JUST GROW UP!!!!!

Pat871

I just blew it big time with one of the pro's on here.

And I feel really, REALLY mean now!!

I assumed she didn't care because she took months to get back to me.

She is a girl who puts every other label expect for 'girl' on her profile.

Normally I can't stand girls like that.

But figured it was time for me to at least TRY growing up, being somewhat 'civil' with lefties, and send her a message.

But then several weeks later I got all impatient and said to her that she must not care.

But now she HAS replied and quite politely too.

I feel like a jerk.

She probably won't give me a second chance.

Everyday I yell at myself inside my head:

"JUST GROW UP!!!! GROW UP ALREADY PATRICIA!!!!

STOP BEING A GIRL AND START BEING A WOMAN."

Maybe that should be my new years resolution.

To Grow Up.

I think the reason I keep getting in trouble all the time, is because I won't grow up.

I don't MEAN to be what others say a 'troll' but I think strangers on the internet just don't know me yet alone understand me.

HOW does one grow up though?

It's not like in that show Sabrina the Teenage Witch where they 'watered' a girl like a plant and then she 'blossomed' into maturity.

That show is a great show btw.

And NOT just because they have Hanson perform 'Hey' in one episode.

Speaking of which their concerts were AMAZING!!!!

I danced my heart out at both of them. Their music sounded way more amazing live than it does on my CD's.

They make my insides melt.

Unfortunately his son Ezra wasn't there though.

But also, why the hell do I still have plans of ever meeting him and marrying him!?

I'm supposed to be working on growing up.

Yet I'm still living out an unrealistic fantasy in my head.

Probably to distract myself from my current existential crisis.

Maybe my immature nature ISN'T the cause of this creepy intention.

Maybe loosing the plot, being delusional, and living in a fantasy land of marrying a pop stars son, is just easier than living in reality, stuck in the existential crisis I'm in.

I've already made a name for myself in the fandom as 'The Girl Who Wants to Marry Ezra.'

I find it very amusing.

Eh, who knows!?!?!?

I really HATE saying that x,y,z, isn't going to happen.

Life is EXTREMELY unpredictable.

5 years ago I never would have imagined that all the things that have happened to me, happened to me.

So I can't bring myself to say he and I will never meet because how can I be sure!?!?

And I'm going to Hanson day next year which he usually attends as well so, I've already found a potential 'path crossing' event for us both.

I wonder if Taylor has heard of me. I wonder if any fan who had the chance to speak to him was like:

"FYI there's this crazy girl in the fandom who wants to marry your oldest son."

He'd probably laugh his head off.

I wonder if Ezra HIMSELF has heard about me. That is if his Dad told him after someone told his Dad.

There is no father in law I'd like rather have than TAYLOR HANSON.

No better family I'd rather belong to than the MMMBop family.

Spotify said I spent 56,108 minutes (equivalent to 38 days) with them this year and played MMMBop 1039 times.

They were my top artist this year, and I was in the 0.001% of Hanson listeners.

Maybe I should grow up and get a life.

Or maybe this IS my life now.

But I still want to run away and be an illegal immigrant/refugee in Tulsa because being a legal migrant is way too difficult and expensive. That is unless I can get a green card via an engagement to a Hanson family member.

But then again maybe I shouldn't because refugees flee countries to get away from bad things. Not because they're having an internal existential crisis and are looking for an exciting distraction from it. Playing a global game of hide and seek from the government is not all fun and games. It's really serious.

I have a lot of growing up to do.

CuddleDuncan

I loved that post.

I'm gonna read it again.

OK @Pat871 so the first thing is to write a lovely message to that professional and apologise for being a jerk. The second thing is to recognise that being a jerk once in a blue moon is totally normal and we all do it. Having a moment of jerk-osity is different from being a 'total' jerk (which is doing it a lot) and being a 'real' jerk (which is doing it all the time).

Next, you can't be completely grown up because you aren't completely grown up. You're only 26, you haven't even come out of puberty yet. Puberty usually ends at 27 1/2 for men, irrespective of when it started: I believe it's slightly older for women, about 28. This fact is not widely known, and if it was the world would be a better place. If you are watching out for them you might notice the final set of changes, although many people don't.

HOW does one grow up though?

