People who don't want to pay messaging professionals

buffyswan

It's happened to me 2-3 times now and I don't understand it. I am clearly a proffesional on the site and I keep getting messages from guys either hitting on me or asking to do free sessions or meet with them for free or spending numerous messages going back and forth and THEN telling me they never intended to pay for a session but "they think I'm pretty".

There are hundreds of non proffesionals on this site, so why do people (specifically men) keep trolling me, hitting on me, and trying to get freebies? -I mean I never go up to a dentist and say "hey your pretty I don't want to pay you but can you give me free braces?"

or go up to an accountant and say "hey I want you to do my taxes for free so I can meet you and pay You for it next year and see if I'm comfortable with you doing my taxes in the first place"

or go up to a massage therapist and say "hey I know your working but can you just give me a free session just cause? -I Want to make sure you're good at your job before I decide to pay you?"

Frankly I find it really disrespectful and insulting. It hurts my feelings and wastes my time. I tell them to go talk to a non proffesional if they don't want to pay for my expertise.

Often after telling clients that they say I'm mean and heartless cause I won't give them free sessions or go on a date with them. However I don't know how else to respond...

So I wanted to open up a discussion, what do other proffesionals do in these situations that have worked to turn them into paying clients or that have at least worked for them to not be upset by your response?

and from the guys, do you do this and why? And also what do you guys (who do this) want in response...(other than of course giving you free sessions and time)

Looking for advice and support! Thanks!

Brandi

Unfortunately, some just don't understand how much respect professionals deserve. I appreciate you buffy! and just remember there are cuddle buddies out there that appreciate you as well. Im not sure how to respond to it either though, its kinda a tough spot I guess just always try to keep the conversation business-ish related? to be sure they are still interested.
 But, I think its great to put a forrum out there to make it a known problem. I don't really receive messages wasting my time, maybe its because Im a tightwad in the forrums >:D muahha to my advantage lol

Blatant disrespect.  Block(if possible) and move on. 

If I were a pro I wouldn't even bother trying to turn them into paying clients.  They've already voiced their intention for a freebee.  Any effort to explain or convert them would be waste of time and energy. 

I'd stick with those who show at least some level of basic decency and respect.  Your Pro sign and profile explain it perfectly.  Your job isn't to dumb down or even acknowledge mongrels asking for freebees. 

When I take my car in to be serviced I don't call my mechanic mean for making me pay for his service and time. 

Focus on those who respect you and what you do.  Ignore the rest.

TacticalTeam

Wow lol... that sucks and I feel for you. I'll try to explain it from the guy's perspective even though I don't do it.

You're an attractive girl and most guys like attractive girls. So it would be "normal" for some guys to act the way they do towards you if you were a NON professional. However, since you are a professional, that changes things. It becomes more of a provider/client relationship like with the examples you listed.

Here are my theories as to why some guys, troll you, hit on you, try to get freebies, etc:

1. They have trouble understanding the difference between a pro and non pro (they dumb)
2. They understand perfectly well the difference and don't want a provider/client relationship with you. Instead they want a regular relationship with you, however a long shot that may be for them. (they thirsty)
3. They're just trolling for shits and giggles, cause this is the internet and there will always be trolls online. (they see you rolling, they trolling)

Yea it is disrespectful cause they're not taking you seriously as a professional. I'm sorry it hurts your feelings, but it comes with the territory I guess. You can try to counter it by blocking like the previous person said or just ignoring them (don't feed the trolls, it makes the problem worse.)

-Jason

I think boys will be boys and this kinda thing is probably always going to happen. Them asking for a freebie isn't as bad as them messaging you and being overtly sexual. Although it isn't right, I don't agree with their behavior, in this line of work, it's going to happen. I would just ignore them and move on. Look at the bright side, you said this has happened 2-3 time but I saw your profile and you have 10 5 star positive Karmas. There's more good in this world than bad in my humble opinion and I'm glad to see you've had all of those positive experiences.

I agree with what @Morpheus said and I'll add these two things...

I'm on the other side of things, I'm a non-pro looking for a non-pro cuddler to form a platonic friendship with for cuddles. I don't even search for Pros when I look and, to be honest, the Non-Pro pool is slim pickings. But several times I've had Non-Pros chat me up for days and usually it gets to texts. I'm easy to talk to and fun and open to people so we always hit it off and it really does make my day to meet someone new and befriend them. Add with the prospect of a cuddle relationship I'm smiles all week... until we decide to meet for coffee to see if we click in person before cuddling and these Non-Pros start telling me their rates!  It's pure trickery and, in my opinion, takes advantage of me and my feelings. Instant downer and I always get upset because I start thinking of people who really need cuddles for depression reasons or whatnot and what if they got tricked like this? I feel bad for even the idea of that happening so report these Non-Pros, although I've never really seen them go pro or get deleted. Point being I completely understand how you must feel when the reverse happens to you and then they say they're not going to pay after talking you up for days. It's hurtful and a waste of everyone's time and I'm sorry you had to go through any of that

And since you asked for the guy perspective, I'll give you some honesty because that's how I roll... the pic of you in your bikini is a "sexy" pic and I guarantee it's the pic these guys are looking at when they decide to message you. It's not right and I totally agree women and men should be able to post any pic and not be judged or sexualized by those pics, but I also think a lot of male/female cuddlers strategically post "sexy" pics to get clients. A girl's obviously accentuated boobs, a guy's muscles/abs, etc etc... It's tough to play the victim card when these cuddlers get a douchebag message. They're selling sex to get clients and it's more likely to backfire with a perverse message or proposition... especially on the internet. 

