JOKE…

[Deleted User]CCBoy (deleted user)

During a church service, a pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered.

A lady stood up and came forward.

She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord."

"Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed."

"The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain."

"We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation."

"They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.

A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Jim and I would like to tell my wife, the word is "sternum."

Comments

  • [Deleted User]CrouchingAUTigr (deleted user)

    Good one!!!

  • Hahaha!

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

  • Schrodinger was driving and got stopped by a policeman.
    “Do you know why I pulled you over, Sir?”
    “No, Officer, I don’t.”
    “You’ve got a tail light out. Mind if I have a look around your car?”
    “No, Officer, have a look.”
    The policeman shined his flashlight inside the car, looked around the back seat.
    “Sir, would you mind if I looked inside of your trunk?”
    Schrodinger popped the trunk from inside the car. The policeman looked around, closed the trunk, and came back to the front of the vehicle.
    “Sir, do you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?”
    Schrodinger answered, “I do now.”

    If you’re not familiar with Schrödinger’s cat:
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schrödinger's_cat

  • [Deleted User]CCBoy (deleted user)

    Ha! ☝️

  • edited December 2021

    @Babichev
    Professor Heisenberg was driving down the motorway, very fast. I mean really, really fast. He was very late for an important appointment, and had rather lost track of the speedometer. Sure enough, it wasn't long before the blue lights appeared in the mirror and, being a good driver and a good citizen, he pulled over at once.

    The policeman leaned in the window and said, "Do you realise how fast you were going? According to my radar you were doing 153.94 miles per hour.

    "Bugger!" said Professor Heisenberg. "Now I don't know where I am."


    And now, one of the funniest jokes I ever heard. I mean, funny for what is essentially a 'dad' joke. I nearly wet myself when I heard this. I was 17 and I still remember where I was.

    What's green and commutes?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    An abelian grape.


    And finally ...

    There are two kinds of people in the world.

    1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
    2)

  • [Deleted User]CCBoy (deleted user)

    Jokes are getting very high brow. I love it.

  • Ok ok. Keeping it high brow and all.

    Two atoms are walking down the street.
    One atom says to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!”
    The other says, “Are you sure?”
    “Yes, I’m positive!”

    C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.
    The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”

  • The barman says, "We don't see faster than light particles here."

    A tachyon walks into a bar.

    (Tachyons are theoretical particles that go faster than light and travel backwards in time)

  • Looks like we’ve got quite the physics fans here. =)

  • there was a thief interred a house, the residents heard a noise and said : who's there, thief 🤔 meow cat sounds😼 , residents thought it's a cat. Second day the thief came and residents heard the noise again, who's there , thief got confused 🤯 and said I'm the yesterdays cat

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