Insecurities

I truly do want to cuddle with people. I reallllyyy long for it. And many people reach out to me to cuddle but I feel some reservations about it due to insecurities. Some of these guys that reach out to me are very handsome and athletic and I find them to be so intimidating. I am quite overweight and I’m afraid that they might be disgusted or disappointed when they see me in person for the first time. I’m afraid that they might regret their decision of wanting to cuddle with me. There’s this one specific guy that I used to cuddle with about 3 years ago, but since then I’ve gained quite a bit of weight and as much as I want to reach out to him to cuddle again because he was the best cuddle buddy that I had, I’m really afraid that he might judge me or not want to cuddle with me anymore because of the way that I look.

Minestrone101

@andreamaryt77 Hey, it's a cuddling site and not a dating site. I think the main thing is embracing your self-image and body - most cuddlers don't care about this in my opinion. Best of luck.

OhioMike

@andreamaryt77 Welcome to CC ! 😊 So glad to see a fellow Ohioan !

I think you will find this a very welcoming site and I hope you don't feel to much insecurities. Most of us feel probably the same way. But we all love being here ! Wishing you lots of happiness here .

@andreamaryt77 This site does a great job in being welcoming and enforcing a non-discriminatory code. A true cuddle Pro would not see any issues that you have insecurities about. Hell, they may even find you fun to cuddle with! Good luck, stay positive and I’m sending you good vibes

pmvines

@andreamaryt77 there are soooo many body types on here and soooo many people looking for a good cuddle I honestly dont see your weight being an issue, at least with most . Im not exactly athletic . Ive been told I have a dad bod . I just call it a Buddha belly, which seems more accurate haha. I have no issues with finding cuddle pals despite being pudgy , and my cuddle pals all range from what might be called rail thin to obese . I love them all the same and have no qualms about spending time with any of them. You seem friendly, sincere, and all around like a cool human. Plus, you are ready willing and able to cuddle . What more could a person want?

I'm not going to throw you a bunch of canned compliments and feel good statements. I'm not that guy. What I can offer you is my honest, objective opinion, which is that it is very doubtful that you will have people looking at your weight as an issue. I mean it sincerely, you seem very likeable and I'd cuddle you in a heartbeat if we crossed paths. Take care and good luck 🙂

PlantDaddyPHL

@andreamaryt77 I'm going to start with some good advice I once got in regard to feeling anxiously self-conscious at social gatherings. A friend counseled me to turn my focus outward, and think in terms of what I had to give to others and focus on sharing it. Your willingness to cuddle others is a very great gift that numerous others are craving. Your fear of rejection is keeping you from sharing this gift, which is a damn shame for everyone concerned.

As to your particular situation: I'm not going to pretend that some people don't rule out others for cuddling based on appearance. But your profile doesn't seem to be concealing anything. I think it's a good bet that the attractive men that are hitting you up have both eyes open and are going to be just fine when they see you in person. In my experience, people usually look better than their pics, unless the pics are dishonestly out of date. On the remote chance that a would be cuddler is disappointed, it's not likely a dealbreaker, and those disappointed feelings will surely dissipate once the cuddling commences. There's a dialectic to cuddling. Typically we do it because we feel affection, but the affection grows from doing it.

As for the guy you cuddled with before you gained weight, there's some risk of rejection there, I guess, but it's probably very small. I think sometimes our brains get a little confused here in the cuddling sphere, and we follow patterns that we learned through hookups, including all the anxiety about our bodies. But I think even for those who factor in appearance for their cuddle partners, it doesn't count for all that much. I'm a very fit gym rat and I prefer to date similar, but in cuddling I truly don't care. In fact, I think some extra weight is even a plus.

If you and your friend had great cuddles, there are surely fond feelings there that a change in your appearance is not likely to affect. In any event, you don't lose more by approaching your friend and being rejected than you do by foreclosing on him altogether out of fear he won't return your interest. Rejection stings mostly because it just ratifies our misgivings about ourselves. But the facts are what they are. You don't become less attractive, or more overweight, just because someone is passing on you. Very few of us have mass appeal. People with thicker skins about this find more acceptance overall, by virtue of putting themselves out there more often. In fact, the willingness to put one's chin out is an admirable, lovable quality all its own. I think most people here would wager your friend will be happy to cuddle again. And if he isn't? Screw ´im. As you've said, there are lots of attractive men that want to cuddle with you. Put fear aside, say yes, and see what happens. Try to focus less on what you think you lack and more on what you offer. Share your gifts!

@andreamaryt77 i can understand to the extent possible. And I can relate in the sense that fear overwhelms sometimes, causing us to put our needs aside. Which only results in making ourselves feel worse. We have to decide to tell fear off, accept that not everyone will find us as their cup of tea, and keep hunting what we seek.

