A Brief Realization: Platonic affection from a fellow hetero male (same-sex)

ernesto_2

I realized recently that affectionate, platonic touch (especially hugs) from another man is a lot easier for me to receive than from a woman. Current theories:

1. Lack of same-sex affection growing up created a vacuum where the sense of affection is intensified due to its "unfamiliarity".
2. Lack of potential romantic implications (i.e. no potential for attraction) makes the encounter easier to process and enjoy.
3. The other person (male) willingly violating "social norms" for male behavior making the affectionate touch more meaningful.
4. Men just have more upper body strength and I just like tighter hugs.

Thoughts?

ChefKate

I like all the theories, especially number 3. It's very encouraging to see men start to think this way!!!

I do wonder if you've ever had affectionate, platonic touch from a woman who is...how do I say this nicely...not at all interested in anything more? For example, maybe a woman who is only into other women?

ernesto_2

@ChefKate

With non-hetero females (or more broadly, those with no possibility of romantic interest), it has tended to feel patronizing most of the time. At least in my (limited) experience.

TheMidnightOwl

Only you will know the answer to that for you. It’s different for everyone and can be any or all of them.

SuperManCuddles

@ernesto_2 Whatever the reason may be, happy that you receive and are open to platonic affection 🤗 from both men and women too.

Mela_B

This is beautiful.

Melancholy

Could be #2. I found that cuddling with a lesbian woman was the most safest and best cuddling I ever had.

For me cuddling with another guy would trigger me too much because he could be gay or bisexual and I would be repulsed by a guy coming onto me after I had that happen before.
But a lesbian woman would be perfectly safe.

Ahmedali999

@Melancholy 🤣🤣🤣 fair point 👌 no way. I could cuddle a man for just 2 minutes max if he lost someone or best friend I say goodbye to him 👋 or congratulate him etc . No for long cuddle different positions ☝️☝️☝️☝️ no no no no.
If it's good for you I I 🙏 respect that .

nurturingman

I can’t tell you which of those qualities is working for you, but it’s good for me to hear you have those thoughts and feelings!

I hope other straight men feel the way you do, because I, too, like to “subvert the dominant paradigm” (to quote a bumper sticker) when it comes to cuddling. I’ve happily cuddled women very lovingly even though I’m not attracted to them, so aside from social conditioning, I see no reason men can’t be equally happy to cuddle men just as lovingly.

I know animals and people are different, but I still don’t see why men can be so affectionate with male pets but not with male friends or family. Male cats are adoringly affectionate with male humans and other male cats, so what’s the difference?

Ahmedali999

Deleted
@Ahmedali999 - get educated. Homosexuality exists in every species. Including lions. For sexuality to not be anyone's business to judge - you just did. Tread lightly and take deliberate care with your posts moving forward. [-Sid]

BrianL

For me, it's easier to receive hugs (and I mean hugs, not cuddles) from females than males. I've just always gotten along with women/girls better than men/boys.

I have recently been told that I give the best hugs, by one of my coworkers at the haunt I work at. She's married, but even if she wasn't, I'd treat her just the same, and I imagine she would do the same.

Ahmedali999

@Sideon deleted

sellers

As a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I am still learning to appreciate POSITIVE, LOVING affection, between men (of any orientation) that doesn't have to feel dirty or sordid; touching/hugging/cuddling doesn't always have to be sexualized. I have been in a heterosexual marriage, and have adult children. For years, I wore guilt/shame for desiring innocent affection, from another man, but no longer; life is too short.

ernesto_2

@sellers I too am a survivor of childhood sexual (from a female cousin) and physical/emotional abuse (from my step-father). Like you, I also took a long road to "recovery" (if that's how we want to describe it). I don't have children (yet), but I appreciate your comment as it gives me more confidence to continue my own resistance to guilt and shameful feelings.

Thanks for that!

TheFunCartel

Wait a second @Ahmedali999. If lions don’t marry lions, then are they polyamorous? Or polycatorous?

TheFunCartel

@Ahmedali999 You are wrong about lions:

Ahmedali999

@FunCartel deleted

TheFunCartel

@Ahmedali999

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior

There is a reference menu that will point you in the direction of the primary source material.

Ahmedali999

Deleted

TheFunCartel

Depends on the male.

nurturingman

I was thinking pussycats, not lions:

Here's an example of the kind of male cat / male human cuddling I was talking about (there are actually several like this on YouTube!):

All cuteness aside, I did want to say I appreciate the honesty of the men who said they had suffered abuse. I would be honored to be a man you can trust to give you the affection you crave in a safe, respectful way.

For me cuddling with another guy would trigger me too much because he could be gay or bisexual and I would be repulsed by a guy coming onto me after I had that happen before.

@Melancholy I would be repulsed by a guy coming on to me too, because I am here for platonic cuddling. I would not come on to a cuddle partner or client regardless of their gender. I am sorry to hear that happened to you. Not every gay or bisexual man is going to make advances like that.

Ahmedali999

Deleted

ernesto_2

@Ahmedali999 I'd appreciate if you could help me keep my post on topic.

Lions don't marry lions because humans are the only species on earth known to conduct matrimonial ceremonies 🙄

Same-sex relationships (both sexual and non-sexual) occur throughout nature.

So... what does that have to do with anything?

TheFunCartel

@Ahmedali999 Do you know what a contradiction is? All my karma is women, but it does not follow that I wouldn’t cuddle a male. If I made a statement that I would never cuddle a male and then say what I said above…that would be a contradiction. But I have never said never. Try again Jerry Falwell.

Ahmedali999

@FunCartel fair point
@ernesto_2 my bad only @nurturingman asked a question and I answered.
Excuse me 🤗 I want you to answer his question though.

Sideon

@Ahmedali999 - last warning or it's forum timeout. Stay on topic on these threads, as the OP and others have been gently suggesting. If you can't contribute something substantive to the conversation, then find a topic or thread where you can contribute something meaningful and relevant. Please.

Ahmedali999

@Sideon ok I'm out

sellers

You are welcome, we are survivors, and appreciate all who truly help us to stand strong....

Cinephile77

There’s a lot to think about here. And some of it is persuasive

SuperManCuddles

@sellers @ernesto_2 Thank you very much for all that you two have shared!🤗

Morpheus

I love my boys, love male bonding, chopping it up with the fellas. I wouldn’t cuddle another man but the relationships I have with other men are definitely important. Whatever works for you and makes you happy, so be it.