I always suspected this which is why I often reach out to people who I suspect are lonely. https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/a-social-prescription/
I agree... and what’s worse is that people seem to hide their loneliness, like they’re ashamed of it; and they end up feeling like they’re the only one who feels that way, which makes them feel more alone 💔
@Jaden713 I agree. I think most people feel that it is hard to admit that they are lonely.
Very True!
Now more than ever, especially for people who are immunocompromised or practically bedridden and can't even really get those ocassional recharge.
Though there are some platforms and support groups that can provide some relieve. And sometimes they could lead to good friendships, which although many desire others they can sit across from, it helps.
I have been lonely my entire life. The problem is that people fail to see the signs and think that everyone is fine, when the reality they are not. I go to a karaoke bar multiple times a week and everyone thinks that I am OK just because I pick someone out of the audience to serenade. But they do not see that I am not when I am sitting by myself ALL THE TIME or if I play a joke on someone (Boys will be boys). They do not see that I am BEGGING for help when I ask the female server what she is doing for the Holidays and showing her something about myself. People are naturally naive and to make things worse, my college Professors are teaching in my business class to FIRE someone who shows signs of having problems, when 20 years ago it was taught in school, that if someone shows signs of needing help or even suicide that YOU help them or get them help. People in this world are selfish, and it is a shame because those who are not and try to love others are pushed away all because those that they try to love are already getting what THEY NEED from someone else. - This is one reason why series like what this site provides exist, but people like me could easily go broke trying to find natural affection that SHOULD BE free.
I'm very Isolated person and found no problem with it 🤗
@Ahmedali999 - You say that you have no problem now with isolation, but in past writings from you, you have expressed here in the discussion forums that you sought out cuddling because you felt disconnected and depressed from the lack of connection and caring from others.
It is important that we are honest about where we have come from and also where we are now.
We are all growing and changing in time. I’m glad that you are in a better place now man.
@NicoSnuggs you absolutely right. I had problem before Because it really effected me when I I isolated from society. After cuddle it's changed. Cuddles boosted happiness into me and made me positive and motivated,also never felt compassion nd affectionin my life only after cuddles . I appreciate your wish. My problem not about lonely. It's social communication, among 10 people 2 would find me interesting,
My problem not about lonely. It's social communication, among 10 people 2 would find me interesting,
@Ahmedali999 This too shall pass with practice. I imagine you bring rich cultural topics to the table that a lot of English speakers may want to learn about. Use your culture as a gateway for conversation, ask questions about the other person, and ask if they have ever done this or that (an activity, a travel, etc). You have more interesting things percolating inside you than you realize. You just need to let them out. Feelings can be interesting too, and you are very brave in laying those out and I admire you for that.
Don’t worry about others who may be more educated. I have a PhD and have taught at the University level in a past life, and I can tell you that some of the smartest, most educated people are the least interesting. Educated does not mean interesting, it just means educated.
@FunCartel very true it needs alot practice. I'm really quite,boring, no sense of humour to most people, i have nothing to talk about or we don't much even people from same culture same problem. I spent 30% of my life in daydream i cant help it. Some people are arrogant which can cause me problem with the people are interested in me. I need to build up my communication skills, which is needs alot work and efforts . And be myself.
This is a first-hand fact for me.
BTW, @saxman I agree with you 100%.
@Ahmedali999 Yes there are arrogant people, but do not let them distract you. There are good people out there. Arrogant people have their own issues they haven’t dealt with so they have to put their perceived talents out on display whether they are talented or not.
@Ahmedali999 The fact that you come here and have the courage to talk about your problems and shortcomings makes you interesting to the people who are really listening.
@Mela_B This was me in the past when I thought loneliness was just a feeling people go through when they're single for a long time and was embarrassed to ever admit I felt that way. Now that I'm older and realize I can feel that way even in a room full of people, with friends, family, etc., it's easier to admit it now, especially in these times. I think it's also harder to admit for people who don't know what they need to do to get rid of it or are ashamed to feel that way even if they have caring people in their lives.
