Worst dad ever?

Mike403

This dad completely smashed some kid's gaming setup because he wouldn't get off it when asked to go to a family function.

He is a Fortnite streamer and he plays in tournaments. He doesn't play video games just to waste time. He makes a pretty good living doing it. This is the equivalent of saying that you can't go because you have to work. The worst part is, the dad didn't spend any money on it. The kid paid for this setup out of his own pocket.

BashfulLoner

He probably shouldn’t have smashed it, but he got his point across and the child wasn’t really harmed. I don’t care that the kid made money streaming, no negotiation with terrorists(poorly behaved children)

Mike403

@Bashfulloner - You don't need to be physically harmed. Mental abuse is a thing. The relationship with that child and father will never be the same.

DaringSprinter

Kids aren't property, they're people. Their lives don't belong to anyone but them.

You want your kid to go to a family function? Be the kind of family your kid wants to be around—and with a kid who has a job, try giving them a heads up in time for them to work your thing into their schedule.

Destroying someone's property because they won't do what you want? That's abusive. The kid should see about getting emancipated.

Jubal

If parents pay for stuff that their kids have, then yeah, they can break it. But if the kid paid for the stuff with his own earnings, then no breaking. Just unplug it, or if necessary, go to the garage and flip the breaker for that room. It'll get the point across.

UCpaaHVg6u0

The parent-child relationship isn't something easily framed by standards of adult-adult relationships. A child isn't responsible, especially in terms of legal contracts, which makes me curious how a minor is making a living playing games online. That said, the father did not display adult behavior by destroying the child's property, and the relationship is likely damaged worse than the electronics. I think if you're a child who lives at home, you need to negotiate your behavior to conform to the expectations set by consistent rules but too often parents are inconsistent and abusive. The question posed here doesn't really create greater understanding and it seems to treat the dynamics of the interaction with limited variables.

Mike403

@UCpaaHVg6u0 - You can make a pretty good living on Twitch and YouTube if you can get a big enough following and the question posted here was only intended to start a discussion about the subject. Obviously nobody knows anything else that happened other than what this kid posted.

JohnR1972

I’m with @DaringSprinter on this one

cuddleNsqueeze

Good discussion @Mike403 and yes I agree with @DaringSprinter

IsMeArrggh

If the kid bought that on his own the parent had no right whatsoever to do anything with it! Before it’s even asked yes I am a parent. And what exactly are we trying to teach by smashing something?!? So this means your boss can smash your phone because you didn’t leave your lunch hour early and get back to work?!? And why are we “forcing” anyone going anywhere? This is your child, not your slave. If the kid can take care of himself then he can stay home. He might regret later not going on that family thing.

CuddleDuncan

Assuming it's real, true and fair then this is a matter for the police and social services. The charges might be something like criminal damage and threatening language or behaviour.

@Juhal

If parents pay for stuff that their kids have, then yeah, they can break it.

No they can't. That's abuse. And may still be a criminal offence.

@BashfulLoner

he got his point across

What point?

the child wasn’t really harmed.

The child will never be the same again.

no negotiation with terrorists(poorly behaved children)

There is no evidence that the child was badly behaved. Perhaps he was, perhaps he wasn't. On the balance of probabilities it was the parent who was badly behaved, not the child.

From the sound of it the kid is a professional streamer, it's his job. If someone can't attend a social event because of their job then that should be that. No questions asked.

Imagine if they worked at a shop and their dad slashed burned their work ID. Or if they were a carpenter and the dad broke their tools. Or if they did crafts and the dad poured all their paint and whatnot down the sink.

It doesn't matter what job they have or what equipment they use. They need it for that job. Applying discipline tactics to your child is one thing, completely disrespecting them and destroying property they rely on for their livelihood is another.

What's more, if someone has a good reason to decline going out to a social event or anything else, then okay, accept that. Smashing the equipment because they said no isn't good or effective parenting, it's not teaching them a lesson, it's a blatant control tactic to keep them under their thumb and straight up abuse in my opinion.

