People breaking the terms of service

coregulate

I have reported several pros breaking the terms of service on here. The site does not take them down, because I don't have evidence to upload I assume.

A lot of my cuddle work has consisted of referring clients to pros who are willing (without even a client request) to break the terms of service. Cuddle in underwear, etc (I'm sure you can fill in the blanks).

This referral protects me as sleazy clients don't try to slippery slope me, but go to someone who is actually offering what they are looking for.

If you are offering things that are not platonic, PLEASE make sure you are communicating with the client first that they ACTUALLY WANT THAT.

You do not need to be PUSHY so that my client comes to me the next day visibly upset because he didn't even want that and had to repeatedly set his boundaries.

Please! Everyone! Have a boundary and "what are you looking for" discussion before a session.

I'm done being mad that there are so many people offering non platonic services here. You do you, the site clearly doesn't care enough to remove you.

There are hurting people on here, and we need to be careful to not traumatize them further.

coregulate

And some of you should be thinking about whether you actually care about people or you're just trying to make a quick buck.

JoyfulHeart

@vivalalife Please continue reporting what you know of pros who break terms of service. Even if you don't have evidence, the mods will have a first report. When someone else reports, it begins to show a pattern to the mods.

coregulate

I will!

Sheena123

I agree with you that it’s frustrating having people on here breaking terms and doing non platonic things. I’ve reported shady pros too. I would just like to question one thing you mentioned. You said you refer these clients to pros that do sexual stuff or things against the site? I feel like that just perpetuates or continues the shady stuff in the background. Let me know if I read that wrong. 🤔

sunnysideup

Was also a bit confused as to your referring clients to inappropriate pros??

I’m with you on everything else though. Sorry for your troubles.

coregulate

I refer them to a pro that is not on this site.

cuddleversed

That seems to be the case, guys ask her for inappropriate stuff and since she doesn't do that she refers them to pros that do offer those kinds of things so she doesn't have to deal with them and from what I understand by reading her post she does it because she reports them and the site does not take action against those pros.

She is also saying that some of those pros offer the non platonic services do so in a pushy manner and she is pleading with them to make sure that the clients that she is referring actually want that because some of them are coming back to her upset that their boundaries were crossed.

That's what I understood

Gabriel2k

Thanks for clearing that up 😅.. I think we were all a little confused.

I have to agree with @JoyfulHeart. Thank you for submitting the reports.

Sideon

I have reported several pros breaking the terms of service on here. The site does not take them down, because I don't have evidence to upload I assume.

We investigate all reports. Yes, we ask for evidence. In lieu of evidence, we also look at an accused Pro and their history of reports - have others reported them for inappropriate behavior, and if so, what further information or evidence can we use. In ANY event of Pros reports Pros, if it comes down to a she said/she said scenario without evidence, we can warn, but we cannot unilaterally ban an accused Pro without proof.

A lot of my cuddle work has consisted of referring clients to pros who are willing (without even a client request) to break the terms of service.

Explain to me and help me understand, @vivalalife - You are knowingly referring clients to Pros who have no rules or platonic boundaries? Am I reading this correctly? We expect all parties (clients, Pros, enthusiasts) to acknowledge and abide by platonic cuddling and the TOS (Terms of Service) of this site.

The only response I have to your suggestion, for you or ANY Pro on here, is that "If you are offering things that are not platonic" - then they will be shown the door.

Sideon

Moving this to Pro forum.

Melancholy

@Sideon is it ok for a PRO to refer clients to pros on other sites that offer non platonic services?

Sideon

@Melancholy - if anyone on here, through messages, would refer someone for non-platonic services? I'm pretty sure you can figure out where I'm going with this.

coregulate

If someone is looking for it here, I'd rather refer them to someone who is offering that then have them keep trying with me and other platonic pros around me.

Otherwise if they can't find it, they try to slippery slope me. This has been an ongoing problem and it's easier for me to be totally upfront at the beginning that this is easy to find elsewhere.

