Confused about being Ghosted often

Hey everybody, hope everything is going okay! So far I’ve only had 1 cuddle experience with a Pro and it was great! We both exchanged karma and I was hoping it would add validity to my profile and keep people from thinking I’m a catfish.

However, the last 3-4 times I’ve reached out to a pro I either get blocked or ghosted. Im curious about what is a good way to reach out to a pro about a session. My typical 1st message goes something like this :

Hi “insert cuddlers username here”, I saw you’re profile and it looks like you give an awesome cuddle experience! I’ll make a small joke or comment about something from there bio. Im looking for a 1-2 hour session on a Saturday or Sunday. What is your availability like on those days? During the session I’m looking for hand holding, cuddling, and some hugging (all platonic of course). I see that you dont host so the session would take place at my apartment. Let me know if you’re interested, have a great day!

I recently sent a message pretty similar to this and was blocked. I dont feel like I said anything inappropriate or explicit. The only thing I see so far is that I could mention that we could meet or have the 1st session in public to help build a rapport which I will probably start adding. I would love to hear anyones thoughts on this and would love some tips! Thanks again for reading!

TLDR: looking for tips on how to better make the 1st messages for a session

dave31415

Maybe just start with a “Hello, I’m ____. How are you?”

Minestrone101

I think asking for a time slot or appt time off the bat is too aggressive. I think you should have a conversation first before suggesting an appt time. This includes what you're looking for, what cuddling means to you, and if you two are a good fit. Then there's a vetting process so they can better know you and see if they can trust you and feel comfortable proceeding.

This is all bc cuddling is an intimate and private experience, and cuddling with anyone off the street cam be dangerous and frightening- they need to minimize risk and build trust. Its def different than almost any other type of service imo.

It's really less mechanical or transactional in the process.

Your profile can include more about you: more about hobbies, movies/books, where you've traveled, your ideas and motivation for cuddling, and why you're seeking cuddles. Your pictures are good.

Good point Dave, thats how I used to message initially, maybe thats what I’ll go back to. Alot of the pros dont get online often so I give them all the information up front.

That makes sense Cylee, so do you believe my style of reaching out/messaging is block worthy?

biancalovecraft

Nah, dont overthink it. If this is the whole exchange, its absolutely WHACK a pro would block you. There is nothing wrong with your message whatsoever, its exactly the courteous introduction that I will go out of my way to expedite and accommodate. Instead of picking yourself apart, maybe scrutinize their profile instead. First question I would ask is how long they have been here. We've had an influx of recent additions, and apparently there's a significant gap in the understanding of the spirit of the intended culture here.

pmvines

Be sure the person is a pro if you are asking to book. Seems like common sense I know but it does happen from time to time and a non pro might be really put off by it. And I see nothing wrong with your message, as many pros here will tell you that they are here to book appointments and dont necessarily want a bunch of back and forth . Be polite and read the room , but if you feel like you are being made to have to coax somebody into letting you book with them then you may want to move on to another cuddler.

Thanks Bianca!! I truly appreciate your input& it does help with reassuring my thoughts on my struggles lol. And you’re right I’ll start paying more attention to how long someone has been here. Im pretty new myself so Im still getting the hang of things.

I do admit my initial message could come off a little strong but I think the courteous thing a pro could do is start screening/conversation from that point instead of immediately blocking or ghosting.

However, I do appreciate everyones point of view so far.

CuddleWho

I think maybe you're using "ghosted" in a nonstandard way. To me being "ghosted" means they abruptly stopped responding after you at least had an ongoing conversation.

Here it sounds more like they're just not responding to your messages.

Unfortunately, this is normal. Most pros don't respond to messages, and even when they do respond they often disappear or flake pretty quickly. Either they just stop responding or they give very brief, vague answers and it's impossible to get them to unambiguously agree to a session. It's not a great experience, but that's just how it goes.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your opening message.

Wow!! Cuddlewho your response does put all of this into perspective. And you’re right when I say ghosted, I’m essentially saying that I dont ever get responses from my initial message.

The last 3-4 pros Ive reached out to, blocked me or just never responded to my first message. Its looking like that is either the norm on the website or atleast in my area.

Thanks for your input!

Thanks pm! I’ll definitely start double checking and I agree about your points. Small talk is great and all, but if Im reaching out I want to give the pro all the information they may need about the appointment so they can see if it works for them.

roykent

I was a pro last year- the phrase “seems like you give a great experience.” Is troublesome. Just take that part out. There’s ALOT of veiled sexual language on this site when people want more than cuddles.

Keep it simple.

“Hey, I like your profile (feel free to insert reference to profile specifics) . I’d be interesting in booking a cuddle sessions. Let me know how to get started.”

Everypro has a difference style, approach, system. Just keep that in mind.

biancalovecraft

@ChillGuyTy I've regrettably failed to respond to messages plenty of times either because I was overwhelmed or just tired. Sometimes its wanting to respond when youre in a good headspace, or just a matter of "hm let me check my schedule" then some type of avalanche happens IRL and the messages pile up. Don't take it personally. I think youre going to have plenty of good cuddles

I see what you’re saying @roykent I add that sentence in there to acknowledge that it looks like there a good cuddler especially if they have alot of karma or describe a very relaxing cuddling environment.

I’ll probably take it out going forward now so nothing gets misconstrued. Thanks for the tip I’m definitely going to use it.

It is unfortunate though that a man cant give a genuine compliment or statement without some people immediately feeling that it has sexual undertones. Im on this website because like a lot of people they don’t have the opportunity to get human touch in there everyday lives. Especially if theyre single & are working fulltime while in school.

@biancalovecraft that makes a lot of sense! I know you probably get a lot of messages and if you fall behind accidentally it can be hard to catch up. Thanks again for sharing your viewpoint as a pro!

