Being more bold

Hello everyone,

I’ve joined after a long-term relationship breakup out of hope of being built back up again. I’ve always been very affectionate and I work an on-call job that can be stressful at times. Since the breakup, I’ve took a weekend away from work and reconnected with one of my very few best friends. The breakup and even the time towards the end of the relationship was pretty rough at times and opening up to my best friend about everything was very helpful to me. I’ve also told my best friend about this platform and have learned that out of the five love languages, hers is physical touch, same as mine. She has even agreed that me and her could have some time close together as best friends. It gives me comfort in knowing that someone close to me understands the need for affection and has even given me the will to be more bold. I haven’t had any luck in meeting up with anyone local on CuddleComfort yet, but I do realize that an experience like this can take some time to find someone who is compatible with the same vibes that both parties are looking for. I’m still very hopeful and have faith. Just thought I should share my experience.

ClubSamwiches

This is really sweet! I wish it was more socially acceptable to be affectionate with your friends. I think we could all benefit from it.

Sheena123

It definitely takes a lot of time and patience, but I think you have a really healthy outlook. I really hope you’re able to find someone! I agree with Sammi. It is so heartbreaking knowing that thanks to social conditioning towards men, it’s an automatic turn off for most men to want to cuddle with men. 😣 keep your head up!

txbaseball87

It is perfectly acceptable to be affectionate with your friends. Who said it wasn't socially acceptable?

Straight men are affectionate with other straight men.

Physical intimacy and being affectionate with somebody are two different things.

Being straight has nothing to do with social conditioning. Cuddling is physical intimacy. I didn't think it was a secret that it's a turn off for a straight man to be physically intimate with another straight man.

txbaseball87

@HumbleIntrovert

Have you tried only enthusiasts, or pros as well? Sadly, the vast majority of women on here will only meet you if you give them money.

DaringSprinter

@txbaseball87: Physical intimacy with another straight man is a turn off, you say? Perfect! That's exactly what we're going for here—being not turned on.

And I'd sure hate to think my grandparents were being physically intimate with me rather than affectionate. Goodness gracious.

txbaseball87

"@txbaseball87: Physical intimacy with another straight man is a turn off, you say? Perfect! That's exactly what we're going for here—being not turned on."

You are talking about being turned on sexually. I wasn't talking about sex.

I am turned on by women who love to read and watch sports. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm sexually attracted to them. It could mean I'm just excited that they like similar things.

"And I'd sure hate to think my grandparents were being physically intimate with me rather than affectionate. Goodness gracious."

It's different when it's family, but I'm not sure what your definition of "physically intimate" is.

If I heard a Grandfather tell me he was physically intimate with his granddaughter, then that would be a cause for concern.

Sheena123

@txbaseball87 I said all that to say that there are a lot of me here who have proclaimed that they refuse to cuddle with other men and that they only feel comfortable cuddling with women. That’s what I’m explaining. It’s not a secret at all that most straight masculine presenting people don’t feel comfortable cuddling the same sex. And I’m just saying I wish more men would feel moser comfortable cuddling other men. If you are comfortable cuddling other men, that’s great! Unfortunately a lot of men here have vocalized it’s something they will never do. If they would cuddle other men, they would definitely get more affection or physical touch.

ClubSamwiches

@txbaseball87 the OP was talking about cuddling his friend who uses she/her pronouns, so I’m assuming they have a m/f friendship. I’m affectionate with friends of both sexes and this includes hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and using verbal affirmations. When people see this from the outside, they misconstrue it as romantic affection as opposed to platonic friendship and make assumptions. Sometimes it harbors jealousy and resentment from people trying to be romantic with my friends. It’s not a normal social practice sharing platonic affection, so I’d say some people view it as unacceptable.

txbaseball87

@Sheena123

It has nothing to do with being masculine and being uncomfortable. I'm just confused why you wish straight men acted differently.

txbaseball87

@SweetiSammi

I completely agree. I was talking about being affectionate vs. being physical intimate.

I’m affectionate with friends of both sexes and this includes hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and using verbal affirmations. When people see this from the outside, they misconstrue it as romantic affection as opposed to platonic friendship and make assumptions.

People can assume what they want. There have been a number of times where others have thought my female friend and I were dating, but they stopped assuming after I told them we were just friends.

It’s not a normal social practice sharing platonic affection, so I’d say some people view it as unacceptable.

I don't think people think it's unacceptable. I think people just might be confused at first, until you tell them your situation.

DaringSprinter

@txbaseball87: If a grandparent told you they were physically intimate with their grandchildren, then that would be a cause for concern? But according to you "cuddling is physical intimacy," remember? Why on earth would a grandparent cuddling a grandchild be a cause for concern?

You see, the problem here is that you're conflating cuddling with physical intimacy and insisting that cuddling is not affectionate.

