Are we friends...

quixotic_life

... still/yet??

There are times I find myself a bit overwhelmed by disappointments I have in myself and there are times I find myself disappointed by how overwhelmed I am by others.

From not taking responsibility to being hurtful, when people turn and expose their darker nature it's upsetting. And sometimes I don't know how to come back from that to want to embrace them again.

I think I'm a fairly decent being, worthy of another's friendliness. And I suspect I want the same things most people do... To be treated with kindness, to be seen and understood, to connect with others and maybe even cuddle them someday...

But first and foremost is the kindness.

How about this... Can we just try focusing on controlling our emotional reactions and maintaining a reasonable amount of reasonability with each other too?? For no other reason than just because??

Nothing over the top, just a bit of regular ol' decency with a dash of reasonableness. From there maybe we could even get to a true friendship [someday] [maybe] ~ Yes??

I hope so... 🙇‍♀️

Sheena123

I’ve always thought of you as a reasonable, unbiased gentle opinion during arguments. There will always be people that lash out and act unexpectedly rude and it would make me do a double take. I never seemed to get that from you. I feel like I have a bad habit of holding a grudge where even in simple conversations, if someone says something rude to me or just something is said or done very ignorantly, I seem to hold that against them. I hate that for myself. It’s understandable to feel that. I think 🤔

If it’s worth anything at all, you’re fine in my books. 👍🏻👍🏻

blisscuddles

Be kind to yourself. It’s hard but that helps to overcome disappointments; with yourself or with others.

cuddles_ndream

Yes there’s disagreements / debates / laughter / silliness / comfort & everything inbetween here, with that said I consider many on here friends & some family. There’s no one that I “do not like” here.

Mela_B

@quixotic_life I think you're great

@quixotic_life I certainly think of you as a friend, and I hope (and would be honored) if you thought of me as your friend.

I totally hear you, and I can understand where you are coming from.

But, if I may, I would point out that in this time, and on this website the vast majority of people here are at far from their best.

The times, obviously, are frankly insane.

But this site is filled with people in emotional desperation and need, or those who are here to take advantage of that desperation and need.

That doesn’t mean you should take their guff with anything more than a shrug and perhaps a dash of sympathy.

And a big helping of, “That is not about me.”

At any rate, here’s a hug.

I like you!

🫂

BoomerSpooner

Expect the worst of people and you will never be disappointed. But when they hit a high note your day is brightened significantly.

Morpheus

I love in the moment and then I let go. I express gratitude for the moment and then I let go. I try to practice selflessness as much as I can. A lot of my disappointments in the past with people have been due to my own personal selfishness. Many times I thought I was doing for and or taking care of others but the reality is that all I was thinking about is what they were doing for me. Sometimes letting people go is what they need to experience their own true personal happiness. If people are meant to be in your life, they will be there. Gratitude and selflessness for me are the key.

BoomerSpooner

Well said @Morpheus. I admire that. It is hard especially when some of the first instincts are to wear your a**h*** on your sleeve.

Profanity, @FunCartel . Reported and edited. Carry on. [-Sid]

Catloaf

The primal human instinct is to judge “other” and to fear uncertainty. I don’t know if there is any level of awareness, or love, or self-love, or anything, that can completely obliterate these basic emotional reactions. We are humans.

It is best in my opinion to center on the fact, and therefore to remember, that humans are not black or white. Life in the grand scheme of things is not black or white. It’s a mixture of good and bad, ignorance and openness; many colours even. Not simply “grey” as I used to once think.

People are products of their past, present, and future. People are more than their short-comings or ugly sides and bad deeds. Their political beliefs. The movements they support. It’s easy to focus on what irritates or shakes us. It’s challenging growth to embrace (or not embrace) people for who they are as a whole.

Let’s get a simple example. Hitler? Incredibly, inexplicably cruel. Also an artist. Also reportedly an avid lover of dogs. His personal secretary reported him as an essentially frightening figure, but particularly very sweet to her, like a father or uncle. I will still call him a terrible man, while acknowledging that he may have had aspects at all points of his life that also made him endearing.

People have many facets, regardless of what conclusion we come to about them.

quixotic_life

@Sheena123 ~ Totally reasonable ~ And samesies!! Thank you.

@blisscuddles ~ So true!

@cuddles_ndream ~ That's lovely. I wish I could say the same but my acceptance and tolerance team sometimes get's crushed by their judgmental and righteous adversaries.

@Mela_B ~ Thank you! And same!

@CharlesThePoet ~ I hope to always count you as one of my friends. And thank you... ♡

@FunCartel ~ That's the same advice my mom would have given (in your first comment).

@Morpheus ~ I'm learning how to live in the moment... To be mindful of thoughts, emotions, sensations, as they come and go... It's not easy, so go you!!
Also, my disappointment in others isn't from selfishness as much as from self-centeredness. Meaning I take things to heart, and will think I've messed up before considering, whatever is going on isn't from anything I have or haven't done. It's a twisted defense because either way I get anxious and feel like crap after (though a lot worse if I was the cause).

quixotic_life

@Catloaf ~ I so appreciate you and how you put that!! Thank you 🤗

Lovelight

I don't really know if or when I last felt disappointed in myself and don't know what that feels at this moment. Well maybe slightly from what may have been self disappointment. Though I didn't dwell on it and since I had other potential things that seem promising, I decided to use that to help pull me out of it. It is working, at least as far as me feeling more at ease. Looking forward to hopefully using that to get further in my self improvements. The pessimist or realist part of me questions if that's perhaps yet another mirage and not what it is I ideally would like. Though I also want to let go of the what could or should be. And just see them for what they are. So that I don't put myself under feelings of unnecessary qualms. Well that's the approach I have been trying nowadays.