It's a good question. I've been asked it more often than you might expect. It's a tough question. The answer is that it's nearly impossible to do unless you know what being grown-up means. What is a grown-up? How does a grown-up differ from a not-grown-up? If you can answer that question succintly, then the journey from one to the other becomes much more straightforward.

That thing of believing that the professional didn't reply because they didn't care is an aspect of growing up. Babies do not have ability to think about another person as a person. They are not able to care that you couldn't feed them because you'd somehow glued your hand to a door. They are completely focussed on themselves.

Grown-ups, on the other hand, are well aware that other people are, well, people. And that the reason they haven't fed you (in whatever way you are hoping to be fed) is almost never because they don't want to, but because something else has got in the way. Part of being a grown-up is accepting that you are only one person amongst many, and you not more or less important than any of the other people. And that the other people are almost certainly not thinking about you... if only because what they are actually thinking about is how to unstick their hand from this wretched door.

Oh, and being a grown-up doesn't mean not having fantasies about your future life. It doesn't even mean not living in a way that might conceivably allow the fantasy to happen. But it does mean recognising the fantasy for what it is, and that fantasies don't pay the rent, develop a career, build relationships, bring up children, or guarantee happiness even if they happen.

And don't worry. You're gonna grow up just fine.

PrettyLuv

Now I understand what all my bfs meant.

Jubal

I'm past the half-century mark, and my answer is "don't grow up". At least not completely. Absolutely, learn to be a responsible adult, but never stop taking childlike delight in all the wonderful things our world has to offer.

You'd think it would be easy to say that "this event makes you grow up", but it's not easy. I came close to stepping on a landmine in Kuwait back in 1991, and that's an event that should make one grow up in a hurry (or blow up at any rate). Nope - took another close call about twenty years later to finally get to that point for me.

HOW does one grow up though?

You'll get there. In the meantime, enjoy the ride!

CuddleDuncan

Absolutely, learn to be a responsible adult, but never stop taking childlike delight in all the wonderful things our world has to offer.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes YES!!

Unscented_Lemon

What is it about yourself that you most want to change? This is probably the most important question. Maybe you have a dozen things you want to change, but take it from me, you can't change a dozen things all at once.

My answers will be a lot briefer than almost everyone else's, but the short answer is go to a professional therapist if you can. My last 5 years in therapy have been invaluable to me. I have a lot of past traumas, a lot of latent triggers that can make me act irrationally. I've been working on them and doing much better with all that now. The therapist helps a lot when I don't know the answers, or when I know the answers but don't have the strength to do what I have to. And especially when I don't even know the question.

I'll say this, though. Your post is a huge first step. Keep walking forward, and if you look back, do so only to see how far you've come.

TruePower

Maybe loosing the plot, being delusional, and living in a fantasy land of marrying a pop stars son, is just easier than living in reality, stuck in the existential crisis I'm in.

more common then you think. I fell head-over-heels for a youtuber in my early to mid 20's, created a fabricated world
in my mind that was far more comfortable then reality.
Took me years of wean off of it.

Minestrone101

Yeah. Not a good idea to double text - ever. That breaches consent and boundaries.

being somewhat 'civil' with lefties,

On behalf of lefties, we appreciate your civility.

Pat871

@TruePower

I'm glad you can relate to me. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Pat871

@cylee1180

On behalf of right wingers, thank you for appreciating my civility.

Pat871

@Unscented_Lemon

I want to be more mature and make better decisions.

Pat871

@CuddleDuncan

I have apologized to her.

Pat871

@CuddleDuncan

And I'm glad you enjoyed it.

CuddleDuncan

@Pat871 oh you're very not alone. I've encountered this loads of times. One of your advantages is that your fantasisies are clearly that - fantasies. This all gets much more serious when the fantasies are superficially plausible, and the person doesn't recognise them as fantasies. That can ruin a life.

With the greatest respect, I'm not convinced that "better" is the right word to describe how you would like to make decisions. I believe that a more precise term, perhaps "less implusive" or "determined more by logic and less by emotion", would help you more.

If anything, I've mostly had the opposite problem, of being too grown-up. However, I still take refuge in fantasies. I buy lottery tickets and plan what to do with the money if I win and yes, I am aware that I'm more likely to be struck by lightening between now and the draw on Saturday than win.

Well done for apologising. That's what a proper grown-up would do. 😉

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