Cuddling is physically intimate (as is riding a crowded bus or train), and it's also affectionate (unlike the train), and saying that being affectionate with another guy is fine but cuddling is being intimate, not affectionate—that's just plain confusing cuddling with something that is, shall we say, intimately connected with turn offs and turn ons.

samfiddle

People constantly pressuring people to cuddle men is so annoying.
Like we came here to experience soothing touch and to feel safe, and constantly people are just like
"why wont you spend an hour in fight-or-flight for cuddles that wont make you happy cause its what I think you need???"
Noone bats an eye when women dont want to cuddle men on here, but when men, who are wayyyyyy more statistically likely to be assualted by another man then women are to be assaulted by a man, dont want to, its just "unevolved" or whatever and we need "growth".
Did you come here to cuddle people you dont feel safe with?? Kay then dont pressure others to.
Anyone who does so has the empathy of a potato and zero ability to place themselves in another's shoes. Its really gross.

samfiddle

And that these concerns are always dismissed as "hEr dEr yOu jUsT wANt sExY cuDdLeS" is really, really disgusting.

txbaseball87

@DaringSprinter

If a grandparent told you they were physically intimate with their grandchildren, then that would be a cause for concern?

It's the connotation.

If a child at school told their teacher that they like being physical intimate with their Grandfather or Grandmother, then I think that would be a cause for concern.

insisting that cuddling is not affectionate

I actually stated the opposite: "It is perfectly acceptable to be affectionate with your friends. Who said it wasn't socially acceptable?"

Cuddling is physically intimate (as is riding a crowded bus or train)

No, you are not being physically intimate with the person you're standing next to on the bus. I am not even sure how anybody would think that.

and saying that being affectionate with another guy is fine but cuddling is being intimate, not affectionate

I never said what is fine or not fine. I don't care what anybody does. I also never said cuddling is not affectionate. I am not sure how you inferred that.

What I said was there is a difference between being affectionate and being physically intimate. I am affectionate with my male friends because I show compassion when they have a break-up or lose their jobs, but I'm not going to physically cuddle with them.

txbaseball87

@samfiddle

100% agree. You stated it perfectly.

DaringSprinter

@Sheena123: It is saddening the way social conditioning makes so many men feel like just sitting down and snuggling up with another guy is unacceptable—a "turn off" for any straight man.

Almost maddening, really.

It's great to see even one other man stepping up and being bolder... and depressing to see how many will reach up to try and pull them all down.

Most women here cuddle all genders. Most men only cuddle women. Astounding, isn't it, that the gender most likely to be sexually assaulted by men is also the most willing to cuddle them?

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@txbaseball87:

To quote someone, put a > in front of the paragraph. Like this:

No, you are not being physically intimate with the person you're standing next to on the bus. I am not even sure how anybody would think that.

Standing next to? Next to? Someone's never been on a crowded train. Try standing sandwiched by. I've had strangers pressed against my chest and my face cradled in the crook of a stranger's elbow, my butt in some other guy's crotch for what seemed like hours at a time, someone else's head in my armpit, and you say it's not physically intimate.

Geez, buddy—if that's not physically intimate, cuddling sure isn't either.

I never said

Here were your points:

1) It is perfectly acceptable to be affectionate with your friends.

2) Physical intimacy and being affectionate with somebody are two different things.

3) Cuddling is physical intimacy.

4) It's a turn off for a straight man to be physically intimate with another straight man.

5) Being straight has nothing to do with social conditioning.

Suuure you never said cuddling isn't the same as being affectionate. You never said there were connotations to being "physically intimate" with someone. You never said it was gay for a guy to cuddle another guy. No, you never said that!

Not directly.

txbaseball87

Standing next to? Next to? Someone's never been on a crowded train. Try standing sandwiched by. I've had strangers pressed against my chest and my face cradled in the crook of a stranger's elbow, my butt in some other guy's crotch for what seemed like hours at a time, someone else's head in my armpit, and you say it's not physically intimate.

I've been in crowded trains. And no, that is not physically intimacy.

You never said it was gay for a guy to cuddle another guy.

I never said that. I don't care what people do. Stop accusing me of things. You're being extremely rude.

Suuure you never said cuddling isn't the same as being affectionate.

I said being affectionate and being physically intimate with somebody are two different things.

You never said there were connotations to being "physically intimate" with someone.

I said the connotation is different in certain situations. A Grandparents saying they were physically intimate with their grandchild is different than when other people say it.

It is saddening the way social conditioning makes so many men feel like just sitting down and snuggling up with another guy is unacceptable—a "turn off" for any straight man. Almost maddening, really.

Why are you so worried about what straight men do?

Would you be ok if people said it is "maddening" that you are nonbinary?

