@littlebluebee I am truly sorry you have had this type of experience and agree your post should be open expression and discussion. Your profile looks great and you present as a wonderful person.
Could not agree more with @Rezz YOU belong here and the boundary pushers or those seeking more than platonic connections or experiences do not. Much respect to those with different needs but I hope for everyone’s benefit they utilize the appropriate platforms for such.
There is a wonderful and thriving community here in which many respectful, amazing souls give and receive safe connection and cuddles and I hope you get to enjoy more of that side of cuddling.
@CuddleDuncan Yes it's a really common tactic to get us to lax our rules by saying someone else does it, but make no mistake , there's "pros" here who do not care and will do whatever it takes to make an extra buck or to keep a client. This has a detrimental effect on the rest of us who show up after those pros left these guys glowing feedback only for them to treat us like sex workers. It's tiring and harmful to not only the ladies, but to the guys here who are beyond kind, respectful and who truly understand platonic touch.
Yes, I'm very vocal about this because I'm sick of new , naive female pros becoming victims to these jackasses. It can leave some feeling like they did something wrong, that they deserved it. It's heartbreaking.
@littlebluebee thank you for venting & the clarity of your profile.
As a newbie, yet-to-cuddle, via this site I appreciate the honesty in this thread & helpful suggestions.
@sunnysideup That may be true, and as you say not an excuse...but as a counter argument, guess who else is conditioned to connect cuddling to relationships? Women.
But men are usually the ones who cross the line most of the time, so if women can do it so can men!
@cylee1180 I usually enjoy your posts and am even glad you posted this last statement. Any statement made here by anyone can be a possible learning experience for me and I love to learn. I'm not keen about your counter argument that is really not pertinent to the OP thread and comes across as a little misogynist, even tho I don't think that is your intent. It's a very gross generalization in more than one way. If you counter my post, I am Ok with that and possibly will not be able to articulate further. I am not the best at accessing the words that will best describe my thoughts.
@Rezz So thankful you are here and posting and telling it like it really is! Regarding your last paragraph: The forum posts of women who tell us the bad things that have happened to them due to members here continue to eat at me.
Your profile is really good and it’s very clear. You’re doing a great job at conveying that you’re a Platonic cuddler only. But I like what @Rezz Said that the pros thatt also cuddle and do extras are making it bad for us. I have heard so many of my clients talk about a pro that offered extras almost everyone of them stated that.
But I have so many amazing people to cuddle and I think of them often and how much fun they are and I can’t wait to see them again they’re not all like that.
I to change my profile, to be a little bit more clear. I did lose some interest but I gained better cuddlers in the end.
Thank you for this post I feel like I could’ve said those exact same words though. When you vented I think you vented for all of us
@achetocuddle what really eats at me are the ones who said a bad thing was done to to them by forum member x, but did nothing about it. No report or police call if it was somethijg worse.
I’m sure that it’s hard, or fear a bad review, or no faith thay the system will do anything, but these actions have the potential to help other women down the line, and in an indirect way, men as well. And the mods here seem great at banning bad actors once they are aware.
I'm tired of the guys who stop writing when I mention the word platonic. I'm glad they show themselves out, but it's just so MANY of them. And showing yourself out without mentioning sex is not reportable, which is a good thing. I don't want to err on either side. When I get a new message from a guy now, I feel a little dread and very little excitement. It's a shame and a detriment for all of us. And I feel for the guys who are still trying to get one platonic cuddle and must get discouraged by info like this, even tho it is much-needed info. If they are saying What's a guy to do?, I don't blame them.