If anyone pursues a meet to cuddle and changes their mind based on appearances, then they likely weren’t going to be much by way of meeting what you need anyway. As others have said, many body types are out there; but the person is what makes the cuddle. Who you are, what you bring to a cuddle is what is important; insecurities suck, and it’s not easy, but we can get the better of them if we just keep at it! Kudos for not giving up, as your clearly fighting not to; you’ll find that extra push you need to get out there and give it a go. And love you like you want to be loved (believe me, I realize that’s much harder to put into practice than it sounds…but I’m still at it, and a little closer every time!!) Chin up and good luck!!! 😁

Thank you so much for all of your advice and kindness! These really made me think about it in a different way

warm_embrace

@andreamaryt77, I think you’ll find that most people active on here are body-positive. All body types offer different and equally terrific opportunities to explore with platonic touch. I personally like to be held by someone who is big enough to make me feel held, and I’m not small. I also enjoy tightly holding someone who is smaller than me. Frankly, I also like being held by smaller bodies and holding larger ones too. It’s fun to explore the ways different bodies can comfortably fit together. Hopefully you’ll find a cuddle partner who is equally interested in being fully present with you while you find the place where you can both comfortably and blissfully rest in each other’s arms.

GreatHornedOwl

@andreamaryt77 - As several others have already said, this isn't a dating site. It's a platonic cuddle site. You said that "Some of these guys that reach out to me are very handsome and athletic and you find them to be so intimidating. You are quite overweight and I’m afraid that they might be disgusted or disappointed when they see me in person for the first time." It's long past time that you should rid yourself of the idea that because a man is handsome and/or athletic, that he must be a good cuddle partner, and you should want to cuddle with him.

By the same token, a woman's looks or body type has almost nothing to do with whether or not she would be a good cuddle partner. The only guys who you should want to cuddle with, are those who don't care if you fat or slim, beautiful or ugly. Any guy who puts those attributes at the top of his selection criteria, almost certainly not worth cuddling with.

As part of my profile, I state: "Just as I hope that you won't use my age as the critical factor in deciding my suitability as a cuddle partner, I will never use your physical appearance as a factor. Be you beautiful or ugly, slim or fat, I don't care in the slightest. What I do care about, is the quality of what's between your ears. I want to cuddle with a woman who can carry on a reasonably intelligent conversation."

If you weren't 400+ miles away from me I would be delighted to cuddle with you, regardless of how much weight you've put on.

Now for the less pleasant part. This is where I give you a metaphorical kick in your butt. If you are worried that a handsome man might be disgusted or disappointed when they see me in person for the first time, it suggests that you might be projecting. Do you find yourself disgusting and disappointing? If so, stop griping about how you look. Stop feeling sorry about yourself. Do something about it.

Losing weight isn't easy, but some methods are less difficult than others. Almost 20 years ago, after buying larger pants, again, I decided to do something about it. I took off 40 lbs., in about a year, and I never feel deprived. You're cute. You could become a pretty woman again. If you decide that you want to do it, I'll be happy to act as a coach. Send me a message.

I’m assuming that you’re straight? Have you considered same sex cuddling to eleviate the attraction insecurities?

Thank you, yes, that’s a good idea

CuddleDuncan

OK, I'm not going to wrap this up so hang onto your hat. The plain fact is, some boys - whether fat, thin, handsome or plain - prefer cuddling fat girls. And quite a lot of the rest don't care.

Minestrone101

@CuddleDuncan Hey GOAT, I feel most women have weight or sellf-image issues due to societal standards. While she stated that she gained weight or is overweight, there's no confirmation about her body type unless you meet her.

Also, I don't know what it's like in the UK, but in the US, calling a woman "fat" or a "fat girl" is considered an insult.

It would be similar to a woman telling me I'm their favorite ugly guy, or they like me so much even though I'm ugly. Lol

Just my two cents.

TxTom

My realistic appraisal of myself doesn't affect my self-esteem at all. I realize that I'm not considered as handsome as some other men; I don't have the bulging, muscular physique as some other men; and I'm not as tall as some other men. And these are all true assessments. But these facts don't bother me at all.

The only person whose opinion on the way you look should concern you... is yours.

@andreamaryt77 I understand exactly how you feel. So much so that I could have written that entire post myself. 🤗

PlantDaddyPHL

I think any recommendation to the effect that @andreamaryt77 should simply will herself to feel differently about her appearance, or stop caring what others think is not practical.

Clearly the problem is she is assuming that would be cuddlers will be far more critical of her appearance than they actually will be. The only cure for this is some immersion therapy, where she says yes to some cuddles and finds out what's actually true rather than speculating. As @cuddleduncan suggested, a lot of guys prefer to cuddle plus size women, and an even larger number don't gaf. She will only know this herself by taking the plunge.

Also, all of this anxiety seems to be provoked only by handsome athletic men. So an obvious solution is to cuddle with more average guys she finds less intimidating. If she's ruling out these less attractive guys herself, then it's really no wonder why she pre-emptively imagines others excluding her in the same way.

WestsideMarc

….

SunsetSnuggles

I totally get this fear. I also understand being intimidated by athletic cuddlers, and assuming they wouldn't want to cuddle with me. The simple solution I've found is to post recent, accurate pictures so people know what they're getting into, and there are no surprises. Then they can make their own informed decisions.

~ Sunset Snuggles