Sheena123

@DaringSprinter yea, I didn’t expect pitchforks when I said what I said. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to be forced to cuddle people they don’t want. It’s not something I’m shoving down someone’s throat but ok 👍🏻 I just feel bad that there are a lot of men who really want snuggles but there just aren’t a lot of female enthusiasts. And some guys aren’t even around a lot of pros or refuse to book a pro (which is perfectly fine!). I’ve just always thought that if more men were comfortable with cuddling men as well as cuddling women, then affectionate needs would be met. But I do also understand that some men have a preference for women because they are dainty or smell nice or just fit better into cuddling positions. It is what it is. Certainly wasn’t something I was pushing onto people 😓

But I will say this: women statistically and factually are abused/raped/killed MORE by men. That’s a fact. Not to say men don’t get abused as well but I’d rather make sure some people have facts straight. Women and feminine presenting people face the brunt of abuse far more than any other gender.

txbaseball87

@Sheena123

I just feel bad that there are a lot of men who really want snuggles but there just aren’t a lot of female enthusiasts

So you feel bad that you're a pro and not an enthusiast?

I’ve just always thought that if more men were comfortable with cuddling men as well as cuddling women, then affectionate needs would be met.

Who said men aren't comfortable? I would be comfortable kissing or cuddling other men, but it's not something that would give me fulfillment.

Like I said, being affectionate and being physically intimate are completely different.

But I will say this: women statistically and factually are abused/raped/killed MORE by men

Out of curiosity, what are the exact numbers?

DaringSprinter

@txbaseball87

Being that physically close to someone isn't physically intimate, you say. Well now. It sure felt like my physical body was up close and personal with a lot of other physical bodies, but I guess I must have been mistaken.

And no, you definitely never said it was gay for two men to cuddle. You just said "being straight has nothing to do with social conditioning," and "it's a turn off for a straight man to be physically intimate with another straight man," which certainly implies nothing at all.

Yes, it's weird to call cuddling "physical intimacy."

It's weird when you're talking about a cuddle you had with your grandpa, it's weird when you're talking about a cuddle with a woman, it's weird when you're talking about a cuddle with a man—it's just weird all around.

Technically accurate. But weird.

It's the connotations.

Why am I so worried about what straight men do? Well, you see, so much of what they do affects everybody else. Take the insistence on not being gay: "definitely not gay, never gay, why do you think I might be gay, I'd never do anything even vaguely gay, what a horrible thought, me gay, never in a million years." That kind of thing hurts more than straight men.

Also, plenty of people find my lack of gender maddening. What's this "if people said"?

DaringSprinter

@Sheena123

I wasn't expecting the torches and pitchforks either—but here we are. Surprising, since neither of us is insisting people be forced to cuddle anyone they're not comfortable with. Just wishing for a society that didn't discourage "physical intimacy" between men.

And people asking inane questions as if I didn't just link to the statistics on how many women are raped (1 in 6) compared to how many men are (1 in 33)! Honestly.

txbaseball87

@DaringSprinter

And no, you definitely never said it was gay for two men to cuddle. You just said "being straight has nothing to do with social conditioning," and "it's a turn off for a straight man to be physically intimate with another straight man," which certainly implies nothing at all.

Stop being rude and accusing me of things I never said.

Why am I so worried about what straight men do? Well, you see, so much of what they do affects everybody else.

You seem to be a very paranoid person and worried about what other people do on their own time.

txbaseball87

@DaringSprinter

Just wishing for a society that didn't discourage "physical intimacy" between men.

Who's discouraging it? Have any examples?

JoyfulHeart

@txbaseball87 When you said

. I didn't think it was a secret that it's a turn off for a straight man to be physically intimate with another straight man.

It sounds like someone, somewhere is discouraging it.

txbaseball87

@JoyfulHeart

It sounds like someone, somewhere is discouraging it.

Nope, I never said that.

I guess I should have said MOST straight men.

If two straight men want to cuddle, then they should cuddle.

JoyfulHeart

nope I never said that.

I copied and pasted it from your post.

txbaseball87

People constantly pressuring people to cuddle men is so annoying. Noone bats an eye when women dont want to cuddle men on here

This

txbaseball87

@JoyfulHeart

I copied and pasted it from your post.

Yes, I made that statement. You accused me of discouraging men to cuddle other men. I never said that.

JoyfulHeart

I did not accuse you. I said "someone, somewhere", in response to your question that seemed to suggest that no one was.

I'm out now. This discussion has entered the twilight zone.

DaringSprinter

@txbaseball87
How dare you accuse me of accusing you. I very clearly said "you definitely never said it was gay for two men to cuddle," and we're obviously not taking the implications of people's words into consideration here.

Fascinatingly, when a whole lot of people are terrified of being mistaken for something, that something becomes oddly uncomfortable to be.

Take, for instance, the gay panic defense.

Remember that? Been around a while? Took Australia until nearly 2021 to officially shut it down? The idea was that if you did something that made a straight man think you were gay, and then something that made him think you were coming on to him, the idea that he might be gay would create such horror in him that he'd murder you in a completely understandable panic.

Weird, isn't it, how straight men not wanting to be gay (understatement alert) can lead to so much death among people who aren't them.

Almost as though it's worth caring about how they're socialized, what they believe, and what they do as a result.

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@JoyfulHeart

...Oh. You're right. That is where we are. Mr. Serling? Mr. Serling, let me out!