Reasonable requests for sessions

Sinette

I wanted to discuss with the community an issue that seems to be happening more frequently. I would love to hear your opinions with you points on the matter.

I require 24 hours in advance for sessions. I think this is completely reasonable and I have been flexible with this in the past. But overall I need time to prepare for session. I find it very jarring when people want day of sessions. I have had requests as short as a 1/2 an hour before their desired time.

I find this to be a huge red flag.
It shows a lack of understanding of what it takes to provide this service. As an professional I'd like to discuss boundaries, injuries, and emotional and mental trauma before sessions. I need to make sure that the sheets are clean and things are disinfected. That all my tools such as white noise machines, massage guns, music, and mood lighting are charged and functioning properly. Not to mention that my schedule may be booked for the day with other clients.

It also shows a lack of empathy and possibly even impulse control in these individuals. How am I expected to believe that they will respect my boundaries and safety if they can't comply with a simple scheduling request?

As touch therapy is still a developing Modality in the health and wellness industry. I think it is very important that we set these kinds of standards for ourselves and others. I know no one expects to be able to see their doctor or dentist right away without making an appointment in advance. The same is applicable when scheduling a professional cuddler's time.

I would love to hear everyone's opinion on the matter. Lets us discuss how we can do better for each other.

Warmly,
Sinette

I mean this kindly, but when someone shows you that they don't respect your boundaries, then that is exactly what is happening.

If they cannot comply with your desire to have advance notice for the logistics and preparation for a session then of course they won't comply with your other boundaries.

Simply believe them when they show you who they are, and accept it as the honest gift it is.

Better for them to disqualify themselves right away, yes?

But, you won't change them.

TheFunCartel

It is totally an act of selfishness by a self-absorbed individual. You have every reason to get tennis elbow from raising one red flag after another. The only reason I could possibly see for drastic short notice is if a cuddler cancelled on them and even that is a stretch. I would think common sense would dictate that you wait until the next day but common sense no longer dictates these days—it has become demure and submissive.

CuddleDuncan

Many professionals don't take day of bookings, and most of those that do don't like it. It is also the case that very short notice bookings are more likely to be problematic.

Stick to your guns.

RadiantHugs

I'm certainly guilty of requesting day of sessions, but not half hour before! Usually it's with an established pro I might reach out in the morning for a session that evening after work because the day isn't going well and I'm feeling needy. It's something like "hey, I would love company for a movie tonight if you are available." There is no expectation though, I understand the pro might be booked, but I've found often some pros appreciate that I take a slot which was otherwise not booked.

It's usually at least 4 to 8 hour notice though.

That said, if a pro has a clear policy around needing a 24h notice, or otherwise makes it clear they dislike same day requests (same day booking fee or such), I won't reach out to that pro with a same day request.

theHugAlchemist

I absolutely can do no less than a 24 hour notice for my own health and wellness.

Nature_Lover_

@Sinette great post and very beautifully expressed.

My opinion is that I am open to the possibility of last minute cuddles but am not always able to accommodate. I would say less that %10 of last minute cuddles are able to happen but again, I’m open to trying as I fully understand not everyone can foresee when they will have free time and energy for this type of self care.

Networking within this community both with paid cuddlers and otherwise tells me that a last minute cuddle requests can feel pushy, rushed, or even be perceived as not understanding the energy or time needed to plan and execute a phenomenal cuddle session ect. Often, after conversing with prospective cuddle buddies I have found that is not usually the case at all but it may be in fact, that someone just had unexpected free time, they have a variable or unpredictable work or personal schedule, or they don’t know how the flow / process should work due to being new to cuddle care.

To maximize the chance of connecting last minute I keep freshly cleaned blankets, hygienic personal items, comfy cuddle attire, lotion, some snacks and other things on hand in my vehicle. I also state on my profile that while advance notice is ideal, I am open to spur of the moment cuddles. On other profiles I’ve seen notes indicating an extra charge ( convenience fee ) to offset the last minute prep / scramble.

Maverick07

I have to travel for work fairly often and if I think about doing a session with a pro, I touch basis beforehand but I have no clue what my agenda (and thus free time) will be most of the time, or until that day.
So, it is honestly no disrespect, just my reality. If it doesn't work, all the pro needs to do is to say "I can't".

CuddleWho

It's perfectly reasonable of you to not want to do short-notice bookings. It's easy to see how that would be inconvenient for you.

But saying it reflects a "lack of empathy" or "poor impulse control" for clients to request short-notice booking is ridiculous. In fact I'd say this is a lack of empathy on your part. When I particularly feel like I could use a cuddle, it's generally something I feel now that I didn't anticipate. I have no idea whether I'm going to particularly feel like cuddling next Friday. For all I know maybe on Friday I'll be frustrated at something that happened at work and I'll just want some time alone.

Personally some of the characteristics that make me most inclined to do repeat-bookings with a cuddler are ease of scheduling and ability to do short-notice bookings. I know not every cuddler can do that, but it makes a big difference.