It has been the way I have kept myself safe. I just want them to go elsewhere and leave me alone, some will settle for cuddling with me and trying to push my boundaries if they don't know where else to look.

I am starting to rethink doing that based on these replies....

Pro cuddling has been an absolutely terrifying ride at times. Perhaps I am making the wrong choice, maybe I just don't have the spoons for this anymore.

There is probably some fear I need to process as well. That is coming up for me today.

Will give it a think.

coregulate

I think part of me worries they may retaliate in some way, will think more about that as well.

coregulate

Is it an issue to refer someone elsewhere so they stop trying to get non-platonic cuddles from me? Sometimes I also refer people to dating sites.

coregulate

There is something in me that feels safer when I can say "look i do not offer what you are looking for but it can be easily found elsewhere"

I don't really know if it actually makes me safer. Until I joined cc I was not used to feeling fear so often, so in this case I may be shoving the fear away as quick as possible (through referring out) rather than risk confrontation.

@vivalalife the big issue is this site is for platonic services and full service sexwork is illegal in many places, so this site can't condone referring clients to other pros on this site who offer more. We should be reporting pros for that and encouraging platonic clients to report them as well, not referring clients to them.

And we should report clients who ask for nonplatonic things, not refer them to other pros here.

If they ask about extras, you can say "no shame in wanting xxx but this is the wrong place to find that. Good luck." And then report them here on this site.

Google is their friend. A grown man should be able to figure out how to find a hookup or an escort. It's not rocket science.

Again, even if we were all supportive of sexwork (personally I'm fine with it) the site could not encourage referring clients to specific sites or people because sexwork is not legal everywhere and they have to keep everything clean here. They can't have us promoting prostitution and if you have your own business you wouldn't want to promote it on your site or in your communication either. The most you'd probably want to say to cover your own butt is "Google it".

I used to think - it's not a big deal to just tell them to go to best local escort site . com for that, right? Until I thought about it and realized that's me promoting an illegal thing in text - not good.

Sheena123

@vivalalife it is definitely an issue referring them to someone else. That’s not your job. Your job here is a platonic cuddler. Spend a lot of time connecting and vetting with your cuddler and make sure he’s aware this site and you are 100% platonic. Usually through messaging, that’s where I get most of the creeps starting to say they want something sexual. If and when the cuddle happens, get the money first and if he starts pushing for something sexual, leave or have him leave. Don’t refer him to someone. Don’t help him find what he needs. It’s an issue to do that because you’re making it seem like it’s not a problem when in actuality, it is. He knows the rules. He’s not stupid in that sense. By referring him, that most likely means you aren’t reporting them and it also means they won’t think what they did is wrong and will keep trying with other pros. Even if you’re referring them to someone specific that’s off the site, that could get the cuddler in trouble in case it’s not legal and also he could always come back to you and keep asking if you know others. Or he could tell his buddies you know some sexy time pros that you can direct them to. Don’t perpetuate this. It’s not good. At all.

If you have that much fear, spend a heck of a lot more time messaging, video chatting and meeting in public before committing to a physical cuddle. You may still get a pig no matter how hard you check these guys out, but that’s a part of this job unfortunately. Take the good with the bad. For more safety, have a safety contact. Let that person know your cuddlers name, address, picture, how long the cuddle is and when you should be done. Let your cuddler know you have a safety contact. Referring them to sex workers doesn’t keep you safe. Say no to them, send them on their way and report them.

Nature_Lover_

I hate to hear about the terms, ‘fear,’ and other verbiage which alludes to sexual coercion. This is a serious issue and I would love for us all to continue to work together as a community to ensure we can focus on cultivating and maintaining an environment which supports the platonic cuddling we provide and others deserve. Reporting to mods as expressed above is a great tool we can all employ to help curb in appropriate requests or attempts at misuse of this platform. The forum is another great tool we can use to work together, by way of having productive conversations, asking questions, and supporting one another.