Bella_Sera

@ChillGuyTy, I agree with @biancalovecraft, that opening message is perfect, don’t change a thing. Most pros would rather get right to the point after a few pleasantries, then have a whole conversation before you get around to asking for an appointment.

I would urge you, though, to be cognizant of the date that the pro last logged in. You can adjust your search settings to show only folks who were active in the last week/month. There are certainly a ton of pros who can be flaky about answering messages, as others have said, but one thing that happens even more often is that a pro will create an account and then never cuddle at all.

Pay attention to the last time they logged in and compare it to the date of the most recent karma that they have. This goes will go a long way toward indicating whether someone is active on the site right now.

@AintMisbehavin I really appreciate your thoughts on my situation! It’s looking like im going to stick to my current process lol Hopefully the next pro I message doesn’t block me. The crazy part is I’ve been blocked/ghosted by pros with or without karma so it is somewhat perplexing.

I literally send them that first introductory message & get blocked, I was on the verge of deleting my account out of frustration. But you’re comments and @biancalovecraft have helped tremendously. As well as all the others!

JohnR1972

@ChillGuyTy
I agree with the earlier posts about expanding your profile a little more. It is a little on the brief side. Also, hang in there. I’ve been here for a year and I had a number of pros who did not respond to me at first (when I had 0 to about 4 karma) but as I cuddled with more people and more cuddlers left me karma, I have noticed my response rate increased dramatically.

@JohnR1972 thanks for the tips brother! I probably should add some more to my bio. To play devils advocate, Ive seen pros with shorter bios than mine or no bios lol. Hopefully I can get more karma and it will help my situation. You’re bio is awesome though, plenty of information and it really gives someone a good idea about you!

Mike403

Ghosts are scary.

penwah

I honestly didnt think what you said was creepy or anything.

zerocantaloupe

@ChillGuyTy
On a first read, "I see that you don't host so the session would take place at my apartment" sounded a little pushy...maybe rephrase the statement as a question like "I see you prefer to be a guest or public. If we cuddle, would you be comfortable if I hosted at my apartment?"

Also, I noticed that Buford, GA has been in the news recently about the school district superintendent. I know it's a sad and uncomfortable topic, but do you think there's a component of racism going on? Are there any suspicious patterns to the blocks?

RainsCuddle

@CuddleWho

"Unfortunately, this is normal. Most pros don't respond to messages, and even when they do respond they often disappear or flake pretty quickly."

im sorry that is what you have experience, but I dont think that is representative of the majority of the Pro out here, well for the active one. Im new her and I always respond to all my msg, leaving people on read is just rude in my opinion.. Ive also talk with other Pro who have been here for years and they always take the time to answer me in the forum or in dms.

CuddleWho

@RainsCuddle

but I dont think that is representative of the majority of the Pro out here

Im new her and I always respond to all my msg

Ive also talk with other Pro who have been here for years

That's great that you respond to all your messages! And it's great the pros you've reached out to have responded to you too! But including my previous account I've been here for almost 4 years now, and I can safely say I've messaged hundreds of pros. So, not trying to be rude or dismissive, or anything like that, but honestly, yeah, I think I've got enough experience with pro cuddlers to know what I'm talking about here.

Minestrone101

@ChillGuyTy Yo. So, I guess it's not important what I think is block worthy, but if the pro feels any kind of discomfort, then blocking might be easier than saying no...which can be a violent or dangerous or socially uncomfortable alternative (eg getting getting cursed out or bad karma).

Just try taking it slow and see how the it goes. Also,it took me over a month to break through and make good connections. Hope the same is with you!

frankparker9

What I would do: Put some text on your profile that shares something vulnerable and demonstrates some emotional intelligence and self-awareness. Find a pro with a thoughtful profile (on the long side). Send a short message, don't walk them through how things are going to go, just ask if they are available and go from there.

CuddleDuncan

The overall response rate when sending an opening message to a professional seems to be something around 50% or less.

There are a million reasons why you might have been blocked, and almost none of them are anything much to do with you. You might just remind them of their ex. Some people use blocking simply as a way of managing their Inbox.

@zerocantaloupe I see you’re point about mentioning my apartment. Going forward I will probably shift my messages a little more to ask about the pros comfort with the session.

And as far as any patterns with my blocks that may deal with race. That is an interesting point that I didnt think of. My sample size of being blocked/ghosted is to small right now to draw any conclusions, but if race does come into play then those are pros I wouldnt want to cuddle with anyways. Thanks for you thoughts on the matter!

@cylee1180 Thanks again for your thoughts and unfortunately after hearing others experiences it looks like what you’re saying about blocking is the norm.

Also I do understand that pros may feel discomfort but I feel the more polite thing to do for a pro is if they feel things are going a bit too fast is to slow down the interaction rather than immediately block.

And lastly it seems most people here took a while to break through so I guess my situation is going to be similar lol. But I do appreciate you responding again to my question!

@frankparker9 I see what your saying, quite a few people mentioned I should expand my profile some more. I think I’ll add 1 more paragraph soon to open up a little more.

However to play devils advocate, this isnt a dating app lol. If I was here looking for a lifelong partner I would definitely have more info and pictures on my profile. But from my perspective I dont see the reason to expose so much about my life, emotions, and dreams when many pros here have 1-3 sentence bios. But I do see your point and thanks again for the response!

@CuddleDuncan Unfortunately it seems that what your saying is the norm. And I didn’t think about the millions of reasons a pro might not respond to me lol. It is a bit disheartening, but I think going forward if a pro doesn’t respond or blocks me im not takin It personally.

It looks like for pros blocking and ghosting is the norm so I am just going to get used to it.