Mike403

If the child had a job delivering pizzas and couldn't go to a family function because he was working, should the dad respond by wrecking his car? People see video games in a different light even if they are making money doing it.

CuddleDuncan

Imagine if the kid worked in a shop and the dad smashed up the till.

Under no circumstances was that Dad behavior warranted. Wether the child was working or not is immaterial and no one should be treated that way assuming this is not a farce.

Ironman294

I would say the worst dad ever is one who abandons their child and does physical abuse.
What the dad did here is emotional abuse. Terrible of the dad to do, better ways to handle somethjng like this. And also kids should listen to their parents, two things can be true

Mike403

@Ironman294 - I think emotional abuse is worse. Physical harm will heal over time. Emotional harm never goes away. It permanently changes somebody.

Ironman294

When someone is physically beaten it’s physical and emotional at the same time

bigben

WAH !!! You broke my x-box , Im emotionally distraught forever now .. Get me a psychiatrist and meds pronto

Mike403

@bigben - That was thousands of dollars worth of equipment. It wasn't just a game console. If the value of the destroyed property is over a certain amount, it's a felony I believe.

dave31415

Seems like a personal matter than should not be put on the internet. No one has enough information about it to have an informed opinion and it’s no one’s business anyway.

Mike403

@dave31415 - Um, the kid this happened to is the one who put that video on the internet via his Twitter page.

pmvines

This is not a scenario I agree with at all. I think it is psychologically abusive , and does not take into account the kids feelings or sense of autonomy .

However , as a parent to a child who historically has had behavioral issues and he himself will tell you that he was not an easy child to be a parent to, I whole heartedly believe in setting ground rules and being firm with boundaries. Different to this scenario as the child bought the equipment, plus dont know his age, but I would and have taken away certain items and privileges as a consequence to bad behaviors and not doing what is expected of you . I could never see myself doing something so harmful as what is in this video though . To me , that is being a bully and shows zero respect.

jaswbrown

As important as providing for their children's well being, a parent serves as a role model (good or bad)... This parent has failed, and I suspect the kid (how old?) has long stopped respecting them...

The parent demonstrated that they do not see their child as an adult, and may not ever. They've demonstrated a lack of respect for others' belongings, others' means of financial gain, and quite possibly, a penchant for temper and violence. If I had a spouse act in this manner, it'd likely be grounds for divorce, as I would not tolerate any violence.

When I was a fairly young child, I made an observation: A person usually yells or makes shows of force out of frustration. This shows they have lost (or had no) control over the situation, and have shown the only hand they've got. That being said, I've always preferred reasoning with my own kids. If my kids were making money from gaming, I'd respect (and nurture) that, hoping to early foster a professionalism. It's rare to be making money from something you like doing, and I'd be damned to take that away from MY kids. If the family gathering was TRULY important, I would consider my child's 'work schedule' when planning it, but would also convey the importance to my kid. Children ALL TOO WELL remember who showed them respect and valued them. I remember my Dad had always treated me with respect, even when I didn't deserve it. I always listened to him, cos he never raised his voice. He never hit me, cos he KNEW all he had to do was give me THAT look and say he was disappointed with my behavior. To this day, he is my role model for maturity and overall badassery...

SoftHairForDays

@Ironman294 said

When someone is physically beaten it’s physical and emotional at the same time

Agreed.

ExoticLotus

I would never push kids or anyone to do something, they don’t want to specially if they have their own logical reasons! I would rather try to convince them…this dad just showed his son, how to act as a grown up! Kids watch parents, eventually turns out to be either a copy of their parents or totally the opposite. And I think either way is caused by the parents themselves…conveying a message of control, suppressing and even aggression is the worst you can do to anyone, not to say your own children.
I feel bad, cause some people still don’t respect their children.

