Stop Yucking People’s Yums

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Someone likes drugs? Good for them. Someone likes cigarettes, or alcohol, or cars that go fast? Good for them. Someone likes pro sports?
Good for them. Someone likes veterans?
Good for them.

Arguably, (and that’s the key word) all the above cause more harm than a layman’s interest in astrology, or nde, or reiki, or the Meyer’s Briggs scale. But it seems to me people are getting flamed over relatively little and the hierarchy of who is “right” (meaning whose beliefs are popular) seems like it’s being defended relentlessly. Give it a rest, if you can.

Next time someone starts a thread with, “Who else listens to Elvis Presley?” Please don’t hijack that thread with snark about how “The King” never wrote any of the songs he was famous for, or even a valid dissertation about cultural appropriation. Start your own thread, please.
People who want to debate you will find it.

PS I am not claiming the high ground here. I have drunk the delicious tea of indignation.
But I’m trying to kick the habit. Care to join me?

WriterGF

@MonkeyNeedsAHug Your sentiments are very much appreciated.

Love2Cuddle757

I'm with you. It's annoying that people seem to find absolutely anything and everything to complain about. It'd be great if they spent that time doing something productive like checking on their neighbors.

CallMeMikey

@MonkeyNeedsAHug I couldn't agree with you more.

WriterGF

To boil it down to an example that maybe is more relevant to this community -- if someone starts a topic entitled, "What was the last great platonic cuddle you had?", they are not inviting a debate on whether platonic cuddling can or does exist. They're asking for people's experiences. It's perfectly acceptable to start a topic on whether platonic cuddling is a legit thing or not (I believe it is, probably a lot of people outside the community would have their doubts) ... but no need to bring the debate into a topic asking purely for anecdotal evidence.

Ironman294

@MonkeyNeedsAHug kudos! There are some that post here that alway seem to post negative responses.

GreatHornedOwl

@MonkeyNeedsAHug Anybody who doesn't want their Yum Yucked, should keep their yum to themselves.
If somebody has an belief in astrology, or NDE, or any other belief, nobody will ever criticize that belief if they don't know about it. However, if once someone start a discussion of their belief on a forum, it seems to me that they have invited criticism, and any reasonably polite criticism is fair game.

Whether a belief is "right" (valid might have been a better word), Has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not it's popular. Even beliefs that are universally held, may be completely invalid.Think back to the beliefs that led to Salem witchcraft trials. Consider that prion to Kepler and Galileo, the belief that the earth was the center of the universe was gospel. Try reading Henrik Ibsen's An Enemy of the People.

@Ironman294 If someone posts that the sun rises in the west, is it being negative to point out that it actually rises in the
east.

cuddles_ndream

@MonkeyNeedsAHug ty for this thread! A few members need to read this, as well as 1 moderator. Its like a cartel of party poopers who are having fun by giving their opinions & advice that wasn’t asked to begin with, & a moderator who chooses when to say “stay on topic” and when not.

WriterGF

It's interesting that a site devoted to people seeking comfort is also being considered a place where people are "inviting criticism." It would seem those two things are incompatible.

cuddles_ndream

@WriterGF everything you said & shared is 100% true, I appreciate that you’re able to word & explain things for what they are …

@GreatHornedOwl i respectfully disagree, WriterGF explained it perfectly … here they choose when to say “stay on topic” … if the question is inviting different opinions than so be it, & if its not than it isn’t … they should, ‘stay on topic’.

edit: they also have the option of visiting one of the many other threads on the forum.

sillysassy

This has been a topic that has come up often.... I appreciate @MonkeyNeedsAHug and your desire to create a forum that doesn't have as much YUCK to it. While I agree with @GreatHornedOwl in theory, I don't agree with it in practice. We are trying to build a community that is inclusive to all instead of divisive. The IDEA of cuddling is supposed to be more about connecting with people in a POSITIVE kind of way. There have been numerous times that in the title we have actually had to say "NO SHADE PLEASE" but why should that be? Why can't we just have kindness in our curiosity? I COMPLETELY agree that lately there has been a LOT of high tensions and an extreme amount of negativity. Maybe a "YUM" should be kept out of the forums when it causes so much argument or frustration.... but MAYBE JUST MAYBE we could all look at having a bit more thoughtfulness added to our comments? Throwing so much negativity around doesn't actually serve anyone's best interests. Of course, when you create a post, you have to be willing for people to love it or hate it without getting your feelings hurt. Of course, everyone has a desire to give unsolicited advice. Of course, everyone feels like they have the RIGHT way of looking at things..... but maybe, we could be the type of community to change that?

