Do people ask to massage you?
Yes all the time. I decline unless it's a brief over the shirt back massage. Wanna bring oils and candles? Nope. I will take the money I receive from the session and book a real massage therapist. ☺️
They ask enthusiasts, too, and to me it’s a red flag.
I think it's a red flag also, especially when mentioned in their profile or PMs. I have had platonic over the shirt backrubs, but it was discussed respectfully and timely in person.
Bright red flag. Its a straight up boundary-blurring seduction technique. I've used it myself, it can be quite effective.
@CuddleDuncan Lol.
I love candles 😢🥺 @Rezz
@SnshineScarlett You can love candles but discourage their use when someone is clearly setting up a romantic atmosphere to try to seduce you. Context. There are lots of things I love but not with a cuddler. Lol
@Moxytocin I agree. I know a few here you might use candles with, but context, connotation, double meanings, things associated with romance and other stuff has to be factored in. I've had enough convos with just guy friends to know that they can be made to be confused with no effort on another person's part. Not dissing guys, just saying there is a large number that take things the wrong way. They don't think first sometimes. I have heard a few guys say IRL they don't like to think, etc. Now there is some food for thought for everyone.
@achetocuddle but they have that extra brain though...
@Moxytocin You have made me smile and laugh so much lately. I had forgotten that guys have more brain volume. You know me, I'm gonna try to be fair and also not say something to get a timeout or ban. I have come to the conclusion, not just because of science but because of experience, that cerebral things do not interest a large minority of men. And some of course, like any gender of human, just don't want to try to understand or bridge any gap. And quite a bit must be hard-wired. I take what I have learned and factor it into every interaction I have with a man just to serve my best interests. If I don't serve my best interests, who will? Lol. Don't mean to be too heavy and can't wait for your next posts:)
@achetocuddle There. I revised my emoji drawing.
@Moxytocin 🤣🤣🤣
I'm just not really a fan of massages myself. 🤷♀️ I get much more requests to provide massages than to be given massages.
@Moxytocin Great revision LOL. And you made CuddleDuncan laugh too. I like that.
@Rene97. Welcome to the community. I really enjoyed reading your profile, seems you are a natural empath and would make a great cuddle partner. As far as massage goes, I've found that it's one of those things that should be discussed regarding, or within your boundaries and consent conversation with a potential cuddle partner. I've found my partners ideas in the area of boundaries and consent to be as unique as they are. One size does not fit all.
The touching and caressing aspects of cuddling is sensual but does not have to be sexual. Cuddling is also very intimate in that it allows one to be vunerable, but doesn't have to be romantic. At the end of the day it's all about expectations, or not confusing sensuality with sexuality and intimacy with romance when all those hormones begin to release.
You'll find that there are many practices here, e.g., hiring someone for dinner date or family social event, going to the movies, overnight sessions, etc., etc., that seem more like dating activities than platonic cuddling and lend themselves to emotional confusion. So, be sure that any potential partner isn't just telling you what they think you want to hear, but are earnestly communicating with you.
Happy cuddling.
As a professional massage therapist I don’t see it as a red flag massage therapy has many benefits including relaxation that I think pairs well with cuddles
@ZenChrissy there's nothing intrinsically wrong with pairing cuddles and massage, as long as the boundary issues of clothing are handled appropriately.
The problem is that men clients ask women professionals if they are willing to be massaged. This is a really weird request because the purpose of the professional cuddler is to look after the client, not the other way around. It's also a red flag because it's pushing boundaries in general. And it's a bright shiny red flag because it's a standard technique for turning a platonic situation into a sexual one.
@herby357 the OP is a professional cuddler, which is what makes this question inappropriate. Over the clothes massage in the context of an enthusiast cuddle is a different matter entirely.
Bring up massage in either direction in a cuddle session with a professional in the USA is bordering on inappropriate in any event, since massage is a regulated profession there.
Some of the other activities that you mention are not dating-like. They are examples of the profession of companionship which is old, respectable, and for some reason that baffles me not widely known. The latest iteration of the companionship business is 'rent-a-friend'. Some if not most professional cuddlers offer companionship as a secondary service.
When you’re licensed as a health care professional by the state you have responsibilities and obligations that the general public does not. It probably violates state licensing laws for a licensed massage therapist to cuddle with massage clients. When we’re acting as a massage therapist, we’re bound by our defined scope of practice. Cuddling is not within our SOP. If we’re cuddling, then we can’t be acting as a licensed massage therapist. The subject has come up in professional discussion groups and it’s doubtful any state licensing board would accept an LMT cuddling with their massage clients. The general consensus of opinion is that licensed massage therapists should keep their cuddling business and their massage business separate.
Massage is fine when it’s completely consensual and people are on the same page. When that is not the case then it’s very stressful. It’s really a drag to have to stop someone who is going in a non-platonic direction when that was not what you signed up for.
I’m 69 years old. I’ve been around. I’ve had men offer to massage me since I was 18 years old and in every single case their intention was seduction in spite of them often insisting it wasn’t. I don’t doubt that there are people who have completely platonic intentions but when a total stranger offers to massage me in an intimate setting and I don’t know this person well enough to know what their intentions are, my experience tells me proceed with caution. This guy might be different than the 99 last guys but if he really is different, he’ll take the time to get to know me well enough so that I feel completely trusting.
