, to share that experience with your former cuddler. Working through complicated feelings (which professional cuddlers and clients too oft experience!) is beneficial to ourselves and everyone. 

    Does anyone else have experiences of complicated feelings following cuddling sessions? How did you manage them? What would you recommend to clients and professional cuddlers?


  • Wow great post. I know how this feels.
    Honestly no matter what your mind set is I think it would be inevitable after a certain number of sessions to form attachments that will hurt when severed.
    As for not forgetting that it's purely professional and the snuggler may leave at any moment. That's tough. But you have to remember that always

  • By the way. The best snugglers are in my opinion that ones you get attached to easiest. Because either they genuinely feel warmth towards you or they're amazing actors lol.
    But I've been with one or two who weren't good at acting etc and it was obvious they were counting the seconds.
    Luckily most haven't been that way.
    My very first snuggler was amazingly sweet and I miss her so much. The hard part is we lost all touch even text etc. She's just gone forever. It feels strange because you talk to someone about so much and just like that it's like it never happened.
    My dad died about the same month I first started snuggling with pros and I suppose I am more emotional and vulnerable than otherwise should be.
    So many times I avoid snugglers not because of cost but if they sound cold or too harsh I avoid that too.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    After I let the cuddler that I'm talking about in this thread, go, I've seen 6 other professionals and have only seen one of them twice. I've gone into the cuddles with the right mindset and they have all been some of the most amazing cuddles in my time as a client of professionals. I've bonded with all of them but once the cuddle was done, I let it go. 

    When I think back on the cuddler I saw for a year, I don't know if I would ever be able to see her again. I really feel that I did lose a friend but I think if I would have gone in with the right mindset, I probably would still have that friend. Life can be difficult at times and sometimes a friend can make all the difference in the world.

    Thank you all for the positive comments and support, it helps and I truly appreciate it.
  • [Deleted User]Aiko (deleted user)
    edited December 2016
    We as women are very instinctual and can tell when a guy may like us a little too much. I haven't pro cuddled in awhile but when I did, I went out to eat with several of my clients off the clock before or after a cuddle session. If I had the time, I never saw it as a big deal. If I trusted them, I would even let them follow me on social media and never had issues trading texts or an occasional phone call here and there. I'm a social person and love people and loved my clients. I always made it clear to them that I was not their girlfriend so certain behavior wasn't acceptable. Drawing lines is very important. When a regular would ask me out, my feeling was if I said yes and went out with him, he would feel good and get it out of his system and I of course would get free food lol I felt if I had a regular and said no to lunch, it would potentially lead to him being unhappy and me losing a friend and client. Thanks for sharing @Morpheus, it is very brave of you to share this story and your feelings.
  • [Deleted User]bruin_alum (deleted user)
    edited December 2016
    This is a very interesting topic to me, and I really appreciate all of the comments thus far.  It has been a real concern of mine before getting into a customer/provider business relationship with any professional cuddler.  In fact, the ONE that I have felt comfortable enough to go down this path with, even though I have not been able to work out the time yet to book with her, is ironically in this thread saying things to make me more comfortable with her!

    Here are my main concerns:
    1. I worry that the nature of what I am looking for in this kind of "relationship" (hesitate to use that word) is that I am looking for a service that revolves around replacing a bond on the most personal of levels, so is it possible to do that with a professional without feeling like I am being viewed as one big dollar sign, while I am simultaneously viewing her as someone I am close to and genuinely care about???  
    2. I don't know if there really is a number 2.  I think it all revolves around what I would worry is inevitable and that is developing feelings for (not necessarily romantic in nature) someone I am sharing a very intimate and personal connection with.  For me, if I am not achieving that connection in this "relationship", I don't think it would really be solving why I would be wanting to cuddle with someone in the first place as this connection for me would not just be the physical act of cuddling as much as it would be the emotional side of what comes from it.  
    I think it is a fine line to toe in this, and without the reassurance of someone like Anna above and what a genuine, real, sincere person she is, I would likely shy away from dealing with a "professional" in this type of relationship, period.  So, I think it falls on us as the customers to be responsible for being extremely cautious and meticulous in who we would choose to invest in for a cuddling relationship.