I too have been so tired of some of these men. I'll have several sessions booked but as soon as I send them my info, that's when they start showing their true colors. I've cancel so many sessions. One asked if I was going to wear lingerie..... that got canceled. Another said he was going to bring massage oil so he could give me a massage. When I brought up my concern and told him the only way he could use said oil would be for me to take my top off and I reminded him of the rules, he got mad at ME!.... Canceled and banned. It gets so frustrating. They all start out so good and just when I think I found someone that is going to be a good cuddle, they say something that gives me red flag vibes. I protect myself at all costs! There's a lot of sickos and if you talk to them long enough, they'll show their true intentions. That's why I don't mind giving them my info after they book a session. The more you talk, the more you'll get to know them beforehand. Luckily, the in person experiences I have had, have been great, all except 1 anyway. Also, I've been on the site long enough that I've gotten some repeat clients so I know they're safe. It's just the vetting process that is just so tedious.
I think every professional cuddler on the site has had at least one bad experience so far. Definitely not alone in your journey ✨
The vetting process is tedious, even for an enthusiast that is not looking for many cuddles. Can't imagine what it's like for the pros.
As a guy with honest intentions but who's also new to the platform, how would y'all recommend getting that across? What's a good way to start these conversations?
I have reported some guys on here that are too touchy and break boundaries but i still see them here. What does it takes for them to get kicked out? Can they make a new acct after getting kicked out?
@chloe88
The mods can elaborate more on this, but I think if there is no evidence they may need reports from multiple users to take action. If evidence is posted like a screenshot of messages then they can probably instantly ban them. I could be totally wrong, but that seems to make sense to me. I hope they get banned soon.
kinda off topic, so:
@Gimoo Just be respectful and not pushy, that's all any of us can do. I've multiple people agree to a meet then get cold feet, for no apparent reason. Kind of frustrating when it happens so many times, so I've stopped putting so much energy in looking for enthusiast cuddlers.
@achetocuddle My meaning was "if women can (respect boundaries and keep things platonic), then so can men!" I think it was just a weirdly phrased sentence. I def. try not to say anything misogynistic, homo or transphobic, or racist. If I or anyone does, feel free to call us out.
I'm the first to admit if I'm wrong about something. Thanks for bringing it up!
@Gimoo One of my favorite cuddlers said in his profile please please no sexual advances I just want to cuddle. So he had his own boundaries.
When a guy says to me I’ll respect your boundaries but I don’t have any that’s a red flag for me. My last potential cuddler I sent him a diagram of where not to touch just because I don’t know him and he’s new. He said oh yes I know I understand that but just let you know you can touch me anywhere, Thats not really appropriate to say that seeing that it’s supposed to be platonic. Like why would I wanna touch him somewhere that’s not appropriate if I just send some thing about appropriate touch.
In my profile I said that I’m not for everyone, and boy is that true the kind of cuddling I like is very wholesome and loving and very close but completely non-sexual non-sensual non-romantic. I’m actually surprised I get any cuddlers. But the ones that I do have that want the same thing they are the most glorious most amazing most wonderful cuddles. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Besides that sometimes you have to cuddle married man I would want to be able to sleep and rest at night knowing that I gave someone cuddles that were friendly not anything else.
So to answer your question put some thing like that on your profile. If that’s what you really want that makes me feel so respected when men have their own boundaries.
Sorry for such a long answer to a question. But I hope that helps other people too
@KozyKim - Major red flag. It sounds like he understands the rules but he's hoping he'll get lucky.
@KozyKim your instincts are correct in that if he says he respects your boundaries, but doesn't have any boundaries of his own, something is wrong. Looks like your system is working for you!
@cylee1180 Thanks for the clarification, and you're totally right in that logic - if women can be platonic, why can't men? Well, according to the forums, women aren't always platonic either - but for sure seems like men push the boundaries way more often.
I can think of a couple reasons for why this might be, at least in United States culture (UK or other countries' cultures might be different, Canada's is probably similar).
Putting this as spoiler:
@sunnysideup to the point in your spoiler, my guess is it has more to do with the fact that SW is illegal in the US so people interested in it have to fly under the radar. If it were legal here in the US, maybe this site would be left alone.