You sound like a nice person and a good soul because you care not to hurt the feelings of jerks who are trying to take advantage of you, which most people in your shoes wouldn't care about. So I doubt you're posting the bikini pic for the above reasons. However, I think this is a fair question... Do you ever wear a bikini when you cuddle? You're a cute girl with a great profile and resume and you're a Pro, try taking that pic down and see if it keeps happening as much? And just be direct and remind them you're a pro. You're not looking for a date and free cuddles doesn't pay your rent. It sounds harsh but sometimes the truth is, right? If they persist, thank them for their time and wish them luck then block them.

Best of luck with your situation!

@cuddledingo those under cover pros should be reported 

Very sympathetic. But being a cuddler is not on par with a dentist or accountant who goes through years of formal schooling and pays lots of money for professional credentials and certification.. Sorry. No disrespect but it's not the same thing.

Actually some Pros do go through certified programs.  Not for cuddling specifically but for therapy, psychology, massage, etc. I'm guessing the majority don't but some do.

Regardless, it's about etiquette.

I have an art friend who is self-taught and draws a sketch of people for $5-$10 at conventions.  Some people stop by his booth and instead of wanting to pay even $5 they ask if he can "just do a quick drawing in their sketchbook".

No formal training but he has something of value to offer.  It's a slap in the face when the person KNOWS how it should work and still tries to slimeball their way to a freebee. 

@Morpheus I've reported every one of them. Maybe 4 total, I forget because the first 3 were from long ago. From what I'm told by CC, they're given the option to go Pro or stick to free Non-Pro cuddles. Personally I've never seen one go Pro, but I also don't really keep checking up on them. I know the one from the other week is still a Non-Pro. She was nice and apologized a lot so I was hoping she understood how bad a situation she could've created had I been a mental case or someone with severe depression that used cuddles as therapy who could've been crushed by the bait and switch she pulled, BUT like I said she's still out there and I haven't seen her go Pro.

Mark

@cuddledingo can you send me a message with the profile of the person you are referring to as still being out there?

Self taught artist charged 5-10$ each? Some of the cute 18 to 19 year olds on this site should take a cue out of that artist guy's playbook. A more realistic price for non skill.

Well he works at Disney so he's no longer an amateur.  He just didn't have the formal schooling others have.  But $5-$10 each and doing 7-10 sketches an hour at a 9 hour convention. Not too shabby.

Radiant1

If, as an artist, you (in general) are at the level where you're skilled enough to pull $5 to $10 for a sketch, you're fast enough to do upwards of 10 an hour, and you have the stamina to do that for most of a 9 hour convention, then my guess is that you're well beyond the "stick figure" skill level of most non-artists. Such a person has put in some serious time, blood, sweat, and tears to achieve that level of accomplishment.

So, i agree with pretty much everything that's been said in this thread in support of you, @buffyswan. I heavily echo what @TacticalTeam and @Morpheus said. My 2 cents are that every profession has its hazards. But, based on your profile karma, it looks like you're getting more of the good than the bad.

As a professional in my field (which is not cuddling), nearly half of my job is educating my clients. The other almost-half is fixing their mistakes and making them happy. All while maintaining a "customer-service" attitude. That is, refraining from /sounding/ condescending while /actually/ explaining things at a level they can understand, being firm but not angry, and so on with a number of other seeming-paradoxes. I'm always trying to maintain an emotional atmosphere of being welcoming like a friend, so that my customers will feel comfortable coming back, yet professional so that they understand the nature of our relationship. Which essentially boils down to "Yes, i honestly really do like you as a person, and i honestly enjoy helping you. Ultimately, however, we are interacting because i'm helping you solve a problem that you can't solve on your own, and you are compensating me for that resolution."

If i may be so bold, a pro cuddler will separate themself from a non-pro by defining their intimate interaction with a level of service and style that are far beyond, and utterly distinct from, non-pro cuddling.

This goes back to my opening. It's about identifying your personal strengths and fine-tuning them to the point of becoming skills. Delve into human psyche classes. Aromatherapy. Massage. Guided Meditation. Or whatever. And then market and sell yourself as an experience, with all the fancy flare you've earned from your efforts.

Anyone can give deep, insightful wisdom based on their personal life experience that helps others, yet not just anyone can get paid to be a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist and be so good at it that they can make a living doing it. Likewise, anyone can cuddle. But it takes a special kind of person to cuddle with the intention of healing. To me, i see professional cuddling as a healing modality. Perhaps one among many that a pro cuddler might offer.

Distinguishing yourself in this way will not stop trolls, nor those looking to take advantage of your kind spirit. What it will do is give you the spiritual armor you need to be unmoved by such nonsense.

- Best wishes and meow