Throw in the towel.

Pat871Pat871
in General

There are a LOT of time wasters on this site.
I find it a bit strange that everyone on this site is obviously passionate about cuddling, yet loose interest very quickly and start ignoring you after exchanging a few messages.
I've pretty much given up. I'm not going to use this site to try to find cuddle buddies anymore as it only leads to more and more disappointment and hence makes me more and more sad.
At this point I think the only thing the site is good for is the pro's and discussions.
But atm I'm not in a position where I can afford a pro.
ONE day I'll hire one again.
I found a cuddle party event in Melbourne on Facebook I'll attend and maybe have better luck there.
Need a hug right now.

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Comments

  • RezzRezz

    @Pat871
    Oh love if you were closer I'd cuddle you for free!!
    Please don't give up.
    You could always politely ask female pros if they offer female clients a discount. I personally would not be offended by this. It took me so long to break from the cis male clients that I jumped at the opportunity to cuddle my first female and trans clients. It's a different experience holding women. 🤗

  • BashfulLonerBashfulLoner

    Hugs 🫂

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2022

    Sorry you are feeling this way @Pat871 , i.hope it gets better for you . Sometimes we get upset and angry and frustrated and want to make sudden changes and abrupt decisions , and my opinion is that it is best to wait it out a little and see how you feel once you are less emotional. Good luck to you

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited October 2022

    Perhaps this part can removed not due to its info but the tone?

    So if you have a penis, please do not message me for the purpose of asking me for a cuddle.

    If you are a penis owner and you DO message me asking for a cuddle anyway, or if you're a penis owner who messages me with little to no context, you will NOT get a response from me. You'll also likely get blocked.

    Also, finding a cuddle buddy will take time no matter the website. If you cuddle women only, that also will take more time to manage.

    Best of luck.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles
    edited October 2022

    I offer this advice to quite a few people. Use this site passively. If you're putting in minimal effort then it's not a problem if you get anything out of it or not. You're unhappy with this site because the effort put in does not match what you got in return.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @JasonCuddles I've been doing better mentally since I have been following your advice. Thanks!

  • Pat871Pat871

    @cylee1180

    That part was VERY necessary because in the past (several years ago now) I had a different account on CC, and despite it saying I only cuddle women, I got cocky men asking me to "make an exception for them" which ticked me off.
    But.
    Ever since I added that section to my bio, I haven't had a single entitled man being like "I'll pretend to be a woman for you baby girl, please consider me."
    So it worked. So I'm keeping that part.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    I think there is some middle ground on the anti-penis campaign but I do get where you are coming from. I would suggest something like this. “I am 100% strictly and only interested in cuddling women. Period. And although I understand the temptation to want to see if I will make an exception, please do not, as I will just block you. Thank you”. Also, if you have set up in your preferences that you only want to cuddle women you should not be popping up on the search criteria for men.

    On a separate and bigger note, I don’t blame you for being frustrated! I have discussed this on other discussion boards before but I live in Los Angeles, and it is ridiculously difficult to even just get a REPLY from a nice message I leave for a woman. Despite the fact that I am always told that I have a great quality profile, and on top of that I have six, yes SIX, fantastic karma reviews from women that have spent time with me in the past, I still have to message at least 25 women or more to even get one response. It’s ridiculous.

    And yes I have six very nice reviews but that’s over about four years. It’s just very difficult.

    Another big point of contention with me is that about half the profiles have no photo and no description and no fields filled out. It’s a well meaning site run by a good soul but it’s very frustrating.

    Many times I have thought about canceling my account or pausing it but it doesn’t do any harm just sitting there. It’s just extra frustrating because I am in Los Angeles with so many people and so few candidates. but good luck to you.

  • Pat871Pat871

    This is the last thing I'll say regarding my 'no penis' statement.