This is an excerpt of the FAQ's

Some topics are against the spirit of the site, such as a focus on sexuality.
Promoting things that are against the Terms of Service may result in a ban. The Terms of Service also forbid harassment, hateful posts, spam and advertising material.
A few topics may get a reaction of "We've talked about this already!", even if the question is genuine. Examples include "What if you get aroused while cuddling?" or "Why do professionals charge so much?" (see elsewhere in this FAQ for answers).
Off topic posts are OK (e.g. What are you doing right now?), but the forums are mostly a place for like minded people to discuss cuddling; having too many unrelated posts can be a distraction for some people.

Also, maybe we all need to be a little more thoughtful in WHAT KIND OF POSTS WE MAKE? There are over 100 pages of forum threads. Its EXTREMELY LIKELY that there's been a thread that has talked about the subject numerous times. Maybe, if we're looking for feedback from new members we can add on to a post that's already discussed it in EXTREME DETAIL..... Maybe we should just do more cuddling/cuddle talk and less trying to turn this into another normal forum?

And @cuddles_ndream please oh please DO NOT attack our moderators in a public, humiliating, shaming kind of way. If you believe that you have been wronged by a mod (or anyone else for that matter) talk to @mark about it. This is a very passive aggressive way to vent a frustration and it doesn't look good when anyone does it. Our MODS are trying to corral a TON of negative behavior AS VOLUNTEERS OF THEIR TIME and they started out by just being enthusiastic about the idea of cuddling. Please no more public shade to our mods. Please.

cuddles_ndream

@sillysassy I think you’re the only one that thinks I’m attacking the moderator , you & you only … even when I think you’re done with certain ways you always seem to attract negativity , put words in peoples mouths , tag site owners / devs / ect (you do this a lot)

Right now I could screen shot a thread (or comment on it), where one of the members who seems to always have a problem with me & attract so much negativity, & always hijack anyones thread he seems fit, telling one of our amazing pros on here to Breath & relax, the pro replied by stating “don’t tell any woman to relax, that’s not your place”! When he hijacked one of my threads I was “warned” by a moderator for telling him to calm down, strange how on his same previous actions he wasn’t warned, infact the pro got reprimanded… this type of behavior is happening in public , so I’m addressing it public , please don’t put words in my mouth ,& tell me what I feel , or what I mean , not me or anyone else, You Do This A lot.

sillysassy

@cuddles_ndream Wow. Thank you for speaking your truth.

cuddles_ndream

@sillysassy you're welcome.

WriterGF

@sillysassy The one point you make that really stands out to me is this -- this is a cuddling site. While off-topic subjects are allowed, there are most likely other forums on other sites where that stuff could be discussed. This site doesn't work best as a catch-all for disparate topics.

Ironman294

No that isn’t @GreatHornedOwl but if someone posts I like strawberries and people come in here and say who cares strawberries buck and your tastes in fruit suck. That is negative and nasty and some do, do that in here.
So maybe sometimes if one has something negative to say about someone’s yum, one could skip posting a reply once in awhile.

sillysassy

One of the biggest things that has been discussed FOR MANY YEARS is that it isn't super kind to derail a post from what the OP is trying to discuss. That it is KIND to the OP if we try and stay on topic. I think @MonkeyNeedsAHug is trying to remind us that it is FANTASTIC that we all have different ideas and we should celebrate that instead of trying to coerce people into a specific idea or notion. I applaud that.
Its fun to learn about something new and explore a different ideology and perspective even if we don't agree. I think we all want to find love and acceptance instead of all sorts of harsh judgement from others. It just seems like we need to iron out the kinks in how we go about doing that.

Thank you again @MonkeyNeedsAHug for reminding us how our differences can be beautiful.

CuddleDuncan

@cuddles_ndream it is not helpful to criticise moderators in public except in very unusual circumstances, which do not apply here. They are volunteers, doing a difficult job. Sometimes mistakes are made (rare on this site) and sometimes there is no good way to deal with a situation.

Moderation on this site is rarely individual. Any significant action has usually been discussed by the mods beforehand, and the mod who actually posts is simply the person who happens to be handling it. In other words, sometimes when a mod takes an action they may actually disagree with that action, but have agreed to do it because they are acting under the principle of collective responsibility.

