The Amazing Groaners and 'Dad' jokes Thread.

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Comments

  • It would have worked better for you, and not as well for others, and that's ok.

    There's really no one right way to tell a joke.

    I'm going to make this my last comment on the topic, because we are starting to derail the thread.

  • edited February 2022

    Here's some "I" jokes for you @JoyfulHeart:

    I was arrested yesterday and I took my own mugshot.

    • I called it a cellfie.

    I glued myself to my autobiography.

    • That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

    I lived in Switzerland for 40 years and I was always asked my favorite things about the country.

    • I always told them the flag is a big plus.

    I was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth.

    • I have an uncle, once removed.

    I was an astronaut who was in a race to see who could get to the moon the fastest.

    • I lost the race, so they gave me a constellation prize.
  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    Thanks so much for your valuable additions to the thread, @tucsonaz. I really didn't think that a thread about dad joke could devolve into sniping and nitpicking, but here we go 🙄

  • To the person who stole my antidepressants,
    -I hope you’re happy now.

  • @BuggleBear well the thread is titled “ The Amazing Groaners and …….”😆

  • Why did the whale cross the ocean ?

    To get to the other tide ! 😂

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited February 2022

    Yes, but in the context of jokes, a 'groaner' is a joke so bad or cheesy that it makes the listener groan.

  • Why aren't any cuddlers visiting my Indian restaurant?

    Because I have bad korma

  • When does a joke become a dad joke?

    When it becomes a parent

  • Did you hear the joke about the broken pencil?

    No? It was pointless anyway

  • Why can you only ran through a campground?

    Because it's past tents

  • A proton and a neutron were traveling along, and the proton says to the neutron,
    "Dude, I think I lost an electron."
    "Are you sure?"
    "I'm positive."

  • @OhioMike: I nearly choked. That was a darker funny than I was expecting in this thread!

    Here's another one from badjokesbyjeff:

    When I was at the grocery store, I asked an employee where the cereal was, and he said, “I’ll see" and walked off.

    5 minutes later I asked another employee about the cereal, and he too said, “I’ll see,” and walked off.

    I eventually found it myself. It was in aisle C.

  • My friend decided to get a tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.

    You should have seen the Luke on her face

  • When I told my girlfriend that she had painted her fake eyebrows too high, she looked surprised.

  • edited February 2022

    .

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    I adore really cheesy jokes, and some of these are pure comedy gold 😁

  • Why can't you trust atoms?

    They make up everything.

  • As I was coming down the stairs at my grandma's house, I bumped into the stair lift and almost fell.

    Boy, I said, that thing really must drive you up the wall.

  • edited February 2022

    Batman: I’m hurt and injured..

    Alfred: I see that, Bruised Vein!!

  • It's unaccountable why some would argue about whether a joke should be told in the first person.

  • @GreatHornedOwl I know. If that were the case, every stand-up comedian has been doing it wrong.

  • It’s a 10 minute walk from my house to the bar.
    It’s a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

    The difference is staggering.

  • What do you use to cut the ocean in half?

    A sea saw

  • edited February 2022

    What did the Buddhist say when we walked up to the hot dog stand?

    "Make me One with Everything" 🌍🌭 >!

    Why couldn't the Pirate play Cards?

    He was sitting on the Deck! >!

    How was Rome split in half?

    With a pair of two Ceasers ✂️ >!

  • A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his luggage.
    "No thanks," says the photon, "I'm traveling light."

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    I love nerdy science jokes. They're so clever, yet so stupid 🤣

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @TheFriendlyFae I love your aesthetic! Your cosplays are super fun.

  • You know what comes after Tennessee right?

    Elevennessee.

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