I realize there is one sentence on your profile that states you need 24 hour advance notice. The simple truth is that many pro cuddlers, maybe the majority, do not reply to messages, and consequently I'm not always inclined to invest time upfront in thoroughly reading a pro's profile before messaging, since it's likely my message will be lost in the void anyway.

If you don't want to take last-minute bookings, just don't take them.

@Sinette i completely agree with you. 💗

MaxCuddle

Ive seen Pros and non pros. I usually have at least 4-5 messages back and forth so we get to know each other. And I usually give them 4-7 days notice on a specific date to cuddle.

MaxCuddle

Ive hit up a few cuddlers recently Only because I had a last minute cancel. Like I had a Pro " Time out" the day before cuddle date. So I asked a few about a next day session. I didn't feel right doing that. Didn't get a session. That might happen tomorrow. Talked about a session with a non pro for tomorrow. Only msg thru this site. She has not responded today. 😒

SlothHugs

@Sinette , stand your ground! I find that to be an entirely appropriate boundary. I mean, reasonable people wouldn't expect to get into their physical therapist or counselor on the same day (with rare exceptions) why should healing touch via cuddle be any different? If there are pros (including you) comfortable and available to do so great, but there is nothing standard about it. I think whats a red flag is you said it didn't with for you and the individual is trying to push your boundaries.

Massage is another industry where people sometimes want immediate care, again, you get to state what works for you and your business 😊. Listen to what these red flags are yelling you... Healthy and clear bounderies are a critical form of self-care ❤️.

Sheena123

I do last minute cuddles all the time but cuddling is all I do here in Florida so with that wide range of availability, it’s a lot easier for me to accept them. But I still need to talk with a tiny bit and meet them at a cafe in public first.

For any pro that has on their profile “I don’t do last minute sessions”, that needs to be respected.
So many pros have full time jobs, other engagements and other pros don’t want to force a service attitude into their mind within a ridiculous time like a booking half hour from them.

Stick to your guns. If you have those feelings, don’t let anyone invalidate you!

I normally defer all cuddle requests that I can’t accommodate with my schedule to Nature_Lover_ since she has a bit more flexibility than I do through the week.

I don’t mind last minute session requests but I typically don’t have the energy for it after working 9 hours.

achetocuddle

@simsaddict When I worked 9 hours a day all I wanted was supper made when I got home, not a cuddle, pro or otherwise. Lol. That is so nice you defer requests you can't accommodate to @Nature_Lover_.

And @Nature_Lover_ can sometimes accommodate those requests. Wins for ya'll and clients:)

@Sheena123 Ditto.

Shake

On good faith, I came up with my own personal system for hiring pro's back when I was still new. This is just what I found personally helpful. Hopefully it can help other enthusiasts. 🙂

If it's a video chat, like for vetting purposes, there should be atleast a 24 hour notice so both of us can plan our day around the right time to chat.

If it's a normal session or public meetup, give atleast a weeks notice. Don't take their time for granted!

If it's an out of state cuddler or farther, atleast a month's notice should be given so that there's plenty of time to make travel plans & preparations. (Honestly even just a month sounded like it was a bit short, but I'm still workshopping this rule😅). Alot of factors go into travelling so this one's kinda situational I think.

Finally, most importantly, make sure to read the full profile. If a cuddler requires more time, then it's just common courtesy to accommodate. One of the pros I see here requires atleast a two weeks notice, so I've given her as long as three weeks in advance before. Always consider the flexibility of the other person.

Happy cuddling all! 💙

Mela_B

I actually don't mind last minute cuddle requests, as long as the client understands that I may not be able to accommodate. All we can do is inquire, and it's perfectly OK to say no if you can't. I disinfect and launder immediately after a client leaves, so my studio is almost always ready, and as long as I am not already booked, I can usually accommodate a last minute request, although definitely not at a half hour notice. I usually need at least a couple of hours. This being said, we all have our own requirements, and it's ok to say no if you just aren't available. We all make our own schedules.

Babichev

There is nothing wrong with someone hoping to get a same day appointment. There’s nothing disrespectful about it. They may not get it but in and of itself it’s no sign of disrespect nor is it necessarily a red flag.

Just say no. No big deal. No drama, no blame.

I’m speaking from experience as a massage therapist. Many MTs require appointments to be booked at least 24 hours in advance and think it’s either a red flag (the guy is a creeper) or disrespectful if someone calls and asks if they are available for a same day appointment. Why? I’ve always thought if I have the time, why not fill it? I once worked in an office where we had 2 phone lines. One day I got a call on one line, a client apologizing profusely but they had an emergency and had to cancel last minute. On the other line was someone saying hey, I know this is probably unlikely but do you happen to have an appointment available? I’m not making this up.

In massage therapy we have the concept of a client-centered practice. The needs of the client are our primary focus. This doesn’t mean we have no boundaries but we operate in a manner that focuses on the needs of the client.

People are free to choose how they wish to run their practice. It should not be assumed, though, that there is something wrong when someone is looking for a same day appointment.