I’ve often wondered how often massage, in the context of cuddling (like someone asking to massage you, they ask you to massage them, or they ask to trade), ends up turning into someone pushing boundaries? A lot of the time? Some of the time? Seldom? I’m curious. Maybe I should put up a survey and ask.
@CuddleDuncan "Appropriateness" is a very subjective thing by definition, just like opinions. Who am I (or we) to determine what is suitable and proper for consenting adults?
With platonic cuddling being in its evolutionary phase e.g., unregulated, and the community mixed with both professionals and enthusiasts whom are free to interpret the community guidelines within their own understanding; determining what may or may not be appropriate is entirely up to the participants in the engagement, not you nor I.
@herby357 - if we’re talking about cuddling with people we arrange to cuddle with through this site, there very definitely are guidelines about what is appropriate. People who arrange to cuddle with someone through this site are expected to abide by the terms of service to which they agreed. If people take their activities away from here, then that’s their business, but don’t come back and later report that person for what went on after you dropped the restrictions you agreed to here. We’re not in the business of dealing with your personal problems when it goes south. (And yes, that does happen.)
Outside of here, consenting adults can decide for themselves what is appropriate for them. Here, everyone has agreed to abide by certain rules and violating them is not appropriate.
@Babichev. I'm a person that lives in the gray or a nuanced mental state. So, I choose to see the various sides of a matter, and try not judge opinions I don't necessarily agree with.
"Appropriateness" is informed by one's life-experience. And in my experience, the word appropriate is usually deployed in a pejorative or punitive way in an attempt to sanction someone that doesn't share one's perspective. That is why I specifically used the words, "within their own understanding," in my reply to @CuddleDuncan.
I wouldn't assume I could tell you what to think, or how to feel, or even how to interpret something. Another reason why I stressed earnest communication in my original reply to @Rene97.
@herby357 - People who are looking for more than platonic cuddles don't belong on this site just like meat eaters don't belong at a vegan convention. Those people aren't evil. They are just at the wrong place.
@Mike403 I never make comments to a community member without reviewing their profile.
Folks with thin profiles e.g., no about info, no Karmas, or no photos aren't worth the effort to me. Did you even bother to read my initial comment to @Rene97 or review my profile? I'm not advocating anything outside of open and honest communication.
Positive energy, thoughts, and love for my fellow man is my thing. Not being judgmental.
@herby357 - If some people here are okay with bending the rules then guys will try to get anyone to do that thinking they might get "lucky". The rules are in place to maintain a safe community. If there is something else you're looking for, there are plenty other sites to find it. This site is very clear on what it is.
@Mike403. How did you jump to safety and sex from my comments?
Essentially, if someone tells me that their favorite color is Green, I'm going ask what particular shade of green? And how does that particular shade make you feel? Searching for a deeper understanding is not nefarious, but the definition of nuance my friend.
That's all I'm trying to get across here.
I think you're confused @herby357 . This site is not for sensual touch/cuddling at all. It's strictly for platonic cuddling. Sensual is not necessarily sexual, but it's not platonic either. Site rules trump looser personal boundaries here.
@Moxytocin sensual absolutely can be platonic. Simply caressing someone can be incredibly sensual and caressing touch is often a part of platonic cuddling. Sensuality is just feeling your senses intensely. Eating food is a very sensual experience for me. Listening to music. Seeing the fireflies in my yard. Smelling honeysuckle. Touching my fuzzy blanket. There are examples for each of the senses. 👄👂👀👃✋
Ok, while you're not wrong (CAN be), I googled the word sensual and almost every definition listing included "especially sexual" and many people think of sensual with sexual connotations. Kind of like how many men don't seem to understand what platonic means, their gonna mess this one up too. 🤦🏻♀️
Yes, our society views sensual as basically the same as sexual. Knowing myself in ways strangers don't, I find this incredibly frustrating. If I am a very sensual person, but not sexual, what word do I use? Why do we have two words that mean basically the same thing and no word to use when the second should be used, if society didn't twist it around to basically mean the first? 😝 Sensual should be as mentioned, without the "especially sexual" part, but I acknowledge our society doesn't always see that. I guess I'm advocating changing that. 😇
@Moxytocin, I honestly don't know how to respond to you because your profile is a desert bereft of any information on how, who, or why you cuddle?
I do know, however, how to be a honest, respectful, and fulfilling cuddle partner. Mostly due to the time I take to communicate with my partners on the how, who, and why they cuddle. In communicating with them before, during and after our sessions I've learned so much nuance from them regarding platonic-touch and platonic-intimacy. That intimacy allows me to be vulnerable in a way I couldn't be in a romantic sexual relationship. There's too much posturing that goes on in a non-platonic relationship from my perspective for a male to be truly vulnerable.
In any event, the platonic life-energy some of my partners and I shared in an intimate and sensual way has helped me heal myself emotionally and come back from a dark place in my life. That's why I bothered to respond to @Rene97 in the first place. Her profile reveals that she is an empath, and we both see cuddling as an intimate private thing or something we would not be comfortable doing in public.
I get to define what platonic cuddling is for me (i.e., a therapeutic pursuit). While also acknowledging that it can be something entirely different (e.g., a quasi-social pursuit like public cuddling, dinner dates, companionship etc.) for others in the community. It's literally up to them.