"Am I under attack?" It's a question that many ask themselves in this age of instant communication. Now, comrades and friends, never ask yourself that question again. Replace your fear and uncertainty with knowledge!
Here's a helpful scenario to help you discern whether or not someone is being attacked or bullied:
Jack has shared an idea or an opinion. Margaret points out that said idea is problematic. Perhaps the idea is a generalization. Possibly it's not. Crucially, however, the idea is not supported by evidence. An example follows.
"Seatbelts in cars don't save lives," Jack says.
"That's incorrect. In fact, that's insane," Margaret says.
Has Margaret just bullied Jack? While you might be inclined to answer "yes", the correct answer is "no". Margaret has not bullied Jack. Margaret has critiqued the ludicrous idea that Jack has shared.
"Now wait a dang second!" you say, veins bulging. "She said that it's 'insane'! That's rude! She's attacking Jack!"
No, dear friend. You see, the statement that seatbelts don't save lives holds no water whatsoever. There are mountains of evidence that disprove it. An attack would be something like this:
"That's incorrect. In fact, that's insane. You possess a donkey's brain, Jack."
Now that last sentence right there—that is an attack. Not on the idea that Jack shared, but on Jack himself. It's an important distinction to make, pal. And many often fail to make this distinction. So here it is, laid out and crystal clear:
Criticizing ideas is not the same as criticizing people.
Every idea can and should be criticized. This is a fine way to discern whether an idea is good or not.
If you disagree, if this concept bothers you in any way, it might be a good idea for you to never speak to anyone ever again. If you are unable to dole out criticism—or to receive it—without an emotional response, then communicating with other humans might not be for you.
"But criticism of my ideas hurts my feelings!" you may argue. "I am my ideas!" you may feel. "My ideas are my identity!"
Then, my friend, you may need to work on your ideas (and your identity). Introspection could benefit you greatly.
And now we reach our final point. If your response to criticism is to lash out in an emotional manner, this does not make you right. You are not proven correct by having a tantrum, by becoming morose, or anything else. Appeals to emotion are not insightful, thought-provoking, or profound.
If your ideas can't stand on their own without a foundation of emotion, that is bad.
It doesn't facilitate discussion, which is what a forum is all about. It is presumptuous and condescending, as it places your ideas above criticism, and expects everyone else to comply.
In short: if the attack is directed at your ideas rather than at you, you are not being attacked!
Congratulations.