Melancholy

In the past I've texted a cuddle pro a general message saying hi and hope to see you soon, and she responded asking if I wanted to come for a cuddle session that same day or even that same morning! So yeah there's nothing at all wrong with same day cuddle sessions.

"There is nothing wrong with someone hoping to get a same day appointment. There’s nothing disrespectful about it. They may not get it but in and of itself it’s no sign of disrespect nor is it necessarily a red flag.

Just say no. No big deal. No drama, no blame." - Babichev

I disagree with you, completely.

Clearly stated boundaries are a big deal.

They are not to be "negotiated" or "talked around".

It is entirely disrespectful to read the boundaries on someone's profile (or website for that matter...), ignore them, ask for what you want in spite of them, and then say, "Well you could just say no..."

@Sinette The only way to prevent the boorish, the rude, and the entitled bullies from trying to ignore your boundaries is to not give them any attention. You can easily block the profile of any who ignore your simple, and well stated, need for at least 24 hour notice. And, of course, any other boundary you have.

And all of the clucking, finger waving, and "why is this an issue" opinions here can be ignored on the same basis.

Your comfort and safety matter more than the occasional "business" you might lose. "Business" which you are likely far better off without anyway, in my view.

Don't let anyone, including the "experts" in this community, sway you.

Do what is best for you, openly and honestly, and you will be far safer and happier for it.

TheFunCartel

It seems some people did not read @Sinette ’s post. She said she requires a 24 hour notice and indeed it is written on her profile. To brush someone’s stated boundaries aside so easily and casually is a red flag. It means they have no qualms ignoring what you value or what makes you comfortable. Same day in that sense is wrong.

PlushandPerfect

I normally request a 6 hour notice but I have still gotten people asking sooner. The only ones I consider a red flag are ones that simply say hi and book a request at 1 am for a 2 am session (which I have had). Sometimes I have gotten requests with a couple hours notice and I was free and feeling ok so I got ready and went and was a great time. It was someone who was going through a tough time and just suddenly needed to be in someone's arms and I was able to. I have had another that was planning to cuddle but couldn't because they were here for work and leaving but suddenly was able to stay an extra day so wanted to book with me. If I can't do it I just try to reschedule.

I do dislike the ones that give no communication or no ahead of time because I do agree that it does take time to get ready and prepare all that I would like to bring. I like to have candles, essential oils, music, and myself ready. And it is hard to have that set up in 2 hours when the drive is 45 min just to get there.

I would say how they interact with you determines if a red flag is raised. I would go for someone apologetically scheduling last min over someone rudely scheduling in my time frame.

Midnight01

Nothing wrong with same day appointments. I've asked them and have gotten them. You are a professional, there are a lot of lonely guys out there who need some cuddling. Be grateful you have you have some business. Just say no, I need 24 hrs advance or something. Not a big deal.

Heatherrrr

I take same day appointments if I'm available. I do work a full time job from home which affords me some flexibility. There is no shame in making your schedule work for you...if you need 24 hours I understand. I'm sure if you make it clear, good clients will understand too!

OhioMike

Just want to say I am grateful for professional cuddlers who work with me and my insane schedule. We as a community are so fortunate to have you here 😊

I am also grateful to enthusiasts here who love to plan wonderful times together even when our schedules don’t perfectly match , we still find the time to gather and cuddle and have such fun times ! 😊

Big hugs and cuddles to you ! 🤗

Kempist

When I paid to cuddle I would have never had the opportunity if it weren't for same day appointments. I didn't look at it as though it was a doctor's appointment. "Let's see let me check my calendar, I have an appointment next Tuesday at noon." No thanks. If I missed opportunities this way then so be it. I figure it was good because I was saving my money.

Many professional, excellent cuddlers take same day appointments. And this is said respectfully, but there’s no serious comparison to be made between the complexity of today’s modern medical practice and that of a pro cuddler’s. Lots of folks can often get last minute appointments with their docs.

But since we’re comparing, when last has anyone called their doctor’s office for an immediate appointment and gotten hit with “how inconsiderate “ of you, or “next time use better impulse control”? All that said, you gotta do what works best for you, hopefully without casting negative insinuations towards potential clients 😊

TheFunCartel

@lucas She has written on her profile a notice that she needs 24 hours notice. Her rule and boundary, so if she becomes frustrated with those who lacking reading comprehension or just plain blow off stated boundaries then I can see the frustration on her part. If she did not have that listed it would be a different story.

jaswbrown

As an enthusiast with anxiety issues, I prefer to book with a pro a week in advance. I feel like it gives me and my cuddle partner both time to prepare, and gives us a buffer in case we need to move our appointment forward or backward a day or so, 'cos sometimes life loves throwing spanners into your schedule. I had one cuddler comment how wonderful it was to just relax and cuddle after how chaotic her week was. 😊 I've also noticed that, when scheduling a week ahead, I've also been blessed with texts from my cuddler asking how my day was going, and how they are looking forward to our cuddling session. I DO have those days when I feel I need a cuddle or a hug, but I use those days to make the decision to schedule for the next week, and try to soldier on from there...