There is a general problem on the internet of a certain type of person who is expert at winding people up while staying within the rules. They provoke others to break the rules while remaining within them. This does sometimes lead to the 'wrong' person being warned. (Although you can only be warned if you have actually broken the rules.) In general the mods are perfectly well aware of what's happening, and look forward to the moment when the troll oversteps the mark.

If you have a problem with a mod, the best course of action is to do nothing. Wait a couple of days until you have some perspective, and if you feel that something has gone badly wrong raise it privately.

@sillysassy

cuddles_ndream

@CuddleDuncan Im sorry cuddlecomfort still hasn’t consider you to become a moderator , maybe next year.

Mike403

That thread you speak of was about a TV show on NDEs and people were just giving their opinions on the subject.

GreatHornedOwl

There seems to be a suggestion here that only those who agree with the OP should post anything to that thread. Personally, I find that to be absurd.

When somebody starts a thread with a post that is purely his or her opinion of a controversial subject, they are implicitly inviting opinions on both sided of the issue. Why else raise the subject in the first place. If you don't want to have anybody post a contrary opinion, don't open the subject.

BTW, a contrary opinion is not the same thing as a negative opinion.

JoyfulHeart

@sillysassy I appreciate you. You certainly are NOT a yum-yucker.

Thank you for this post @MonkeyNeedsAHug : Forum posts are like songs at a dance. If we don't like the song, we always have the option to stay off the dance floor.

sillysassy

@GreatHornedOwl yes THIS!!

BTW, a contrary opinion is not the same thing as a negative opinion.

I completely agree! We can AND OFTEN DO have a different opinion…. Can we approach things without negativity? That is the bigger question.

@JoyfulHeart 😊😊😊

The dance analogy is a great one. We can watch. We can try it out even. But if we can’t stay kind and positive? Exit stage right. There are PLENTY of threads I just avoid for that reason really.

@CuddleDuncan eloquently put. ✅

blisscuddles

Many a times it’s not what is said but how it’s said. Opinions with civility can lead to a great discourse; opinions with contempt for another opinion only breeds more contempt.

Mike403

In North Korea, you get shot or thrown into re-education camps if you have a different opinion than their leader. Fortunately, this is America.

Travismo

I agree with @blisscuddles on this, differing opinions are a welcome addition to discussion but coming to a discussion as if it’s a debate is not only rude but perhaps even gross. Yucky, you might say.

Babichev

So is the consensus that no one can disagree with the OP? Or anyone, for that matter?

First one to express an opinion rules, everyone else - either agree or stay silent. Got it.

Where I come from we welcome debate and no one takes it personally. We also distinguish between attacking an idea and attacking a person.

So from now on, immediately shut down any thread where someone disagrees? I’m at your service. You guys decide what you want.

How about this: keep the threads superficial and light. Don’t post anything that could conceivably be controversial, like Meyers-Briggs or astrology or near death experiences or past lives. I mean, seriously, I find it hard to believe that someone honestly thinks it’s okay to post something like that and that no one should express an opinion that maybe this stuff is unsupportable. Or post about why the universe exists and then expect everyone to agree? Really?

Are we adults? Are we that fragile?

If the rule is that no one is allowed to disagree then I think no one should be allowed to post anything that is the least bit controversial. How’s that?

I’m all ears.

But please, no “negativity.”

Namaste

Mike403

A near death experience is an experience when you almost died. It doesn't always mean going to some beautiful "afterlife" and coming back. If you barely dodged getting hit by a truck, you had a NDE.

Babichev

As for complaints about style: opinions about style are personal, not universal, and I don’t entertain them.

Focus on the content. Forget about style. I’m not going to police tone. It’s often used as an excuse to shut down those with whom we disagree. It was used to shut down feminists as a way to ignore their message. It was used to shut down civil rights activists as a way to ignore their message. It was used against anti-War activists as a way to ignore their message.

Focus on content, forget about style. Take the high road. Don’t be easily offended.

https://massagefitnessmag.com/massage/dont-be-a-tone-police-on-social-media/

Mike403

This reminds me of a movie I saw a long time ago about a guy who died and was born again as a dog while remembering his human life. It's called Fluke.

Travismo

Say someone makes a post asking for people to share their experiences with dogs. You can say “ I love dogs” or “I hate dogs” and both are acceptable responses. If you say “ I hate dogs and you should also hate dogs” and proceed to argue about how bad dogs are, I feel like that’s not cool. And it’s not like either party can conclusively prove that dogs are bad or good, so the arguments go nowhere.
But that’s just, like, my opinion man.