BashfulLoner

I agree it could have been handled better. I don’t agree that a child’s property ( depending on age) is something they necessarily have control over. Therefore I’m assuming this happened after long discussion and warning. I don’t believe it happened after an immediate request. I agree it could and should change the relationship forever. Hopefully it’s a lesson learned, but if not maybe the approach will be different next time. I can’t measure what level of trauma this could cause, but i think there is a danger of a child taking a position like this with their parent. Again, no negotiation with terrorists.

DaringSprinter

As someone who was beaten as a kid, I agree wholeheartedly with @Ironman294.

As someone who was raised by people who didn't understand the definition of the word "terrorism," I have a book to quote:

Parents who purchase compliance through promise of reward are turning their child into a racketeer, paid for protection. The child becomes the Mafia or union boss, and you take the role of intimidated businessman. If you are bargaining with a terrorist for one more day's reprieve from anguish, may you then strike a favorable deal, but if you are training up a child, you need to reconsider your methods. Allowing yourself to be intimidated into compromise will turn your child into a psychological bully.

...

To allow a child to whine and disobey is to mold a personality and character that you will eventually find hard to like. By taking control and teaching them to control their emotions and to instantly obey, your children will be cheerful and pleasant. Then you will not only love your children but like them as well.

...

You may have strong feelings that prevent you from spanking your child, but it is not love. The God who made little children, and therefore knows what is best for them, has told parents to employ the rod in training up their children. To refrain from doing so, based on a claim of love, is an indictment against God Himself. Your actions assume that either God does not desire what is best for your child or you know better than He.

...

If you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he has surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring, and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender—no compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.

...

It is most effective to strike the rod against bare skin, where nerves are located at the surface.

...

Even today, without looking at the children, I can snap my finger, pointing to the floor, and they all (including the ones over six feet) immediately sit. I can point to the door, and they all exit. ... Teach your children to "snap to it." They will be better for it, and it will make them more lovable—which makes for more loving.

Ah, my parents loved that book.

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There's something about a parent who thinks their child must do what the parent wants. That the parent's desires come before the child's. That obedience is more important than anything. That the child is theirs, and so is anything the child nominally owns.

Does anyone here really think it's appropriate to destroy anything a child owns in order to force that child to do what you want?

Or that someone (of any age) refusing to put your desires ahead of their own is terrorism?

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Anyway, that kid is obviously not safe. When the things you love and/or rely on for income can be smashed by someone who apparently wants you to be completely dependent on them, it's time to consider emancipation.

Depending on how much money he was making, he might have already qualified for independence on financial grounds. Hmm. I wonder if his dad knew that.

SunsetSnuggles

@DaringSprinter Holy eff that book quote is scary. My parents also had it. I've never read anything from it before. Just wow.

As for the original video, obviously the dad needs anger management, if not worse. Absolutely violent behavior. I knew a kid who went through this exact scenario, and it absolutely terrified him. Inexcusable and wretched.

Though, worst dad ever...heh, I wish. As others have said, there are many forms of abuse.

~ Sunset Snuggles

DaringSprinter

@SunsetSnuggles: My parents used to swear by it. Bought a whole bunch so they could give copies away.

Apparently the attitude that kids' lives need to revolve around parents' wishes is not uncommon... and neither is the idea that hurting kids in some way (physically, emotionally, whatever) is an appropriate response to having your wishes disregarded because they're putting themselves first.

Gotta teach the selfish little so-and-sos that you come first, otherwise they'll be terrible people when they grow up, and probably go to hell, too. Looked at that way, smashing something a kid worked hard for is actually an act of love.

Or you could ditch the pretence and straight up admit that you don't think the kid's desires, emotions, plans, etc., are important compared to yours.

Many different types of abuse, but very similar mindsets....

SunsetSnuggles

@DaringSprinter posted: "Or you could ditch the pretence and straight up admit that you don't think the kid's desires, emotions, plans, etc., are important compared to yours."
Mine certainly weren't. I understood this from a very young age. A dog with no rights.

~ Sunset Snuggles