When so many things seem to be going south, it helps to catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. Which might just be what you need to make you feel a lot better. And sometimes what seems to be going wrong, may be aligning you for something better.

Although I'm not quite sure if there's something bothering you and what that is @quixotic_life , as you can see my sensors are out of wack at the moment. 😅

I'm here if you need to talk and remember that we are fallible humans who are destined to be noticably imperfect every now and then. No good use beating yourself up about it. Better to recognize it and you can work on how you can best overcome that.

Also we can neither please everyone nor are we meant for everyone. So best to focus more on yourself and those who care about your wellbeing. Hope that bit helps.

quixotic_life

@Lovelight ~ 💓 Thank you for every bit of that!! And go you!! I'm off to sleep, feeling more at ease...

@quixotic_life I don't know you, but I know I agree with what you wrote a million percent. I wish friendship could just be genuine, I'll be your friend, no agendas attached. All I ever wanted since I was 5 years old was a real friend with no hidden agendas, why is genuine, agenda-less friendship so impossible to find in this day and age?

BoomerSpooner

@sameyeam Technology has made us physically isolated. How can you meet someone at a grocery store or coffee shop when you order off your phone and have it delivered to your house while you are in your pajamas? Why would you need to get together when you carry out conversations on an app? The connection in person does not occur enough anymore and when you are alone you over analyze everything because a friend is not there to save you from yourself. We are in an era where we are overstimulated and under socialized.

@FunCartel Yes I agree, the majority of the population is married to their phones, one day everyone will be Siamesed to their phones. I miss when the only phones people had were landlines, and outside nobody but rich grumpy business people had those big blocky cell phones, everyone else was watching where they were going on the street, nobody's pockets made pinging noises, children were carrying dolls instead of tablets. I could live without my phone, I treat my phone like a phone, I ignore it unless someone calls me. The only good thing about technology is modern medicine and video games, but that is just how I feel about it.

I don’t understand.

Godwin’s Law has been invoked, shouldn’t the thread have been locked by now?

Lovelight

@quixotic_life may you wake up feeling rested and even more at ease. 😌

SoftHairForDays

@quixotic_life
I try to be friends with people on the site when the opportunity presents itself. 🤗 That includes you. Check your inbox please.

quixotic_life

@sameyeam ~ "I'll be your friend, no agendas attached."
Ditto & 🚫 🧶

quixotic_life

@Lovelight ~ 💖 I did!! ~ Thank you... 🤗

sillysassy

@FunCartel THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!! 💗

when you are alone you over analyze everything because a friend is not there to save you from yourself. We are in an era where we are overstimulated and under socialized.

@sameyeam I completely agree. I'm old enough to REMEMBER THE CORD THAT CONNECTED YOU to the telephone!! hahaha We are in a different era. Not that I don't appreciate what technology has to offer but we need to be mindful and find balance. The tablet AND the doll are both necessary and convenient tools.

@quixotic_life AHEM. You are a beautiful soul and anyone who knows you will agree. I think you are right that its a BIG.... nay HUGE challenge to take people and what they say with a grain of salt. Its a learning curve to let it go because it means you.... YOU have to be okay with yourself. If you give up appreciating all of the comments that say "YOU SUCK" then you also have to give up appreciating the comments that say "YOU'RE AMAZING" You have mentioned this before. You are your own worst enemy. I think @CharlesThePoet and @FunCartel completely captured a truth that we overlook. We are still in a strange pandemic world that has been masked up and isolated for 2 years now and humans are functioning in STRESS mode. @JoyfulHeart said "I think the whole forum needs a TIMEOUT!!!!" 🤣🤣🤣 These are facts indeed. There is a struggle for kindness to be found, but you have an ally in me Dear Quix. I will shoot rainbows and throw pixie dust right with you missy.

I BELIEVE YOU ARE A VALUABLE HUMAN BEING!!! In the meantime, the only person's opinion that really matters when speaking of matters like these is your own. Since I cannot sit next to you quite yet and hold your hand to remind you of the TRUTH.... I will do as I do and send a beautiful visual reminder. XOXOXOXOOXOXX

@quixotic_life I appreciate that, that would be great

@sillysassy technology has a lot of good stuff but the iphone craze and such is making everyone behave really mean or indifferent, it makes everyone act like cliquey 7th graders sadly.

quixotic_life

@sillysassy ~ You make my heart so warm and melty... Thank you for you and for all your sweetnesses!! So fortunate I feel 🥰

Chris04

BoomerSpooner

https://time.com/6099906/rude-customers-pandemic/

quixotic_life

@FunCartel ~ Nice!!

I love this...

“Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space …your behaviors matter.”

...and I'm stealing it!!

sillysassy

Awwwwww @quixotic_life

You make my heart so warm and melty...

BACKATCHA!!! ❤️🥰😘
Xoxoxooxox

SuperManCuddles

@quixotic_life I think of you as a friend and appreciate the all the positive communications we shared on this site, so far!!!🤗

@quixotic_life , that would be a YES!!!
Sometimes, we're harder on ourselves than others could ever be. What if you were JUST FINE, the way you are, and realized that we just aren't able to be everything to everyone, but that it's okay to be special to the ones who see, care for, and value us?
I. Value. You!