Sexual advances

NourishinNorski

I’m a new pro and have now had 4 sessions. The first two were amazing and totally safe. The last 2 have both resulted in men touching me places I don’t want to be touched, pushing boundaries, and one man even asked if he could pay more for sex. I do a video chat with each person before meeting where I lay out my rules and make sure they will be respectful. For my most recent client, I also reminded him of my boundaries right before our session and he agreed to respect them but he kept asking me once the session started if we could do more despite me repeatedly saying no. He also had an erection the whole time and as we were hugging at the end of session, he pointed to his erection and said “I’ll take care of myself after you leave. Is it alright if I think about you?” I don’t know what I’m doing wrong to attract people who won’t respect my boundaries. They seem so normal at first. Any tips on how to prevent this from happening? For the female pros, how often are men inappropriate with you?

CuddleDuncan

You're not doing anything wrong. They are. Report them.

@Rezz

Rezz

@cuddlezandhugz
You're not doing anything wrong. You're new, the disgusting predators know this and will use it against you to their advantage if you let them.

Stick to what you're doing, video screening.
Require a recent photo.
Take payment upfront.
Some pros give clients a warning for this behavior, I don't.
If you grope, grind or make advances towards me, I'm leaving and I'm taking your payment with me. No apologies and absolutely no fucks given.
Then I'm reporting your ass.

We have a pros only forum with stickied topics for this very scenario.
Report them. Don't apologize or give them leeway karma. They know what they are doing and they don't belong here.

With time you learn the red flags and can easily avoid these types, the pros forum is a godsend filled with tons of information and guidance to help you, so utilize it!

There are some truly genuine and wonderful people here, but there's also trash. Let's take the trash out. ❤️

lilspoon1

Sorry that happened to you. Happens to me to when I clearly state i follow the rules and even when they message you it says that they agree to the terms . I’ve had a not so good experience with someone that apparently has good karma. The karma said they were so sweet and great conversationalist and all this stuff but with me he was trying to make out with me and I didn’t necessarily enjoy it at all. So people are not always consistent.

ApplesToApples

This really angers me greatly. It's bad enough being a man in this world without everyone assuming you'd be trying to be a rapist or a predator. God, I'm so sorry you went through these people. They completely have no idea what the point of a CUDDLE buddy is. It's to be close with another human being for those who are absolutely touch starved. There's not supposed to be any kind of sexual acts at all! Seriously, that's what Tinder is for. Gosh this really really absolutely infuriates me to no end.

FutureHeart2023

So sorry you went through all of that im.not sure there is a clean solution but you did everything right there just bad apples out there

beaubliss

Hey @cuddlezandhugz! Hopefully your last couple of months have gone better with new clients
I do have some suggestions, though I think you are beginning in the right way by investing a bit of extra time with video chats ahead of sessions. However, as you have found, regardless of the clarity you have provided, 1/2 of your new clients still pushed boundaries, though it was a small sample size. One of my regular cuddle pros confided in me that a full 80% of her new clients try to get her naked, a shocking % to me, as she too spends extra time vetting.

I actually think that cuddle pros should welcome reference checks on the phone. I believe this will help. Sure, there may still be some guys who try to take advantage of newer pros, see how far they can push boundaries, but in general, actually speaking with the karma-giving pros may be helpful. You can ask very specifically if they tried to broach boundaries, or had a sense that "more" was desired.

In addition, I suggest to pro friends that they spend a bit more time with the posted karma. Don't just check what the pro wrote, but go to the pro page to see if the prospective client wrote anything of gratitude about the pro. You get a perspective about the client by how they articulate their appreciation and experience, helping you to get to know them better.

Finally, you'll be learning to develop a more nuanced capacity for sensing the invisible elements comprising the new client when you meet them in person. Body language, eye contact, comfort in conversation, etc. will all contribute to you feeling safe. Crossing fingers that the % of difficult situations/clients have been reduced, so my words won't be so important.....best of luck out there, I'm sure your sessions are greatly appreciated and valued by most of your new clients!

Ryajo

I've had darn near the same experience. The boner and 'I'll have to take care of this soon' comments I heard often as a new cuddler. I video screen, review rules and personal boundaries. It still happens. A new client a few weeks ago asked if he could see my breast or labia. 'I've never seen white breasts or genitalia before..' I stood up, put on my out door voice and said calmly. Our session is over. Please gather your things and leave. You have 5 mins before I will call for assistance in your removal. Then I went into my bathroom and closed/locked the door. This quick firm action worked well and I will continue to do it when needed. Payment up front.

Then I reported.

It's unfortunate professionals will continue to have these experiences spring up. But everyone is so different and because there are so many clients who are using this site correctly, I will continue to meet new people and provide cuddle sessions. ❣️

Rezz

@Ryajo

I love the assertiveness you're showing already. ❤️

Please if you don't already get yourself a door cam like nest if you're hosting.
If you encounter this again, don't lock yourself in your house with them inside. Fuck that. Stand outside your front door with your cell phone in hand and wait for them to leave. Do not corner yourself in your home with a stranger, you literally never know what could set someone off or what they may take from your home while you're locked away.

Personally I only host repeat clients for many safety reasons. I'm very restrictive with what information I give people here. Phone number, home address, workplace etc.
Stalking and harassment is not an uncommon side effect of dealing with unstable and aggressive members.

CuddleDuncan

@Ryajo well done!

sunnysideup

@Ryajo I like the locking yourself in your door thing. Well handled! @Rezz might make a point. I think going to your car locked in your car might be a good way too.

@cuddlezandhugz You’re not doing anything wrong, sorry for your experiences. Hopefully they are banned by now.

LongColdWinters

The ‘boners’ can’t be helped. Just happens. What they Say on the other hand Can be helped & they should know better! Shame on them. They need to hire a professional sex worker, not a cuddles. I would tell them that straight up & leave at the 1st attempt to push .( or should I say crush?) the set boundaries.