How to cry??

CactusHuggerTimCactusHuggerTim
in General

I'm a 34 year old white male learning to unlearn patriarchal brainwash...long story short, I'm on a journey to grow my emotional intelligence and I want to learn how to cry.

Calling on the community to share your tear jerkers...movies, music, art, books, stories...happy tears, sad tears, all the tears!!

What makes you cry?

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Comments

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2022

    It is a personal topic and a personal thing for me, and not something I would want to share with strangers on the interwebs

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    I can count on myself to cry 100% of the time when watching the series finale of Six Feet Under.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2022

    Ok so even if you hate the music I defy anyone to watch this and not cry

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited October 2022

    The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love - by bell hooks

    Every time I approached this book to read it I had to take into consideration that I would cry. bell hooks is famous for furthering the concept of intersectionality which is on full display here. She offers a visionary way out while at the same time, a way inward for both men and women. For the subject you mention, this book is a must.

  • KamikaziNinja86KamikaziNinja86

    @pmvines I watched it and didn't cry 😉 the music was good, the screaming was to distracting to get to involved in the story that was going on.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @KamikaziNinja86 I suppose it does help if you like the music . I love the screaming and to me it punctuates the story and emotion behind it . But I can also see why it could be distracting. I get goose bumps from that stuff where as it might scare the crap out of others lol.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    @pmvines 🥺 thankfully I cannot relate to the guy in the video

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    Sleep well, sweet prince.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    I had a hard time crying for a while myself. Not for lack of sadness! For me, at least, the issue wasn't a lack of tear-jerkers.

    I recommend practice. Chop onions while thinking teary thoughts, if you have to: anything to tie the physical tears to the emotion, or at least get used to the feeling of liquid coming out of your tear ducts.

    If (like me) you're so repressed you can't even spot teary feelings in yourself, it can help to remember something that made you cry as a kid, pay attention when other people cry and imagine what that must feel like, that kind of thing.

    What makes a person cry can be very individual. I wish you the very best of luck in figuring out what things work for you!

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    Try cuddling with someone (maybe a pro with a healing touch and patient demeanor) who’s good at encouraging you to open your heart and let it melt — and you might cry.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    Old Yeller

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    Also the end of the 2009 movie “Knowing”. That is an especially tearful movie when you watch it with your daughter who is about the same age of the protagonist’s son in the movie.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I also 100% concur with @nurturingman
    I have shared time and space with over a dozen cuddle partners and I have had complete “meltdowns” with 2 of them. They both had a magical touch and demeanor / energy that facilitated me being able to open up completely - something I had never thought possible before meeting these beautiful souls who were able to bring healing to some very old and deep wounds.

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    I witnessed someone going through this process once. I was doing this thing for a while called "co-counseling" where the goal is to heal unresolved trauma by emotionally expressing it out loud in front of someone who is both witnessing it and providing a safe space for the expression. It's kind of hard to explain, but the idea is that you allow your brain to go wherever its going emotionally and following the path of emotion and you express it however it makes sense. Its very intuitive and beautiful actually. You are in a way learning to be a child again emotionally speaking. A child might feel angry that they had to share a toy and the response is to scream, throw things and then cry. The idea is that by authentically expressing your natural reaction to something distressing in the way that feels best to your body, you are closing the trauma loop and helping your brain feel like it has adequately processed the experience while feeling support and care in a safe space. If you are curious about this, I'm happy to discuss it more or there are probably co-counseling groups near you.

  • zerocantaloupezerocantaloupe

  • MikewantshugsMikewantshugs

    Personally, I had to see a PNL therapist and hypnotherapist. Kinda had to unearth my whole past to be able to cry. Now when I'm on edge I can actually do it even if it's not perfect yet.

    Also, something that helps me, when I feel down, is to write whatever comes to mind, just let your thoughts go into the pen, write whatever crosses your mind, even if it's seems pointless, it usually ends up with tears.

