True Kindness

Hathor

True kindness doesn’t always look “nice.” Sometimes it means removing yourself from a situation. Sometimes it means ending a conversation or putting it on hold. Or ending a relationship (or putting it on hold.)

Sometimes it looks like creating distance. Sometimes it looks like refusing to accept a particular kind of treatment.

Because true kindness means being kind to yourself first, and that means protecting and caring for yourself.

blisscuddles

True kindness can also be being selfless; putting others before self. But when you can be kind to yourself and care for self, makes it easier to be kind to others too.

Hathor

@blisscuddles absolutely agree! When giving comes from a place of true generosity of spirit (as opposed to obligation) that’s a beautiful thing.

Minestrone101

To me, true kindness is tough love. Telling pple especially around me inconvenient truths as well telling myself for growth. Also, pushing that extra rep when training, eating healthier, or going past my comfort zone (learning new things and meeting new pple and joining new groups).

CactusHuggerTim

@blisscuddles , I think it was CS Lewis who said something like "selflessness isn't about thinking less of one's self but rather thinking of one's self less."

To me, it means loving yourself and being kind to yourself more so you can have more love and kindness to give.

soullover

Topics to avoid: religion/religious/proselytizing, politics, MMM schemes, as these topics encourage flame wars. [reurbo]

cuddles_ndream

Very true! Notice how the people who are the most selfish / the most un-caring / the most to & for themselves are the least hurt … maybe there’s a lesson to be learned.

PeopleLikeUs

I had to step back from a friend. This meant writing them at length only to discover that what they did was deliberate, and intentional, they meant it and thought it was funny. I first had to step back from the conflict and in doing so I also had to step back from the friendship and place all the grey area stuff in a new perspective or framework. After two months they deleted me from social media. But as you said, since I had been kind (As were they) throughout the process I was able to sweet talk them at least back onto social media. I look long term with my friends even in conflict. But the whole thing was heartbreaking nonetheless. It was a kind falling-out at least for now. I have a feeling once they are no longer single that everything will change and we may reengage as active friends. But for now, that brand of singledom is not my scene. My head looked out for my heart that time.

TNNative

Sometime true kindness is something we have to give ourselves first before we can give it unconditionally to others.

KozyKim

My very favorite people in life, where I felt the most love from, were the Toughlove people. They always have a special place in my heart. Because that’s what I needed.

When people do things for you with no strings attached that always makes me feel loved

DaringSprinter

To be kind, I think you have to be considerate; literally. You need to think things through, consider them from different perspectives, before you can take any action that's truly kind.

For example, you aren't being kind to a blind person by taking their arm to lead them if you haven't considered that they may want to take your arm rather than be grabbed, or not need your help at all, and done another kind thing first: asked.

And you certainly aren't being kind if leading them is so stressful to you that you wind up not doing it right, or breaking down later.

It's easiest to be kind to yourself, because you are the person you're most familiar with. It's easier to consider your own wishes and needs and the potential results different actions may have on you, because you have access to all the necessary information about yourself. It's not always easy. But it is easier than with anyone else, and that makes it a good place to start practicing.

I think you need to be considerate to be kind.

achetocuddle

@DaringSprinter Yep, you have to think to be successfully kind. People's good intentions without the thought process have left me feeling worse sometimes.

pty1999

Showing empathy and compassion to people even if you don't agree with them or when they are emotionally hurting and having a hard time giving it back. I agree setting boundaries and communicating honestly what your own needs are is very important as well.