    The reason I said a more blunt and specific 'no penis' instead of 'no men' is because in the past I had some smart-ass say to me 'Yes I saw you only cuddle women, but I'm happy to put on a dress and 'identify' as a woman just for you."
    This guy was NOT a trans woman. He was just simply playing games with me. He just wanted to keep pushing and play every card he could think of to convince me.

    So by being more specific and saying 'no penis,' the men on here now have 0 loop holes.

    And so far it has worked 100% of the time.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @Pat871: Personally, I think that's a nice clear line. Cis men, intersex folks who were surgically assigned male at birth, pre-op trans women and post-op trans men need not apply. Cis women, intersex folks who were surgically assigned female at birth, post-op trans women and pre-op trans men may have a shot at a cuddle with you.

    Seems complicated, but that one thing sorts them all out.

    The only people blurring that line are those with clitoromegaly/micropenis—which you're not likely to notice during a platonic cuddle no matter what.

    I admire the clarity. That's a perfect way to avoid being accidentally poked!

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @Pat871 I also wish you were closer and wish you the best in getting your needs for touch and connection met. I would also be open to free cuddles 🤗

  • Pat871Pat871

    @DaringSprinter

    You're making this sound more complicated than it is.

    On this site I cuddle:
    Women= Yes.
    Men= No.

    It's that simple.

    Everything else you said is gobity gook.

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)

    Considering how a lot of people seemingly don't bother reading profiles on here I'm surprised it worked that well but guess regardless it's good that it did, sorry to hear you're having those kinds of negative experiences and hope you find what you're looking for/have better interactions in the future @pat871 .

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited October 2022

    @Pat871: Oh. You can't tell the difference between sex and gender. Well, I retract my admiration, then. How unfortunate.

    I guess you wouldn't know if a pre-op trans man dressed as a woman for you, or if an intersex person wore a dress for a cuddle, or if a cis man with a micropenis wore a dress—so long as the gender presentation was right and nothing poked you, you'd be happy.

    Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Eh. At least you know how to avoid pokies. Well done there.

    (P.S. It's spelled "gobbledygook.")

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @DaringSprinter -So much information! I'm just trying to let it soak in...

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited October 2022

    @cylee1180: I may have overdone it. I know how confusing reality can be for people who were told every person is either male and a man or else female and a woman, with no crossover or other options!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @DaringSprinter No, you're perfectly clear and I appreciate what you've done in this thread and other threads. But you missed my carefully placed pun... lol

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @cylee1180: I did miss the pun. Uh....

    'So' is a homophone for 'sew', but that doesn't make sense and the spelling makes it unlikely anyway.

    'Much' is—no, I can't think of any alternate meanings for this one.

    'Information' in a colloquial sense implies intent and intelligence, while in a scientific sense it just means facts or stuff that has "meaning," in a sense, for the organisms that translate it into other stuff. Kind of a double meaning, but (again) doesn't make a lot of sense here.

    I can't think of any double meaning for 'I'm'.

    'Just' can also refer to justice... but once again that makes no sense.

    'Trying' can also mean 'difficult' or 'annoying', but if that were the pun surely the sentence would end there.

    'To' sounds like 'too'. Can't make sense of it as a pun in this context, though. 'To let' can mean 'to rent out', but context kills that one too.

    'Soak' may seem like the best bet for a pun here, but that would be stupid—soaking is something religious people do to get around their "no coitus before marriage" prohibition, and doesn't make sense in a conversation about platonic cuddling, the possible genders of people without penises, or even the difference between sex and gender in general.

    That leaves me with 'in', and for the life of me I can't spot a decent pun there, either.

    Dagnabbit, no—I can't find the pun. Shucks.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited October 2022

    @DaringSprinter - Messaged you. Not trying to get in trouble with this goobly "gook" (is that racist? Jk).

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace
    edited October 2022

    @Pat871 everyone has a right to have preferences and choose who they want to cuddle with. As a cis man I understand from your profile that you’re not interested in cuddling with me. It appears from your profile that you’re also not interested in cuddling other “penis owners” who may not identify as men. Again, that is your choice. But, the language you are using to express this preference is the same language used by trans-exclusionary groups and may be unintentionally triggering the kind of response you’re getting in this forum (and perhaps the lack of response you’re getting from potential cuddler partners). Just a thought. I sincerely hope you find the warmth and comfort you are looking for.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @cylee1180: Thanks!