From a legal perspective I would be excessively cautious about referrals for non platonic services as this could be interpreted as promoting prostitution which is a serious crime in some areas. It is our responsibility to educate ourselves about the laws within the areas we work including but not limited to online to ensure we are not inadvertently putting ourselves at risk.

I personally respect those who need more than platonic touch needs met and those who provide that level of touch ( sex work ) as it, when safely, legally and consensually done between adults, can actually be beneficial to communities as well and individuals. This is just personally something I don’t offer off the site and OF COURSE, not on it.

With an abundance of reports of both sex workers pressuring platonic cuddle clients who seriously could be traumatized by violation of this safe space as well as clients attempting to solicit or coerce sexual favors ect from cuddlers, my mind begs to know the root cause.
I feel litigation referred to as sesta fosta which holds third party online platforms liable for misuse aimed at reducing sex trafficking has driven sex workers to use this site after sites including but not limited to back page and Craigslist personals willingly shut down to avoid the financial fall out from potential liability. The problem with that is this perpetuates the above issues and could potentially put this site at risk. Huge thanks to our volunteer mods who do an incredible job enforcing rules and cultivating the atmosphere needed for platonic cuddling to thrive.
The reality is we are exposed to what I call cross over clients as they may have a need for platonic touch and companionship and as those needs are not met additionally they may have deeper or sexual needs essentially. I attribute this, coupled with actual sex workers on the site as a couple of heavy hitter issues we can all dial into or focus on reducing.
In my travels within cuddling I’ve encountered a couple geographic locations including Austin in which paid cuddlers meet regularly in person or online to discuss questionable clients, reinforce the emphasis on the platonic nature of the service provided, share tips on how to deflect unwanted sexual energy during sessions, and otherwise navigate these types of issues. Absolutely commend these groups and encourage anyone else reading this thread to contribute their thoughts, opinions or suggestions for continuous improvement.
😊💗✌️

Babichev

People who are looking for non-platonic stuff should be able to find it easily without any referrals from anyone on this site. It’s all over the internet. If someone is asking for non-platonic stuff here, please report them. We need to weed them out.

@Nature_Lover_ - that is great that in some cities pro cuddlers are networking with each other.

I have been forced to let my potential client now know before they book that there will be no groping of my chest or private areas. So far everyone has respected this, but client number one close to end of cuddle asked to hold my breasts, offered to pay more and said others had let him. I told him no I do not do that and he respected that. It made last few minutes uncomfortable for me though and I will not be cuddling with him again.

Nature_Lover_

@Babichev yes that is a big thing in austin and I love love to see it other places. It sends a strong message - when prospective clients book with one paid cuddler from the “group,” they are met with strict adherence to terms and conditions and usually do not bother wasting the time of other cuddlers which is ideal.
@vtpixie78 I love to hear you are comfortable asserting your boundaries before sessions and hate to hear of the most recent ickiness ~ please promptly report him so no one else has to encounter this type of boundary pushing and overt sexual solicitation / coercion.

CuddleDuncan

@vtpixie78 the claim that others had let him may or may not be true. I hope that such a thing never happens to you again. But if it does, and you feel it's safe to do so, please consider finding out who those others are. It's hearsay, so they won't get banned straightaway, but if you report them it can help the mods build a picture.

The problem is that vulnerable men book what they think is a platonic cuddle. But they find themselves with one of those people who do extras for extra money. In some cases they are traumatised by this and it can be very, very damaging. In others, they are taken advantage of. In other cases, being lonely, they take advantage of the opportunity and falsely gain the impression (deliberately given by the professional) that this is normal for meetings arranged here. All of these are ultimately harmful to the client.

Babichev

@vtpixie78 - please report him. If he did it to you he’s doing it to others, too. And I’ll echo what others have said - the claim that others let the do it may or may not be true. It’s a common tactic to pressure someone, especially inexperienced members.