WOW!!! @ramongnyc THANK YOU so much for such a fabulous podcast. I love that he learned about the notion that "family" is sometimes who you choose to connect to rather than just the group that we were born or adopted into. It was completely heartfelt when he was speaking of people at the end of their lives and feeling as though the only things that mattered were their human connections.
What a beautiful thread. 💗💗💗
Welcome to the site and may all sorts of snuggles be yours to give and receive!!!
@Ahmedali999, you might be a good pairing for someone who is talkative, you’d be perfect audience.
@saxman - I feel ya and at the same time we can’t expect others to read our minds. Have you considered being the one who approaches others? If you’re at karaoke frequently, perhaps there are other people who recognize you that you can ask if you can join them? Or just make it a point to chat with others?
I once was involved with a walking group that was attached to a running group. One of my frequent walking partners was a master at drawing people out. He knew the right questions to ask, was very easy to be with. I admired his skill at this. One of the things I realized is that I grew up in a seriously dysfunctional family where there was a “don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of atmosphere. Weird stuff would happen and the heavily unspoken rule was not to bring it up, not to talk about it. Possibly as a result of that I feel like I’m prying if I ask people personal questions. I’ve gotten better over the years but I still wish I were better at it.
Pre-pandemic, I was an avid social dancer. One of my regular activities was contra dancing. In contra dancing, which is a bit like square dancing but done in a line rather than 4 couples in a square, you dance with everyone in the line so it’s very social. In addition, at the end of the dance you thank your partner and then find a different partner for the next dance. It’s expected for you to mix with everyone and it’s completely permissible to approach someone you don’t know and ask them to dance. As a result, I got accustomed to that and would bring that same practice with me to other dance scenes. I’m the one looking for the person standing alone and asking them to dance or noticing the person sitting alone at a party and chatting them up.
I once had a book of questions to ask as conversation starters.
I think this is something we can try to cultivate, that many of us need to cultivate. We can’t expect others to always do the work of keeping up the conversation, initiating contact, etc.
I’m saying this as someone who suffers with this problem, too. It was a problem before the pandemic and has only gotten worse.
Worst yet, when we tell others we’re lonely and need connection and are met with awkwardness, silence, and ultimately rejection. Or told unless we’ve gotten the shot we’re not allowed to be around others. This is discrimination and is causing more psychological harm than people can imagine.
@FunCartel fair enough there're people who like to listen I'm going to avoid the once who distract me @Babichev 😊 yes i found 1 cuddle partner but we both busy and hard to see each other
@TheMidnightOwl agree - unfortunately.
I’ve been following this discussion with interest. Although there have been some hints to the contrary, there seems to be a general belief that loneliness is associated with being alone and isolated. There’s been little recognition of the fact that a person can just as lonely, if not more so, when in a relationship, when that relationship isn’t working.
I’m married, so you would think that I shouldn’t be lonely, but I am. My wife suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. I love her, but being with her isn’t much different from being alone. It’s even worse when she gets angry over not being able remember something, and reacts by screaming at me. When that happens, I can feel the loneliness in the in the pit of my stomach.
I joined this site hoping that some cuddling might alleviate some of my loneliness, but I’m beginning to think that my age might be against me. Despite having attempted to start conversations with over 20 local women, I have received all of three messages. One from a man, and one from a very interesting woman. Unfortunately, both of them are over 300 miles away. The third message, finally ,from a local woman was “IHi I am looking for someone a little younger thanks.”
Is it time to give up?
@GreatHornedOwl I understand being lonely but with someone. In my case it was a 14 year relationship with an overt narcissist. I slowly felt like I was losing my sense of self.
The last 4 years of that relationship were very emotionally lonely for me. The physical contact was there, but only on his terms. Sometimes I think that I think is worse than no contact at all.
