Am I Wrong???

sdcuddleguy

I will try to keep this short...

• Traveling soon and specifically searched for non-pro cuddlers in the area I am going to be
• Messaged one who has a non-pro profile and makes no mention of becoming a pro or a pending change to pro in the profile, just that she enjoys cuddling
• She responded and said she would be interested in talking about getting together
• She never made any mention of being pro
• I had some weird intuition to be clear and ask her if she is indeed not a pro, and that's when she decided to tell me that her profile is pending to change to pro - never a word about it prior

I feel duped and it was frustrating. Am I wrong?

DaringSprinter

Depends. Was she trying to hook you as a customer, then charge unexpectedly? Or did she mean to cuddle you as an enthusiast (that is, for free) since that's how you met?

If she meant to cuddle you for free, then I don't think there's any reason to feel duped.

If she meant to reel you in as an enthusiast and then pull a Pokemon-style pre-cuddle transformation complete with upcharge, then yeah, that's deception.

Rezz

@sdcuddleguy
You're not wrong for being frustrated, but you're not owed anything either.

If she led you on with a meet date, a location , then threw rates at you that's a different story and reportable behavior.

sdcuddleguy

Here's how it went down for clarity.

I searched for non-pro's and reached out to her hoping to plan something. Her profile and messages NEVER indicated she was a pro and we were getting close to making plans to meet, but something told me to ask if she was expecting payment for this as a pro. She NEVER mentioned it in any message before, was going through the process with me of making plans to cuddle when I am in town, and then when I asked she basically said, "Oh yeah, I do expect to be paid and my profile is pending to become pro."

I don't think I am owed anything at all - for sure. But I also think this was a bit misleading and frustrating and maybe even something that shouldn't be tolerated on this site. AND, I think it's fair if you're pending as a pro that you at least make mention of it if not only in your profile, at least when someone messages you interested in setting something up. So I guess I do feel like I was owed some "professionalism" by a "professional". I am not bitter, although this may make it sound that way. I just think it was wrong.

warm_embrace

You’re not wrong, but at least you found out before you actually scheduled a cuddle. I think it’s common for women to open profiles to check out the scene before deciding to commit to being a pro cuddler and I usually assume as much. I’ve messaged many new female “enthusiasts” and got no response, only to see they’ve turned pro later. When I receive a response from a new enthusiast, I always ask if they intend to turn pro. Most of the time they say “yes” and I really don’t blame them. Why wouldn’t they charge to cuddle when there is an abundance of men willing to pay?

Rezz

No one but her knows her intentions.
She may have started out as an enthusiast just checking out the site. She could have decided to monetize her time while you were talking.
She may not have known what you meant by "pro", members frequently sign up and don't read the rules or know that they are required to apply for that status.

this was a bit misleading and frustrating and maybe even something that shouldn't be tolerated on this site.

We are allowed to change our mind. We are allowed to decline meeting anyone.
What's not tolerated is an untagged pro asking for payment BEFORE her profile is approved as a pro.

Finding an enthusiast who not only responds to your messages but agrees to meet and follows through is going to take some work. If you're messaging someone and they seem eager to meet , ask if they plan to charge. If they say yes. report them as an untagged pro.

Lovelight

Yeah that's inconsiderate to me at best and possibly sleazy. "Oh yeah, I do expect to be paid and my profile is pending to become pro." Sorry you had such an experience, I don't think she should be expecting to get paid until her profile is approved to be a pro.

sdcuddleguy

@Rezz I totally see where you're coming from, and I get where others are coming from with this intent to turn pro and why wouldn't they take on this. BUT ultimately why is it MY responsibility to ask them what their intent is? Why are they not front facing with this and why should this fall on me??? If you want to say it should, I kind of call BS. A pro should embody professionalism to me if they want to be paid and be called a pro.

sdcuddleguy

Also - I think I questioned her enough, at least this particular one did add an edit saying a pro account is pending now to her profile. So all credit to her for making some effort.

Rezz

@sdcuddleguy
In a perfect world everyone would read the rules and abide by them, but they don't. I'm not speculating that she had any intention to mislead you. But... If you want to avoid future misunderstandings it's a good idea to just ask upfront. Again, MANY sign up just to check out the site and find themselves overwhelmed with messages so they decide to monetize it. She may not have known or had any intentions of being a pro at the time you reached out.
You two didn't set a date. No money was exchanged. No 4 hour drive to discover she expects to be paid.

Just ask upfront and save yourself the frustration. Bonus you will help find untagged pros that you can report and help clean up the site in the process. 🤗

pmvines

If you are concerned, just let it be known that you arent in the market to hire a pro and wanted to verify that they arent . If rhey don't have the pro indicator on profile and they say sorry my guy , I charge to.cuddle, then report them .

pmvines

And like @rezz says , we are all allowed at any given time to go pro if we choose . The process is insanely simple. Dont hate the player, hate the game is a phrase that comes to mind . Plus some folks honestly dont realize they have to apply to sign up and be approved to be a pro , or that there are people on here who dont charge as well as folks looking for people who dont charge so they just come here assuming everyone charges and all the patrons are looking to hire someone.

Good luck with rest of your experiences. Keep an open mind , be flexible., and keep your expectations in check is the best advice I can give to deal with the let downs .

DaringSprinter

All right: so she engaged as the enthusiast she was without mentioning that she would transform into a pro before the cuddle you two were planning.

In short, she wouldn't have told you "you have to pay" until the very last second.

Have I got that right?

I'm imagining someone holding a Free Hugs sign without mentioning that $80 Hugs is written on the back and they intend to flip the sign right before you embrace....