@achetocuddle Your last couple of comments is exactly why there aren't many female enthusiasts and most sign up to become pros. Vetting is just too much of a pain in the ass to not get paid for it. And then you have me, the pro who gave up completely, realizing that it doesn't pay to be a pro here either. I've had my suspicions about the site from day one.
Most men are probably just not mature enough to be offered this service.
@WriterGF I was just thinking that very same thing the other day. And it has nothing to do with age. My best cuddler’s have been between 27 and 35. But they really understand cuddling and affection.
@sunnysideup Yeah. I think I've read that female massage therapists oftentimes get similar treatment. It's truly unfortunate.
@Moxytocin I think that society would be a lot better off if SW were legalized. It's better for both men and women.
But even if that were the case (SW was legalized), it probably wouldn't change the amount of inappropriate advances enthusiast cuddlers get. Though it might help some as there'd be a legal outlet for this stuff. But I'm going off the logic that these inappropriate enthusiasts view CC as an alternative dating site. It may not fully help the pros either, as cuddling is supposedly a lot cheaper than SW; you may still get some guys trying to get the same service for less buck. And there are predatory guys that are always looking to get more than what was agreed upon.
I never understood why SW is illegal. The police even go out of their way to set up sting operations to catch people seeking their services as if they have nothing better to do. What two consenting adults does is nobody else's business.
@Rezz thank you for telling it exactly like it is here!! As a new pro, I had no idea what I was walking into. Sure, I expected creeps.... but it's a cesspool here. And there is no excuse for it. I had to realize, through many interactions that didn't feel good, that honorable men are in the minority. I also had to realize that this is, at its core, a business. The safety and comfort of the strictly platonic female pros is not the top priority. The site should be combing through messages written by clients, looking for keywords. I reported a guy who quite vividly told me he likes to "cuddle passionately, is a giver, and likes to bring his partner release and leave her in ecstasy". I had said nothing that would have prompted this. Of course he's still here, the SWs are still here (no judgement but they're on the wrong site), and the site is fine with looking the other way. That 15% sure adds up. But the environment here drives away good pros. I've spoken to a few pro cuddlers outside this site, since I realized what's really going on here. None of them could speak well of this place. The only properly enjoyable and safe-feeling spot has been the forums for the most part. Thanks again for speaking your truth boldly. It is the truth for many other women here as well.
Somebody looking for something sexual isn't necessarily evil, but this isn't the site to look for it. SW should be legalized so that sites that cater to those kind of services can exist and those people will hopefully leave this site alone.
@Moxytocin I couldn't agree more with you. Vetting clients is time-consuming and stressful. Being pro here was absolutely NOT worth it in my experience. I surely have the same feelings about the site that you do. I'm sorry you had that experience, and my heart breaks for the unknown number of women who have been violated through connections facilitated by this site. The least that could be done is collecting ID when signing up. It would deter at least SOME of the predators and unsavory behavior. I don't care about married men, discretion and all that nonsense. Giving your ID to a site holds you more accountable, as you're no longer hiding under anonymity.
@snugglebug3 I think the site probably does not want to be held legally responsible if someone does something, any more than a dating site does. If CC sets themselves up to start vetting people, or combing through messages, then if they miss something they open themselves up to a lawsuit. Fact is, professional cuddling is a dangerous business - you are getting physically intimate with a stranger -- the amazing thing is that nothing worse than what we have seen here has happened yet. There are a fair number of people on here who are emotionally vulnerable, which is going to attract predators.
@WriterGF I get your point. However, TOS can EASILY include terms that protect the site from liability. Making everyone here at least be identifiable to the site would absolutely slow (but NOT stop) soliciting, SW etc. A very small measure to take to at least make it a little safer for all! Not completely, but a little safer. No one should have the illusion of complete safety anywhere. I agree that there are emotionally vulnerable pros AND enthusiasts here. It's no excuse for doing basically nothing to screen members.