If you were a book...

AmortentiaAmortentia
in General

Noticed a book thread recently and something came to mind. If you were one book only, what kind would you be?

I would say a mystery for me. They're my number one favorite books to read but personally my life is like a mystery too unless just in my perspective lol

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Comments

  • CuddlebudBruceCuddlebudBruce

    Interesting and intriguing question, @Amortentia. I would say that I am a coloring book. I do have boundaries but I get along with everybody. I can be silly with silly people but I can also cry with someone who is hurting. Kids love me and adults love me too. People find that I am calming and enjoyable.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    If I were a book, I'd be an open one.

    As for genre or content, I'd probably be a book about learning how to celebrate and live out one's true identity and potential.

    For a long time I've believed that everyone contains something remarkable and beautiful within themselves, but it's only been in the last 5-6 years that I realized that "everyone" includes me.

    My experiences have made me want to help others to avoid struggling with decades of self-loathing before finally learning to love themselves.

  • HogboblinZweiHogboblinZwei


    I'd be this kind of book.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2

    I'd be a hemmingway novel crossed with Siddhartha by Herman Hesse.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    I would be a book of recipes of how to cook your own goose

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @UCpaaHVg6u0

    I snorted. 😂

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited January 2022

    Hmm. Well.

    Due to my fantastic upbringing, I suppose I'd be a book full of highly specific yet utterly insane "information" which large groups of people somehow manage to take entirely seriously.

    A wonderful resource for stupid facts.

    Something like this.



    What genre would you call that?

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0
    edited January 2022

    @DaringSprinter It sort of puts a shadow on the whole food processing industry. We need more food slack (in terms of Subgenius irreligion).

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited January 2022

    @UCpaaHVg6u0: Oh, there's no shade. You can't expect a science-based processing industry to deal with demonic food contamination.

    There are also other useful things in here. Things like "Exorcism to Compel the Demon to Give Back a Hand Written Document by Which a Man has Bound Himself" and "Spiritual Remedies against Love Potion"—prayers to heal physical disease, a list of sins....

    Very handy. A very firm grasp of reality here.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @DaringSprinter Nothing about cheese demons? My neighbor is beset by the Spirit of Limburger.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    @DaringSprinter at first I would have said religious but with you saying it was "highly specific yet utterly insane 'information'" then I would go with myths possibly or the supernatural. Just my guess. Which I like to read both myths and supernatural actually but not at all when it has a religious vibe even though I am religious...hence why I would be a mystery book. Sigh.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited January 2022

    @JoyfulHeart: Ah, you want the general exorcism! That's page 270. (I'm not kidding.)

    @Amortentia: Frankly, religion is just supernatural fantasy with a lot of delusional fans. I understand the joy brought by temporary suspension of disbelief—I like a good story as much as the next guy!—but taking it seriously forever is going a bit far.

    You're not gonna catch me seriously believing I'm actually exorcising anybody's cheese... or in need of blood magic to make my "soul" spiritually pure. Heh.

    (I might note that 'Minor Exorcisms and Deliverance Prayers' was published in 2015. This stuff's current. Getcher godly blessings and exorcisms here, folks! Not a bit expired, honestly collected and delivered right to your door in good faith by the Most Reverend Edward J. Slattery, former bishop of Tulsa, himself!)

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited January 2022

    ...I know way too many stupid facts. Or "facts."

    Edit: Oh no, I've just realized I'm The Skeptic's Annotated Bible. And I don't even own a copy.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    @DaringSprinter I still see some differences between religion and the supernatural but it doesn't mean they can't cross paths at times. Like there is chicken and there is soup...they are different but they can cross paths and be chicken soup in one category. So the difference is kinda like that with supernatural and religion if my example made sense there. Also why I labelled it supernatural and not religious from what your picture was because even as a religious person I felt like labelling it as supernatural only because it is not something I'd read if I wanted to read a religious text but also not something I'd read even if I like supernatural because it does give a religous vibe since to some it is religious. If I don't make sense then sorry I am a mystery book as I said. Also why I bought tickets to see the Exorcism movie once and it had too much of a religious vibe that I had to just leave the movie theatre cuz I came for simply scary/horror lol.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @Amortentia: Genres are made up by humans anyway—what one person calls "mystery" another might classify as "comedy." The former bishop of Tulsa would probably disagree with your decision to call his book "not religious," but I didn't ask for his opinion, did I?

    You're fine.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    I think my book would be about the complexity of the human experience and all the nuances and variables.

  • ComfyEdtotheWinComfyEdtotheWin

    If I was a book I would say either an adventure or mythical book for sure

  • [Deleted User]AndrewSnugs (deleted user)

    If I was a book, I would want it to be full of action and adventure, while showing humility and love.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    I would be a field guide to (probably) birds, but possobly to insects, reptiles, or wildflowers.

  • blisscuddlesblisscuddles

    A mystery adventure book with multiple endings…exploring different What If paths; with blank pages to write your own.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited January 2022

    I wanted to say dystopian fiction. But the truth is I’m more like a “Choose your own Adventure” book. If you’ve ever read one and purposefully made a bad choice just to see how the story unfolds, you get me.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited January 2022

    I'd be the Dead Sea Scrolls. Someone will discover me after I'm dead and broken into fragments and then spend years puzzling over what I meant. Of course the experts will get it completely wrong.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 - praise Bob.

    @DaringSprinter - Oh my goodness, best book yet. For some bizarre reason it’s making me think of English As She Is Spoke. Maybe because it, too, is one of the best books ever written precisely because it’s so bizarre.
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_as_She_Is_Spoke

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @Babichev: This is kind of off topic (though I think some people might still enjoy reading it), so....

    Oh man, wait until you hear about this other book I own. It's not ridiculous in the way 'English as She Is Spoke' is—true, it wasn't written by English speakers either, but the translations are pretty accurate to the original. No, the bizzarity comes from the actual content.

    Like, one of the things it says is that the sky is a solid thing, sort of a firm, thick sheet, and the stars are embedded in the sky (like raisins in a slice of fruitcake!) and there's water on the other side of the sky.

    This isn't a side note or anything, it's actually a plot point later.

    The way it just completely ignores the existence of intersex people is pretty standard, but get this: it's so sure that female people always bleed the first time they get super non-platonic with male people that it straight up says if they don't it's okay to kill them!

    I mean, instructions on how to drive demons out of cheese are one thing, but this other book, this other book takes it so far it's almost not even funny.

    There's more, I could go on—it's a long book!

    I should probably make myself some tuna, though. Eat a sandwich. It's been a little while, so.

    But if anyone's interested, hey! My inbox is open.

  • SunnyDSunnyD

    @DaringSprinter I love your answer and mine would be like that too. Especially Disney/Pixar Trivia riddled throughout the book.

  • SunnyDSunnyD

    But with insights to life and witty, funny twist so think crossovers of Toa of Pooh, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintance with humor and wit like Terry Prachett's Discworld novels.

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    First thing that came to my mind was "don't judge my book by its cover" ;)

  • [Deleted User]Ennea2HugU (deleted user)

    I have had multiple friends call me a "freaking unicorn", so maybe a fantasy novel 🤔🤣

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle

    I’d want to be an adventure book but I’d probably wind up being one that sits at home collecting dust. 😂😂😂

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle

    @Ennea2HugU omg, I have that same nickname. My bff just bought me a unicorn onsie for Christmas. And to everyone… no not THAT kind of unicorn.

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