After two years of being single I thought I had figured out what I needed in a partner. Instead, I met the most dangerous one of them all, a covert narcissist who reflected everything I wanted in a relationship back at me for three and a half years before devaluing and discarding me in the most sudden and cruel way possible right at the start of the pandemic.
Socially and physically distance from my friends and support system , living alone, and working as an essential employee through the whole pandemic I thought I wanted to die.
I joined online support groups , I read books and I tried my hardest to make sense of everything.
It has only been in the last few months since coming here that I have really felt connected again.
I understand being lonely but with someone. In my case it was a 14 year relationship with an overt narcissist. I slowly felt like I was losing my sense of self. The last 4 years of that relationship were very emotionally lonely for me. The physical contact was there, but only on his terms. Sometimes I think that I think is worse than no contact at all. - @KYtranspant there seems to be a general belief that loneliness is associated with being alone and isolated. There’s been little recognition of the fact that a person can just as lonely, if not more so, when in a relationship, when that relationship isn’t working. - @GreatHornedOwl
I understand being lonely but with someone. In my case it was a 14 year relationship with an overt narcissist. I slowly felt like I was losing my sense of self. The last 4 years of that relationship were very emotionally lonely for me. The physical contact was there, but only on his terms. Sometimes I think that I think is worse than no contact at all. - @KYtranspant
there seems to be a general belief that loneliness is associated with being alone and isolated. There’s been little recognition of the fact that a person can just as lonely, if not more so, when in a relationship, when that relationship isn’t working. - @GreatHornedOwl
my understanding of loneliness was much different before I read this. as much as I would love to have a special person in my life again it's scary to know that you can feel lonely too if you spend your life with the wrong person. I used to believe loneliness was only just a lack of a social support system or constant presence in your life. I'm really enlightened from reading everyone's stories.
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.”
WriterGF, Geez, yes. So, true. **Such a sad but true quote. ** I looked it up. It's attributed to Robin Williams, but it is actually a line that he said in the movie, "World's Greatest Dad." One does have to wonder if Robin Williams did feel these sentiments though. At any rate: great quote to share, WriterGF. And rest in eternal peace Robin Williams.
@GreatHornedOwl Awwh, I am sorry. Don't give up. I'm new to the site. I really feel for your situation though. Have you considered getting a massage? I'm still socially distancing to the extent possible, so I'm still a little uncomfortable with the idea of getting a massage. However, in my case I am thinking that it could be a good thing for getting some human touch and feel good chemicals circulating.
I’ve been lonely my whole life. But these past 2 years have really taken a toll. Fills me with regret that I’ve lived a life that’s resulted in me being alone with no one to go through these tough times with. If you’re reading this and you’re still young, do all you can to build solid friendships, relationships, a network of support. If you don’t, you will regret it. Trust me.
Is anyone here rather than lonely isolated and you choosed it
@iNeedAHug7 totally understand the need to build social networks.
Going through a breakup and then the pandemic was exceedingly hard on me.
Last weekend several friends of mine and I rented a cabin for the whole weekend just to get together and get away. All of us had been so isolated with so many life changing events over the last 21 months.
Just to sit back, cook, talk around the campfire and hike during the day was exactly what we needed. We are hoping to make this something we do at least every six months.
In the meantime, we are definitely planning smaller informal gatherings.
Today I cooked a small Thanksgiving dinner for two of us while my friend wired a new dash cam in his pickup out in the barn.
He then helped me move an entire pickup truck load of hay out to the feeder. Even chores when done with friends is time well spent.
I think a website like this has tons of potential to grow much more popular than it currently is because there is indeed such a loneliness epidemic out there. I encounter it on a near daily basis as my job involves visiting people at their homes. It’s so sad. Particularly sad because for various reasons (anxiety, fear, shame, pride, etc) so many of these people would not dream of rtaking advantage of a site like this or the other opportunities for connection that exist out there.
Hopefully the existence of this site will help to break down some of the barriers as everyone needs human contact.