    As a side note, according to Etymology Online, "gobbledygook" was made up by a guy named Maury Maverick who said he was imitating turkey noises. So probably not racist (though where humans are involved, who knows).

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @DaringSprinter You never know agst Turkey Americans. I smell fowl play.

    https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gook

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2022

    I agree with @DaringSprinter re differences with sex and gender and am always impressed by the levels of knowledge he has on the subject, as well as many other topics for which he is resourceful. A point I'd like to make re @Pat871 use of wording is that , in general, most people reading her profile likely only need a direct and simple approach to preference. I do realise as @warm_embrace pointed out that this can be trans exclusionary. These are all things that a lot of us don't consider, including myself at times.

    I will say that people who have had trauma related to abuse and assault by men of a sexual nature, and I'm not saying this is the case with @Pat871 , sometimes have a hard time not just doing something like.cuddling men, particularly when they are interweb strangers, but will also associate anyone with a penis as a potential threat because to them , the penis is a weapon that was used to cause them harm. So it doesn't matter in that case how one identifies or the variances of gender and sex , it has to do if you anatomically have a penis . An example of how harm can be caused is I know a person from the site who was adamant about only cuddling women because she had trust issues due to assault that had happened from more than 1 man . She met a very feminine transgender male to female who didnt disclose and when she accidentally grazed their penis it was very upsetting and triggering to her to the point where she stopped meeting people altogether. In that case, and I support that once you identify as a gender then that is what you are full stop, however this caused harm to the person, and was avoidable .

  • ShakeShake

    Kinda wish the vast majority in this thread weren't drawing this much attention to this one part of her profile. Particularly because the OP stated in that same section that her reasons are private, and correctly pointed she doesn't have to explain. Whatever experiences she's had led to that specific wording on her profile. I have my doubts she's at all comfortable with the fact this thread drew any sort of attention to it either... A wonderful aspect of this site is being able to express our boundaries. How someone chooses to get those boundaries across is entirely up to them.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    "I have my doubts she's at all comfortable with the fact this thread drew any sort of attention to it either... A wonderful aspect of this site is being able to express our boundaries. How someone chooses to get those boundaries across is entirely up to them." @Shake49

    The moment one opens a post in the forum about how they're having an issue with follow through/meeting people, they should expect that others may visit their profile to see if they can find clues as to why. Further, if in said profile you have things that might very well be off-putting, it stands to reason people may share it out to the group, and may even share their opinions/feelings about it too.

    I think it's nice how many people would cuddle her, some even for free (I don't think I've seen a man complainer be offered that) and how so many are giving the language/sentiment used a pass.

    Just imagine the blow back if a male had something about female genetalia on their profile and written it in the same way... I realize it's not the same, but this just seems like a mess of icky and in your face sort of double standards to me - As well as being an opportunity for everyone to hyper focus on d*cks. It's just weird.

  • [Deleted User]GreenEyedMan22 (deleted user)

    As a man, I wasn't the least bit offended by the "no penis" thing. To each his or her own.

    Also: The way we are as a society figuring out gender -- what it means -- and how people express it, can be confusing. Not everyone is going to move at the same speed, and not everyone is going to agree.

  • Pat871Pat871

    @Daring Sprinter I'm not going to get into a debate over gender politics.
    You sound like a know-it-all too so I will not be responding to you any further with this nonsense.

  • KamikaziNinja86KamikaziNinja86

    @Pat871 as person with a penis I want to apologize for all the other dicks that have been... well dicks. (pun intended)

  • Pat871Pat871

    @KamikaziNinja86

    Thanks

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @Pat871 -

    🤦‍♀️ I am sorry for all of the issues you've been having, Hon.

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