  • WriterGFWriterGF

    I tend to cry at movies and television shows, particularly when people are parting or reunited.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2022

    @Charlie_Bear even though my sons mother and I were on bad terms when she passed it does still hit hard when she did . I personally love Lotna Shore, and to see them make a death core ballad set to that video hits me a certain way for sure , lots of goose bumps and a few tears even

  • CactusHuggerTimCactusHuggerTim

    Thank you for all the suggestions!

  • CactusHuggerTimCactusHuggerTim

    @pmvines, there is huge emotional energy in that Lorna Shores video and the that music genre in general. In a way, head banging and moshing are kinda like somatic experience therapy. 😂🤘

  • CactusHuggerTimCactusHuggerTim

    @PeopleLikeUs , I just download the audio book! Thank you for the recommendation. 🙏

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @CactusHuggerTim ~ I think tears aren't nearly as important as feeling and processing through the emotion itself. But that said [and tthis could be an urban legend but...] I once heard that Michael Landon (among others was Pa on Little House on the Prairie) would pluck a nose hair anytime he had a teary scene to shoot (just to get them going).

    The things that make me cry are numerous. But the majority come from a place of dark dwelling/rumination (on loss, dashed hopes and feeling utterly alone). Honestly, sometimes all it takes is someone with a sincere sounding, "How's it going?" or some semi-applicable song on the radio, for me to lose it.

    So I'm probably not much help here but wanted to wish you luck on accessing your emotional core.

  • ViancaVianca

    Usually music makes me cry. Here's some songs that had made me cry the first time listening/watching:

    Rascal Flatts "What hurts the most"
    Christina Aguilara "hurt"
    Mayday parade "terrible things"
    Sasha Alex Sloan "too sad to cry"
    The Spill Canvas "the tide"
    Ray LaMontagne "burn"
    Jess Benko "a soulmate who wasn't met to be"
    G Eazy "everything will be ok"

    Keep in mind I have the opposite problem (cry too much). I feel other ppl's emotions as my own so if a true artist puts their soul into a song I feel it intensely. Sometimes when I feel as though I haven't cried in a long time, however, I'll set aside a time and let it out in a safe space while listening to my personal "grey" Spotify Playlist. Hope this helps in any way.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    @pmvines oh man I’m sorry to hear that. I have songs like that, and sometimes I’ll listen even though it brings up really sad emotions just so I can feel a certain way again 😔

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    @Vianca I hadn’t ever heard that referred to as a grey playlist, but I love that. I have my own grey playlists that I do the same with.

  • ViancaVianca

    @Charlie_Bear I had grey hair for awhile. Felt fitting for my Wednesday Adam's vibe. So when making the Playlist it just made sense. I'm usually not this open but since I'm working on that here's the link to it 🙈 Usually get many more similar songs recommended when it plays so I tweek it every so often.

    https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1yDKvwZA5BfLM83v8xGTM0?si=h2aWBcQAR6q5D1wP8SUckg&utm_source=copy-link

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear

    @Vianca oh wow awesome, thank you for sharing. I have been down lately and in need of a playlist for those long walks 😌

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    I often have cuddle clients cry with me, I give off a highly maternal universal energy. Sometimes they cry through the whole session and soak my shirt! That's very touching and I feel honored.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    I have found that meditation has helped me get more in touch with my emotions, and then my most recent break up, caused a great deal of crying. I am thankful I had the meditation skills before the break up. The app I use is Insight Timer, and I have taken some meditation classes based on Jon Kabot-Zinn's mindfulness meditation book Full Catastrophe Living: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full_Catastrophe_Living

    May your journey go well.

  • BashfulLonerBashfulLoner

    I’m learning to cry, i believe marijuana is what opened the door. I actually lost my uncle Thursday and did shed tears for a while after i heard. It’s a new feeling. I’ve just begun to loose my family in the last few years and I think I’m learning to cleanse. It’s beeen so many years since i shed a tear, it some old masculine bullshit that keeps us pinned up.

    I’d want a good hour log cry, or more that 5 minutes.

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