Angry at nothing

MCcuddles2

I'm going through some health issues currently. Magically, out of nowhere. My lifestyle was pretty healthy but the illness is here regardless. I find myself angry, but I'm not sure at what. Like I'm shaking my fist at the void, knowing that it doesn't really care.

I've had my share of setbacks, but I think I'm fighting having to accept and make peace with this one.

How do you deal with the random cruelty of the universe?

WriterGF

I just lost my job today, so not well at the moment.

MCcuddles2

Sorry to hear that man @WriterGF.

If it is any consolation, it is the best time to look for a job. the market is crazy.

ClubSamwiches

You’re grieving your good health and anger is a natural part of the grieving process. Your feelings are valid, embrace them.

cuddles_ndream

@MCcuddles2 i hope that whatever it is, that it isn’t life threatening, that you could recover from it quickly , & that its something you could put behind you.

@WriterGF it might not seem that way right now, but its probably a blessing in disguise, better things are out there for you, & hopefully you already applied for u.i benefits ( if you haven’t already) … I know it may be hard to think of anything else right now, but plz do so if you haven’t.

Mela_B

I am sorry to hear this. No one deserves this. I hope it is resolved quickly. 💜

KYtransplant

@MCcuddles2 Something like what you're going through I usually channel my anger into learning as much as I can and then trying to find solutions or advocating for others. This makes me feel like I have some sort of control over over what I'm going through even if I'm not able to change it at that moment I will always seek out knowledge.

The last 2 years I have literally submersed myself into learning everything I can about narcissism and recovery from narcissistic abuse. As I've learned I've helped others understand and hopefully heal as well. It's something you don't really understand the depth of until you've lived through it.

Another rather weird example of turning my anger into knowledge was when I was frustrated with carpenter bees and the damage they were doing. I basically turned myself into a carpenter bee insect one woman hit squad till I eradicated them.

@WriterGF I'm sorry you're having to go through this right now.. The last thing anyone needs is another helping of crap to go along with what we regularly get served in life

TheMidnightOwl

What do I do?

I get pissed off, clean like crazy, make plans to do something productive (like get two college degrees to prove to myself I can do it when so few believed in me or gave me a real chance at success in life), and cry. I’m crying tonight after a day of one stress, frustration, and disappointment after another all freaking day.

Sorry to hear about your sudden health situation. I’m well acquainted with that grief. You know how to find me.

Babichev

I hear ya.

Morpheus

100mg of fuggitall every morning

Babichev

I had a tough decision to make today and for awhile I felt defeated. By what - life? I’m not sure what I felt defeated by but definitely lost all enthusiasm.

The last two years have been hard for all of us each in their own way. I understand and accept that. I’m not alone and it’s not all my fault. That doesn’t make it feel any better. It’s been hard. I’ve been home alone for 2 years and it sucked all the life out of me. I’m doing better in recent months but I’m also dealing with some chronic pain that makes it hard to do much of anything.

My one antidote to getting absolutely completely stuck is gratitude. Right now I’m grateful that I’m in a safe, warm place with enough food to make me watch my weight. I’m grateful for my bunny. She’s soft, she wants my attention, and she wants to give me attention.

I’m sorry to hear life is difficult, @MCcuddles2. Hang in there. This, too, shall pass.

AngelPendavez

Growing up, I had always been told that if I lived a good life, good things would happen to me. So when I got sick, I was confused and upset. I did well in school, I obeyed my parents, I ate well and lead an active lifestyle. Why was this happening to me? What did I do?

This might sound a bit dark, but something that ultimately helped me is the understanding that when you're born into this world, you aren't entitled to anything. Anything that happens to you/for you is purely by chance, not because 'you deserve it'.
So when something is given to you, it's not because it was earned, it's simply because it was given. (I'm using the figurative 'you', by the way, not talking about OP directly.)

Having food to eat is a gift. Having a safe place to sleep is a gift. To be loved by anyone is a gift. Your health is a gift. To have your hearing, your sight, your sense of taste and touch, all gifts. Not everyone gets to have these things. Not everyone gets to experience a life beyond constant suffering.

I like to think that the universe isn't cruel, it just is. It doesn't punish you for doing 'bad' things, or reward you for doing what you're 'supposed' to. Things just happen. None of it is personal.

I can't accept that I 'deserve' all the good things that happen to me unless I'm willing to accept that I also 'deserve' all the bad things that happen. So I've decided that no one deserves anything. You don't get things because you 'deserve' them, you get them because they're given to you.

Ultimately, though, you have to make sense of it in your own way. So feel whatever you feel, and do whatever you need to do.

I hope you can find answers and suitable treatment and management There is beauty to be found, even in the midst of suffering.

The book "How To Be Sick" by Toni Bernhard was of some comfort to me. If nothing else, I learned a couple of techniques that help to ground my thoughts and shift my perspective during a pain cycle ~ (Happy to give you some bullet points if you'd rather not read the entire thing)

SoftHairForDays

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blisscuddles

@MCcuddles2 Sorry about what you are going through. Hope the Zen you have help you through these times. From your past posts you seem to have overcome a lot. Hope you can draw inspiration and strength from your resiliency to overcome this too.

Gallowglass

Some days, it's "one foot in front of the other". Look for joy in little things. Peace and Be well.

JohnR1972

@MCcuddles2
I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope it is only temporary. When I face setbacks I spend extra time on my Bowflex to turn what would otherwise be negative energy into something more positive. I realize that depending on the nature of your health issue, that may not be an option.

I also want to concur with what @Babichev said about gratitude. I know it may sound odd but to think of gratitude at this time but I encourage you to watch the Huberman Lab podcast about gratitude (link below) and all the positive effects it has on both the mind and body.

TheFunCartel

@MCcuddles2 I understand what you are saying. I had several operations as a young child on my faulty kidneys, and the resulting meds I was put on for years affected my heart which led to a couple of serious surgeries (open heart). I know I am not long for this world and I have known it since I was 8. This is trite, but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I just try and live every moment as if it’s my last and strive to savor and appreciate the moment. There are people in my life that I do everything in my control to prolong my life for their sake. I have a few places I would love to see before I die and a few things I would like to try as well. These goals are what motivate me and when the end comes, what do I care at that point?

I understand that at a young age it seems you were dealt a raw deal. But it is only a raw deal if you let it fester and remain raw. That is in your control. Have a good cry, have a good anger session of punching pillows, then get on with living. This is what works for me and I am as flawed as they come.

UKGuy

Read through the 'Quote of the day' topic, there's sure to be some pearls of wisdom in there applicable to your situation.
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/5214#

robroo

I've never really been angry at my situation, but I've definitely been in some pretty deep depression spells. Many times I wish my illness 8 yrs ago would have just killed me and gotten it over with. But that makes no difference. All I can do is push on as best as I can. I wish you the best going forward.