I wish I could have given you a hug

tallteddytallteddy
in General

Dear ex-cuddle enthousiast,

You were new on the site. I reached out to you, or you reached out to me. We had a wonderful conversation. I couldn't convince you you would be safe in my arms. You deleted your account after telling me you weren't sure you were ready for a cuddle.

This isn't a single experience of mine, it happened on multiple occasions on this site, with multiple people. And perhaps there were many more conversations that never even started. It pains me when this happens. I don't want to cuddle just because I need it. I want to cuddle because you and I both need it.

I hope you've found your cuddle buddy. I hope you can get over what holds you back. I hope the negative experiences in your past can be forgotten or at least be replaced with more positive ones.

I wish I could have given you a hug, because it seemed like you really needed one.

With (platonic) love,
A fellow cuddle enthousiast

Comments

  • addicted2touchaddicted2touch

    It's happened to me, also. More times than I care to admit. I completely understand from the other person's perspective, but I can't help but wonder - "what if"?

  • aBugg51aBugg51

    I love this! I think people really do need more hugs. More than they care to admit anyways, if at all. I adore hugs. Stay hopeful, and I wish they too got their cuddles they need.
    The cuddle community is still fairly new and many people only assume cuddling is for lovers. They also don't take into consideration the affect it has on mental health, which I believe the importance of that is also just now springing up on people. Seems that way anyway.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited October 2022

    Oh I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to send that message. It's why I get so angry about the jerks. There are a lot of people who come here needing help and get scared away almost immediately. If they'd been able to stay we could have helped them.

    A few of them are just too damaged right now to be able to make use of a very public place like CC. But many are not.

  • tallteddytallteddy

    @addicted2touch Yeah, I understand the person completely. Hope they're alright.

    @aBugg51 Yes! People need more hugs!

  • tallteddytallteddy

    @CuddleDuncan yeah, it often (not always) seems to be caused by a jerk that didn't treat another person the right way.

  • penguin34penguin34

    This brings to mind quite a few meetings I had earlier on in my cuddling "career" , there were some awful experiences and I did consider not continuing at all. I am so glad I did, but I definitely had to "pave my own path" and not be too stringent in following peoples' very "helpful" advice.

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    Gentlemen, where are you trying to get these women to meet you? The first meeting should always be in a public place. I've had men try to get me to meet them in a hotel room for a first meeting and act like I'M the crazy one for thinking that's INSANE.

    Also, a man cannot convince a woman that she is safe using words. She has to create her own conditions in which she feels safe that she then invites you into, once she has decided that you are safe enough to take a risk with. Just be yourself and if you are a safe man, she will sense it. You can't prove it to her, not with words.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @Cuddle_RN Yikes! The gaslighting! Also, the entitlement is big there too.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited October 2022

    @Cuddle_RN this thread is not about us. It's about a common pattern of women who join, enter into some kind of conversation, and then leave. The conversation may be summarised as "Hi, welcome to the site, how is your week going?" "This is too much. Goodbye."

    Almost always, the question of meeting hasn't even come up. Nothing much has come up, except that their messages reveal - directly or indirectly - that they are full of pain. And then, they are gone. Sometimes there is a brief goodbye message, more often there is not. It's always heartbreaking.

    @tallteddy's original post expressed beautifully.

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg
    edited October 2022

    What @cuddlle_rn said. Though I think it would be helpful to point out specific indicators, and here are mine from your post:

    It pains me

    🟨 You haven't even met this person yet? Empathy is great, but this reads like obsessive tendancies.

    safe in **my **arms

    🟨 You shouldn't have to tell me I'll be safe in your arms, it should be a given. Also why your arms specifically?

    I hope the negative experiences in your past
    seems to be caused by a jerk that didn't treat another person the right way

    🟥 Ah there it is, from yellow to red. This really really sounds like good guy / women only go after jerks language.

    profile pic with a literal camera in it

    🟥 Showing that you are interested in photography is GREAT, it's more for me that it's pointed STRAIGHT AT US. Makes me feel like I need to sweep any location I go with you for hidden cameras.

    You deleted your account ... This isn't a single experience of mine, it happened on multiple occasions on this site, with multiple people.

    🟥 Ok wait, the alarm in my head goes like this when I read those together.


    I really would like to state this is not an attack, it simply what flags make me instantly go, "Better safe than sorry". And again these are MY personal yellow and red flags, everyone has their own.


    @cuddleduncan It's really not. I understand what OP is trying to say, and in his heart he probably has all the right intentions/feelings, but we are talking about entering the same physical space with complete strangers. Hyper vigilance and gut feelings win out.

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    @tallteddy that made me cry, so beautiful!💛

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @KozyKim ... I agree. Beautiful sentiment by the OP.

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    Absolutely if I was an enthusiast I would never meet anybody for the first time in a hotel. It would take quite a while for anything more than a hug. I’ve had several clients say that they’re respectful but they weren’t. So that doesn’t always mean that you are. To me when men are the majority and women are the minority, you may have to pay for dinner. But your expectation should only be to make a person feel more comfortable and not to rush them in anyway. There’s a lot of men to pick from. I have several enthusiast friends that have great success with other enthusiast. But it takes time and trust💛 It is a bummer when people delete and don’t message you back and at least say goodbye. I know no one owes us anything but it’s just a nice courtesy to tell a person you’re getting off the site.

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    @tallteddy to me it does seem your intentions are good:)

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    @CuddleDuncan, the OP said "I couldn't convince you you would be safe in my arms." I was attempting to help men understand why they can't convince women that they are safe men with words, and what to do instead.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @Cuddle_RN I thought that was what you were saying.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @Cuddle_RN Thank you for the perspective.

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