  • Bruin, I think that's a very reasonable concern! But that makes me sad that you guys think we see you as a dollar sign! :(
    I've completely loved my clients in the past. As a person, and as my cuddle buddy.
    But I think instead of having that dark perspective on it, just remember how much you're helping her/him/cuddler in return. I know it may seem like us cuddlers make a crap load of money for "just laying there" or like we see a bunch of people in one day, but really, I am sooo thankful for my clients that are far and few in between. I like to have people come over that I genuinely enjoy talking to through the messages, someone that is going to be amazing to spend my time with. not just drop off money and go. I like the conversation, the mutual loving touch, and the smiles that I get to put on others faces.
    We build a relationship with you guys, just like you said. Don't feel weird for saying that word lol. It is a relationship, a very special relationship. its just different, and that's why we just have accept it for what it is, a business relationship, but a relationship nonetheless <3

  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    @bruin_alum my humble advice, respectfully is that you don't want to replace a "girlfriend" or "wife" figure with a cuddler. If your looking for a connection, pros are absolutely amazing at connecting and I'm sure you'll find that but please be mindful of your feelings. I've seen 15 professional cuddlers over the past two years and have been able to connect with the majority of them. Everyone is different and everyone's desires are different but for me, I find it best to spread myself around and to not let myself get overly attached as I did before. Awareness of ourselves and of our own emotions is very important. There are several cuddlers on this site such as Anna and Brandi that don't see you as just a dollar sign but there are, sadly, several that do. I recommend you do what feels best for you but protect your feelings and enjoy yourself and your cuddle journey. I'm around any time you may want a mans/clients point of view.
  • [Deleted User]bruin_alum (deleted user)
    @Morpheus -- it is not so much replacing a wife or girlfriend as I realize I may come off in my profile.  My situation is this -- I am a single dad to an amazing 5 year old who is with me about 90% of the time.  Her mom, who I am divorced with, is going through a serious battle with cancer.  Even though we are divorced, we made this amazing little girl together and I will forever love her on many levels, but especially as a co-parent, so a lot of my time is taken up by not only my daughter, but also helping with the cancer battle on many levels (including financially), and running a small company.  So, I am not allowing myself for now to make any time for a relationship.

    I realize I just made it sound like I would be looking to replace a wife or girlfriend as you suggest.  But I am not looking for a romantic connection per se.  I am looking just for what this site is for -- a cuddling level of intimacy just as a patch while this period of my life passes, and until I can get myself more into a position for a more complete relationship with someone who would not only provide this cuddling aspect, but more possibly too.  Again, put an emphasis on the not looking for more from a cuddler.

    My concern then though is what I stated, and what you experienced with the pro you felt you had developed a friendship with -- would I be sharing this intimate level connection with someone who may not be able to make me feel comfortable in knowing it is more mutual than just all business for her?  With Anna (Kuddlebunny above), I know I can trust she would operate in this manner and I am very comfortable with her.  I just have not been fortunate enough to work out the time I want with her and she is two hours away from me in LA, so it's not super easy.  Also, from Brandi's post, I would suspect she might be a good provider.  But it's the selection and vetting process to be certain that is the difficulty for me.  It also, and no offense meant to the pro's, but would be nice if there were more non-pro's out there on the female side who would automatically make me feel more comfortable because they would not have the financial aspect as a part of why they are here.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    The cuddler I spoke on originally in this thread called me today out of the blue and said she was in my area and wanted to know if I would have dinner with her. We had dinner and cuddled at my place, she didn't charge me. She told me she missed me. I really missed my friend and I'm happy to have her back.
  • [Deleted User]Aiko (deleted user)
    That's super cute @morpheus <3
  • @Morpheus That's awesome! It's like the story has a happy ending. =)
    (Of course, this is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friend.)
  • [Deleted User]masterofcuddle (deleted user)
    Glad it worked out for you @Morpheus Glad to hear a happy ending to that story. I had two women on here that were fun and we had great conversation and all of a sudden quit talking to me. I hope one day they will say hello again.
  • [Deleted User]masterofcuddle (deleted user)
    Looks like I had a success story of my own. Shortly after I posted this she reached out to me. Let's hear it for the cuddle comfort forums !! Lol
  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)
    @Morpheus Beautiful! That's what it's all about. A warm comfort and an honest connection. (any leftovers from din din? I'm hangry)
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    She called me shortly after I posted this so I don't know if her calling me was purely coincidental or because she saw this thread. I'm not going to ask either. 

    In hindsight although I think there are valuable lessons in this thread for both pros and clients, I wish I hadn't posted this.

    Although I don't mention her name or say anything personal about her, I should have kept this discussion between her and I. Privacy, discretion and respect are important and we should always be mindful of that.
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