It's a good thing you thought to ask whether there was anything written on the back of her sign.

zerocantaloupe

My understanding is you have to pay to switch to pro, so it’s probably not a profitable repeatable tactic like the free hugs example.

DaringSprinter

@zerocantaloupe: Still sucks for the person it gets pulled on. My condolences, OP.

sunnysideup

If I’m messaging an enthusiast cuddler and they seem overeager to meet - particularly without any vetting questions, then 99% they want money.

However, it’s not our job to figure that out. Their profile should say pro or pro pending.

Like the others have said, anyone is free to become a professional at anytime, but they have to let you know they have made that change.

I don’t think she meant anything malicious by it, but she’s clearly in the wrong. It sounds like maybe she didn’t know that you must apply to be a professional and maybe thinks that all female cuddlers on here are professionals.

CuddleDuncan

You are perfectly right to feel frustrated. I think anybody would.

If the person is new, the whole thing could be inadvertent. As has been mentioned, new members are often pretty clueless about how this place works and what they are supposed to do. Of course she should have told you ... but she may not have known that she was supposed to.

However, if she is not new then she is likely an unregistered professional and should be Reported.

I'd also be annoyed. If someone's in the process of becoming a pro, but can't list themselves as such on the site yet, why not just stop responding to anyone until you can clearly advertise yourself? That's just good business. If they're going to ask to be paid anyway they're just going to get themselves banned from the site before the process finishes. And then what's the point for anyone?

Just mention they're in the process of getting paid at the start of the conversation so everything is transparent. Some customers will be lost but the ones kept will be more likely to become repeat customers.

Edit to add: as mentioned, if the person's new, it is what it is, they'd have no idea about these norms. But I say that doesn't mean one shouldn't be frustrated. It's totally fine to feel that way.

Folks are allowed to change their minds about anything at any time, yes. That doesn't mean we can't criticize the results of those actions. Within reason, of course.

sdcuddleguy

@CuddleDuncan Her profile still only has her note that pro is pending, nothing from the site. Her join date is July 2021, so not what I would classify as new.

Ophelia1617

I started on this site as an enthusiast and made the switch recently to professional. But during the pending processes I didn’t accept any session bookings or interact in messages until my professional profile was approved. I agree, asking up front every time if someone expects compensation is wise. However the burden of disclosure on this topic belongs on the professional because that is business ethics in any profession.

sdcuddleguy

AMEN @Ophelia1617 Thank you! A true example of a professional being professional!

PeopleLikeUs

That whole switch-a-roo thing is really common. I can think of dozens of reasons why someone would want to cuddle you for free even though they charge. Maybe you're in a healing art, have market insights, or a trade they can't get anywhere else (I'm a piano technician), not to mention chemistry both in personality type and astrological. Once during a switch-a-roo a cuddler decided to cuddle me free and a second time a Pro offered to cuddle free before we met. But you've got to show up. I can also think of dozens of things I'd rather do than cuddle. Massage, spa, a run on the beach etc., the list goes on. I always have a backup plan because as you can see, there are opportunists on every street corner. But once they get within physical proximity their motivation can change. Besides, I like talking to people. I'd rather talk to an egirl who cuddles than somebody I have nothing in common with. So no harm done. I just get up and go get a massage. They're $35 an hour where I live. I pay them double and they do back flips.

Azaleas_Embrace

Thank you for sharing. I find it valuable insight. Your frustrations are understandable. 😊

It's possible that she may have been new to understanding how the website works and also it can sometimes take a few weeks for professional cuddling to be approved. ☺️ I'm glad that she went to get her professional cuddler status. To me that means that she wasn't likely conniving to use her regular status to reel others in. Otherwise, she'd likely have just kept the regular status. 😊

Rezz

@sdcuddleguy

It's pretty common for members to create an account only abandon it completely, or take a hiatus and return later. I wouldn't base too much on her join date.

When I made an account my inbox was instantly flooded with requests and messages. Alot just welcoming to the site, many others looking to book. It can be very overwhelming for new females pro or enthusiasts. To just ignore messages until her pro status was approved can come off as unprofessional, rude or snobby. We see posts about this frequently in the forums about how females aren't responding to messages. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Based on the limited information you gave it appears she was just unaware. Likely didn't realize she had to apply in the first and was probably explained by a mod or another member that it's a requirement before accepting paying clients.

This will not be the first or last time it happens and the best route is to just ask upfront to avoid wasting your time and avoid the frustration altogether.

CuddleDuncan

@sdcuddleguy the rule is, if in doubt, Report. In my view there is doubt , so Report. If she is functionally new, the mods will just say no harm no foul.

I'm not sure of the exact procedure, but I believe that when somebody goes through the application process their profile gains a grey 'Pro Pending Approval'. When the site has reviewed the application and approved it, then the tag changes to the familiar pink 'Professional'. There are only one or two people who do approvals, so it can take them a while to get to it. There is no significance in how long it takes them to do so.

nature700

I started reading this thread but haven't finished it yet while I have a suggestion to the site devs:
What if we had a Pro "pending" status for users? It would help both parties in this scenario and others related to this, to know the intent of a user up-front before any communication begins. If they've applied to be a pro, it could immediately change to "pending pro"/etc, then adjust as they are approved/not approved/etc. Just a helpful thought.

There is a Pro Pending status in Grey letters.

Babichev

They are not allowed to charge while they are pending.

You should not have to ask if someone is charging. If they are a pro, it’s obvious. If they are not a pro, what they are doing violates site rules. If they are pending, they should get clear with you before you arrange to meet. People should be transparent so you can make an informed decision.

Please do report anyone who is attempting to charge who is not yet a pro.