Why do grown ups struggle to make friends?

krys1krys1
in General

I have a 5 yr old child who turns total strangers into friends quickly. It's totally normal for a child to say, "hey will you be my friend?". But for grown ups, it requires shared interests, being in the same social circles, and really getting to know someone almost by accident. Why do grown ups over complicate things?

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Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Hey @krys1, will you be my friend? :3

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Mike403Mike403

    Most adults are too busy to manage a bazillion different friends. It's like have 5,000 Facebook friends but only interacting with a few of them.

  • krys1krys1

    @sunsetsnuggles Yep! I read through your profile, I line horses too! I had a horse as a kid, but I line in the big city now. What is living in WY like? I've driven through parts or WY a couple times.

  • krys1krys1

    @mike403 maybe we overthink friendship. My kid doesn't make lifelong commitments with each friend, but they are meaningful interactions.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @krys1 That's awesome, I wish I had a horse as a kid! Would have been my every hope and dream come true. This part of Wyoming is mountainous and brimming with wildlife! Very grateful to be living here for a few years. How is Texas treating you?

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • [Deleted User]maxmilli (deleted user)

    Most struggle to make friends because some people as bad intention while some have good its always be to be careful of who you associate yourselves with

  • pmvinespmvines

    Because of context and circumstance and convenience and life history and frame of reference and adulting and trajectories. I'm sure there are other reasons but these are the ones that immediately come to mind .

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @pmvines But you'll be my fwiend, right?

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Mike403Mike403

    An acquaintance is somebody you talk to, but don't have the invested emotional connection as a friend. I know.. I'm overthinking it.

  • krys1krys1

    @sunsetsnuggles I like Texas but I miss mountains. And wildlife. I'm definitely not a big city girl. How's yours site working out for you?

  • krys1krys1

    @maxmilli it's true. Hard to know who to trust.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @krys1 Yesss, when I visited Florida I was astounded by the utter lack of mountains...it just ain't right! :# I've lived in cities and suburbs and now a very small town. I liked all of them for different reasons. Cities are insanely convenient, but also loud and dirty. Suburbs are quiet but...well, is there really anything bad about the 'burbs? And small towns like mine are delightfully close to nature and wildlife, but hella far from the nearest hospital or Wal-Mart...like hour and a half far... haha

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited May 2022

    “Utter lack of mountains?
    Umm… Space Mountain?!”

    -Florida Man

    /s (This is the sarcasm mark.)

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    As we start out in life , we’re completely innocent & pure, & we’re completely accepting of others (for the most part) … as life goes on, we start experiencing betrayal / discomfort / abandonment / ect the list goes on … some people lose trust & they build up a high wall - for other their experiences changes them, & to avoid being vulnerable they become unpleasant purposely so that others don’t get close …. Also another thing to consider is that adulthood / adulting is an obstacle on its own … careers / family / kids ect all get in the way , we aren’t as social or as free to do as we want or as we wish - responsibilities take Over … also life at this point has shown us how important & significant the word “friend is”, & we choose wisely (if at all) & may be content with the few we already have 🌌

    • love this thread very nice & unique !!!
  • krys1krys1

    @pmvines all those things are true, but sometimes I wonder if we over think it.

  • krys1krys1

    @SunsetSnuggles I guess I'm in the suburbs, not the city. But the kind of suburbs to go on and on and on.... Still there decent parks and it is possible to see some nature. Just no mountains without a really big drive. How is the site working out for you? I'm new.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @krys1 I'm greatly enjoying my experience here on the site, though I haven't cuddled anyone, yet. There are about two whole people in my area, so I may have to wait 'til I move to a city again, to go cuddle crazy! But that's fine, as I'm shy and just getting a sense for this concept. I've tremendously enjoyed getting to know a lot of really sweet people, here.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • krys1krys1
    edited May 2022

    @cuddles_ndream it is true that as we get older, we pick our relationships with more care because we invest more. I've been guilty of this myself. I'm going through a divorce right now and it's kind of like I woke up one day and realized all my relationships have been basically eggs in one basket. Because I've been busy adulting and taking care of the people and responsibilities I had chosen to focus on.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @krys1 Exactly! Im sorry for your divorce … I hope you don’t mind online friendship’s, they’re just as meaningful (and sometimes more) than outside ones … there are plenty of awesome people here!, hope you start building amazing friendships 🌌

  • krys1krys1

    @cuddles_ndream thanks! So far it seems an active, genuine community. I found myself thinking that maybe I should start dating soon, but then I realized that really all I wanted was human interaction. Just a funny thing how in grown-up-land it seems easier to pursue physical interaction than admit I just need a hug.

  • robroorobroo

    I think a lot of it has to do with upbringing and how you were raised. You're a product of your environment.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Perhaps there should be more adult play dates

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @krys1 you're right! I was feeling very similar when I 1st joined, & I actually “found it” by searching something on Google like , “I need a hug” or something along those lines ….And yes, In grown-up land we’re supposed to just tough it out … but at times a hug is all we need (here’s a hug for you 🫂)

  • krys1krys1

    @cuddles_ndream aw, thanks. I'm sending one back but I haven't figured out how to do it.

  • [Deleted User]Snuggluffagus (deleted user)

    Short answer: Because we need deeper connectiins to consider someone a friend.

    Long answer: To a small child, throwing rocks with someone for 5 minutes becomes a "friend" they tell their whole family about. The family shows genuine interest because it is important to the child and their world is tiny.

    If I were to go to work and tell everyone about the person I threw rocks with for 5 minutes yesterday, I probably would never receive another promotion.

    The stories need to be more interesting because my world is larger. Friends are people we confide in, not what my favorite color or movie is. Those are now ice breakers for deeper conversation.

  • krys1krys1

    @robroo it's true. But I do think it's easy to be afraid of looking needy, as if people needing others isn't what keeps society from falling to bits.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @krys1 you don’t need to put the emoji, I felt it 🌌

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @SnuggleSeason I like how you put that.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • pmvinespmvines

    Yes @SunsetSnuggles. You and your sad cat can be my friend

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited May 2022

    @pmvines Oh, the sad kitty doesn't want you, but I'll take ya. 😼

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

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